October
As the first frosts of October snapped up September’s last glow and the nights grew longer, Stevie felt the usual dread of winter seeping into her bones: the threat of damp days that never seemed to get light and the emptiness of a stone-built house that was hard to keep warm.
She became even more grateful for her part-time job in the admin office at the Theatre by the Lake in Keswick: a multifaceted role in which no day was the same. She knew she had made the right decision to stand down as a partner in a law firm when her marriage exploded and had focused on picking herself up and protecting what was left from further stress. It suited her need to be distracted from her own thoughts and meant she got to meet an eclectic mix of actors, musicians, theatregoers, artists, writers, and tradesmen. And, once she’d done this next lot of three days, it would be time to meet up with Holly and Angela. She’d kept her promise to Holly and set up a WhatsApp group so they could message each other to make arrangements. But, for various reasons, it had taken a few weeks to finally get all three of them together on the same day.
She wasn’t sure what the quieter Angela would make of Holly, but time would tell. She was looking forward to the company of both women again and was pleased to learn that they were sometimes available during the week because of the nature of their work. All she knew about them so far was that Angela was married to a farmer and worked alongside him, but she said she could probably escape a couple of times a week to meet at the lake. As far as Stevie could make out, Holly didn’t work, or at least didn’t have a traditional full-time job. Instead, she ran the two holiday cottages that she and her husband owned on their property.
They’d arranged to meet in the same place she’d met Holly: under the stand of conifers opposite Bird Poo Island. She was amused to see that, as she drove down the side of Crummock, two vehicles were following her closely. Holly and Angela, she assumed. She recognised Holly’s car, but she and Angela had met on foot. Still, the large red 4x4 didn’t surprise her, as it was typical of farmers round here to own a smart vehicle alongside numerous tractors, quad bikes and maybe a Land Rover.
‘Hello,’ she called as she walked towards the other two women, who were shaking hands and introducing themselves already. Lots of smiles and laughing, some of it obviously nervous, especially from Angela.
‘Good to see you again, both of you. How come our paths have never crossed before?’ She hugged the smaller, auburn-haired woman first, and then turned to Holly, who came forward to reciprocate the hug. Already a warm, strong connection between virtual strangers. Stevie felt a wave of affection for these women who she sensed were going to become important to her. It wasn’t the warmest or sunniest of days and yet here they were, ready to strip down to swimsuits and brave the cold water.
She did indeed wonder how they had never come across each other before in town, at one of the supermarkets or even at one of the performances at the theatre where she worked.
‘Good question,’ said Holly as she was arranging the contents of her huge bag on the grassy bank by the little beach. ‘Simon and I don’t go out at weekends. He’s usually too tired from the week in London or exhausted from mountain-biking – it’s a shame, though. We used to go to the theatre a lot in London. And I get Sainsbury’s to deliver.’
‘I’ll let you know what’s coming up over the next few months, then, and see if there’s something on you’d enjoy?’ offered Stevie.
‘I’d love to go to the theatre, too,’ piped up Angela, ‘but Ed wouldn’t go, I’m sure. It’s not his kind of thing.’
‘Well, why don’t the three of us go sometime?’ Stevie laughed and made a mental note to take a look at the upcoming winter programme.
‘It’s just odd that I’ve never seen either of you in town.’ Stevie was now undressing and her voice was a bit muffled as she pulled her hoodie over her head.
‘Actually, I’m sure I have seen you in Sainsbury’s,’ admitted Angela. ‘Several times. I’ll say hello next time!’
‘Talking of random sightings, we did accidentally meet at the beautician’s that time,’ Holly broke into Stevie’s thoughts. ‘Not quite the same as the tinned fruit aisle in Sainsbury’s, but pretty random.’
‘Yeh, you’re right.’ Stevie laughed. She admitted that she didn’t even know all her daughters’ friends even though she’d ferried them to and from parties over the years.
Angela piped up, ‘And I hardly ever leave the farm. I go to the leisure centre to swim twice a week and the supermarket maybe twice, too, but, otherwise, life is extremely limited up on the farm.’
Stevie caught a slight sad tone to Angela’s voice, but didn’t follow it up. As they got to know each other better, maybe the reasons would be explained. Or perhaps Angela wouldn’t be the sharing type.
The three women stood at the edge of the lake, shivering slightly in the cool breeze coming across the water from Bird Poo Island. Stevie wore a plain black racerback swimsuit and had tied her hair up in a high ball on top of her head. Holly stood next to her, jiggling up and down as if she was very nervous, but she said it was because she needed to pee. Her swimsuit today was slightly more conservative than it had been the first time she’d met Stevie, but, even so, it couldn’t hide her curves. Stevie scrunched her toes in the tiny stones at the edge of the water and noticed that the pairs of feet on either side of her did the same. Angela, who was standing on the other side of Stevie, started to walk into the water, slowly but steadily, as if she had done it hundreds of times before.
