Chapter 1

SEATTLE SUBURBS

MAY 2004

The mood in Margaret’s living room reminded her of when Ahmed’s father died. Dressed in their good clothes, the family sat checking their watches and waiting. The only sounds came from Ahmed’s mother. She was the worst, sighing and muttering under her breath, fidgeting with her prayer beads. The mother wore a white headscarf and her best thob, a floor-length caftan of black velvet with red cross-stitch embroidery across the front, up the sleeves, and down the sides. Her festive dress contrasted with the pained look on her face. This latest pain was triggered by Khalid, her second son, who had just announced—only three days before—his plans to marry.

What the mother considered a misfortune, however, was good news to Margaret. Finally, an ally in the family. That’s what came to mind when she first heard of Khalid’s plans to marry an American girl. Now as Margaret waited at the edge of the room, at the edge of the family, she imagined the conversations she and her new sister-in-law would have while the family was going on and on in Arabic. Margaret had much to tell her—survival strategies mostly.

The family had been fretting for some time about Ahmed’s younger brother, Khalid. It had started three years before, when the mother first brought out those photographs. The mother, on a visit from Jordan, her white scarf pinned under her chin, sat on the couch between her sons, Ahmed and Khalid. Margaret had just served tea. Everyone was quiet and watching the steam rise from their tiny tea glasses when the mother pulled out the stack of photos. She slid closer to Khalid and described the girls one by one, pointing to the photos with her thick hands. He resisted at first, turning away to prove his disinterest. Eventually he looked more closely and even held one of the photos in his hand. This got the mother to the edge of the couch, gesturing and talking louder. “She’ll finish high school next month!”

This scene repeated itself for the next three summers as the mother carried the photos, worn from too much handling, from Amman to Seattle in an old envelope tucked in the pocket of her black thob. The girls were cousins and neighbors, Muslim girls from good families in Jordan and the West Bank. Each year the increasingly thick deck of photos was updated and dealt anew to Khalid. It took all of Margaret’s self-control not to laugh at the girls in the photos, their lavender eye shadow and humorless expressions.

But now those years of matchmaking were over, as the mother and the family waited awkwardly in Margaret’s living room to meet Khalid’s bride of choice. When his car turned into the cul-de-sac, the family members rose from their places and moved to the front window, each trying to get a good look. Khalid stepped out of the car first, then walked around to the passenger side. The family held their breath in unison as he reached for the handle and opened the door. Out she stepped, revealing a spiky heel and boot-cut slacks. Then she appeared, her total form, blond and American.

That morning had begun with a phone call to Liz. From her bedroom armchair, Margaret gave her friend an account of the latest developments.

“So, how’s your mother-in-law taking it?” Liz asked.

“She’s been sitting around with her arms crossed, staring at nothing.”

“Doesn’t she do that anyway?”

“Yeah.” It was true, especially since Ahmed’s father had died four months before.

“What do you know about this girl?”

“Not much,” Margaret said. “Just that she’s American with some Arab blood.”

“I wonder if she knows what she’s getting into.”

“Did either of us?” Margaret sighed and ran a hand through her long red hair. As Liz chattered on, Margaret realized she had been married to Ahmed for nearly half her life. Had it been that long? Their teenage daughter Jenin’s developing body—not to mention her developing political views—told her yes, it had.

Margaret noticed the time. “I’ve got to go. We’ve still got to cook.”

In the calm before their guests arrived, Margaret and Ahmed prepared the meal side by side. Being in the restaurant business meant that Ahmed treated the meal as a small catering event. He stood at the stove, frying cauliflower, the white florets bobbing in the hot oil. She stood next to him chopping cucumbers. They smiled and brushed against each other, and, for a moment, it was like old times.

Three-year-old Leena streaked into the kitchen, half-naked. Her older brother Tariq raced in behind her, reaching for her bare shoulder.

“Kids, shway shway,” Ahmed said. “Take it easy.”

Margaret turned to Tariq. “Stop chasing Leena.” Their son had his father’s dark curly hair and brown eyes. In fact, all three of their children had Ahmed’s splendid eyes and lush eyelashes.

She knelt down next to Leena and brushed a curl off the face of her youngest child. “Where’s your shirt, sweetheart? Go find something to wear.” Margaret guided both children out of the kitchen, then returned to her chopping.

“It’ll be nice to have a new sister-in-law,” she told Ahmed as she slid the tiny cucumber cubes into the bowl of yogurt. “Khalid will finally be responsible for someone.”

