Catherine was spending the weekend with Grace and Liam. She had been avoiding them for weeks now, afraid to finally confess to Grace who her father was. Liam had called her and said he would have to talk to Grace if she didn’t talk to her soon. Catherine didn’t have any plan formulated. She laughed ruefully to herself when she realised this; she had spent the last four weeks thinking about little else. Every possible scenario played through her mind, what she would say and how Grace would respond. But now that she was driving to Grace’s apartment in Swords, the words were all muddled in her brain. She couldn’t get them straight in her mind. Half an hour later she was sitting in Grace’s living room, listening to Jack tell a story about his best friend in Montessori.
‘Ben met Mickey Mouse,’ he said excitedly.
‘Well it won’t be too long and you’ll be in Disneyland too pet, and that’s where Mickey Mouse lives,’ Catherine told him with a fond smile.
‘Do you think Mickey Mouse will give me a kiss too, Mommy?’ Jack said turning to Grace.
‘Of course he will sweetie-pie. But only if you’re a good boy!’
They spent a lovely afternoon together chatting away about the forthcoming wedding. Liam came home from a meeting with his editor later that evening.
‘Dinner’s ready!’ he said with a grin when he walked into the sitting room with two bags. He’d stopped for an Indian takeaway on the way home.
‘You’re not eating very much, Catherine. Are you okay?’ Grace asked with concern when she realised Catherine had only been playing with her food.
‘Oh I’m grand pet, don’t be worrying. Just not that hungry.’
Liam glanced at her quickly and his heart went out to Catherine. He knew what she was thinking about.
After eating, they all watched some TV together and then Grace took Jack upstairs to bed.
‘Are you going to tell her tonight?’ Liam asked Catherine as soon as Grace had left the room.
‘I’m not sure I can,’ Catherine replied.
‘Of course you can Catherine. You have to,’ Liam said firmly.
‘That’s easy for you to say, Liam. Are you so sure that Grace needs to know? What good will it do?’
‘I don’t think Grace needs to know Catherine. But she has the right to know. We can’t keep it from her. It wouldn’t be right,’ Liam replied.
‘Why not? If Tom hadn’t gone snooping around Ballymichael, none of you would know,’ Catherine said.
‘But he did go “snooping”, Catherine. We can’t pretend that we didn’t have that conversation a month ago. It’s not fair expecting me to keep this from Grace,’ Liam said once again.
‘Keep what from me?’ Grace interrupted them both, a curious look on her face. ‘What kind of surprise are you two cooking up for me now?’ Then taking a look closely at both their faces, Grace realised that whatever they were talking about, it wasn’t a good thing. ‘What’s going on? Liam?’ Grace said worriedly.
‘Catherine has some news for you, Grace. Come over here babe and sit down beside me,’ Liam said, beckoning her over.
‘I’m fine where I am,’ Grace replied, standing firmly in her spot by the door. ‘Catherine, what have you got to tell me?’ Grace was beginning to get worried. Catherine and Liam looked so nervous; she began to imagine all sorts of things. ‘Oh my God, you’re not ill are you Catherine?’
‘No pet, I’m not ill. Sit down and I’ll tell you,’ Catherine replied immediately.
‘Thank God. Come on, whatever it is, it can’t be that bad,’ Grace said with a sigh of relief.
Grace noted the look that passed between Catherine and Liam and felt worried all over again.
‘It’s about your father, Grace,’ Catherine began quietly.
Seeing the puzzled look on Grace’s face, Liam clarified, ‘Not Mick. Your real father.’
‘I thought you didn’t know who it is,’ Grace accused Catherine.
‘I lied to you, Grace. Although I think you already guessed that. I’ve always known who your father is, but couldn’t tell you,’ Catherine replied.
Grace couldn’t believe her ears. She felt a big smile begin to creep up her face. This was fantastic news. She was going to find out who her father was at last. Walking over to Liam, she sat down beside him saying, ‘This is huge. My heart is beating so fast! I can’t believe I’m going to find out at last where I came from.’
‘Try to calm down, babe. This isn’t easy for Catherine,’ Liam said, grabbing her hand.
‘I’m sorry Catherine. I just got so excited. Please go on,’ Grace said with a smile.
‘This is very hard for me, Grace. I’ve been very scared to tell you the truth,’ Catherine said in a small voice.
‘Why? Look Catherine, nothing you can say to me will shock me. I promise you.’
‘I hope you feel the same way when I’ve told you my story. Liam’s told me that Tom looked into my background.’
