What is a sex toy? One way of answering this question would be “anything (besides another person) that stimulates the genitals.” If you walk around Good Vibrations or any other sex store, you’ll see items that clearly fill that bill, like vibrators, penis sleeves, dildos, cock rings, anal toys, and pleasure balls. But you’ll see sensuality-focused products too, and sexy games, erotic garments, porn, BDSM gear, lubricants, and lots of other things. Are those sex toys?
Absolutely yes! We define a sex toy as something that enhances sex: basically, anything you can play with—on any part of the body—for sexual purposes. That might expand the way you think of defining, and also using, sex toys: Not everyone plays with a thing; some people utilize add-ons that shape or enhance the experience—erotic costumes, for instance—but that do not fit the genitally-centered definition of a sexual toy or product. You decide which definition you like—just remember that sexual enhancement is worthwhile, whatever you use to do it!
Vibrators: We love ’em! We know from experience that a vibrator is the gateway to becoming orgasmic for many people, but particularly for women who found it difficult or impossible to climax before they used one. In fact, that’s why Good Vibrations was founded in the first place: Joani Blank was working with pre-orgasmic women’s groups, and created the store as a safe and comfortable place for those women to shop.
Vibrators do two things very well: They provide consistent stimulation, whether it’s strong or mild or both, and they target nerve endings, which are plentiful on the clitoris and the penile corona and respond primarily to vibration. That’s right—specific nerves exist whose job it is to carry vibration upstairs to the brain! Ah, the wonders of nature! Whatever we used those nerves for before the advent of vibrators, we’re certainly glad they exist now, considering we have access to dozens, even hundreds of buzzy playthings specifically designed to give us pleasure.
The question then becomes: Which one/s might be right for you?
When choosing a vibrator we first need to think about our bodies and the sensations each of us likes best—we’re not all the same in our preferences. Since a lot of vibrators are long and slender, you can use them for penetration. However, most of the most sensitive spots to vibrate are on or near the surface of the body, especially the clitoris, penile corona (the edges of the head of the penis), the vulva, the first couple of inches into the vagina, the perineum, around the anus, and just inside the anus as well. Deeper vaginal vibration in particular might not appeal so much, since beyond the first inch or two inside the vagina/anus, there are few internal nerve endings that respond to vibration.
Some vibrators are designed for external use only. Many have a motor at the tip, are egg- or bullet-shaped, oval and designed to fit in your palm, or fit on the finger like a ring, which makes them easy to hold against the clitoris, the penis, or wherever else you like the feeling they provide. However, these styles may not work as well (or at all) inside the body. There are many nerve endings inside that respond to pressure, motion, and fullness, which you can stimulate using a dildo or a dildo-like vibrator. But some people get a vibrator and slide it deep inside them, then say “Hey, that didn’t work at all. What’s the fuss about?” They’ve been led to believe that insertion is the primary source of sexual response, and don’t realize that there are a lot more exciting, and body-appropriate, ways to try their vibe! Plenty of people use vibrators and never include penetration in their repertoire.
The vibrating toys that work especially well for vaginal penetration have a motor in the base; this puts the strongest vibration closer to the vaginal introitus (entrance) and clitoris, where vibration-loving nerve endings are found. Many also love curved G-spot vibrators for vaginal insertion, though it may be the G-curvature more than the vibration that gets them going. And remember, if a toy doesn’t have a flared base or a T-bar shape, it is not for anal insertion. There are so many great anal toys out there, be sure you get the right tool for the job! The muscles in the anus work to pull the toy inward, and without a base it could continue to slip in further, making it difficult or impossible to remove without assistance. That could mean an exciting trip to the emergency room for you—even more excitement than you had in mind when you began your back-door adventure!
No.
The grain of truth in this myth: If you never have orgasms any other way, a vibe will become your go-to orgasm friend. And you may want to go to it often! That does not, however, mean you are addicted to it, nor that it has permanently supplanted your ability to have orgasms some other way. If you are concerned about this, switch it up and add plenty of hand play or partner sex to your erotic experiences. Give your body a chance to respond to many things, and instead of always using a vibrator solo, mix vibrator play with partner stimulation.
When shopping for a vibrator, it’s often helpful if you know how sensitive you are, and know the same about your partner. If you’ve used a vibrator before, what worked in the past? If you’re looking for your first one, do you know if you like strong or mild sensations? Or perhaps you like different things at different times. While a vibe creates a sensation that’s undeniably different from anything else, if you know that you or your partner prefer a soft touch or a firm one, that will help you narrow the choices.
Do you like a variety of sensations? Do you want to start slowly, then increase the intensity? No matter what your style is—there’s a vibrator for it! You might want a vibrator that can change its rhythm—thump, thump buzzzz, thump, thump buzzzz. Or a slow tiny buzz that escalates to a big BUZZ. Some don’t even buzz at all. Different models have different options, from soft pulsations to deep and fast vibrations, escalating vibrations, gyrating, oscillating, throbbing, thrusting and more. Pulsators do actually thrust. Most vibes’ intensity level and motions are directed with controls on the vibrator itself, with a hand control attached by a wire, or on the remote control that comes with wireless models; in some cases these actually operate via your smartphone or wireless device.
As a general rule, the more options, the better, since you’ll have more choices to play with all in one toy. But some people prefer to collect a number of toys that each do different things.
If you visit one of our stores, you can test the strength of a vibrator before you purchase it; we keep a display model out for this purpose. You can also find out how loud it is. If you’re browsing our website you’ll notice that each model has its volume and intensity listed. Some vibrators may make more noise as they age and the bearings wear out, and harder materials such as plastic make more noise than softer ones like silicone, elastomers, or rubbers. Coil-style vibrators, which you can get at many drugstores or home-care departments, are extremely quiet.
Can you lose sensitivity using a vibrator? Yes, though it is a temporary state. It happens especially if you push down hard with the vibrator, as this slows blood flow in the area being stimulated. It’s similar to finding your hand has gotten numb if you’re leaning on it. There is another way this happens also. When you stimulate one area of the body a lot in the same exact way—one small area, repetitive motion—for a short while the brain tends to adapt to the input. Most people find that if they move the vibrator around a teeny bit, that movement is enough for the nerve receptors to re-set.
The small oblong “bullet”-type vibrator can be used alone or inserted into certain dildos or butt plugs for a nice sensation. One of the most basic of vibrator styles, it’s handy to have around because it’s so versatile. Bullets are good for teasing, arousing, and pleasing the clitoris or penis; they’re easy to hold between partners during intercourse. We don’t recommend using them internally; if you do, put it in a condom so you can retrieve it more easily. These playthings can be waterproof or not, attached to a battery pack by a cord, remote-controlled and wireless, or contain tiny batteries so you can turn the toy on and off with a touch.
The Rocket style is a single- or multi-speed vibrator that is small and battery-operated, making it discreet and easy to use. For external use only, it functions similarly to the bullet style, but many find it easier to hold, and its tip is circular and flat or styled with bumps that add sensation. A newer variant is waterproof, so it can go into the shower with you. Many vibrators these days are waterproof, so if this feature appeals to you, make sure you ask about it when vibrator-shopping, since some are for use on dry land only.
Shaft-style vibrators are those that might be inserted vaginally, anally, or both, or not inserted at all but rather rubbed along the vulva, clitoris, penis, perineum or anywhere you like. Some of these have a uniform smooth surface and are sometimes called Smoothies; they can be used for external stimulation or for vaginal penetration, but they’re not safe for anal insertion since they don’t have a base to keep them from slipping all the way inside. That’s why there is a specialty item called a “Base Booster” available that you can slip onto any vibrator to make it anal-safe. They are silicone, come in various sizes, and have a good grip.
Have you ever heard of “The Rabbit”? The TV show Sex in the City put this vibrator on the map. The Rabbit entered pop culture that day and never went back in the closet! It’s a style known as “Twice as Nice,” designed with a shaft plus a clitoral vibrator together in one unit; each element can be controlled separately. It can be inserted into the vagina and stimulates outside too, simultaneously providing clitoral and vaginal pleasure. The original Rabbit Pearl has a swiveling shaft with a cluster of pearls protruding midway up its length—these will be positioned well for G-spot stimulation, for some—and a bunny attached to its base whose fluttering rabbit ears tickle and stimulate the clit. There are countless vibrator choices in this style. Some are rechargeable, some waterproof, some have remote controls, not to mention their variety of sizes with longer, shorter, or fatter shafts. Some are more bendable or less, some have more fluttery parts around the clit and some don’t. They don’t all have a rabbit shape, either; some of them include clitoral stimulators that look like other critters, or are vaguely flower-bud-like. In choosing one of these, your most important question might not be whether you like rabbits and want one nuzzling your clitoris, but rather, how long is your optimal shaft. If you choose one in this style that’s too long for your comfort, the clitoral attachment won’t reach your clit—and that’s the whole point of this special toy!
Joani Blank created Good Vibrations in the 1970s to put one specific vibrator in the hands of the people: the Magic Wand, recommended by Betty Dodson even before that. It is still one of our best-selling vibrators. It’s strong and has a particular low vibration that many people find especially pleasurable. Until 2015, when a rechargeable version hit the market, it still plugged into the wall—very old-school by 21st century standards! But there are other electric vibes on the market, including the Swedish massager and coil styles. These are the kind of vibrators you are likely to find, without any reference to their orgasm-inducing properties, sold in department stores.
“Do not use on unexplained calf pain”—huh?