A look of agreement came into Ahmed’s eyes. Then a question occurred to Margaret; she knew better than to bring it up, but she couldn’t help herself.

“Who’s gonna pay for the wedding?” She began to chop more vigorously.

Ahmed’s tone shifted. “Can we talk about this later?”

“I need to know if we have to use Jenin’s college savings.”

Confusion filled Ahmed’s face. “We don’t have any college savings.”

“Exactly!” Margaret gestured with the knife.

“I don’t know what Khalid’s planning. Maybe he has some money.”

“Oh, sure.” Margaret rolled her eyes. She stirred the yogurt salad and inhaled the mint. “I hope she’s not expecting a pile of gold jewelry.”

Margaret stopped talking when the mother walked in, a deep frown drawing across her face. She was a small woman but had a full-size presence, her short height balanced by her ample middle. Her black velvet thob skimmed the floor, and her white headscarf fell past her shoulders.

She released a burst of Arabic. Ahmed and Margaret turned to listen, although Margaret only caught a few words. The mother shook her head mournfully from side to side, uttering the word amrikia. When finished, she stood with her arms crossed, lips pressed together. Ahmed patted her shoulder and led her to the living room couch. He spoke a few words, reached for her prayer beads, and pressed them into her hand.

When they were alone again in the kitchen, Margaret asked him, “What now?”

He hesitated. “She said her two worst nightmares came true this year.” He spoke in low tones, even though his mother couldn’t understand English. “Her husband died and her other son decided to marry an American.”

The meaning behind the words struck Margaret. “You shouldn’t have translated that.”

Ahmed gestured for her to keep her voice down.

“Is it such a nightmare to have another American in the family?” She stared at him. “Have I been such a nightmare?”

“Honey, it’s not about you.” Ahmed turned back to the large pot he was layering with chicken and fried cauliflower. “She wanted Khalid to marry a girl from the family. He chose someone unknown, who’s not Muslim, not Palestinian.” He measured out some rice in a drinking glass. “He didn’t even ask her permission. He just told her.” Ahmed looked at Margaret. “Just try to understand her.”

“I understand. I really do.” Margaret attempted a casual tone. “Well, I want you to know one of my nightmares came true this year.”

Ahmed’s face clouded. “Don’t say it.”

Suddenly sorry, Margaret wished she hadn’t brought up this problem—a problem sitting in the living room with no sign of leaving. “Fine,” she said flatly. “I won’t.”

The maqluba simmered on the stove; the kufta meatballs were in the oven, bubbling in their juices.

Ahmed’s voice came from the living room. “My sister’s here.”

These were not the guests Margaret was waiting for. Still, she went to the window. Mona was marching up the driveway, past the jasmine plant, followed by her husband and four sons. As always, Mona’s headscarf coordinated with her handbag and heels, this time the same shade of deep red.

With the usual commotion, Mona and her family entered the front door, which—like all other split-level homes in the cul-de-sac—opened to two sets of stairs, one going up and the other going down. They kicked off their shoes in the tiny entry and came up the stairs single file. Mona gave Margaret a firm handshake and an authoritative kiss on each cheek.

Margaret couldn’t follow the Arabic murmurs in the living room, but she could feel the tension. The mother held her lips in a tight line. Mona sat next to her, patting her leg, trying to soothe her. Someone turned on the television, and muted scenes of US soldiers in Iraq popped up on the screen, which transfixed the family. Or were they Israeli soldiers in the West Bank? In Margaret’s mind, the invasions and occupations in the Middle East ran into one another—one tangled mess.

Next, Ahmed’s cousins appeared, Ibrahim and Salim, both tall and slim. They were community college students who dressed in black and smelled of cigarettes. They installed themselves in the living room, now filled with family members waiting in uneasy silence.

At last, Khalid and his girlfriend arrived. When they entered the front door, Margaret tried to get a closer look at the girl, but the family crowded tightly and formed a bottleneck of traffic at the stairs. It was a poor house design—thoughtless really.

Khalid entered the living room first. He was like a younger version of Ahmed, but leaner and, Margaret had to admit, slightly more attractive. He was carefully groomed, clean-shaven, and sleek, almost smug.

Margaret smiled at him. “You’re on time.”

“It’s Alison—she doesn’t like to be late.” He said this as she entered the room. The family parted, and everyone stared at her without speaking. Her slim body, smooth hairstyle, and trendy clothing could be summed up in one word: young.

Khalid began the introductions. Mona, who had worked her way to the front, stuck her hand out. Alison flawlessly performed the classic exchange: handshake, three kisses, and formal greetings in Arabic.