This was the cue for the other two. Squeals and swears replaced conversation as the water reached their sensitive parts and then they all stopped and looked at each other.
It was Stevie who broke the silence, ‘One, two, three!’ and plunged forwards, swimming breaststroke with quick but strong strokes as she controlled her breath. Either side of her, Holly and Angela were going through their own baptism.
Within a couple of minutes, Stevie smiled and almost whispered, ‘I can feel the change.’ It was that moment when everything in her body was regulated and in balance, no longer in fight or flight mode, but relaxed and in control.
‘Me, too!’ called Holly with a huge grin. She’d turned over onto her back and was treading water while looking all around her: confident and sure.
‘I think I might be too,’ laughed Angela, sinking a little and spluttering.
And then they swam around each other in circles until Stevie looked at her watch and suggested it was time to get out.
‘Oh, but I’m feeling quite relaxed, isn’t that a good thing?’ asked Holly. She turned and swam back towards the beach with the other two, listening to Stevie as she explained how important it was to get out of the water before you got warm and relaxed as that was one of the earliest signs of hypothermia.
‘I don’t want to sound preachy, but it’s really important to get to know your body and how it reacts to the cold water. It should feel good, but not too good. There’s always a moment when you can sense what I called the change, but then you should still be able to notice the coldness of the water.’
‘Do you always time yourself, Stevie?’ asked Angela, waggling her hands around to shake off water before picking up her towel from the grassy bank.
‘No, hardly ever. I did today because I thought I might get distracted by you two!’ She laughed. ‘But it was just about the right length of time as neither of you are used to it. Next time, we can stay in a bit longer, but it doesn’t really have more benefits, just so you know.’
‘It doesn’t?’ asked Holly, sounding a bit surprised. ‘So, what is the optimum length of time to be in the water?’
‘There isn’t one. It varies from person to person, day to day, swim spot to swim spot, and it depends on the weather, how much sleep you’ve had, and on and on.’
‘Interesting.’ Holly’s voice was muffled from under her thermal top, which she was pulling down over her head.
‘Mmm, it is,’ mumbled Stevie and then looked up from packing her bag. ‘So, shall we swim again in a few days?’
* * *
Twice a week, they met down at the lake come rain or shine. Usually, it was all three of them, but occasionally one of them couldn’t make it, leaving two of them to swim together. Each swim was different, but the common thread was a growing intimacy and shared knowledge of each other’s lives as the water brought down the filters and more sensitive information became topics of conversation.
The person who kept her private life most concealed was Angela, but Stevie sensed there was a lot more going on behind the scenes. From the few things she did say, it was clear that all was not rosy up at the farm. Most of that appeared to be down to one woman in particular – her mother-in-law, who was unimpressed with her son’s choice of wife.
‘Oh, by the way,’ Stevie said one morning while they were sitting drinking their hot coffee and teas, ‘I won’t be around next weekend. I’m off to Norway. It’s somewhere I’d never really thought of going, but my friend, Emma, has been going on about how beautiful it is there for so long and… well, I reckon it’s time I went.’
‘Yeh, good for you!’ said Holly. ‘I’ve never been, but it should be nice and cold there. Will you be able to try one of their ice holes? You know, the ones with the ladders going down into them?’
‘It’s part of the plan, yes. And skiing. But I never learnt to ski, so not sure I’ll be doing that. Apparently, the Norwegians never turn down an opportunity to ski if the snow’s good. But we’ll see. I’m sure I can snuggle up in their cabin instead with a good book and some Gløgg!’ Stevie laughed happily, excited now at the prospect of doing something a bit different. Who knows, she thought, maybe this trip will be the start of new things.
‘Just don’t go falling in love with an ice hole while you’re out there, will you?’ Holly giggled, well aware of her double entendre. ‘Some bearded Viking who wants to act out his ancestors’ savage fantasies.’
‘I think that was the Danish, Holly,’ interrupted Angela. ‘And the Swedish. The Norwegians were farmers mostly.’
‘Don’t worry, I’ve had my fill of ice holes – not going to happen again!’ Stevie chucked her swim bucket into the boot of her car and slammed it shut as if to emphasise her point.
Later that day, she reflected on how talking about going to Norway had triggered all sorts of ugly emotions she thought she had long since slung out of her life. Of course, she knew what it was, she just hadn’t explained it in detail to Holly and Angela: John, her ex-husband, used to take her with him on his work trips to Oslo before the kids. It really irritated her that she still connected him with the place – not that it hadn’t been pretty cool to spend time wandering around the city while he was working and then eating out every evening in some excellent, but astronomically expensive restaurants. They’d never explored beyond the city though, which now seemed a shame, and she couldn’t remember why they hadn’t. What a wasted opportunity! Go away, she said to the memories. She made herself promise to create new ones to replace them.