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A
utumn is gone, one of my favorite seasons, and the law firm’s christmas dinner is getting close, people from Salamanca related to the area –lawyers, judges, district attourneys, some politician, legal procurators...- are invited. Fonseca building is always rented to serve the catering and to celebrate the party. I assist to it since few years ago. At first, it was good to meet people related to an environment I needed because of my work, but soon, it turned tedious to me. It was very monotonous been forced to listen to all those people chattering for hours, even more because I considered that boring. They didn’t have the courtesy of using words I could understand in order to participate in the conversation therefore, I finished the party with a headacke. Why did I still assist to it? Because I kept transforming myself in the charity little sister of my friends. Every year I invited a different companion. Marta and Paula were my first companions, they wanted to meet handsome guys. Another year I took to a work female friend who was crazy curious for figuring out what people did in such a famous Christmas dinner of Salamanca. This year is Toño´s time, my best friend from college, he recently finished his master course in law and he wants to get to know new people from the legal environment, as he is looking for a good job, who knows, maybe in my parents’ law firm.
Toño is a good guy, handsome, elegant, a great scholar and a promising lawyer. My parents wanted me to date him and I can see why. But they stopped insisting me years ago as they notice it is such an impossible event. Actually, Toño and I are so close to each other that there’s no chance to fall in love. I don’t know how to explain this; since the first day I met him in the fraternity party, we treated each other almost like brother and sister. And that relationship grew bigger and bigger as the time passed by but, not the manner people thought. Luckily, Toño also loves me only as a friend, and we can lie down in bed wearing just our underware and nothing would happen because we don’t even have the curiosity to find out what would happen if we...
Things with Jorge are coming weardest since the day he took me home after Salva’s incident. Although we only talk about work, we have been meeting the last weeks more often. Once in a while we call each other to consult something –a major advance talking on the private phone instead of the office-. He remains straight, serious, he remains been Jorge. I feel myself less inhibited when I am with him, maybe as a consequence of treating him regularly. However, I still feel myself like a disoriented school girl who is learning how to properly talk to the principal. Jorge imposes too much and he always shows me clear limits. It is certain that he is uncomfortable for treating me and, I have no clue of what else I can do to release such strong tension when we are together, but I am seriously thinking on giving up.
As I was saying, Christmas party almost arrives. It uses to be done the first weekend on December but, this year it is going to be a little earlier, on November twenty ninth, so this is going to be the first party which leads to a long list of Christmas events that follows. I’m on vacation from december ninth until december fifteenth, and I’m already counting for those days to come, even though I won’t travel to anywhere this occasion, as I didn’t have time to organize anything. Since accumulated tiredness and excesive work got together, I’ll be pleasant to stay at home peacefully, thinking how nice would it be running away for few days and forget about everything.
Friday comes, Christmas dinner day. This year I feel like I want to assist some more stylish than previous years. I notice some kind of inner euphoria and I don’t know where it comes from. It might be a little transmitted by the girls. They took me shopping –I hate shopping and they eventually force me to go with them, especially if a party approaches– and I ended buying a long tight shiny pearl dress. I didn’t agree on getting make up, otherwise I get stressed for not knowing what to do with that box in my hands so, I chose to paint only the lower line in my eyes, wear some mascara and eyes concealer in case the party turns longer so I will hide my tired face. Although, people will probably notice it.
Toño comes and gets me. Wearing this high hills I wouldn’t be able to move for a block, not driving, neather walking.
“You look amazing, Lau! We’ll be the winners today I guarantee” Toño says when he watches me going out through the entry portal. He is waiting for me standing out of the car. He opens the door like a gentleman would do and we get our way.
Toño is dressed for the occasion. How can men look so handsome when they get dressed? He looks like a magazine top model; he even wears a white scarf over his black coat. He used gel to comb his blonde curl hair back and it highlights his blue eyes and a smile that will charm lots of girls today.
“Are you ready to business?” I tell him when we are inside of the car, with the heat of the car on.
Toño laughs. He turns on the car and starts driving. He talks to me while he pays attention to the traffic.
“More than ready! Thanks for inviting me, I hope to work the night, I really need it.”
“I instead, will use the night to get drunk in a corner...” I say with a boring tone, making Toño laughs again.
“Is this dinner that boring to you?” he asks.
A semaphore closes and he looks at me waiting for an answer.
“The first year was entertaining because it was all new. After that, I just assist as a commitment, to be honest. Once I showed up the first, I can’t tell my parents I won’t come back. They were remarkable happy the first time I assisted.”
“I imagine is not very enterntaining to you to spend hours listening to lawyers chatter, considering how little you like it.”
“Go figure...”
I try to make it sound like a joke but, Toño smiles and notices I am been serious. Semaphore opens again and he continues driving.
“Well, maybe this year a handsome no lawyer guy assists and you can make out in the bathrooms...”
I hit his arm as a protest for messing with me. Toño complains a little and keep laughing from me the whole way long.
We arrived on time. We parked the car with no problem –a complete miracle in Salamanca– and we approximate to Fonseca, an architectonical marvel which is also decorated for the season theme, with discret Christmas lights and golden and red beautifully decorated high Christmas trees placed in the main entrance.
As soon as we get the sidewalk of the building, we see people dressed with fancy clothes. Among them I see my mother, who hosts each invited in one of the entrance of the building while they arrive. I greet her with a delicate gesture of my hand and she gives me a really big smile when she sees Toño. I am probably redundant to whatever she is planning for tonight.
“Sweetheart! It is a wonderful illusion to see Toño and you tonight at dinner!”