Grace looked at Liam accusingly. When had he told Catherine this? ‘It seems there have been a few secrets going on around here.’
Liam mouthed ‘Sorry.’
Catherine continued, ‘Liam came to see me about a month ago. He and Tom had discovered something about your father and wanted to check it out with me.’
Grace absorbed this information. She kept quiet although she had plenty of questions running around her mind.
‘I asked Liam and Tom to keep quiet about the conversation we had so that I could get myself together. I wanted to tell you myself.’ Catherine stood up and walked over to Grace, sitting on the other side of her. ‘There was a reason why I didn’t want to tell you previously about your father, Grace. It was a difficult and painful memory for me and one I’ve tried hard to bury for years. This is going to be hard for you to accept Grace and I’m so sorry that you have to hear it,’ Catherine said seriously.
Grace had paled as she listened to Catherine speak and she realised that whatever she was going to hear now would change her life completely. Glancing at Liam, he too looked really worried.
‘I know Tom told you that I hadn’t really had any boyfriends back then and was basically a good girl.’
Grace nodded in response.
‘Well that was true. Back then I only ever went out with one guy. Robert Hegarty.’
‘Did you love him?’ Grace asked her mother.
‘No pet. I’m not sure I’ve ever loved a man to be honest. Robert was a kind man and he was very good to me, but I didn’t love him. He’s not your father, Grace.’ Catherine was concerned that Grace still harboured this possibility.
‘I know that,’ Grace replied. ‘So who is?’
‘I was raped Grace.’ Catherine watched her daughter’s face closely and saw the shock register with a sharp blow. Grace stood up and started to pace the room.
‘Raped?’ Grace asked with a small voice. This she hadn’t been prepared for. ‘My father is a rapist?’
‘Yes,’ Catherine said softly.
‘Did you know him?’ Grace asked, horror written all over her face. She felt that now all-too familiar feeling of being completely winded, as if being hit by a truck. Bang! There it was again.
‘Yes, I knew him Grace,’ Catherine replied.
‘Who is he?’ Grace asked quietly.
‘Are you really sure you want to know? Just think about this for a moment, Grace. Who he is isn’t important. Your father was Mick Devlin. That will never change. The man who raped me is nobody. Believe me he isn’t worthy of one moment of your thoughts,’ Catherine said fervently.
Grace looked at her mother in horror. She couldn’t believe what she had just heard. Her mind was racing and she didn’t know what to think.
‘Are you okay, babe?’ Liam asked her.
She looked at him and bit back a sarcastic response. She was annoyed with him but knew that more than likely she was being unfair. She knew that he hadn’t done anything wrong and if he’d spoken to Catherine behind her back, he did it with only good intentions. She walked towards the door. ‘I’m going for a walk. I need to clear my mind.’ Liam made to get up but Grace stopped him, ‘No Liam, I don’t want any company. Stay with Catherine.’ As she got to the door, she paused and turned back into the room towards Catherine, ‘I’m not annoyed with you, okay? I just need some time; I’ll be back soon.’
Grabbing her coat and bag, Grace walked out the door. Liam knew that it was better to let her go. As it was raining Grace decided to go to her local pub down the road. She hadn’t really planned where she would go when she walked out of the apartment, she just knew that she needed to get out for a while. She needed some time alone to try to absorb the information she had just been given. Walking up to the bar, she asked for a brandy and ginger. She spotted a quiet corner and walked over with her drink. For one surreal moment she wondered if she had just dreamt the previous conversation. Had Catherine told her she’d been raped? Fuck. This was a nightmare. Who could have done such a thing? A hotel guest? Somebody from Ballymichael? A family member? God, it could be anyone. A cold shiver ran over her body when she thought about it. Poor Catherine. How awful it must have been for her. She couldn’t comprehend it. Catherine had said that maybe she shouldn’t know who the bastard was who did this to her. But surely she needed to know who he was. What if she bumped into him and didn’t realise who he was? A single tear fell down her cheek. How she wished her Mam and Dad were alive. She’d love to ask them what to do. They’d know what she should do, they always had. She knew she couldn’t hide out here forever, so she swallowed her drink and started to walk home.
It had stopped raining and she looked up to the sky. A rainbow was shining brightly. ‘Oh Mam and Dad! Is that you beyond the rainbow’s end?’ she whispered. ‘I don’t know what to do.’ She thought of their faces and felt their love envelop her. And then she thought of Catherine, her mother too, and she realised she loved her and she knew she had to get back quickly to give her a hug. She couldn’t imagine what it must have been like for her.