If you read the fine print on your vibrator box or the informational insert that came when you purchased it, you might read the puzzling words “Do not use on unexplained calf pain.” In general, vibration is good for you, and it can allay pain. But “unexplained calf pain” is a special case. This type of pain might result from a blood clot in one of the large veins in the leg, and using a vibrator on it would run the risk of dislodging the clot. This would potentially lead to a serious medical emergency. So—vibrate your pleasure parts, not your legs!
The “U-Turn” style is related to the “Twice As Nice” vibes, in that it stimulates clitorally and vaginally at the same time. It has no shaft, however—it looks like a “U.” The first vibrator to promote this style was created for solo use and allowed the wearer to simply insert it, then rock back and forth, creating simultaneous internal motion and external vibration. The best-known of this style is the We-Vibe, which took the basic “U-Turn” style and furthered the design so it would be able to fit comfortably into the vagina during penetrative intercourse. This variation allows the partner’s penis to get as much stimulation from the vibrator as the wearer’s G-spot and clitoris will.
The Palm style is not designed for insertion at all; it’s held in the hand, or in some cases fits right into a pair of panties, so it can be positioned over the vulva and clitoris. Many versions of this style have a curve built in that allows it to closely hug the vulva. This one can also be used on the penis.
Some small vibrators have a cock ring built onto them so they can be worn on the penis during intercourse. These can also, of course, be used on a dildo, a couple of fingers, or even another shaft-style vibrator, which turns it into a do-it-yourself “Twice as Nice.”
G-spot vibes have a pronounced curve, making it easier to find and stimulate the famed spot. Some like the feel of a curved shaft regardless of whether they’re going for G-spot thrills or simply prefer the extra sensation the curve adds. The range of size and curve varies greatly, from simply a tilted tip on a Smoothie style to an S-curved toy, and many options in between.
Mini-vibes often resemble the smooth shaft style, but are much smaller. Some look like the Rabbit Pearl’s bunny detached from the shaft, or some other cute animal shape. Some are tiny bullets. Watch battery technology has allowed vibrators to become much smaller, which makes them wonderfully portable and travel-friendly. In all cases, even if these are not as strong as their large counterparts, they may feel extra-intense, especially right on the clitoris, since the size of your vibrator’s surface area may affect your response almost as much as its strength or other features: with small or pointed vibes, all the stimulation is focused on a limited area and while fewer nerve endings come to the party, they get all the action.
Tune-style vibrators access your music via your favorite mobile device and/or respond to whatever music is playing in the room, vibrating in time to the beat. One company, OhMiBod, makes a variety of these vibrators designed specifically for music lovers.
These vibes are creatively made to look like something else—like the famous I Rub My Duckie, a rubber duck indistinguishable from the regular yellow duck floating in your tub —except for the on-off switch! This adorable little quacker also comes in a number of frisky designs, including one dressed as Santa and packaged in a clear tree ornament, and another in bondage, and one in a feather boa with a Swarovski crystal nose—er, beak—piercing. There are vibes shaped like lipstick or a powder-and-mirror compact that look like they belong in a makeup bag. Some can be recharged while others use batteries. Obviously this type of toy might be a good choice if you want to keep your vibration discreet. If your toddler finds the rubber duckie vibe and locates the switch, you can always say, “That’s so the duck can make waves, honey!” You won’t be lying to the little darling, either.
We’ve seen everything from Hello Kitty to cupcake-shaped vibrating toys come through our doors. Rest assured that if we stock them at Good Vibrations they are body-safe, in addition to giving you a pop-culture giggle.
You can buy a sex toy in any number of places—a toy you fully intend to use, and use with sexual gusto—and see that its box reads “For Novelty Use Only.” What does this even mean?
It’s complicated, not to mention confusing. Historically, some toy distributors included this disclaimer to discourage people from holding them liable if a sex toy mishap occurred: “What do you mean? That was a gag gift for the bachelorette party! No one was supposed to use it—we said so right on the box!” Another reason is that some jurisdictions required such language to allow a vibrator or dildo to be sold in their area: not for health reasons, but for sex-negative reasons—as if the entire town was in on the idea that a sex toy was shameful and ought only be purchased as a joke.
Newer, better-made vibrators are less likely to show this disclaimer, but when you do see it, just read it as an artifact from a time when vibes were less than acceptable purchases, and be glad that we are now living when shame-based feelings about sexual pleasure and the products that enhance it are finally fading.
These are the days of premium vibrators, when a really fabulous vibe can cost northward of $200; it’s highly unlikely anyone will purchase something at that price as a bachelorette gag, and we have always been a little irritated by the notion that the items we carefully choose and even more carefully teach about and sell would be called “novelties” and not “quality sex toys.”
Already own a vibrator or two? What does your vibrator say about you? This quiz is for everyone and anyone. Instead of reading Tarot cards or leaving your fate up to the Magic 8 Ball, take this simple quiz and let us reveal what your vibrator—either the one you bought for yourself, or for a lover—says about you!
Your turkey at Thanksgiving may not be perfect but by golly it’s cooked enough! You’re a no-nonsense trooper who knows what gets the job done (and done again).
Did someone say Cheesecake Factory?! You are ready to enjoy life’s indulgences and always able to look for ways to share the joy.
You’re sleek, sophisticated and non-assuming. When you show up for a cocktail party no one knows if your outfit cost $50 or $500—and that’s how you like it!
No one at work knows you pretend you’re Foxy Brown or 007 when you sneak up the back staircase for a quickie. You have expensive taste and lovers in every port—if you even bother with lovers, that is.
The Bloombergs call you for advice. You’re earthy enough to care about the environment yet savvy enough never to put down your mobile device. Who knew that you could fuck your lover across the ocean?! Well, actually, you did.
OK, OK! Taking quizzes and reading about ourselves can be great fun, but in reality your vibrator choice tells us nothing about you. People of all genders, body sizes, and sexualities and people residing anywhere in the world can like any and all of these choices. We are only limited by our imaginations, so have fun and be free!
Speaking of quality, and of premium vibrators: The 21st century is the era when vibrators have really morphed from mass-produced novelties to beautifully-designed luxury items. Many new companies have joined the old stalwarts who produced jillions of Smoothies and kazillions of vibes that looked like butterscotch-colored dongs, as well as the groundbreakers who imported Japanese styles like the Rabbit Pearl. These days, higher-quality imported vibrators come not just from Japan but also from Europe, and most of them are clad not in questionable materials—what an old staffer used to call “mystery rubber”—but in silicone; or they’re made of smooth, recyclable metals. Not only that, but a few manufacturers are now also using techniques similar to those used in restaurants—i.e., hairnets, gloves, etc.—to make sure that the toy you get is hygienically clean and ready for use.
When Good Vibrations selects which vibrators to sell, we look at price, quality, design, functionality and safety: the whole item and all its elements. A core value of our company is to offer a range of accessibly-priced products, because people on fixed incomes deserve orgasms too! We don’t carry just any ol’ toy. We choose these toys just as carefully as we do our higher-priced items. We believe that quality should come in a range of prices. We find great affordable products for our customers, no matter what their budgets. So we offer many choices. The higher-priced toys are manufactured with materials or advanced mechanics that are built to last longer. Often you will find these items packaged elegantly, which can affect the price. Maybe that’s not necessary if you want it by your bedside ready to go; on the other hand, maybe you want a beautiful treat for your body and your eyes, or a gift for someone you love. Different occasions or needs will help you decide what’s right for you. The quality of these toys is evident even before you turn them on, because the care that has gone into their design and manufacture is clearly visible.
Will a pricier toy give you a better orgasm? That’s not something we can guarantee! So we speak in terms of “good, better, and best”-quality when we introduce you to the items we carry; each one is selected with an eye to its overall form, function, body-safe materials and more. We strive to offer enough styles to choose from that you can always find the type of toy/s you want.
Let’s make something clear right from the start: Many, many couples use sex toys. In fact, there was an entire era when they were called “marital aids,” not “toys.” But somehow sex toys have gotten a reputation that they are only for masturbation. Of course most, if not all, sex toys can be used solo, by people of pretty much any gender or orientation. But all of them can be used by couples as well.
Practically as common at Good Vibrations as people looking for toys for themselves is the sometimes-nervous woman who wants a toy to share with her husband (one that won’t make him uncomfortable), or the guy who’s shopping not for himself, but for a dildo or vibrator to bring home to his wife or girlfriend to spice things up in the bedroom. Same-sex partners like to play with toys too; in fact, just as any solo person can enjoy toys, so can any couple. There aren’t specific toys that can only be used by couples—anyone can have fun with anything, if they’re creative and open to new experience—but some toys are designed with partner play in mind.
Here are some examples.
Dildos—toys meant to be inserted vaginally or anally—are common solo toys and are used in many couples’ bedrooms. Dildos paired with harnesses are primarily playthings for partners to use together, as they facilitate intercourse, no-hands penetration, and the like. Actually, calling them “playthings” is only true for some harness-wearers; for others, being able to wear a dildo is an absolutely serious, as well as sexy, extension of their gender identity. Some people even call them “tools,” not toys. A dildo and harness can be worn by a man for pleasuring his female or male partner, by women pleasuring other women or men, and by all trans folk, pleasuring anyone else. In short: Dildos and harnesses are not just for lesbians!
Then there are double dildos, from the old-school “two dongs stuck together” design to functional newer styles made for couples’ penetration play sans harness. These range from an angled V shape that allows two people access to each end of the dildo in a more natural intercourse position, to doubles that allow one partner to “hold” the dildo vaginally or anally by means of an egg-shaped piece that stays in their body, plus a phallic or artistic shape meant for inserting into their partner.