It seems I was wrong. My mother keeps insisting to match me with Toño. My father abandons for a moment the group of persons he was talking to and he approaches to us.
“Angel, Carmen, it’s a pleasure to see you again” Toño says as a polite manner.
“I am glad you came Toño, I have people to introduce you today” my father says.
I can see Toño is very excitated for what my father said and, I can’t help to sneer. What a night awaits me...
“Sweetheart, why don’t you date...” my mother whispers as fast as my father takes Toño with him.
“Mom, no. You know that. We are just friends...”
Here comes the topic again. Forget it; she will never understand in this life that we only want to be friends.
“But look at him” she insists looking at Toño “He is really handsome, and I can tell he is very professional... you both are a great match!”
My father is introducing him in a group of people already and Toño is in the area, he smiles politely and shakes hands. Yes, it’s true, he is handsome, and he is good at what he does. But... and that’s the problem, there’s always a but. Although I wanted, I can’t be with him; I don’t feel attracted to him that way.
“Good evening, lady Herráez. Miss Sánchez”.
A familiar voice comes closer to us while we watch Toño with no discretion. We both turn at the same time and see Jorge in front of us. Can someone fall in love from the same person twice? Because that happened to me in this instant. He is captivating. That dark gala suit, white t-shirt and tie, short hair little curl, those green eyes... he looks handsome even without smiling. I am not the only one who noticed him unfortunately. Some girls next group give him a glance while they laugh between themselves, making my killer instinct reaches high dangerous levels, difficult to repress. Even my mother notices and looks at him astonished up and down.
“Jorge, my goodness, how handsome you look today!”
He seems some embarrassed for been flatered by his boss. Watching his stunned face seems super cute to me.
“Thank you so much” he limits to answer “but in these holidays, women are who stand out above everything.”
I wish he meant it instead of been polite... but Jorge is all about politeness and gentleness, so I don’t pay much attention at his compliments although, I see he is looking at me longer than what he uses to.
“Did Claudia come with you at last?” my mother asks.
She and Claudia are friends since years ago and she probably knows first line she is not coming but, something she would like to put in the table with that question.
“No, She could not come. She asked me to apologize but she didn’t feel good.”
“Aw, Jorge” my mother regrets with a sad face “you should save your relationship, can’t you even try?”
What??
I repeat...
What??
Jorge limitates to deny with his head and he discrets and nervous looks at me. He probably doesn’t want to talk about that issue in front of me, so I quietly turn and walk away even when I’m dying to know the details to start jumping excitated.
“If you don’t mind, I’ll join Toño to spend the dinner.”
“Very well sweetheart, I’ll see you later”.
As soon as I turn back, I hear my mother telling Jorge: “Don’t you think Toño and Laura are a delicious match?”
Aw, mom...
Dinner runs peacefully. Toño doesn’t have too much people to talk to while he is sat down so, we can talk about some more entertaining stuff. I can’t help briefly watch Sandra, the company’ slut, who is only two seats far from Jorge but, she molests him like if she was sitting over him. Some girls are really really heavy. Jorge doesn’t pay too much attention to her, he is stuck in a conversation with other two diners and even when Sandra tries to take a part in the conversation from time to time, he doesn’t pay too much attention. In Jorge’s line we go.
I am watching him making gestures and talking to his dinner partners, while I chew a piece of sea bass that almost transforms in chew gum when Toño takes me out of my dream.
“What do you look at Lau?”
“Nothing, I don’t...”
And in that moment Jorge locks his eyes with mine. He nods to salute me the way he always does and continues talking. Toño realizes something happens when I put my eyes down followed by a shamed expression.
“Who is he?” he asks with a lawyer’s tone.
“That one? Nobody, Jorge, a work partner for my parents.”
I try to focus in my dish but it is too late now. Toño is very clever.
“Jorge?” he says in low tone and I see he smiles meanwhile. He dissimulates cleaning his mouth with a napkin “Same Jorge you always talk about with Marta and Paula?”
I open my eyes to indicate him to shut up but I only managed to confirm his hypothesis. He laughs again but this time, out loud.
“Toño, please, shut up!”
I don’t know why, but hearing his name in someone elses mouth makes me feel embarrassed.
“Well, you have something to be entertained today”.
“What do you say? He is married and he even has a daughter”.
“So? Men dump some in exchange for others...”
In that moment Jorge turns to look at my place, but when he sees we are watching him, he turns again to another dinner at his table and keeps talking. Toño laughs as the previous manner. I hope his abs hurt very hard tomorrow for making fun of me so bad.
“I can see he doesn’t concern very much to be married, eh?”
“Toño! Please! He is very professional, we only talk about work.”
“Lau, I am a lawyer, and a very good one, I can see things before others do. Don’t you pretend with me, save it to another time...”
“And he is looking at you again! –He puts his head down because results uncomfortable keep on laughing that way even for him- ... the professional...”
The ironic tone he uses to say the last thing makes me funny and I laugh out loud as well. Toño is like a child sometimes, no one can beat him so I give up.
Two in the morning. Four hours. We have been here for four hours and I been drinking seven glasses of champaigne. I can’t difference the bubbles when I take the glass to my lips. It looks endless.
My attractive and professional friend enjoys talking to everybody, it’s like they are friends since forever. My parents are doing public relationships and I only see them walking by through the hall once in a while surrounded by people. Some friends from work came to greet me but they eventually stuck in legal conversations and I had to run to the bar with discretion. In consequence, seven cups of champaigne are not enough.
