-HINDLEY-
As I stood and stared slack-jawed, staring through the peephole, I saw emotions etched on Geneva’s face I’d never seen before.
Remorse.
Regret.
Shame.
I opened the door, surprised to see an expression of humbleness as well.
“May I come in?” she asked, her voice shaking, hands wrapped around each other. The usually confident Geneva was gone, replaced by this meek, humbled woman.
“What the fuck is she doing here?” Rory exclaimed.
I ignored his comment. My therapist had helped me realize that, for better or for worse, Geneva and I were related. She was my stepsister, my father’s daughter, and escaping her entirely was not an option, not if I wanted my dad in my life.
I stared at Rory, legitimately fearing he may tackle and strangle her.
I turned back to Geneva.
Her head hung low, every part of her body emanating regret, guilt, and grief. Despite how she’d treated me since we’d known each other, in that moment I couldn’t help but feel there may be something deep inside her, something dark that had caused her to act out all her life. I owed it to myself and my father to listen.
“What do you want, Geneva?” I held my own anger in check, barely.
She stood silent for a long time, her fingers twisting together. Slowly she lifted her head and stared at me, her eyes hollowed with deep circles. She looked like shit.
Good.
“I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute,” she said.
Rory stepped beside me. “Hindley isn’t supposed to be upset. And I’ll be damned if you will walk in here and fuck her over again.”
“Rory.” I held up my hand.
“I’m serious, Hindley. I want her the fuck out of here. Now.”
Geneva stared at me, eyes wide and pooling with tears.
“It’s okay, Rory. I’d like to speak to Geneva.” When he remained silent I glanced over at him.
Fury burned in his darkened eyes. He shook his head emphatically. “No,” he seethed.
I gave him a reassuring nod and squeezed his arm. “Yes. Please.”
He glared at Geneva, his jaw clenched. “Do. Not. Fuck with her.” He punctuated each word with a finger. “I’ll be down the hall. If you say one word that upsets Hindley…” he trailed off and I knew I didn’t want to know what he’d do.
“Go.” I pushed at his shoulder. “I’ll be fine.”
He cut his eyes to me, raising a brow.
“Go,” I mouthed.
He nodded once and pushed past Geneva, stalking down the hall like a raging bull.
“Wait!” Geneva shouted.
Oh, honey, I thought. You do not want to mess with the beast.
Rory stopped but never turned around.
His shoulders were bunched, anger radiating from his body like heat from the sun.
“Rory, I wanted to talk to you too,” Geneva said.
He stood stark still.
He wasn’t ready.
“Now’s not a good time, Geneva,” I said, hoping she’d understand.
She nodded, her gaze fixed on Rory’s back. “I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “I’m sorry, Rory. For everything.”
Rory spun on his heel, glaring at Geneva like she was the devil, which she kind of was. I could see the vicious words rattling around in his mind. God only knew what he’d say.
I held up my hand, hoping he’d understand. I need to hear what Geneva had to say and I didn’t want her to be on the defensive.
His eyes darted from Geneva to me. “I’ll be in the bedroom if you need me, Hindley.” Glaring at Geneva again, he drew in a deep breath. “I mean it, Geneva,” he pointed a finger, “if you say one thing, one fucking thing to upset her, I’ll kick your ass out of here so hard you won’t be able to fucking walk through the mall without sucking on your own shit.”
I bit back a laugh, having no idea what he was talking about. “Go,” I motioned toward the hall. “I’ll call you if I need you.”
He stared at me, seemingly unconvinced.
“I promise.”
He nodded before turning and disappearing down the hallway.
I wasn’t dumb enough to believe he had gone far. I knew he wanted to hear what Geneva had to say as badly as I did. Rory was my protector, my hero, and I loved him for that.
“May I sit down?” Geneva asked, her voice actually sounding different.
I motioned for her to sit on the sofa then took a seat in the chair next to her.
She leaned forward, her forearms resting on her thighs as she nervously twisted her fingers. She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath. Slowly she released an audible sigh and turned to face me. Tears streamed down her face.
I’d never seen Geneva Barton cry. Ever.
“I’m sorry, Hindley,” she whispered.
I’d also never, ever heard Geneva Barton apologize, for anything, even when she was blatantly wrong. I remained silent, waiting for her to continue.
“I’m sorry for hurting you, for trying to destroy your relationship with Rory, for drugging him.” A moan escaped from her throat and she cradled her head in her hands as her shoulders convulsed with quiet sobs.
I felt awkward and uncomfortable. Should I console her or let her continue? I voted for silence. She didn’t deserve my pity.