Any person with a penis can use a vibrating cock ring; if worn during intercourse the vibrations can give clitoral stimulation at the same time. Vibrating rings, as well as the vibe-less clit stimulator rings with bumps or texturing, are primarily designed to add extra sensation during intercourse. Many couples use them this way and never even realize they might fly solo, but vibrating “cock” rings can be wrapped around fingers, or snuggled up against the coronal ridge, which is the part of the penis most sensitive to vibration. They can be slid onto a dildo shaft, too, and used this way with a partner or alone.
Some kinds of vibrators, such as U-shaped vibes, are designed to enhance intercourse by fitting inside a vagina against the G-spot, then curving out to rest on the clitoris, with such a narrow neck that a penis (or dildo) can usually slide right in beside it. These vibes can also be worn underneath a harness to give the wearer more sensation.
Many clitoral vibes are also ideal for use during intercourse, including finger-held vibrators; longer, slimmer vibrators that fit between partners; and palm-held vibes, which either partner can slide between bodies for more direct clitoral stimulation.
Vibrators that are wearable and remote-controlled are tailor-made for twosomes—someone else holds the remote or uses an app that controls the vibrator. Couples use these in different ways, from going out dancing together or for use during fantasy play at home.
Partnered sex can be jazzed up when one or both parties wear stay-in-place anal toys like butt plugs. Some people who have a harder time coming to orgasm during intercourse may use these to add more sensation. Others just like the way anal fullness or prostate stimulation feels while they’re doing other sexy things with their lover.
Sex position furniture was created with couples in mind. It’s designed to facilitate varying intercourse and oral sex positions. In addition to this use, these items function to add comfort, supporting people with a variety of abilities and body shapes. More reliable and sturdy than your bedroom pillows, they can help ease sex after injury or illness, allowing for a variety of positions that otherwise might not be available to many people. But these pieces are useful to anyone. With regard to your favorite sex act or position, “Why be uncomfortable or go without?” is the sentiment with position furniture.
As we’ve said before, couples do more than have intercourse, and many products, regardless of whether you think of them as sex toys, are designed to be used by partners who are exploring various kinds of sensuality, from the luxurious—massage oils, bars, and candles—to the explicit—flavored lubricants or body lickables—to the potentially intense—BDSM toys like bondage gear and impact toys like canes, whips, and paddles. Sexy garments, from lingerie to costumes, can also be thought of as a kind of couple’s “toy,” and many partners dress up, then undress, making striptease part of erotic play.
And again, it’s worth remembering that almost any toy, even if it’s an ideal masturbation plaything, can also be shared by two, or more than two. This is not limited to items like vibrators, dildos or penis sleeves. Erotic books and erotic movies can add sexiness as well as arousal for couples during their intimate time together.
Many people want to be able to share their sex toys with their lover, or let the toy add new stimulation so both can enjoy partner sex even more. When suggesting toy play, as with any new sexual experience, focus on positive reasons: No one gets turned on to—or is even comfortable with—a new idea when it’s presented as, “You can’t give me orgasms, I’m bringing Wanda to bed.” Whether Wanda is your vibrator or your girlfriend, there is no spoonful of sugar in that communication! Even those who fear their partner will feel threatened or jealous of a sex toy—the “I should be all you ever want or need” type—should know that many people who start out dubious end up loving vibrators, penis sleeves, and other sexy playthings.
So try some of these ways to introduce Wanda, or whatever plaything you’d like to add to the erotic menu:
“I am so curious about what using a sex toy would be like, and I want to find out when I’m with you.”
“I used a vibrator [or whatever] before we met and it was fun—let’s try it together and see if you enjoy it too!”
“I read in a magazine that picking out a sex toy together can bring a couple closer. Why don’t we do that?”
“Have you ever used a sex toy or wanted to try one? What kind?”
“Did you know that a lot of guys really like vibrators?”
“I know I don’t always want to have intercourse when you want to, so how about if we try using a sleeve together?”
The main focus of all these messages is erotic adventure or curiosity, plus keeping sexiness and intimate engagement in the partnership. Another fun tactic is to agree to say one thing each of you would like to try; that way, each partner has a stake in suggesting that you explore together. Agree to each pick out the sex toy of their choosing! And if you’re really players—Scrabble, cards, whatever—let the winner choose the kind of sex, or the toy, for that night.
Of course, you can add toys by just bringing one home, or giving one to your partner. Sometimes this works perfectly; when your partner is open to new experiences and curious about toys, the erotic plaything’s integration into your sex life can be seamless. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always go so easily. For someone who’s a bit sexually conservative, or even defensive, the message a toy delivers might be, “I’m not enjoying sex with you like I used to” or “You aren’t enough for me.” Even if you have problems in your relationship, you get nowhere fast if your partner opens a gift box and immediately cries, “You don’t love me the way I am/our sex life the way it is,” or “I can’t compete with that!” or “I’m not that type of person!”
So, as with any kind of new adventure, talking about sex more, finding out your partner’s feelings about different activities, and helping them feel invested in having more fun and exploration together is key. You can’t assume you know someone’s perspective if they’ve never spelled it out to you, so involve them in the discussion. This adds intimacy to your life, anyhow—it’s a good thing whether or not you ever come home with that special toy.
Some misunderstandings play into people’s concerns about toys; we’ve addressed these issues elsewhere, but this would be a good time to recap:
—Many people think intercourse is the primary focus of sex, and that nothing else is all that important.
—Many believe orgasm with intercourse is natural and people who don’t climax have some kind of problem.
—Some people believe the size or firmness of a partner’s penis is the most important factor giving the other person pleasure, and therefore assume if a sex toy is desired their penis must be too small or not hard enough.
—Some think it’s the partner’s role to give the other pleasure, and this is the only legitimate way to get it.
—Some people believe masturbation is wrong or disapprove of their own partner masturbating, and a toy upsets them for that reason whether or not their partner was even intending to use the toy for solo sex.
None of these beliefs are true—they’re certainly not true for everyone. But sometimes partners with restricted ideas about what sort of sex is legitimate may need extra information, perhaps a trusted friend or advisor to help them understand it’s okay to expand sexual practices and potential, or even a session or more with a sex therapist. In general (though mileage may vary), a partner with conservative ideas about sex toys is also likely to have specific ideas about what kind of sex is okay, whether that means to them normal or allowable or legitimate.
Most people who are concerned with this issue are probably more worried than the situation warrants, because sex toys are becoming more commonly-used and more “normalized” all the time. Not every person or couple needs to try them or will enjoy them. At the same time, toys are available for any person or couple wanting to explore a variety of sensations, enjoy new erotic feelings and kinds of play, and spice up their sexual relationship. So, hooray for toys!
Call them what you will—these spheres are notorious sex toys with a long history; at least, they’re advertised that way. The story varies, but it goes something like this: The original Ben Wa balls are reputed to be “the ancient sex secret of Asia”—supposedly one inserts them into the vagina, where the balls tap together and generate vibrations resulting in hours of pleasure! In reality, the Ben Wa balls you can buy today are small brass-colored metal balls about the diameter of a tampon—you know what a pleasure fest those are (we might need to point out to some of the fellas that we’re joking)—and the vagina closes gently around them once they’re inserted, holding them as would a lightly clenched fist. They don’t roll around like it’s a cave, tapping and bumping into each other and generating those vibes—and even if they did it would be more of a tap-tap, not a vibration. Some people think that originally Ben Wa balls were used inside the vagina for a man’s pleasure, for his penis to rub against during intercourse.
Ben Was are good for developing one’s focus on the more subtle sensations inside the vagina. You can squeeze down on them with your PC muscles; most other pleasure balls are larger in diameter, so if you can actually feel and tune into the real Ben Wa sensations, you’re pretty darned tuned in! And some people like having intercourse with Ben Was inserted. Uncircumcised men, beware: Those balls will pinch if your foreskin slips in between them. Vaginal balls got a boost in trendiness from the Ben Wa scenes in 50 Shades of Grey, but they don’t have to be thought of as a kinky sex toy; for many users, they’re more of a health and function accessory. These won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but that’s why tea comes in so many flavors!
Nowadays most people like “pleasure balls” or “Kegel balls” which are larger than their marble-sized Ben Wa predecessors and are usually connected with a string. That’s very handy because removing balls without strings requires squatting, bearing down, and sometimes fishing them out with a finger. Many of these pleasure balls do provide a vibration variant. Some of them are hollow balls with another smaller ball inside the first, which means there is motion, a movement of weight and some vibration when these inner balls roll around. These larger balls may provide vaginal, and especially G-spot, stimulation.
When you squeeze down on pleasure balls, the muscles you use are the Kegels, a.k.a. PC (pubococcygeal) muscles. That’s why many people choose Kegel balls to help them do PC exercises. When the balls are attached by a string, you can insert one or two balls inside, then tug the string while tightening against the balls—this provides stronger resistance. Some Kegel exercisers are developed to use in a graduated manner—a three-device set, with each successive ball requiring a stronger vaginal grip. The balls also stimulate via their girth—like dildos, they provide a feeling of fullness and, when the string is used, some movement. This is the form of sensation many vaginas feel most acutely, because the vaginal nerves beyond the first third of its length are more attuned to pressure, motion, and fullness.