I am in a corner aside from the hall with the seventh glass of champaigne in my hand. I can see people far enjoying of a pleasant conversation about topics that I consider boring, while I check my phone, some distracted, I hum the symphony of a Vals that sounds at the moment.
“Wow, what a fun party, right?”
I turn and see next to me Sandra, the slut, with a big smile, wearing her super short golden glitz dress and a pair of shoes that look like she bought them in a sale of old clothes.
“Well, yes... there is good music”.
I don’t pretend to recognize in front of her that this party is totally lame to me.
“Good music? I don’t like it too much, nobody sings...”
That phrase just hit me in the middle of my brain, nobody sings? Really?
“Well, nobody sings a Vals...” and I sip my drink once more behaving indifferent.
“Maybe, with some good lyric, it will probably be more popular” she explains with pride, as she had the idea of the year, perhaps.
Be more popular? Uf... this kind of conversations break my nerves. I try to dissimulate my surprised eyes and avoid looking at her but; if this conversation goes on I don’t know what might happen.
“Lyric to what?” someone asks behind our back.
We turned and see Jorge picking up a glass of champaigne from the bar next to us. He looks at us intrigued by our conversation. I stayed mute of course, when I saw him, even more when I see he has his green eyes locked at my eyes so intense, that my legs shake like suffering a six degrees earthquake in the scale of Richter.
“Don’t you think this music is boring, Jorge?” Sandra asks him in the search to establish a conversation with him “I was telling Laura that it should have some lyric, so we can enjoy it the most.”
Jorge looks at her for a moment, trying to figure out if she is joking. I made myself the same question few minutes ago and I think she is not, it is not a joke. That she actually thinks that Vals would be more entertaining if it had lyric. I want to take off my ears to prevent listening to such aberrant idea and I think that I didn’t dissimulate as Jorge noticed the pain expression of my face.
Jorge closes his eyes a little, like understanding why I have that expression and turns to Sandra.
“Vals with lyric?” he asks surprised.
“Yes, I don’t know, it might get some savour, right?” Sandra answers with a huge smile showing all of her teeth and people of the entire continent teeth as well, swinging her hip in front of him.
Plus, she starts flirting with him, running a finger along his tie. I look down and sip to my glass again, breathing inside. I would be pleasure to throw her not just my drink but the five bottles and the three ice buckets which placed over the bar next to us. Picturing that in my head makes me feel better.
“I think it has more savour just the way it is, don’t you think Laura?” Jorge says emphasizing the word savour, looking at me again and making me feel the most important person in the entire Fonseca for dedicating me such a long phrase, in his attempted for including me in the conversation once more.
“I wouldn’t change anything of this music although; I have never had the opportunity to dance it unfortunately.” I answer placing my empty glass over the bar.
A melody starts playing; it is a string instrument song. It is a Ländler, a traditional dance for Viena very familiar to Vals, with three and four remarked steps. I turn again to see them and I find Jorge with one hand at his back, bending as making a reverence and extending his other hand towards me, looking at me in a persuasive manner. I can’t breathe... is he out of his mind... What is happening with him lately that he has been acting with such a chaos since a while?
“We can solve that right now” he says with a firm tone.
Jorge wants me to dance with him? Same Jorge who doesn’t allow himself to smile? I think Sandra is as astounded as I am! Considering she has her mouth wide open. So wide, that it almost reaches the floor...
“But... I don’t know how to dance a Ländler, Jorge, I...” I managed to speak, but I think that I still can’t breathe because of the impression.
“It has no importance. You must be the only person in this hall who know this is a Ländler, that is enough”
Does he really want to dance? It has to be a joke... Captain Von Trapp wants to dance a Ländler? Somebody else notices the irony in all this?
I don’t know how I gave him my hand placing it over his hand. He has a warm and soft skin that makes me chill as soon as I touch him. Jorge leads me a pair of feet far from the bar but staying in the same corner of the hall, and my scenic fear is thankfull for it, and we started dancing. He looks at me in a serious but seductive way...
He makes some beautiful movements forward and backwards, grabbing my hand and releasing it briefly, walking around me, holding his glance. He crosses me backwards and stops in front of me again, very close. Holding my hands, he raises them and makes a move to cross them behind my back. We don’t speak, I still can’t breathe in a regular manner. I only let myself be guided for those moves that I appear to know through Jorge’s body, like if that were enough to consider that my body knows how to move. I have never danced anything similar. And now I think I understand better why dancing with someone results erotic. Or maybe it is a consequence of dancing with a man like Jorge.
We keep dancing until music is over, ending so close from each other that we almost rub our lips. I don’t believe we finished this dance in the way we were supposed to, although I actually don’t know how to dance it. Few seconds after the melody started to decrease, Jorge pulled me gentlenly next to him with his hand holding the end point of my back, when one of my hand was intertwine with one of his hand; above our heads, he left his other hand resting over mine and slowly descend it as the music finished.
My breath runs fast and I can’t decide if it is because the physical effort or because the excitatement of the situation. We are still in the same position and Jorge stays with his eyes focus at my awesomeness visage. He remains serious, no blink, he watches me like world around us disappeared and we have nothing else to be concerned but to stand there, face to face. He appears he made an unexpected discovery he wasn’t ready for and, he has no clue of the appropiate reaction for the first time in his life.
“You can dance” I whispered almost in a breath.
“I think I was not completely accurate with the dance steps, I am sorry...”
His eyes look as disoriented as mine. His chest ups and down slower than mine but still accelerated, he tries to calm down and stay straight better than I am.