He moved around the circle of family. “And this is Ahmed.”

Alison gave him a kiss on each cheek. “You’re good-looking like your brother.”

Margaret glanced away. She would have some things to explain to Alison. Rule number one: in this family, you kiss the women on the cheek. Not the men.

Khalid led his fiancée over to his cousins. “You already know these guys.” Alison tilted her head and smiled. Was she flirting with them?

Next it was Margaret’s turn. Renewed optimism fluttered up as her eyes swept over Alison’s youthful skin and uniform teeth. “Great to meet you,” Margaret said.

“Nice to meet you,” Alison replied, adding nothing more.

Next, Khalid came to his mother. “Yama,” he said, “this is Alison.”

Alison extended her hand, and the mother leaned forward to kiss her in the Arab manner. As the family stood gaping, Alison looked into the mother’s eyes and said something in Arabic, something rehearsed. Despite her accent, she appeared versed in the basics of Arabic salaams. The mother nodded and seemed to understand. Margaret wondered if Khalid had prepared Alison or if she had arrived with this know-how.

The family arranged themselves back in the living room, where Alison replaced the television as the object of their attention. The mother’s eyes roved over her, from the tip of Alison’s pointy shoes all the way to her layered blond hair and back down again.

Khalid, his arm around Alison, explained how they had met. It was in a coffee shop near the university, where he’d noticed her studying Arabic. “What a surprise to see this girl with an Arabic textbook.” He gave Alison a squeeze, and her face glowed with affection.

As Khalid spoke, Ahmed translated his brother’s words to their mother, who looked pale and stricken.

“And guess what?” Khalid said. “She’s Arab—from Syria!”

At this, the room pulled back in disbelief—except for the mother, who turned to Ahmed for further translation.

“Well, not me,” Alison said. “My grandparents. I’ve never been to Syria.”

“And not only that.” Khalid paused until he had everyone’s complete attention. “Her grandfather was Muslim.” He nodded slowly while the room took this in.

“It’s true,” she said, her chin held high. “And the rest of my family is Greek Orthodox.”

Margaret met Alison’s eyes, and she nodded in a way she hoped would convey an easy acceptance because Margaret knew that no matter what traces were in this girl’s background, what ancestral branch she claimed, whatever Arabic greetings she mastered—it would never be enough.

But then Alison revealed more: her father’s parents had arrived in Chicago from Syria in the 1940s. Her mother’s side went further back, with relatives fleeing Syria in the late 1920s. Alison’s parents didn’t speak Arabic—only a few phrases—but they could understand.

Margaret excused herself and went to the kitchen to get the meal on the table. Right behind her came Mona, her heels clicking sharply. She poked around like a restaurant inspector. Steam rose when she lifted the lid to a pot on the stove. She arched an eyebrow. “Just maqluba and kufta? I would have made—”

“We did some side dishes, too.” Margaret had a flash of relief that soon Mona would have another sister-in-law to pick on.

Mona tapped her wristwatch. “What about asr? We need to pray asr.”

The afternoon prayer. Margaret had forgotten. “Of course.”

She left the food and went to gather the prayer carpets. Damn. Why hadn’t she thought of this? She searched her bedroom for the carpets and her prayer covering.

In her bathroom, she turned on the faucet and began her wudu, the ritual cleansing before the prayer. To herself she whispered, “Bismillah.” In the name of God. She washed each hand, rinsed her mouth, and splashed water on her face—each action performed three times. Over her clothes, she pulled on her long white prayer skirt and smoothed out its wrinkles. She slid the matching scarf over her red hair as she had done countless times. Checking herself in the mirror, she leaned toward her reflection. The deepening lines around her eyes stood out more than ever. Damn again.

By the time she returned to the living room, the men had pushed back the furniture to make room for the prayer. Alison was lounging on the couch, smiling as if she were about to witness something entertaining. Margaret handed the carpets to Salim, who positioned them across the floor. The men and boys lined up shoulder to shoulder, and behind them, the women did the same. The family waited until the mother emerged from the hallway bathroom and took her place in line, water still dripping from her chin.

Ahmed led the prayer. He raised his hands to the sides of his head. “Allahu Akbar.” God is great. Margaret closed her eyes. She tried to focus on the meaning behind the words. She tried to feel submission toward God, but all she felt were Alison’s eyes on her as she moved through her prostrations.