They’re fun and sexy, most find them easy to wear, and they lend themselves to erotic adventure—wear them around the house, or when getting spanked or fondled, for fun on the train, while receiving or giving oral sex, or when exploring other erotic options. Pulling on them rhythmically, if they have an attached string, can be highly arousing. Many people like to wear them and tug gently on them while simultaneously using a vibrator. Some insert them before strapping on a dildo and harness—they’re an easy way to add sensation for the harness-wearer.
Anybody, with any body, can potentially use and enjoy most sex toys. As we pointed out in the GPS section when we discussed homologues—the way “male” and “female” genitals have fundamental similarities—many body parts have common sensation capacities and neurology, regardless of the gender of the person/s to which they’re attached. Trans and genderqueer toy users might like many of the same kinds of sensations and products as cis male or female users.
At the same time, some trans users have specific needs or desires from their toys or sexual products: they want these items to support their gendered sexual expression. In our early years, Good Vibrations carried nothing like this, except “realistic”-looking dildos which didn’t function as well as trans men wanted them to. The entire world of adult products had yet to catch up to the needs of trans customers. Since then there have been definite innovations in the field of products made with genderqueer/queer/trans markets and individuals in mind, especially people who want/need/desire more realism and comfort in their strap-on sex. Dildos, packers and harnesses all include product options today that may be especially well-suited for trans male users.
Why? There are two main reasons. Those who didn’t choose or didn’t have access to sex realignment surgery, were looking for something—anything—that would lend itself to a more embodied experience during intercourse and other sex play with their partners. Non-realistic silicone, no matter how good the quality, didn’t do the trick, and non-silicone realistic dildos weren’t an ideal alternative; their size and texture were often cited as problematic by trans and genderqueer customers. Often it was these customers and staff who, fueled by personal desire, did the research and development and pushed companies to make these products, or in some cases got entrepreneurial and made them themselves. The major companies in the adult industry weren’t supporting these communities with innovative products, so they began doing it for themselves.
Some of the items that were created work great for transmasculine folks but also are fantastic for anybody wanting more realism in their sex play. Hence items created by these companies, or in some cases individual people, for other queers wound up pleasing a whole range of customers and further driving innovation, proving that quality and sensation are important to people of all identities! Cottage industry thus solved issues that were not even on these larger companies’ radar.
Good Vibrations itself was part of this change not only because we were an obvious place for shoppers to look for products like these. That was only half of the story. In addition, some people who worked at Good Vibrations either transitioned or had lovers, partners and friends who transitioned and therefore were searching for appropriate products. We and a few other women-owned “sex” stores added items for gender expression because there was nowhere else to get these items. The Soft Pack, for example, wasn’t really a logical fit for a store that specialized in vibrators and dildos, but when our lovers/friends wanted something to pack with, voila!—this item quickly earned a place on our shelves.
Trans women have a specific product need as well: dilators are needed after vaginoplasty; and dildo use, in addition to or instead of intercourse with a partner, can help support vaginal health and prevent shrinkage. We have long recommended silicone dildos, chosen with a few size gradations, to our trans women customers who otherwise would have had only inflexible and less-aesthetic medical versions to choose from.
Speaking of aesthetics, this is the other element wherein products can support gender identity. Fabric brief or boxer brief harnesses, in addition to their superior comfort, can be designed with more masculine or feminine touches. We have begun to carry ranges of lingerie and boudoir items in our stores partly because this is an easy way to support the erotic and gendered identity of our trans women and cross-dressing customers, not to mention making foxy gifts and garments available to everyone else who finds them appealing.
Yes, Goldilocks, Size Does Matter. Maybe. The most important characteristic to think about when selecting your dildo is probably size. If it’s too small, it might not give you the zing of pleasure that your “just right” size would. If it’s too big, you won’t be able to use it comfortably. One easy way to gauge what size dildo you might like is to consider the number of fingers you like inside you, or call up memories of a partner’s penis that worked well in the past. Even the most aroused penis becomes firmer and softer during sex, so remember, this is an estimate. Whether it was fingers, a dildo or a penis, you probably didn’t have a measuring tape out that night! This is where the time-tested cucumber test comes in handy:
Veggie Disclaimer—While using a cucumber or zucchini vaginally is fine, there’s an important caveat: we don’t recommend it for anal play. Since it doesn’t have a base, it could slide all the way in, especially when it’s covered with lube or if it breaks.
Why did we say that penis size doesn’t really matter, but that dildo size does? We did say that penis size matters to some people; certainly some of us will be able to cite our ideal penile length and girth (and maybe shape, too) if we’ve had a bit of experience with variation among cocks. But many of us also say that what’s most important is the person attached! This is true for many reasons, but we’ll call out two ways a dildo can’t compare: We don’t have a full-on relationship with it—no flirting, joking, sharing our thoughts, or pillow talk—and we can’t get extra sexual experiences from it beyond those limited things it does, and does well: insertion, getting strapped on. Often we choose a dildo for its size and shape; what we see is what we get. With a human, companionship and erotic experience can occupy so many other realms that penis size literally may not matter.
Dildos comes in many sizes and shapes. Some are short and girthy. Some are long and slim. Some are long and big around. Some are smooth while others are textured. Curved dildos may work well for G-spot or prostate play. Some are called “realistic,” looking more like penises—some even have balls. And some come with ridges or bumps for extra sensation. If your toy has ridges or bumps, it’ll feel bigger and might be too rough for anal play—and some vaginas don’t enjoy those speed bumps either, especially not before they’re fully revved up.
Dildos with a flat base can be used anally or with a harness. If you are planning on using a harness with your dildo, note that about a half inch of the length will be taken up by the harness as the toy fits through its hole or straps. Some harness-able dildos are designed to accommodate a vibrator in the base. Some are designed so the bottom of the base has ridges or texturing. Both these styles add a little extra oomph for the person wearing the dildo and may offer extra sensation for the receiver.
Built For the Job Sex toys can be made from all kinds of materials—plastic; ceramic; metal; wood; tempered glass; silicone; rubber and elastomer (including softskin)—and each has fans and different sensations to deliver. But maybe what you’re most interested in is texture: Hard. Shiny. Matte. Firm. Flexible. Metallic. Soft. These textures will affect a toy’s feel, and consequently how you feel about the toy, so keep that in mind as well.
Rubber or Elastomer Rubber and elastomer dildos can be inexpensive, which makes them a good choice for a “starter” toy if you’ve never used dildos before or you’re not sure what size to get. Both materials vary in overall quality, durability and price.
They can be more or less difficult to clean, since there’s a range of permeability to their surfaces. We highly recommend covering all rubber toys with a condom, even if you’re the only person using it. Two other disadvantages to rubber toys: They may be too flexible for some people’s taste, and the material doesn’t last long. When they’re new, rubber toys often smell like plastic, but that goes away just as it does with a new shower curtain.
If your primary concern is short-term cost or you don’t want to invest in something you don’t know if you like yet, then rubber is a good choice.
Elastomer also doesn’t break the bank—toys made from this material can be higher-quality than some rubbers. Elastomer toys look similar to rubber, but are not quite as shiny. The ones Good Vibrations carries are phthalate-free and latex-free and compatible with both water-based and silicone-based lubricants. Please note: Most sex toys are made from a range of polymers, some of which are elastomers: a material that has both flexibility and compressibility. Elastomers come both food-grade and non-food-grade qualities. The adult industry uses the term to refer to this particular range of soft materials.
Softskin is a remarkably realistic-seeming material that has just the right blend of firm and flexible, usually designed to look as well as feel like a penis. Some don’t want their dildos to feel or appear penis-y—but some definitely do.
Cleaning softskin can be a bit tricky. It’s a permeable material, so you definitely want to cover softskin with a condom, particularly if you plan to share it. After being washed and dried, softskin gets sticky. There are two ways to deal with this: You can store your dry softskin dildo in a plastic bag so no dust or other material can adhere to it, or you can dust it with cornstarch, which will dry out the surface.
If you go with cornstarch, the easiest method is to put the dildo and a spoonful of cornstarch in a bag and shake it up. Just be sure to rinse it off before using it again, because cornstarch absorbs lubrication and gets gritty. And never use talcum powder, since it has been linked with ovarian cancer. Use water-based lubricant only with softskin dildos—some silicone lubricants will damage this material.
We highly recommend silicone due to its quality and durability, plus its flexibility, ability to quickly warm to body temperature, and range in prices. These toys also come in a variety of designs, from the highly stylized to the simple and from “realistic” to curved, bumpy, and vibrating.
Silicone is among the most body-safe materials. It is also non-permeable and hypoallergenic, can be easily cleaned and disinfected, and is quite durable. Silicone blends may not be of the same quality. Silicone toys will last almost forever, unless the surface gets punctured. If that happens, the rip will spread until your toy falls apart. Make sure that you keep your toys away from sharp fingernails, edges of counters, and pets. A high-quality silicone dildo is not a doggie chew toy, but we have met dogs that would beg to differ!
Some silicone lubricants bond on a molecular level to silicone toys, which can damage the toy’s surface. To ensure your quality silicone dildo lasts as long as possible, we recommend using a water-based lube instead, or cover your toys with a condom.
While silicone is a great material, what if you love the way softskin feels? Well, don’t fret! There are other options, thanks initially to the fine minds at Vixen Creations, a women-owned dildo manufacturer. The women and trans men who worked there didn’t feel like regular silicone was enough, especially for highly realistic dildos and packing toys (these are soft dildos good for gender presentation but not always firm enough for many sexual activities). They invented VixSkin™, a marvelous 100% silicone formula that feels like softskin and cleans like silicone.