I am uncapable of making a move. There is people here and there watching us in a surprised gaze but, I am locked at his green eyes and I can’t react. I want to say something but, I am not capable of. It has been so... sensual... I am still enchanted by his sight; I can’t get away from it. His perfume enthralls my sense, making my world rounds.
“If you excuse me...” Jorge says giving a step back while holding my hand which he kisses in a sweet gesture, concluding this way our fascinating dance and retreats speechless.
But...
What.
Has.
Happened.
Half an hour later, I start to considerably sofocate. Too much interaction, too much hit, too much people to my tiny social phobia. I feel under the eye glass with that much people around me, it is uncomfortable to me, especially after dancing with Jorge the previous manner.
I’ll go get my shawl at the closet. I have to take some air and clear my mind. Few minutes will be enough to hold on the rest of the evening. I only hope Toño wants to leave soon. No, I don’t make myself foolish; this is not going to happen.
As soon as I get to the street I realize a simple shawl is not the appropriate coat to walk in Salamaca’s street in the middle of December. It is a really cold night. Cold, but delicious. The street looks marvelous lighten with classic Christmas decorations and there’s a group of people joined in the door, smoking and speaking cheerfully.
I urgently need to take a seat and get down of the elegant but tedious high hills. The steps of the pontificial are near, so I decide to go there and scape from this infernal noise. Yes, that is what represents to me the legal chat. Except, when Jorge speaks. Then, it almost sounds like music from angels, of course.
I am crossing the street when I hear someone calling behind. It’s Fer, who comes to me with firm steps.
“Where do you go so lonely, little Laura”
“Hello Fer. I will go to take fresh air. I am a little sofocated...”
I keep walking but Fer steps in front of me and he doesn’t let me keep my way. His breath smells like alcohol, not exactly champaigne, and his eyes are bloody colour. He must drink weight too much.
“Let’s go, I’ll join you, so you won’t get lost.”
He has a smile that makes me wonder, it makes me feel uncomfortable like the last time in the company.
“Fer, I mean it, I am a little dizy and I want to go and take a seat.”
I try to push him out to walk through but, he stands in front of me again, cutting my way.
“Even more reason to go with you...” he insists while he grabs me on my waist and pulls me to him.
This is my limit. I push him and take him off me very upset.
“Fer, I said leave me alone” I say raising my voice.
“Fernando, you should get in before Laura’s parents come out to take fresh air as well”.
I turn my head and I see Jorge with no friendly face standing behind us. His contracted face and his breath making continuos waves in his chest in front of us, allows us to notice he is not joking precisely. But Fer doesn’t give up. He must be very drunk to stand persisting even though he saw Jorge.
“I don’t think they’ll come, Jorge. Why don’t you go inside, you have nothing to do here. This is not the law firm.”
Fer turns back and comes close to me again, although I didn’t find out what he pretended as Jorge, with no word, grabs the lapel of his American coat with one hand and, with the other, puts his fist in the middle of his face.
Jorge. A punch. Fer. Reason: Me? It is the only argument I can reason but it is senseless to me...
My eyes will blow out of my head if I open my eyes wider. Jorge seems more that angry. Let’s see, Fer was messing with me, yes, but pushed him apart would be more than enough. Where does that punch come from?
Fer puts his hands on his nose walking away, this time farther than what he did when I pushed him, and I am indescriptible relieved. Jorge approaches to me. He seems worried and angry at the same time. When he looks at me I see an intense glow at his eyes. My goodness, he didn’t even mess a lock of his hair when he hit Fer. It has been a movie punch, you might think that someone passed, dried his sweat and combed his hair before the following scene.
“Are you ok?” he asks me like dragging his words in a whisper.
I still can’t believe what just happened, I don’t know if I should laugh or cry. I nod while we hear Fer who keeps complaining. A blood line goes out of his nose and he washes it with the back of his hand but, as soon as he notices he is bleeding, his anger increases step by step.
“You son of the bitch... You broke my nose!” he yells standing at his place, I imagine, preventing of receiving another fist in his face by my night hero.
“Continue yelling, Fernando, in that way you will attract more people to find out why you yell. I advice you to go and get your face heal, it does not look good” he turns a moment, but suddenly he looks at him again “Oh, and you are fired, don’t you botter on step the firm any time.”
Jorge talks to him with an angry tone I never heard from him. He doesn’t raise his voice but his words are deeply disturbing at last. He speaks to me again; he completely changes his tone to not scare me.
“Do you want to go inside again?”
His words are almost a whisper that confusses with the night wind which cuts our skin and makes me shiver. No, I believe that I shiver as a result of Jorge’s low voice tone that passes through me as if he makes love to my ears. A sensation that I need to repeat again.
And no, come back to the party again definetely no, the only thing I need in this moment is to get fresh air. He seems to understand and he instantly amends.
“Or I better accompany you to take fresh air?”
His face still looks tense but, his voice sounds so warm, in a tone he never talked to me before.
“I rather that, if you don’t mind...”
“Of course I don’t mind, let’s go.”
We left Fer behind coursing out loud, but he didn’t dare to tell us anything else. I wouldn’t dare either if I was him.
And it’s just that, what a punch he has been given! And, he just fired Fer for crossing the line with me? It might be because they already had some differences, I remember he talked to Fer in a rigid tone the other day in the firm. Sometimes, I just don’t know in what mood he is, he is always serious at everybody.
“Can we go up until the top?” I asked Jorge when we made it at the pontificial stairs, like a child who asks his father for five more minutes to sleep.
He looks at me thoughtful and giving a glance at my shoes, he offers his hand to help me go up to the stairs. He always behaves that way, there are not many like him. No, there’s no a single man like him.