When the prayer was complete, Margaret scrambled up, snatched off her prayer covering, and gathered up the prayer carpets. In the kitchen, Ahmed was already drizzling olive oil over the side dishes. He placed a perfect sprig of mint on the yogurt salad. She knew he couldn’t be rushed as he carved a small rosette out of a cucumber as the final garnish for the babaganouj. Together, they flipped over the big pot of maqluba onto their largest platter. They fluffed the rice and arranged the chicken. Ahmed sprinkled roasted pine nuts over the steaming mound and a dash of chopped fresh parsley. For him, taste and appearance were one and the same.

The dining room was not designed for a sprawling Arab family. Ibrahim and Salim would eat in the living room and Mona’s older boys at the breakfast bar while the rest would squeeze in at the table, where the platter of maqluba sat heavily in the center. As soon as the side dishes were placed down, the sixteen family members stood around the table in a frenzy of self-service. Margaret nudged her way in and filled a plate for Leena and another for the mother, who looked up when presented with it.

“God bless your hands,” she said.

“And your hands, too,” Margaret answered in Arabic.

She was the last to sit down. She surveyed the table: Ahmed sat at the head next to his mother, who was still frowning. Jenin was wearing her “I love Jerusalem” T-shirt. Khalid and Alison were glued together like Siamese twins. Mona was unusually quiet, perhaps giving Alison a grace period.

Margaret took another look at Alison. She was complimenting the food while Khalid relished his role as cultural ambassador. “This is maqluba,” he said. “It means ‘upside down’ in Arabic.” He gestured flipping a pot upside down.

“Yes, I know, babe,” she said. “My grandmother used to make it, too.”

Margaret was about to ask about Syrian cuisine, but Alison opened a topic of her own.

“Another assassination in Gaza. Can you believe it?”

The table gave a collective groan of disgust over the news.

Jenin gasped. “No way. Not again?”

Ahmed translated to his mother, who said, “Curse their fathers.”

“Oh really?” Margaret asked. “Another one?”

“A missile dropped on a car,” Alison said. “Three deaths. You didn’t hear about it?”

“Well,” Margaret said. “I didn’t have time to read the paper today.”

“It was yesterday. You don’t follow Middle East news?”

“I try to. It’s just with three kids …” Margaret wanted to explain that she didn’t need to follow the daily news to know what was going on. Her life was colored by what was going on. Margaret couldn’t follow the news from Palestine without the images invading her thoughts. Children getting shot, houses demolished, suicide bombers. She felt helpless about the occupation, and Ahmed worried about his sisters in the refugee camps. Even fifteen-year-old Jenin was obsessed, fixated on Israeli human rights violations and illegal settlements.

“We need to know what’s happening,” Alison said, “if we want to do something.”

Margaret’s chest tightened. “It looks like Khalid’s gotten you involved in politics.”

“Oh, it’s not Khalid. I’m getting a bachelor’s in Near Eastern studies at UW.”

Margaret swallowed the bite in her mouth. “Khalid didn’t tell us.”

“Really?” Alison nudged Khalid, who was engrossed in his chicken leg.

“So, I guess that makes you a Middle East expert.” Margaret stopped herself there, already saying too much.

“A person would really need their master’s degree to be a true expert.” Alison spoke in an affected manner—or perhaps it was her natural way of speaking. “I plan to get my master’s, though. I’m graduating this spring with Khalid.”

Margaret looked at him, eyes widened. “You’re graduating?” How many times had she heard this before? He had been expected to graduate the year before. And the year before that.

“Inshallah,” he said. God willing.

The meal ended and the family retired to the living room, leaving behind a disarray of dirty plates and chicken bones. Rather than following the conversation into the other room, Margaret began the tedious duties of cleanup. Fortunately, Mona was by her side, taking brisk charge of scraping food off plates.

Voices came from the other room. They were discussing when Khalid and Alison were getting married. Margaret hurried to the living room, her apron still on.

“Did I hear right?” she asked, looking at the couple on the couch—Alison’s arm around Khalid in a gesture of ownership. “Are you getting married tomorrow?”

Alison smiled broadly. “Khalid made an appointment at the mosque.”

Margaret pictured the large mosque, the one Ahmed and Tariq attended for Friday prayers, the one where she had taken her first Qur’an class.

“Mabruuk. Congratulations,” she said to Alison. To herself, she thought, God help her.

The kitchen was finally in order, the dishwasher making its gentle sounds. Margaret took out her aluminum teapot, added five spoonfuls of sugar, fresh mint leaves, and three tea bags. In the living room, she offered tea to Alison first. All eyes were on Alison, waiting for her to take the tea.

“No, thanks. I’m not a tea drinker.”