If you like elegance, have a penchant for art, and love the feel of smooth surfaces, then you might be the perfect candidate for a glass, metal or acrylic dildo. When we say glass we don’t mean to imply dangerous or scary. Unlike your best crystal, these won’t shatter during use! They are usually gorgeous collectables, often lovingly made by artisans in the USA. Glass toys tend to be slimmer than toys made from other materials. The harder a toy is, the larger it may feel when in use, so something very rigid like glass often comes in a smaller size. Their extreme firmness can do wonders for the G-spot or prostate. You can angle them to go exactly where you want the firmest pressure, using your hands or a lover’s. We never recommend using them in a harness, however—nor those made of wood, acrylic, or metal, either. One mis-aimed thrust could really hurt. These are such hard materials that’s it’s best to have optimum control over the angle and depth of penetration.
The technology for glass toys has become highly advanced, with manufacturers creating designs as attractive as they are arousing. Some have ridged surfaces to add subtle texture. Others are gently curved, making them ideal for G-spot and prostate play. There are even some with 24 karat gold details.
Quality glass toys are made of borosilicate—just like bakeware that doesn’t chip or break with everyday use—or soda-lime glass—like a pint jar or window glass. The latter cannot withstand extreme temperatures, but you can warm, or cool, a toy made of soda-lime glass by placing it into a bowl of moderate-temperature water—think about a warm bath or cool swimming pool. Glass toys have a super-slick surface, so a little lubricant goes a long way. Silicone lubes are especially good with glass toys for an amazingly slippery combination. While glass toys from reputable makers are safe, they need to be carefully maintained nevertheless; if they are dropped on, or hit by, something hard like tile or metal, they can change internally and lose their tempering, so take care. At this point they are vulnerable to breakage. If you do drop your glass toy, don’t continue to use it for insertion; consider it a sexy paperweight.
Acrylic, a hard plastic, shares many of the qualities of glass, and is even less likely to break. Acrylic toys should be washed in warm water, since hot water can cause micro-cracks in the surface, clouding the toy.
Just like glass toys, metal dildos and butt plugs are very rigid, which magnifies even the smallest motion. Some people love the smoothness and lack of friction these toys offer. The first metal toy that Good Vibrations carried, and that we know of, was the Kegelcisor; subsequently Betty Dodson designed the Barbell, both created to help you do your Kegels. Made with surgical-grade stainless steel, these are still recommended for strengthening the pelvic floor. But beautifully-designed metal toys for pleasure soon followed. The elegant C-curve of the Pure Wand is a hands-down, or perhaps we should say hands-on, favorite among seekers of the G-spot. Metal toys were raised to new heights with the Eleven, a smooth, heavy dildo whose 11 inches are shaped and curved in a sexy, sophisticated way. Metal toys work well with any lubricant, especially silicone formulas. You can also warm or cool them in water for varying sensations. As with glass, if you heat or cool metal toys, please make sure the water is a safe temperature for your skin.
Now that you’ve got the information about dildos, if you’re in the mood for vaginal or anal penetration, you’ll be sure to find one that strikes your fancy and hits the right spot!
Leather is a great material for harnesses, as it gets softer and more comfortable with age, and many people love the way it looks and feels against the skin. Leather can be cleaned with leather oils and cleaners or a damp cloth and soap, but should not get wet. Much good sex is wet, of course—if your leather harness gets sexy, fluid goodness on it, wipe it down as soon as the fun is over and let it air-dry. If leather is cared for properly, it will provide years of use. However, it cannot be disinfected. Also, it will stretch a bit when the harness is new; you may have to adjust the straps more often during that process.
We happily report that all the rest of the materials used for making the harness styles listed below are vegan, and most are more easily washable.
Vinyl harnesses can either be high-sheen or more subdued and leather-looking. No matter what the finish, vinyl harnesses are attractive and can last as long as leather. Vinyl is flexible and movable, water-resistant, can be cleaned with soap and water, and contains no animal byproducts.
Another choice is soft, stretchy fabric, including nylon, spandex, and cotton, with a ring built in to hold the dildo; these harnesses are comfy and attractive, with the style and comfort of undergarments while still being durable and functional. Among these are feminine looks inspired by panties or foundation garments, adorned with cut-outs, bows, and ruching, as well as masculine styles like briefs and boxers which are discreet and comfortable under clothing. All styles are easy on/off, washable, and smooth enough to wear as underwear. They’re ready for action!
Recycled and upcycled materials are sometimes used to make harnesses. We’ve seen biker styles, “rockabilly” styles and more. Some companies want to appeal to the pegging crowd or other niche markets—meaning they make styles they feel will make a girlie-girl and her guy happy.
Nylon and fabric harnesses are affordable and machine-washable, but should not be put in the dryer. These materials can be worn in the shower, pool and hot tub. They are lightweight and travel well. They’re great for people with multiple partners, as they’re easy to wash. They contain no animal byproducts.
A single-strap harness has one strap between the legs, like a G-string. This middle strap puts direct pressure on the wearer’s genitals. You’ll have more control if you wear it cinched tightly, but some people dislike the feel of the center strap—while for others, it’s stimulating. The strap can get in the way if and when the wearer is on the receiving end of genital stimulation—if your partner decides to pleasure you while you’re wearing a one-strap harness, vaginal or clitoral accessibility may be limited.
A two-strap harness fits something like a jockstrap, with leg straps around the buttocks for greater control and adjustability rather than a strap that goes right between the wearer’s legs. Many people find them more comfortable. The straps may need to be adjusted if you change positions, but this style leaves the genitals more accessible.
A low-riding harness means that the ring is placed lower on the pubic bone, making it easier to maneuver and providing pressure on all the right spots.
Thigh harnesses wrap around the leg, rather than the hips. They work great if you want to sit still while your partner straddles your leg. Two women can each wear a thigh harness for simultaneous penetration. Or wrap one around a chair or pillow so your dildo can be used hands-free.
As mentioned above in the materials section, some harnesses are made in specific undergarment styles like boxer briefs, panties or jock straps.
So those are the basic styles. When shopping for a harness you might also want to consider other specifics that could affect your choice. A double-dildo-compatible harness allows the harness-wearer dildo penetration as well. It is designed to allow the user to unsnap the back from the front and insert two dildos or a double dildo.
Some harnesses allow the dildo’s base to rest against your skin; others have a backing which serves as a pad. Some wearers prefer to have this material between themselves and the toy, and some prefer to feel the stimulation of the dildo against their genitals and pubic area, especially when using one that vibrates. Harnesses with backings can be perfect for dildos with balls, as the balls fit in front of the backing, resulting in less pinching and pubic hair-pulling, and are less bulky than if worn behind the harness.
For added stimulation, you may want to consider a harness that has a pocket to hold a small vibe. This may increase stimulation for the harness-wearer and, depending on how it’s situated, for the one being penetrated as well.
Harnesses with D-rings have straps that slide through metal rings, making them fully adjustable and easy to tighten with one hand. They can be put on and taken off relatively quickly. Try looping the loose end into the harness’s waistband to secure it, since sometimes D-rings allow a little slippage.
Buckles are aesthetically pleasing and sturdy. A harness with buckles is guaranteed to hold its size, and once you’ve found the right hole to let it fit you optimally, you’ll know exactly where to buckle it to fit you securely. Remember, though, if it’s leather, there may be a couple of inches of stretch before you achieve your perfect fit.
The D-ring and buckle combo: Some harnesses have buckles around the waist and D-rings on the leg straps. This is a great combination for lightning-quick adjustments during sex.
The ring on the harness that the dildo goes through is called the O-ring. Some harnesses have permanent rings and some have rings that snap in and out, allowing you to change rings to accommodate varying-sized toys. Larger dildos may not fit into the permanent O-ring, which generally measures 1 ¾”. Be sure to check the diameter of the O-ring (if it is permanent) and the diameter of your favorite toy to make sure they are compatible. If the harness style allows for interchangeable O-rings, you can buy O-rings to fit your dildo and snap them into your harness.
Lastly there is a very useful little accessory called the O-stabilizer ring. It’s a solid foam ring which can be used to expand the base of your favorite dildo or toy to make it compatible with large-ring harnesses. Simply wet the ring, slide it on the dildo, let it dry and harness your dildo as you normally would. The widened base rests securely behind the O-ring for added stability, not to mention comfort! Foam rings can also be stacked on a dildo shaft to limit depth during penetration play.
Cis men and trans men alike wear harnesses for many reasons, and that includes having choices when it comes to the variety of ways to have sexual intercourse. The Deuce has rings for both penis and dildo, great for folks who want to have different size options, don’t get erections, or want to continue intercourse after ejaculation. It’s also perfect for double penetration.
Harnesses range between 23” to 72” around. Keep in mind that some people like to wear their harnesses on their waist, while most prefer that it sit low on the hips. Your preference can change the measurement you need. Decide how you want to wear your harness before you check the sizing.
There are many reasons to love cock rings: Cock rings can make some erections last longer. Cock rings can make some erections firmer. Cock rings can vary penile sensation. Some rings have vibrators on them, which can enhance masturbation or partnered sex. Cock rings do not cure erectile dysfunction, and not everyone should use a cock ring.
Cock rings restrict blood flow out of the penis; blood flowing in is what creates an erection. This creates sensations of pressure that many men find pleasurable (or anyone with a penis, for that matter—some trans women may use rings also). Cock rings are usually worn at the base of the penis, behind the scrotum, though some people wear them around the shaft of the penis only, especially rings that have a vibrator on them: these are often used to add sensation during partner sex, or can be worn closer to the head of the penis to enjoy the vibration where the most nerve endings are.