When I grab his hand, something frozes me inside the same way it happened when I grabbed him to dance, and my heart reacts again, something I think he perfectly noticed. Any occasion I am next to him I suffer heart arrhythmia. With a single touch of his hand I feel stronger that any other contact I have had with another man along my life.
He stays very quiet as soon as I rest my hand over his hand, watching at them confused. I could sware he felt the same that I did, but...
We walked until the top and sat down over frozen stairs that make me feel colder than what I was already. I still shiver, I am not sure if because of nerves or because of cold. Jorge takes out his coat and covers my shoulders with it.
“Thank you” I mumble timidly.
Smells like him, I would recognize this smell anywhere. A strong fruit-like smell that surrounds me all over and makes me remember the Ländler we danced barely an hour ago.
“Are you cold?” and his tone is still sweet, maybe more.
“A little... but I am better already, I mean it.”
“Did Fernando do something to you?”
Now his voice sounds more intense, even nervous. I turn and see his face irritated.
“No!, of course not, he was just been rude” I say with a small laugh, and the truth is it wasn’t a big deal, I don’t know why Jorge considers it so important. And I add: “But I’m happy you were there”.
I’m happy every time I see you, just like that. Without talking to you even, without locking eyes with you, with no interaction with me at any sense. So, what you have done with Fer a moment ago was the most incredible thing I could imagine you would be able to do for me in this life...
“I saw Fernando followed you to the street and it concerned me very hard so, I went out.”
I hide my face with my hands for a moment. I’m still some nervous for what happened. It was very akward althought; I was handling that very well by myself. But watching Jorge defending me from just a nasty guy... was almost intoxicating.
“It was nothing. I think Fer has drunk too much. Maybe if I... I don’t know, maybe if...”
“It is not your fault, Laura” he supports his hand in my shoulder, pressing it a little “Fernando was crossing the line, I warned him the other day and he didn’t listen.”
What? I stare at him, trying to find out what he is talking about.
“The other day?”
“Yes, in the law firm. I talked to him after you left. Fernando thinks he can invade any women personal space as he likes. And that is not the way life is.”
“But now I feel bad for him, you shouldn’t fire him. He was just been nasty, that’s all. If he is a good employee...”
“I give a shit” as he watches my surprise face for his tone and expression, he calms down again “Besides, I think it was better to receive the order after me before your father gets to know why he should be fired. Deep down I did a favor to him.”
I smile thinking of what my father would do if he gets to know of this. He is very over protected. I am an only child and sometimes I believe that he thinks I am made of cristall.
“I hope you don’t be in troubles because of me”.
“For fired him? Fernando was my intern, I can rescind his contract any time I consider and he has done credit enough to deserve it, believe me.”
I shiver again. Definetely, it is my nerves. Jorge rounds my shoulders with his arm strongly. I think it wasn’t conscious as he releases me few seconds later, after he realized of what he had done, moved by the protector instinct he feels for me and that I like so much. However, it was some wonderful seconds... my heart accelerates and lowers in miliseconds, I have felt there was no air to breathe but, I could sware there was air fulfilling the lungs of the people who was walking away down the street in this moment, in that order, my breath system might be the entire problem. Jorge must drill my lungs, my trachea, and my entire soul with his penetrating voice. He is very disturbing and sensual today. I look at him again and I immediately regret. Such thick and dark eyelashes... he is hypnotizing me with the movement of his eyes while he turns to talk to me again.
“And... How are things doing with your boyfriend?”
There’s something different about his voice. His voice tone sounds very false... He pretends... indifference?
“Boyfriend?”
“Yes, the boy who accompanied you today...” he says irritated for forced him to give more explanations instead of answering right the way.
“Oh!” I inevitably laugh. Who knows what my mother told him “Toño is not my boyfriend; he is a friend, nothing else.”
“I thought that...”
“No, no, he is just a friend; none of us feel attraction for the other. We are lucky we have never had conflicts about it.”
Jorge limitates to nod with his glance fixed at a point of the Compañía Street. It is impossible to find out what he is thinking.
“And how are you with Claudia...”
I vacillate questioning. We have never talked of anything personal but, as he asked me for my supposed boyfriend... he looks at me for an instant and before answers he fixes his glance at the printing we have opposite, right in front of the stairs.
“We are getting divorced.”
Am I too cruel if something like this makes me happy? What the hell matters if I’m cruel, I don’t care. Suddenly, some euphoria starts growing inside me and it is difficult to repress. They are getting divorce, they are getting divorce, they are getting divorce... between the dance, Fer’s punch and this, this Christmas’ party is turning the best of the history.
“I... I am sorry, I didn’t know it, are you ok?”
Jorge turns to look at me again but this time his eyes show fatigue and relief in the same amount.
“Yes, I am ok, although this is exhausting” he supports backward putting his forearm in the upper step and unties the bottom of his jacket, a posture that is not proper from him at all “but, I knew we would end that way since long time ago, it has not been traumatic or anything alike.”
I see this Jorge speaking relaxed and colloquy, with that strecht posture and I can’t believe what I see. I would jump over his arms right now however, I choose to stay and not move out of my place, keep going with the conversation.
“It is difficult when a relationship ends.”
I am holding myself tremendously...
“Well, when there’s no love for good, is difficult to carry on with the relationship.”
“Didn’t you love each other?”
Yes, I am cruel; I am enjoying this so much... so, so much... so, cut the shit of what is politically correct. You in my place would be yelling inside even more than what I am. And you know that.
He draws a surprise face for how direct my question was but, he answered. It seems he wants to disclose his grief.