The brass tray felt heavy in Margaret’s hands. She lowered her voice and said to Alison, “You should take it anyway.”

“I’m fine,” Alison replied. Then recognition passed into her eyes. “Yes, of course,” she said and reached for a glass.

Margaret served everyone else, then took a tea for herself. She stared at the empty tray. It seemed Alison didn’t understand the significance of accepting tea at this time—when meeting the family for the first time. Didn’t she know anything of Arab culture? This was so basic.

Margaret excused herself from the gathering, which was winding down, and gestured for Alison to follow her into the kitchen, where the two sat at the breakfast bar. “Seeing you and Khalid reminds me of when Ahmed and I met.” Margaret tilted her head and sighed. “We’re having our twentieth anniversary soon.”

“Wow!” Alison looked stunned. “How old were you when you got married?”

“Twenty-one.”

“So young.”

“How old are you?”

“Twenty-three.”

“I see.” Margaret took a sip of tea. “You know, we also met while studying at the U.”

“Just like us,” Alison said. “What was your major?”

“Anthropology, but I didn’t finish.”

Again, Alison had that stunned look. “Why not?”

“We got married.” Margaret swirled the tea in her glass. “Ahmed graduated. I stopped studying just before we opened the first restaurant. I always thought I’d go back. Then I had Jenin, then Tariq, then Leena.”

Alison shook her head. “That’s so sad.”

“Not that sad.” Margaret crossed her arms. “What would I have done with a degree in anthropology?”

Ahmed called from the living room, “Can you start the coffee?”

Margaret slid down from her stool and gathered the coffee paraphernalia.

“So, you speak Arabic?” Alison asked from across the counter.

“I get by.” Actually, Margaret knew more of the language than she let on. It was easier that way, checking in and out of the conversation as she pleased.

“I should be fluent by the time I’ve been married twenty years.”

Margaret considered mentioning how tricky Arabic was with its various dialects and impossible pronunciation. Actually, she hadn’t lost interest in improving her Arabic. The truth was, she’d lost interest in what the family was saying.

Margaret stirred the Turkish coffee pot on the stove, and the smell of cardamom filled the kitchen. She wondered if Alison knew coffee was the last thing served and a sign for guests to leave. Margaret handed a cup to Alison.

“No thanks,” Alison said.

Margaret set the cup down and looked at Alison. “This is a coffee-and-tea drinking family. You might as well get used to it.”

Alison explained she only drank decaf cappuccinos.

Margaret wondered how this girl would fit into this caffeine-addicted family. She went to the living room to serve the final round.

When Margaret returned, Alison asked, “Can you do me a favor? I need to borrow a scarf. I need to wear one at the mosque.”

“Sure, I got a closet full of ’em. Come with me.”

When they entered the bedroom, Margaret noticed Alison’s eyes fall on her sitting corner, furnished with an armchair, television, small table, and lamp. As they passed the space, Margaret stroked her big tabby cat, asleep on the chair. “This is where I escape from the kids.” The half-truth slid easily out of her mouth. Well, it was a place of escape; that part was true.

Margaret went to her closet and brought out a mountain of colors, textures, and patterns.

Alison’s mouth fell open. “Why do you have so many scarves?”

Margaret gazed down at the memories spilled across the bed. “I used to wear hijab, then I stopped.” The thought of covering her head with a scarf prompted Margaret to touch her hair. She had covered her long thick red hair for more than a decade, but during those last few years, her attitude toward hijab had gradually changed until finally she’d tormented herself over what to do. Drop it or trudge on?

“Why did you stop?”

Margaret gave her standard explanation. “After 9/11, I didn’t feel safe wearing hijab. I just felt too visible and exposed.” She studied Alison’s face, and like most people, Alison seemed to accept this answer. This wasn’t the true story. Margaret could pinpoint the exact moment she had decided to give it up.

It had been the year before. She had been shopping with Jenin in a department store crowded with mirrors and mannequins. In a side mirror, Margaret had caught a glimpse of a middle-aged Muslim woman in a familiar dark-colored scarf, hunched over a clothing rack. Margaret turned to the older woman, but she was gone. Nowhere to be seen.

Margaret had turned again, momentarily disoriented, and then saw her own reflection. It had been a glimpse of herself that she had seen—not someone else. Herself. Prematurely aged in her navy blue scarf, pinned under her chin. Barely forty and already looking old.

Alison picked up a scarf. “I think a white one would be good.”

“You can keep it.” For a moment Margaret considered showing her how to fold and pin it and the various hijab-wearing styles, but decided to let the Middle East expert figure it out on her own.