Although some people find that wearing a cock ring can make erections firmer or longer-lasting, we do not advise using cock rings for erectile difficulties unless advised to do so by a physician. Some of the conditions that can lead to erection problems can worsen from improper use of a cock ring, so it’s important to get a physical and your doctor’s go-ahead before experimenting with rings. If you are diabetic, have blood clotting concerns, or have any vascular or neural conditions, then this warning is doubly true for you!
Because of individual anatomical differences and different ring designs, cock rings don’t fit everyone equally, and you can get a pulled hair or feel discomfort from tightness if you’re not careful. You can also leave a ring on longer than is safe. To avoid discomfort and health problems, following is a guide to cock ring safety and pleasure.
It’s easier to put on a cock ring before your penis is fully erect. You might want to trim or shave the hair around the penis base and/or scrotum to decrease the likelihood of catching hair in the ring or snaps. We recommend wearing cock rings for no longer than they are comfortable, or twenty minutes, whichever is shorter. If you’re using a ring for the first time, you may want to remove it after five or ten minutes until you’re familiar with the various sensations cock rings provide. First-time users might want to experiment with the ring alone before using it with a partner.
Measure yourself first with a string, slipping it behind your testicles and pulling it up around the top of your erect penis where it meets your body. Mark where the string comes together and measure with a ruler—this measurement is your circumference. Now it’s time to get out your calculator! Divide by Pi (3.14) and this number will tell you the diameter of the cock ring that will fit you best.
For example:
Make sure the fit is right; if it’s too large, it won’t restrict the blood flow enough, while if it’s too small you won’t be able to get it on—or off! Use common sense; for instance, as metal rings don’t unsnap, we strongly recommend rubber or other flexible materials for your first cock rings, not metal. Take your time putting the ring on and taking it off, and use a small amount of lube to help it glide over your skin. If you feel discomfort, remove the ring immediately. If you have any hesitations about using a solid cock ring, don’t use one. There are many adjustable rings that might suit you better.
These cock rings can be made of leather, vinyl, or stretchier materials like neoprene or other types of rubber. They usually have snaps, or sometimes Velcro®, to make them adjustable. To put one on, place it behind the scrotum, against the body, and fasten over the top of the penis, then adjust for snugness. Because these are economical, easy to put on, and quickly removable if sensations become too intense, we recommend them for those trying cock rings for the first time. The Velcro® ones can adjust to the millimeter, which is a plus—on the other hand, they will not last as long as a snap-closure ring, since it’s a material that wears out over time; they are harder to clean, which can lead to the Velcro® not working properly; plus they can pull on pubic hair unless you’re trimmed or shaved.
These are often a clear or translucent jelly-like material or some other rubber; in some cases they are a silicone blend; pure silicone isn’t very stretchy, though it’s great in other ways. These are also worn against the body, encircling both penis and testicles, though some men like them only on the shaft of the penis. Even though these may start out looking an inch or smaller in diameter, most of them are so stretchy they can fit over a hand. Unless they’re low-stretch, they can be put on with the penis hard or soft or anywhere in between. This gives you a lot of leeway in terms of putting the ring on—and of course it also makes it easier to take off.
Some of these rings are designed for clitoral stimulation. Vibrating rings are discussed below, or they may have a “love bump” or other clitoral protrusion built in, designed to directly contact the clit during intercourse.
Vibrating cock rings are generally a stretchy circle with a small bullet vibrator on one side; some have two vibes built in. Although they can be used for solo fun, these are often the first vibrator a woman brings home to a male partner as a couple’s toy. She may want to choose a vibrator she can share with her mate, and since this one is designed to ride on his penis while they have their fun, it may seem more pleasurable or less threatening to him than other kinds of toys. The idea is that the vibrator bumps up against a partner’s clitoris and gives her an orgasm during intercourse—which may or may not happen. They come in many colors and styles, sometimes inspired by the latest best-selling book or movie! We’ve seen them in red jelly-like rubber that had the bumpy vibrator equipped with vampire fangs; there is a whole set related to Alice in Wonderland; and some even have a miniature dolphin on them. While these styles might not last as long as the leather versions, they’re often economically priced, making them perfect for people looking to experiment with rings.
Vibrating cock rings aren’t usually adjustable, though most stretch enough to fit most penises and, for that matter, dildos. They can be worn behind the scrotum or in front. Some are snug enough to provide the squeezing sensation that makes cock rings popular, while others simply hold the vibrator in place, without much constriction. You can wear these toys solo—you may enjoy the vibration more if you snuggle it up under your coronal ridge—or during intercourse to pleasure your partner’s clitoris. Place the vibe on top of your penis for face-to-face positions and on the underside for rear entry. You can also wear the ring behind the scrotum with a vibrator underneath or behind your testicles for extra sensation during solo sex or sex with a partner—some people like this sensation a lot, and others not so much. You can also use a vibrating cock ring on a dildo, strapped on or not, or slip it over a couple of fingers so you won’t have to worry about dropping your vibrator at a key moment! These toys really are pretty versatile.
Two tips: The first time with a partner, have fun experimenting with different angles and positions and don’t have high orgasmic expectations: You’re exploring, finding out how it works for you. Be aware that if you’re moving back and forth and thrusting, the vibrator won’t be in contact with your partner’s clitoris all the time, and this might not provide enough consistent stimulation to cause orgasm; a technique to try in this case is deep enough penetration to get the vibe cuddled up to the clitoris, then very short in-and-out thrusts, so the vibe doesn’t go far. This may be the opposite technique than you usually use going for orgasm, but be patient—remember what we said earlier about the role of time and arousal! Slowing down the rush to orgasm can pay off with a stronger climax. On the other hand, some rings that have a vibrator vertical to the penis, allowing your partner to do some grinding or shallow in/out while still keeping in contact with the vibrator. This could also work for missionary but might involve some serious coordination—fortunately, this kind of experimentation tends to provide a lot of pleasure.
These are made of stainless steel or hard rubber, or even smooth wood, plastic, or Lucite. Only those who are experienced with other types of cock rings should use these, as they can be difficult to remove before ejaculation; it helps to know how you respond to the pressure of a ring before you put one on that might be difficult to get out of. Make sure the rigid material isn’t likely to crack or break; this could cause injury.
Putting on a solid ring: When the penis is soft, first tuck the testicles one at a time, and then the penis, through the ring. Once the penis is through, pull the ring up towards your body and adjust the whole “package” for comfort; many will find an erection happening almost immediately after the cock ring goes on, just from pressure. To remove from a flaccid penis, push penis back through the ring and “untuck” the testicles.
Lubricant can be helpful in removing solid cock rings from an erect penis; ejaculation, cold water or an ice compress will reduce the size of an erection and assist with removal. If the latter doesn’t sound like your idea of erotic fun, do think twice before getting a solid cock ring, since it’s dangerous to leave on for too long and you might have to resort to one of these methods! We recommend keeping a pair of blunt-tipped safety or paramedic scissors on hand to cut the ring, if necessary, but of course this will only work with hard rubber; metal and other materials will require a trip to the ER or a call to paramedics, or the local fire department—they have bolt cutters!—if you can’t get the erection down enough to get the ring off.
Solid cock rings are beautiful and elegant, but again: We recommend that only experienced cock ring wearers use them. Solid rings are not stretchy or adjustable, so please read the fitting instructions before using.
If you like a firm grip between the legs and find ball play erotic then you might like a testicle spreader—the “spread” is not so far; for some people this product is more about the feeling of straps firmly holding them. Place the longer strap behind your scrotum and snap closed on top of the penis, forming a ring. The short straps should be hanging down, behind the scrotum. Snap each short strap to the ring, using one hand to hold a testicle and the other to bring the strap between testicles to the side of the ring. Each short strap is intended to hold one testicle.
A variant on this design is the “ball-stretcher” ring, a wider loop of leather or similar material that goes around the scrotal tissue that stretches down when you gently tug the testicles lower. Why use such a ring? Because when ejaculation nears, the testicles rise up closer to the body, and keeping them stretched lower may, for some, delay the time it takes to come, plus some people really like this sensation.
For those who like these complex cock rings, “gates of heaven” might be a better name. Usually there’s one leather strap/snap cock ring of the kind described above, attached to several other rings. The strap is put on as usual, and the other rings are meant to encage the penis in a series of rings. It looks fantastic, and is a sort of penile bondage; it’s usually seen in the toy bags of BDSM aficionados, and of course a person can use it solo.
Here’s where we remind you once again that rings are not safe for everyone.
No drug company will make a lot of money on these “lifestyle” issues, but doctors agree that they would prescribe way fewer blue pills if more men:
As a matter of fact, these changes would likely improve the sexual experience of women and everybody else, too. They all improve blood flow and/or nerve functioning.
Many users like cock rings a lot, but what if you want a sense of engulfment? For that, you need a different kind of toy, something soft with a supple texture to surround and swallow up the penis. Some want something made of a material that gives the user a similar-to-intercourse feel, thus the street name “pocket pussy.” For all these needs the sleeve was invented—or possibly discovered—half a watermelon, anyone? The sleeve can be simple—a soft-enough-to-grip cylinder is all that’s really needed for this purpose; if it has ripples or little “love fingers” inside to add even more stimulation, so much the better, and some deluxe toys have even more bells and whistles.