“I don’t know... we care about the other. We had a daughter, you know, but in that moment I feel I got married because... well, it was what I was supposed to do. And the truth is, I regret for doing that, it wasn’t good for any of us” he notices he is talking about himself too much so he keeps quiet, thinking to change the conversation topic “If Toño is not your boyfriend... Do you have a couple?
But what’s happening with the couple thing lately?
“No, I don’t have a couple for now...”
“I see, it is too soon since your ex...” and he puts his head down.
“It has nothing to do, I am not sensitive to break ups. It is just... I don’t know, I am tired of not falling in love of any man” I confess.
He watches me surprised, asking if I am been honest.
“You would be in love at least once, Laura” He says as in a fact.
Yes, from you since years ago.
“No, never.”
I move a little in my place. I want to stand in the conversation but, this is too intense to me with so much alcohol in my head and I don’t want to say any dumb thing.
“Jorge, I mean it, thank you for everything. Thanks for helping me with the Himalaya case, for Fer’s...”
“No, you don’t need to say thanks, it is my pleasure. I enjoy been a professor again and, well I was not going to let Fernando approaches to you.”
How do I take this?
“And forgive me for the day Salva...”
Jorge slightly frowns his face.
“Salva, my ex” I explain, “I’m sorry I approached to you that way.”
“What way?” he says with his face still frown.
Did I dream that? I quickly think how to rid of this, or that happened in a parallel universe and I am crazy mixing lifes?
“Well, and for teaching me those dance steps...” I add watching him briefly, and I can’t help to smile. I remember those minutes we were so close and I feel like I float some inches above the floor.
He watches mi surprised and puts himself together again. What eyes! Wait... is he openly smiling?
It amazes me so hard that he doesn’t effort to dissimulate his smile, the least I can do is to tell him.
“I never saw you smile.”
What I say seems to be funny for him because he starts laughing. He is laughing! What’s going on tonight? Maybe he has been drinking as well... he has an incredible pretty laugh; it has a perfect sound balance that can delight you for hours. I would stay an eternity watching him and listening how he laughs, sitting in front of him, in the floor over a pillow, admiring the way every inch of his skin stretches or shrinks around his lips.
“Really, I never smile?”
“No, and laughing even less!” he still smiles at me and my heart beats agitated “At first, I thought you didn’t like me or something.”
“That I didn’t like you? You? Why?” he closes a little his eyes.
“I don’t know, you are always so so so serious that...”
“Well, you are right, I am very serious...”
“Very, very serious Jorge...”
“Ok, ok too serious” and he laughs again “But I treat everybody that way, I had nothing against you” and making a pause, he adds: “totally opposite.”
I watch him shocked. I don’t understand what he means with that. This night has been very confusing. Then, I realize how close we are from each other; looks like our bodies came closer by instinct. We rub our legs, we are basically attached to the other, that close that we can feel the other’s breath in our face. I can not resist looking at his fleshy lips, red and wet as consequence of the effort of dropping an unusual laugh that I wish to listen once more.
I look at his eyes and I see he is looking at my lips as well. It can’t be. What is happening? He wants to hang out to forget Claudia’s issue? Is it an impulse? What if it’s because I am his chiefs’daugther? Had I jumped again into a parallel universe in where I do have a chance with Jorge?
Any of us pronounce a word and time keeps running. It appears that cold walked away to the next street. Far from there we can hear drunken college boys’ voices which should come from the Irish Rover; I imagine they are searching to keep on their party in one of the many places that are still open at this time in the college party city for excellence.
We rub our noses already. I can see he is very close... My breath is now beyond accelerated, it’s gasping. If he kisses me now, I suspect I will faint. Will I kiss Jorge?
“No, wait.”
But whats’s wrong with me!? Why do I step backward!?
Jorge seems confused and ashamed. Like if I dropped a cold water jar over him, he immediately steps far from me.
“Laura, I... am sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking. Please, forgive me, it is inexcusable from me.”
“No, nothing happens. You feel sad about Claudia and...”
He gives me a glance with his face frown and in regard of his gesture; he doesn’t explain why I said that.
“No, I am not sad about Claudia...” he immediately understands what I tried to say and he appears upset “Laura, do you think that all of this is because I want to use you to forget Claudia?”
“You know, we were talking about that and suddenly... well...”
Jorge sits straight and wears his angry face. The Jorge that I know. Shit... I screw it deep down right?
“Do you really think that about me?” and he seems astonished “I care about you, Laura. I don’t pretend to use you, for God.”
Oh boy, I am speechless. His words rumble in my mind like if my head were some kind of improvised pediment.
I care about you, I care about you, I care about you...
“I don’t know when it happened or how” he goes on “but even when I was with Claudia I saw you and I didn’t know why I felt I needed to kiss you.”
There’s a silence between us again. There are no crikets in down towns but in this moment my mind even listens at some of them.
“Don’t you say anything?” he asks anxious.
“You can’t be serious... you didn’t even pay attention to me” I tell him, but is more like I’m thinking out loud instead of answering his question.
“Why do you say that? I have always paid attention to you.”
“Because you had to...”
“No, Laura, it wasn’t exactly because I had to.”
“Then?”
“Laura, I...” I think is a question he doesn’t want to answer considering the way he passes his hand over his hair, nervous, fixing his sight at the fists of his shirt “Look, I know I am not as friendly as others, I don’t show a permanent smile in my face, neather I laugh to be accepted by the people next door. But I have tried to get close to you in my way.”
Leaving me aside? Not looking at me?
“Well I am sorry I didn’t notice that but...”