Her crying slowed as she dabbed at her eyes with her sleeves. I reached to the end table for a box of tissues, holding it out to her.
She grabbed several, wiping at her eyes. “I’m sorry about this. I didn’t mean to cry, I was trying so hard not to. This isn’t about me, it’s about you and Rory.”
Not about her? Did I hear that right? Everything for the past twelve years had been about Geneva Barton. This was beyond weird.
“Why, Geneva?” I asked. “Why did you do it? Did you really hate me that much?”
“I fucked up, Hindley.” She lifted her head, silently asking me for something I couldn’t give her. “I fucked up bad.”
“Yeah, you did.” Normally, I thought watching someone like Geneva grovel and beg for forgiveness would be so satisfying, but it wasn’t. It didn’t mean I was going to let her off the hook though. “Why do you hate me so much, Geneva? What did I ever do to you?”
“After my mom died, it was just me and my dad,” she said softly.
Shit, she was going way back. She’d hated me from the day she’d laid eyes on me. That was no surprise.
“My dad and me,” she paused, “we were each other’s world.” She stared at the crumpled tissues in her hand, smiling. “I was his princess, I was his everything. And he was everything to me. We took care of one another, supported one another.”
In that moment, I understood Geneva Barton. What I’d assumed all along was true. She missed the tight relationship she’d once had with her dad. I got that.
She closed her eyes as a small smile emerged. It was obvious she was enjoying the memories of her youth. Slowly, her blue eyes opened and she stared at me.
Shit, what was she going to say? I braced myself.
“Then he met you and your mother,” she said, “and everything changed. I wasn’t his world anymore.” She shook her head and I could see the sadness in her expression. “Before I could even blink, they were married, and I became third in line.”
Third in line? “What does that mean?” I asked.
“There was your mom, you…and then me.”
She really felt that way? I mean, shit, Paul loved my mom and me, but Geneva was his daughter, his own flesh and blood. Then I remembered Paul’s words. He’d always considered me his daughter too, no questions asked. Maybe unknowingly he had pushed Geneva away, or at the very least, asked her to make room for two other people in their tight circle.
“I loved your mom.” She smiled. “I mean, it was nice to have a female in the house again. And your mom seemed completely over the moon to have another daughter.”
Of course Geneva loved my mom. It was me she hated.
“But then there was you.” She stared at me, her face void of the contemptuous glare I normally saw when she mentioned me. “You were beautiful, and smart, and ambitious, all the things I knew my dad wished I was.”
Beautiful? Geneva thought I was beautiful? And ambitious? I must be hearing things.
“Geneva, what the hell are you talking about? You’ve always thought I was the dumbest, ugliest person on the face of the earth, and you never had a problem letting me know it. Every day.”
“Actually, I didn’t think that at all, Hindley. I thought you were beautiful. So did everyone else.”
“Who?”
“All the boys in school.”
“You have got to be kidding me.”
“What?” She shook her head. “You didn’t know it?”
“Uh, no, I didn’t know it because it wasn’t true.”
“Hindley,” she said with amusement, “you were beautiful. You still are. You may have thought you were chunky, but trust me, the guys loved your curves.”
“How do you know?”
“They told me. The only reason they wanted to go out with me was to get to you.”
“What?” I laughed at her absurd comment.
“It’s true. I never told you because I didn’t want you to know. My beauty was the one and only thing I had on my side. I didn’t have the brains or drive or creativity like you did. Well, like you still do.”
Was I hearing these words correctly? Was Geneva complimenting me? This was not the Geneva I’d known for the past twelve years. Maybe she had changed.
“I started sleeping with the guys in high school so they’d quit asking me about you,” she said. “Eventually, they knew I’d put out so they stopped chasing you and started coming after me.” Her chin dropped to her chest. “I wasn’t proud of it.”
“Geneva.”
She lifted her head and peeked at me through her long lashes.
“Are you serious?”
“I didn’t start out hating you, Hindley, but somewhere along the way, yes, I hated you. I hated that everyone thought you were so smart and pretty and kind. I hated that your mother doted on you so much and you didn’t even realize it. But mostly, I hated you because I felt like you took my father away from me. I felt like I’d lost the only friend I had in this world, my best friend. He loved you more than me and it was so obvious.”
“That’s not true, Geneva.”
She rolled her eyes.
“He loved me for different reasons,” I said. “But he never stopped loving you. He still does.”
She shook her head. “And now,” her voice broke, “now he won’t even talk to me.” Suddenly, the controlled Geneva of the past was gone. She completely broke down in front of me and sobbed openly.