What makes these toys more or less expensive is the materials from which they are made or the branding of the product by a porn star. Some companies mold body parts from real porn stars, though the sleeve’s material doesn’t look exactly like flesh, so these are all rather stylized to compensate. They are extremely soft, though, and many love the sensation these sleeves can evoke. There are simple versions of penis sleeves made of elastomer or softskin. You can find versions made of rubber, and as a history lesson, we will tell you that in the old days—the pre-rubber era—they were sometimes made of leather.
The more detailed sleeves feature insertion points designed to resemble vulvas, anuses, or mouths. These are often contained in a canister that resembles a large workman’s flashlight, an extra large soda cup from the convenience store or a can of stackable chips. There’s a simple non-representational “coin slot” version too, just in case you find that more appealing than the look of a body part. The external canister is made of firm plastic and can’t be squeezed against the penis for more intense stimulation, so some users remove the sleeve from the canister altogether and just use the soft cylinder for a gourmet hand job. It resembles a sea creature like a jellyfish when used this way, but the bottom end is open so that the user can play with a vibrator too, if desired, and this feature also makes it easy to clean.
Some manufacturers take the basic idea of a sleeve and jazz it up with vibration or with oscillation. When you choose one of these toys, ask how easy they are to clean; we’ve seen versions where it’s obvious the designer skipped thinking about that part.
We’ll remind you again that many people who think vibrators are for women only find that when their penis feels the buzz, they turn into believers right away!
Penis pumps (or vacuum pumps) are toys that provide suction sensations that, while not exactly like oral sex, feel great to many. Though some believe pumps will permanently increase penis size, research has shown that they offer minor effects at best, and over-use can cause injury—so if you are unhappy with your size, a pump is not the way to go. They don’t necessarily create erections for those with erection problems either, though there is a medical version of a vacuum pump your doctor might recommend. We recommend pumps as masturbation enhancers only, not as tools for penis enlargement or treatment of erectile issues. Novelty-quality pumps don’t generally offer really powerful suction, but better-quality pumps are so strong that they can cause small blood vessels in the penis to rupture and should not be used for too long at a time.
The pumps available at Good Vibrations or other adult stores are not medical devices. If you’re going to use one, you’ll need information about health warnings and safe use.
Pumps can be used on the nipples, clitoris or penis. A pump creates a vacuum around the body part on which it is placed and draws blood into the area. You may feel heightened sensitivity in this body part when using the pump, and perhaps some decreased sensitivity or tingling afterwards as the body returns to its normal state and the extra blood leaves the area.
The body part will swell as a result of increased blood flow to the area. This size change is temporary; when the pump is removed, the body part will soon return to its pre-pumped state. If you are using the pump on a penis, you may find the resulting erection, if you get one, can be maintained a little longer by wearing a cock ring after the pump is removed. Remove the cock ring after twenty minutes or if use becomes uncomfortable. You may also find that a pumped erection feels a little softer than usual, and remember, if you are unable to get erections at all, a pump is not likely to give you one.
Apply thick lubricant generously around the body part you want to pump; this will act as an air seal to create a vacuum. Applying plenty of lube will also keep your skin moist and prevent it from sticking to the sides of the cylinder as you pump. Please remember that oil or petroleum-based products are not compatible with latex and are difficult to wash out of and off the body; you should wash up after using these if you plan to have intercourse or use any latex products. You may also wish to shave or trim hair around the area to aid in creating a vacuum.
Hold the cylinder against your body so that it encases the nipple, clitoris or penis. Gently squeeze the pump handle or bulb until enough suction is created to hold the cylinder against your body without the support of your hands (this may not be possible with some models). Go slowly; don’t overdo it. Don’t pump for more than fifteen minutes at a time. If you feel any discomfort, discontinue pumping.
Pumping while the pressure is low can result in a sensation that resembles sucking. Adding warmth during pump use—from sunshine, a heating pad, a sauna or hot shower or bath—may increase comfort and the potential for engorgement. Experiment to find the most pleasurable level of pressure and sensation for you.
Have fun and pump safely!
Warning: Do not use pumps if you bleed easily or have a blood clotting disorder, are diabetic, or suffer from any peripheral vascular disease. Do not use pumps if you are taking anticoagulants, aspirin, or any other blood-thinning medication. In the event of discomfort or any unusual body changes with use, including bruising, pain, bleeding, or loss of sensation, discontinue use immediately and check with a sex-positive physician. Do not place over sore, swollen or infected areas, any parts without sensation, above the neck, or on lactating breasts.
Size is not everything, as we have said many times. That said, sometimes partners decide to add extra length or girth to their penis via a toy; some partners may like playing with an upsized penis from time to time, but don’t just assume that this kind of device will make your sex life with your partner better—ask them if they’d like to explore this. Above all, don’t assume that a larger penis, or penis-plus-toy combo, is the key to a female partner’s ability to orgasm during intercourse. As we’ve already said, this has to do with arousal more than size, and not all women orgasm via vaginal intercourse even when with a well-endowed partner.
If you do want to try an extender, there are several styles. Many don’t fit securely on the penis; the old-style version Good Vibrations sold in the 1980s, the PPA, or “penile prosthetic attachment”—what a sexy moniker, eh?—was held on by an elastic strap. Vixen Creations has recently developed a silicone PPA that has a built-in cock ring, and while one size does not fit all, for those it does fit, it’s probably a far more secure-feeling attachment than those created by stretchy elastic! Lube on the inside of an extender may add to comfort and enjoyment for the wearer; their walls are generally thick or firm, so when wearing one, intercourse will feel quite different and the penis may not feel as much sensation.
If sex toys provide a way to enhance erotic experience rather than being seen as just items that substitute for an orifice or appendage, then we could call the sensuality products listed below “sex toys” too, since this category includes anything that enhances skin-to-skin contact. Sensuality enhancers flourish during sexual play. Sensuality is an integral part of sex, just as important and central to the experience as any genital touch or coupling. Let’s remind ourselves of the blissful possibilities of touch and other acts that focus on luxuriating in the senses. Sensuality means many things, but definitely includes touch—relaxing and/or erotic massage, which turns the entire body into one big organ of “feel,” enhancing blood flow and skin sensitivity. You can enjoy sensuality without knowing much about massage, since hand-stroking a body with awareness and focus—not too fast!—feels just as lovely as a massage, especially if those hands belong to your lover. The skin is a sex organ, you know! Zillions of nerve endings are waiting to be awakened.
And that’s just the beginning—this chapter relishes all the many ways of being touched or of filling up the senses—massage is only one of them!
Another reason to take sensual play seriously—it’s among the safest kind of sex that you can have. In the early days of safer sex education, “on me, not in me” was the order of the day. That could mean, “ejaculate on my skin, not in my anus or vagina”—and that’s still good safer sex advice. But it also reminds us that so much erotic possibility lies outside the cavities of the body, and that erotic activity is almost by definition less likely to pass along the STI bugs we want to avoid. For that matter, let us invoke an old-school term, “petting.” This means more than just stroking your lover like you would a sleek cat or dog—the variety of non-intercourse activities this term incorporates were favorites of young people exploring in the back seats of roomy 1950s cars largely because of the centrality of hands to the sexy play and physical exploration that petting entailed. They may have also loved the teasing and proximity to forbidden fruit—without going “all the way”—that such play involved. Travel back in time for a night, using only hands!
Stroking a dry palm across dry skin is sweet, but just try doing it when it’s slippery—it’s a completely different experience! Massage oils, bars, and soy candles that melt and turn into pre-warmed massage oil are all ways to jazz up the simple act of touching. In choosing massage oil, you’ll find that mostly natural oils are used in their formulation, including sweet almond, coconut, and oils from other nuts and seeds. Most important to your selection is making sure that you don’t have any allergies! Some people are allergic to seeds and/or nuts when eaten, but this reaction doesn’t extend to oils on their skin. Others do react, so please be aware when trying these products.
Also consider scent. Are you scent-sensitive? Do you want essential oils or natural scents, or are you OK with a sweet smell that was cooked up in a lab? Would you prefer an unscented product, or are lovely smells part of what sets a sensual scene for you?
Soy candles are a hot trend. First of all, these are the most amazing-smelling candles; they add flickering light and ambiance to a room and melt at a lower temperature than regular wax candles, one that’s just right for pouring over your skin without pain. Last but not least, the wax turns into massage oil. Even though we’ve told you the secret, don’t worry, it’s still nerve-wracking yet titillating to have someone tease you with the threat of pouring hot candle wax on your body. Fast-forward to the BDSM section if you want to add more to that scene! You don’t need to bring candles and massage oil to the bridal suite when one little candle does it all. PS: Please don’t make the sprinkler system go off in your high-rise hotel room on our account, or if you do, turn it into a wet T-shirt contest and make the best of it!
Massage bars are made with oils that melt at skin temperature; Good Vibrations was the first company to bring these to the adult market and make explicit the connection between sensual touch and many people’s vision of great sex. For the person who loves smelling and handling exquisite hand-made soaps it’s yet another indulgence to fondle the bar! Among other benefits, these products are easier to travel with than liquid oils. We’re living in an era of luxurious, pampering products and emollients with a lavish array of delicious aromas and sensations.
Sensuality exists beyond the hands, and there are more flavors than ever with which to delight and inspire the tongue. If the last time you thought about lickable sexies was when you were faced with a licorice bra at your roommate’s bachelorette party, have we got good news for you! Edible products are finally keeping up with our fantasies. Who doesn’t fantasize licking something off a lover? Lickable body butters, flavored condoms, and edible oils have their own place on the adult store wall—or your bedside table. These can encourage oral play, or enhance the experience by spicing or sweetening up activities you already love. And we don’t mean just fellatio or cunnilingus: a well-schooled tongue can delight almost any body part. Lickability isn’t restricted to clits and penises, vulvas and balls.