“The blind point” he says without looking at me.
“The blind point?”
“Yes, I know you always stand in the same place of the sidewalk, where your parents couldn’t see you from their offices. You have that habit.”
He raises his sight to nail his eyes to mine directly, making his confesion stronger. I look at him completely lost. How can he know that? What’s the point of this?
“Few weeks ago, you went to the firm during several days but... well, I saw you staying there. Then you turned back and...”
Earth, swallow me. And this is not an expression. Please, God open the stairs of the ponticifial push me in and close it until Jorge is gone.
“When I called you... it was cold and I thought if you remain down there you could get sick and...”
“Is that why you called me?”
I don’t know how I managed to make my voice sounds so calm. Maybe is because I only have one voice string. I am losing my voice as I listen to him speak.
“Yes, and forgive me if I interrumpted something. You were probably waiting for somebody and I...”
“It was for you” I say it spontaneously.
Jorge stares at me with a confusing gesture in his face, without understanding my phrase. Or understanding it and not knowing how to interpret it. Any case, as I told him already, I better explain myself.
“I wanted to see you again but I couldn’t find any excuse.”
“But you didn’t need excuses to see me Laura; you just had to go up the stairs and...”
“I did, of course I needed them. Because if I go to your office and say that I was there because I needed to see you, you would make the face you have now.”
And is like his emotions are mixtured between surprised and scared. We are having a substancially complicated conversation and, if I am the kind who runs away from this complicated topics, Jorge is even worst I think.
“You should get up and say that exactly” is the only thing he answers.
We both sighed at the same time. This is not easy at all. Jorge passes his hand over his head once more and I look at a distant point in the street, where a couple is passing by laughing from some silly thing they told each other. I feel like saying Jorge, you see? Laughing is not that complicated...
“What do you think, Laura?” he wonders trying to force me to talk again.
Uf... that question...
“I don’t know what to say Jorge, there are so many things. It is the Claudia’s issue, your daughter, my parents, the age...”
“Does it represent obstacles to you or are excuses?
I feel certain complaint in his voice, completely justified on the other hand. It is not right to use ridiculous excuses when he forces to confess his feelings for me. But I think I still can’t process what is happening and I feel lost.
“No, they are not excuses. It’s...”
Yes, I know what it is: It is fear.
“...it’s...” he insists. Before I run away as he sees my panic increases, he makes me a short and clear question. Or better, he almost sentenced me to force me answer a concret fact. He is a good lawyer... “Don’t you have feelings for me?”
“Jorge!” I look at him asthonished. How can he even think such thing, after everything I have told him? “Why do you say that?” I refuse to tell him I love him since years ago. Sounds insane, even when I think so “It is not that or anything related. But I don’t plan to be used to who knows what” and I emphasize “And even more if it has to be with you.”
“What do you mean to be used?” he sounded furious “I could never use you I already told you I care about you. And believe me; I don’t have the age to be hanging around making myself goofy with any girl just to feel the moment.”
“Then” I ask him while I try to process all the information he is giving me.
“Then” he says approaching enough to make me feel nervous again “If you think I am only looking for an adventure then, you don’t know me at all.”
“Actually, we don’t know each other.”
“Get to know me” he proposes “I know you good enough to take the risk of doing something stupid tonight and...”
“Something stupid...” I repeat with an angry tone.
Wow, this is nice, now he considers stupid kissing me.
“I mean the fact of attacking you in such inaproppiate manner.”
A trace of laugh runs out and dies in my mouth.
“Where do you come from to express that way?”
Looks like he is trying to say something. He opens some of his mouth and closes again while he stares at my eyes.
“I don’t consider kissing you something stupid” he finally explains “but I shouldn’t do it that way. Not with you.”
I listen attentively but, I am not sure if I understand all what is happening. I denie moving my head several times.
“I don’t know what we can do Jorge, this is very weard... You are Jorge!”
“Don’t you consider that I have had the same thought a thousand times?”
“That you are Jorge?” I make myself funny.
He smiles again. And I can count some of them in a short period of time, something unbelieveable coming from him, although, he stand serious again quickly.
“You are the daughter of my chiefs, for God, Lau” Lau? This is the first time in my life that I hear Jorge calling a person in a colloquy manner “Sometimes when we are together, I even get nervous; I have found myself having thoughts about you with no reason and, this last months the situation turned critical” he passes his hand over his hair once more “Lau, I will go crazy if I keep this way. Do something, please, tell me what you think”.
“I don’t know what I think, Jorge, right now I am blocked. I don’t know what you want from me, I don’t know if something good can come out of all this...”
He stands completely in front of me and grabs my arms to make sure I will look right at his face.
“Laura, I don’t want to use you to forget Claudia and I am not looking for an adventure. As you understand, if those were my intentions, I would search for someone different from my chiefs’ daughter, don’t you think?”
“Well, ok, you are right but...” I babble.
“Look” I notice his cold hands squeezing mine and his green eyes locked at my eyes “I don’t know what can happen between us. I have been acting like a teenager the whole night and I apologize. I can get many problems if Claudia knows about all this and, I don’t believe this would be considered as a funny story in the law firm precisely. But I am clear I want something happens between us”.
And my head becomes a racquetball game once again. And that something can’t stop bouncing all over.
“I don’t know... if this goes wrong, we both have so much to lose. The truth, I don’t know what we can do.”
“We don’t have to do anything. And until you don’t clear your mind, we can postpone making decisions about it.”
Well, I like the idea. Jorge notices alleviate in my eyes. He doesn’t let my hands go and I think that helps me to calm down.