I ached for her. I knew I had every right to hate her as much as she had me, but it didn’t feel right. It wouldn’t solve anything. Not anymore.
“But you know what really made my hatred for you grow?” she asked.
I sat completely still, not entirely convinced I wanted to know.
“I hated you because you just brushed him off, like he didn’t even matter to you. All my father did was show you love, the kind of love he’d reserved only for me for so many years. But you never accepted it. I would have killed for him to show me that kind of attention again. Just once.”
I fell back into the chair, expelling a sigh. Well, fuck. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who’d seen how shitty I’d treated Paul, and that made me feel like a real jerk.
“And then I was so jealous of you,” she continued. “You had the best mother in the world and you just crapped on her too. It hurt her so much to watch you walk away from her like you didn’t need her.”
Okay, if this was an apology, it was the worst one in history. It felt more like an attack on me, not an act of contrition. My hands fisted in anger. I was getting pissed and I wondered how much longer it would be until Rory rushed out to save me.
“I’m sorry, Hindley, I’m not trying to upset you at all, I swear. I’m just trying to explain how I got to this point. To the point where I was willing to risk it all to hurt you.”
“Geneva, you didn’t just hurt me, you destroyed me.”
She nodded. “I know, Hindley.”
“Do you? Do you really get it?” I held up my arm so she could see my scars.
She exploded into tears again. “I’m so sorry, Hindley, I just…”
“Just what, Geneva?” The fury bubbled up inside me and I had no desire to let her off the hook. She’d nearly cost me everything.
“There is no excuse for what I did,” she whispered. “I know that. I destroyed you, Rory, Stan, your mom, and my father. I don’t know how or when I became this person,” she said, waving her hand along her body. “My hatred for you consumed me.”
Geneva hating me was no surprise, but to hear her say it out loud was not nearly as gratifying as I thought it would be. It actually hurt me, a lot.
“What do you want from me, Geneva?”
She shrugged her shoulders.
“Forgiveness?”
She shook her head. “No. I know I won’t get that from you, and I don’t expect it, ever.”
“Then what?”
“I love Stan, more than I ever realized. My actions have completely destroyed him. He kicked me out.”
I was blown away to hear her mention Stan in her apology. I never thought she cared for him that much, just his money. And now, to hear her confirm that he not only left her but kicked her out. No one left Geneva Barton. Ever.
“And I hate that I hurt my dad and your mom too, to know that I disappointed them, again. They’re worried about you, and rightly so. I know we all are.”
“Yeah, you’re concerned,” I said mockingly.
She scooted over on the sofa so our legs were almost touching.
“I am, Hindley, I’m worried about you, you have to know that. I never, ever wanted this.” She pointed at my arms. “I didn’t have anything to do with those videos and I didn’t tell the media about Rory. I swear.”
She was desperate for me to believe her. And I did. I just wasn’t ready to admit that to her. Not yet.
“I’m not asking for forgiveness, Hindley. Well, I mean, I am. I want to beg for your forgiveness.” Her eyes were wide, bloodshot, and genuine. “I know it won’t come anytime soon. Hell, it may never come at all. But for the sake of our parents, I hope you’ll at least find a way to tolerate me.”
“Did you just call them our parents?”
She nodded. “My dad has been your father since day one. I’ve known that, he’s known that, and your mother has known that too. It was you who had to figure it out. And it was me who had to step back to make room for you.” She placed her hand on my knee.
I stared down, surprised her touch didn’t burn a hole in my leg.
“Don’t get me wrong,” she said, “this isn’t easy. I’m not asking for you to feel sorry for me. I started therapy shortly after I got back from Miami, and I’m starting to sort out all of these issues I have surrounding my relationship with my father. I regret hurting you and Rory more than anything. I’ve broken the circle of trust within our family, and for that I will always be sorry.”
“We were never a family, Geneva.”
“I know, and that was my fault, completely.”
“Well, I don’t know completely. You’re right. I never did let your dad into my life, not all the way. And I did push my mom away.”
“I love my father and your mother,” Geneva said. “They’re my parents and I hate that I’ve hurt them, and disappointed them in all of this. I haven’t just broken their trust, I’ve broken their family.” She choked on her own tears and gasped for her next breath.
I stared at her in disbelief. This was not the same woman I’d grown up with. Maybe she truly was remorseful.
“Whether or not you and I ever saw the four of us as a family, they did,” she said. “Or, at least they dreamed of it. My actions basically destroyed that dream for them. They don’t expect you to forgive me. Ever. I hope and pray that you will one day, but they believe it may never happen. They may never get the family they’ve longed for because of me and my actions.” She started sobbing again.