Some people will put any tasty morsel into their mouths—others are more restrictive about their diets, both at meals and in bed. So read labels in the sex store as well as when you shop for groceries. Natural or non? Shelf life makes a difference—and the more natural the ingredients in your lickable treat, the sooner it will expire. Also, what do you personally prefer licking or ingesting? If you watch what you eat, you’ll doubtless feel the need to think about ingredients in sensuality products as well. More natural might be the way you choose to go. On the other hand, if you drink soda and eat junk food, you probably think this is way too much ado about nothing.
Caveat: Pouring something sugary and sweet on a woman’s vulva because you’re worried she’ll taste or smell bad is not the best strategy. For that concern, we recommend a warm bath, or even just a shower! The reason is simple: Clean skin tastes and smells better to most people than unwashed bits. Choose lickable products for other reasons—because they sound fun, something new to do, or indeed a way to interest someone in oral sex because it will focus their attention on using their mouth!
Edible dusting powders and body paints, chocolate paint or “pens,” and many other kinds of edible enhancers turn lovemaking into dessert. We don’t promote using flavored products as lubes for vaginal or anal insertion, since the possibility for irritation goes way up when flavored lube comes in contact with mucosal tissue. As for cunnilingus, if you keep your lickable potion on the outside of her body and make your way to her most responsive zones, the yummy flavor can actually teach you a lesson—once you get down there, you find out that you don’t even need to mask the taste! Or use a natural lubricant with natural flavoring. Lickable love products are also used to make condomized fellatio tastier. Any body can light up when being laved by a slippery, smart tongue. And don’t let your diet be an excuse for your reluctance to go down—it’s a low calorie treat!
These fun and elegant oils, bars, gourmet edibles and melting candles are the products of evolution: We started in the Cro-Magnon era of corn-syrupy, jack-off warming gel formulated with glycerine—this is one way warming oils get “warm”: the glycerine magnifies the sensation of friction and hot breath. Now our choices are often eco-friendly and sometimes locally made; they may include a hit of menthol or other botanicals that cause a feeling of heat or icy tingle, and they include less allergy-provoking sensual oils and products like “rub me” bars, “ignite me” candles, the Kama Sutra kits, and more. Tasty fruity products were, in the old days, sometimes anything but fruity or tasty—no real fruit was harmed in the making of this stuff. Choose these products the way you would anything else you plan to consume, and read the labels if you have relevant sensitivities. Some manufacturers have cut way back on artificial colors and flavors, but some haven’t—at Good Vibrations, for example, we know many of our customers care greatly about these issues, though so far, scientific research has not yielded an organic edible panty! But we definitely want you to know you have choices. If you are shopping for twenty-five revelers at a bachelorette party who will hardly remember the favors and you are on a budget, choose whatever grabs the most laughs. If you want to up the ante and give your friends a luxury gift of pleasure, then choose the best quality you can afford for your group. Some will treasure your lavish treat for years to come.
The three main considerations in terms of toy storage are avoiding extremes of hot and cold—don’t keep them out on the back porch if you live in the North Country or on the equator; avoiding exposure to dirt or pathogens—don’t just toss them under the bed among the dust mites and cat hair; and making sure that the way the toy is stored doesn’t break or damage it, like cramming tender Rabbits into a box with a tangle of cords and harness buckles.
First things first: If you have vibrators or other toys with batteries that you do not use very often, then take the batteries out for storage. Remove the batteries when travelling as well. You don’t want to sit on the tarmac for four hours because your suitcase started vibrating and Homeland Security was called in! There’s at least one documented case of a woman called out of line by airport security—they held up the vibe she’d bought on her honeymoon for all to see. So stash those batteries elsewhere in your luggage and save yourself the aggravation.
Next ask yourself “where?” And “in what?” The tried and true bedroom dresser drawer works well as long as it’s clean and not a meadow for dust bunnies. This is the time to finally put in shelf paper or, if you’re feeling luxurious, a satin scarf as a drawer lining.
Do you own prickly or hard-edged items like the Wartenburg Pinwheel, or restraints with buckles? You will want to separate these from softer materials such as VixSkin™ dildos or any of the softskin variants, which can be more easily damaged than hard material by a nick or poke with a sharp object. Even top-quality silicone will tear readily if its surface is broken through, so definitely don’t keep that dildo where the dog will nab it.
We advise against storing your toys in airtight containers if you live in a climate that is humid or hot. We want toy storage, not a terrarium. Dry and clean are your goals. Leather is particularly sensitive to humidity, and it will not last as long if exposed to moisture.
Premium toys come in opulent packaging that can serve as a lovely storage box forever. And some come with drawstring bags made of beautiful fabrics.
Carol’s favorite place to store toys is in their own antique suitcase. She has one decoupaged, appropriately enough, with pictures of panties! But good-looking chest-style toy storage boxes are sold for just this purpose, and there’s a little suitcase on the market that makes a perfect overnight bag. If you choose one with a velvet lining, be wary of fuzzies sticking to your toys. And if you buy something used, stick your nose in deep to be sure there’s no mildew inside. If it smells musty, don’t store your precious gear in it. That said, you can decorate or create a unique storage case out of a re-purposed make-up or travel bag. These sometimes have compartments or elastics built in to separate one toy from another, which is a good idea.
Some not-so-great ideas? We’ve heard of crafty fairies knitting cock cozies. Now this might be great fun, and good for a dick-art show, but please, check your materials before rubbing them on your toys and your body! For someone who’s allergic to wool, wool fiber on genitalia could be a calamity. If you do get such gifts from an over-enthusiastic aunt or Etsy-trolling boyfriend, rinse your dildos off before use. A lined crocheted bag might be a great improvement: all the cuteness, yet much less risk of little fibers shedding all over your insertable toys.
Wine bottle gift bags are perfect for storing a Magic Wand—they come in beautiful fabrics. Silk or satin bags made to store lingerie are a great way to separate one or two toys from others. This material breathes but doesn’t shed.
Keep a stash of zip-lock bags in or near your toys to keep your lube bottle and massage oils separated from the rest of your gear, especially if you are going to travel out of the house with it. Don’t risk glopping up your lovely little suitcase.
And last but not least, remember electricity. Some of us like to have an extension cord stored with an electric toy so that there’s no crawling under the bed, especially if you are at an unfamiliar house or motel, groping in the dark for a place to plug in. Have you ever dragged a hotel bed closer to the outlet? We sure have, and it’s a good way to hurt your back.
You’ll want to keep your sexy playthings free of germs, which for most items is easy to do; just use mild soap and water. There are other products on the market too, and if you’re the type that finds it awesome to display a bottle of something called “Sex Toy Cleaner” on the bathroom shelf, such products can be found! It’s a cinch to clean your special vibrating friend with a toy wipe—it’s like a human wet wipe, except it’s for your erotic plaything. Since we’re talking about your body and your investment, be sure you buy a reputable brand name and/or from a reputable sex toy store stocking quality items. If you’re not shopping for wipes at a sex toy store, use the kind found in the tissue section of the drugstore or supermarket, not the home cleaning aisle—those have irritating chemicals on them. Even intimate wipes have chemicals—it’s the reason they clean your toy. After each wipe use, go over the toy once with a clean, wrung-out wet washcloth to remove any chemical residue from the wipe, especially if it’s scented. Baby wipes are available everywhere, less expensive and gentle on the skin, though some people don’t like the baby powder smell most of them seem to have.
Wash waterproof vibes and dildos with soap—hand or dish, but not with antibacterial soap containing the cleaning agent triclosan or adult toy cleaner that contains this ingredient. Most toys that are not waterproof can be washed under running water very carefully, making sure you don’t get the battery compartment area wet at all. If that is not possible, use a soapy cloth to wipe it down, then rinse out the soap and wipe again until it’s clean and rinsed free of residue. Getting soap in your vagina and anus isn’t a good idea, nor is it comfortable.
We’ll spell it out again: You really can just use mild soap and water. If you use something with stronger chemicals, you will still need to wash your toy with mild soap and water to remove them, so you may as well just skip that step!
If you feel it’s necessary, silicone dildos, not vibrators, can be boiled for a few minutes to sanitize them, or you can put them on the top rack of the dishwasher—unless it’s Thanksgiving weekend!
Once you’ve used and cleaned your toy, be sure it’s completely dry before storing. This is especially true if you are using an airtight container; it’s not a good idea to rinse off your vibe and then throw it right into a plastic bag, for instance. This not only encourages mold and mildew on some toy and harness materials, but also ruins the mechanism in toys with motors, especially those that use batteries. We suggest air-drying on a clean towel or rack before putting your toys back in storage. You don’t have to store them air-tight, either—some people use fabric, as we mentioned above.
Remember that almost every material will eventually begin to deteriorate, and sooner or later, unless it’s stainless or gold, a toy will suffer some wear and tear. This is most evident in vinyl and latex products. While latex clothes can be supremely sexy to vegans because of their natural, non-animal origin, they live for a decade or two and then melt down. Vinyl materials melt down too, and when they start to go it is a progressive situation. Usually they will exhibit stickiness, then will slump and melt a bit. If your elastomeric (stretchy-squishy) toy starts its final decline, dispose of it properly, then go shop for a new one.