“Does it sound good to you then?” he tells me in a confident tone with a smile.
I smile at him, considering the question answered. I think after this night, every time I see that smile again I will be hypnotized because of it. It has something that encourages me to do anything. He could convince me to do any thing if he uses that smile in those lips. And how scary I am.
I shiver again, because of nerves instead of cold... This is not going to stop tonight. And now what? I’m dying to kiss him, but I think we can make everything too much complicated and...
“Let’s go, I will take you home. It is late.”
He helps me stand up and we walk until his car, it is parked in a garage few blocks from here. I feel I float over a cloud. I could perfectly go home floating. He leaves me in the same entry portal but he doesn’t even consider kissing me. He turns to me, stretches his hands to grab mine, and gives them a sweet kiss, bringing all the hit over me again in spite we are under cero degrees out in the street. He says good bye right there, he says nothing else. This uncertainty is gonna kill me, I mean it. What kind of man acts this way these days?
I go up to my house and then I become conscious of what had happened. Jorge? Really? He feels something about me... Does he really feel it? This is all happening very fast. Well, thirteen years is not very fast. The appropriate word might be unexpected. When we feel attracted to someone, we might fantasy with the idea of been confessed. I love those stories. But so far, that only occurred in movies and literature. Of course, nothing is impossible but... with Jorge? I don’t know what could happen if my parents find out.
And Claudia, and the girl...
The phone rings.
Shit, Toño!
“Hello Toño... tell me...”
“Damn Lau, Where have you been?!”
He sounds reliefs.
“Well, you see... I’m in home...”
“In home?”
“Yes, forgive me but I sware I forgot to call you.”
“I was worried; we couldn’t find you anywhere, where have you been?”
“We?”
Shit... my parents... been with Jorge made me forgot everything and anyone.
“That’s right” he confirms, like if he read my thoughts “your parents are here as well.”
Yes, she is in home already
He says it aside, I suppose he was telling my parents and I rush to invent some excuse in case they ask him.
“Tell them I met Marta in the street and I left with her.
“Marta? Aham... Ok Lau... the professional?” he whispers, referring Jorge.
I’ll have to answer a questionnaire for sure...
“Ok, yes” I listen at him laughing the other side of the phone “but, don’t say anything please!”
“Ok, ok... but you’ll tell me later how did you go with Martis, ha?”
“Yes, yes, ok, but don’t say anything else right now, you will ruin us Toño.”
“Oh... us...” and he laughs all over.
I don’t want to imagine what will happen when I’ll have Toño face to face.
I handle to hang the phone before Toño says something in front of my parents. What I had left this night was to led them know about... well, nothing actually, right? I am a total idiot...
I go to the kitchen to drink some juice, I try to reduce tomorrow’s hangover. Bah, who I want to deceive, I won’t rid of this for any in the world.
The phone rings again. No, please, Toño, leave me alone for once...
“Don’t be so heavy, ha?” I say.
“Me... I’m sorry...”
“Jorge!? I am sorry! No... It wasn’t with you, excuse me, I didn’t check who was calling.”
“And you always pick up the phone this way?” he says surprised.
“No” I laugh “I thought it was Toño.”
“Toño?”
I feel some jelousy?
“Yes, The guy who accompanied me today to the party.”
“Oh... Toño...”
Yes, definitely, jelousy.
“He was supposed to bring me home and I didn’t tell him I was leaving. He was with my parents looking after me” I explain.
“With your parents?”
From jelousy to the absolutely horror.
“Don’t worry, they know nothing” I tell him to calm him down “Anyway, there is nothing they could find out, so...”
I think my disappointment is evident, I can’t help it. At the end of the day, I hoped we kissed. But, well, it was my fault we didn’t kiss, but he could try twice, right?
“Well... I just wanted to make sure you were ok.”
“Jorge, you walked with me until the entry portal. I am just the way you left me there...”
“I see, right... But even though I wanted to make sure you were fine.”
Thank God he can’t see me because; I have such a silly smile in my face in this moment.
After few seconds he asks:
“Will you do something this weekend?”
“This weekend?”
Is he asking me for a date at... four in the morning?
“Yes... next week I will be very busy. Holydays begin on Wednesday, Christmas vacations are already coming and I don’t know if I will be able to take some free time.”
“I have no plans to this weekend.”
“Could we...?” and I hear him laughing “Can you believe I don’t know what people suppose to do this days?”
I can’t hold my laugh. He is really adorable. If he would be in front of me in this moment, I wouldn’t let him go without a kiss.
“Well, it wouldn’t be good if we were seen together by half Salamanca’s population.”
“I see; you are right... Uf, this will be complicated” I listen him puffed.
No, no, no... He can’t regret now! I say the first idea that comes to my mind.
“Movie at Vialia on Sunday? I still haven’t seen the latest Woody Allen film. We can go to the last screening of the day.
“Ok, its perfect for me, do I pick you up?
“Mmm... We better meet there, ok?”
He stays in silence for a moment, thinking about it. Salamanca is too small, Vialia movie theaters are not visited by anyone I know and, I hope no one he knows eather. So, to minimize risks, I better don’t travel with him all over the city. Not yet.
“Yes, maybe is the best to meet there. We’ll see on Sunday, Lau.”
“I like you to call me like that.”
I listen at his laugh again.
“How? Lau?”
“Yes, Lau... I don’t know if I will use to this treatment from you.”
“I hope you want to get use to me someday.”
I smile again. There are more smiles than words in this conversation.
“I’ll see you on Sunday, Jorge.”
“See you Lau.”
And after a day like today, who can sleep?