I couldn’t take seeing her suffer, hearing her own insecurities, watching and listening to the struggles she’d gone through with her own demons. I gently laid my hand on her back.
Her gaze snapped to mine as if I’d electrocuted her. Her eyes darted between mine, her face riddled with fear like a caged animal awaiting slaughter.
“What?” I asked.
“I, I…” she stuttered. “I just never expected you to accept me, in any form.”
“Look, Geneva, I’m not saying I’m magically over what happened. What you did was horrible and you have to know that.”
“I do.” She nodded, her face completely pained.
“But, you’re right. Our parents deserve to be happy and I don’t want what’s happened between us to make it hard on them. They’ve been through enough having to take care of the two of us.”
We both smiled and the mood shifted, ever so slightly.
“I’m not forgiving and forgetting,” I said. “Let’s say, you coming here, it’s a start.”
Her face lit up and her shoulders slumped as if a weight had been lifted.
A new Geneva I’d never seen before appeared before me. She looked lighter, brighter, even more beautiful, and for once, I wasn’t jealous. I felt like I’d contributed to her beauty and that made me happy.
“It’s not all your fault, Geneva. I’m no saint,” I said. “I haven’t made things between us easy either.”
“Hindley.” She scooted even closer. “None of this is your fault, not one piece. That’s not why I came here.”
“I know.” I removed my hand from her back.
“I wanted to give you some insight as to how I ended up here.” She waved her hand along her body again. “I mean, I don’t understand it all myself. How could I have been so cruel and evil, jeopardizing every relationship, even breaking the law?”
“How did you break the law?”
“The employee at the hotel, the one I gave the drugs to, the police in Miami are saying he’s only seventeen, but the guy isn’t talking to them. Apparently, he’s an undocumented worker so they can’t prove his age. And the hotel is protecting him. The police are considering charging me with contributing to the delinquency of a minor, or a misdemeanor coercion of a minor if they can prove his age. I just don’t know yet. They still haven’t figured it all out. I’m definitely looking at some criminal charges though. And that’s okay, I deserve them. I fucked up. Bad.”
“Wow. I had no idea.”
“Hindley, it’s nothing compared to what I did to you and to Rory. Seriously, if I could spend time in the Dade County Jail and be assured you and Rory, my parents, and Stan would forgive me when I got out, I’d plead guilty to every charge right now and start serving my time.”
I searched Geneva’s face, looking for some sign that she was kidding, but instead I saw that she was telling the truth, the absolute truth. It was amazing to see this side of her. “Geneva, I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything, Hindley. I didn’t want this to be about me, I really didn’t.” She laughed. “I know, that’s a first, right?”
I joined in her laughter until she sobered.
“Stan’s left me, my father and your mother aren’t speaking to me, and I completely understand. I deserve it all. I wanted you to know I am sorry. I’m sorry for letting my hatred build up so much that I could do something so awful to you and Rory.” Tears welled up in her eyes again, but I could see she was working hard to keep them at bay. “I know today isn’t the day, but I truly hope that one day in the future you can forgive me. Or, maybe at the very least, stand to be in the same room as me so I can swing by for a few minutes at Christmas.” She laughed, but it was a nervous amusement.
I knew the thought of losing her relationship with our parents terrified her most of all. No one wanted to feel abandoned and alone, no matter how much of a bitch they were. “I appreciate you coming over, Geneva, I really do. I have to admit, it took some balls. But I’ve always known you’ve had them.”
We both laughed.
I straightened in the chair. “I’m not saying I won’t forgive you because I know I need to in order to process my own feelings and heal myself. I do know it will take me a while though. You have to understand.”
“I completely understand,” she said with such relief in her voice. “That’s more than I could have ever dreamt for, and so much more than I deserve. Thank you, Hindley.” In a surprising gesture, Geneva reached across and hugged me.
I stiffened. She’d never shown me physical endearments. But eventually, I softened and wrapped my arms around her. If she could make the effort, I could too. The road before us wouldn’t be easy, but it was a start.
“Well, I better go.” She released me and stood. “Thanks for letting me in.” She walked to the door, but before opening it, she called down the hallway. “I’m sorry, Rory. I hope one day you’ll allow me to say it face-to-face. Even though I never expect your forgiveness and I don’t deserve it, it is something I’ll always wish for.” She slipped through the door and gently closed it behind her.
I stood in silence, forgiveness already seeping into my heart. Two words raced through my mind—words that had both haunted and inspired me my entire life. Unconditional love. That’s what we all deserved.