Ms. Fang is the nicest, sweetest teacher at Scary School. She only ate twelve kids last year.
Her fifth-grade class knew they were very lucky to have her. The other fifth-grade class had Dr. Dragonbreath. Last year he ate his entire class on the first day and got to spend the rest of the year on paid vacation.
Ms. Fang’s class called her Ms. Fang because she has one big fang on the right side of her mouth. If she had two fangs like most vampires, they would call her Ms. Fangs.
Her real name is Ms. Fangleheimershratzenpfeffer. It’s a very common name in Transylvania.
The first day of class, Ms. Fang told the class her full name, but said they could call her Ms. Fangs for short. She wrote Ms. Fangs on the chalkboard. Benny Porter, a chubby kid with spiky hair, raised his hand. Benny’s nickname was Benny the Bruiser because he liked to give kids bruises by socking them on the arm or leg.
Benny said with a smirk, “But you only have one fang, Ms. Fangs. Shouldn’t we call you Ms. Fang?” He laughed and tried to high-five the boy next to him, but the boy very smartly left him hanging.
Benny had angered Ms. Fang because she was quite embarrassed about having just one fang. She lost her second fang in a tragic checkers accident, but we’ll get to that later.
After Benny asked that question, Ms. Fang’s pale white skin turned beet red. She pounced on Benny and sucked out all his blood with only one fang, so it took twice as long as normal. When she was done, she dropped Benny on the floor, where he lay motionless, drained of blood.
“Anyone else care to spread lies about my fangs?” she asked.
No one said a word.
She turned around and walked back to her desk, but then stopped dead in her tracks. She turned back around, felt inside her mouth, and said, “Oh my goodness. I do only have one fang. I completely forgot. What Benny said makes total sense now. I’m soooo sorry, Benny. Will you please forgive me?”
Benny, of course, did not answer her because he was dead.
Okay, before we go on, allow me to explain a few things. You’re probably thinking this book isn’t going to be very wholesome at all. Well, don’t worry; just because a kid dies at Scary School, it doesn’t mean that he or she will stay dead. As you will see, there’s all sorts of ways a kid can come back from the dead and keep attending classes. In fact, losing your life is never an excuse for missing class. Plus, through the act of dying, a dead student will ironically learn an important life lesson. It is such life lessons that will make Scary School probably the most wholesome book series to be published in the last twenty years.
Okay, kids, that last part was just for your parents and teachers. Between you and me, if that mean kid in your class got bitten by a vampire, it would be pretty funny, right? I know I was laughing when I saw it happen. Back to the classroom . . .
Ms. Fang looked down with regret at Benny’s pasty corpse. “You don’t have to say anything, Benny. Just know that I’m very sorry.”
Ms. Fang was definitely the nicest teacher at Scary School. How many teachers have you ever seen apologize to one of their students after they’d been mean?
Ms. Fang erased the s from her name on the chalkboard so that it now read Ms. Fang.
“I want all of you to call me Ms. Fang from now on,” she said, “in honor of Benny’s memory.” Ms. Fang pointed to Wendy Crumkin, a very smart girl with glasses and freckles.
“Wendy,” asked Ms. Fang, “what are you going to call me from now on?”
Because Wendy was so smart, she had taken note of what had happened to Benny Porter when he called the teacher Ms. Fang, so she said, “Ms. Fangs, of course.”
Once again, Ms. Fang became very angry, and her pale skin turned an even deeper shade of red than before.
“How dare you disobey me!” she shrieked. Then she pounced on Wendy and sucked out all of her blood.
Wendy dropped dead on the floor.
“Class,” Ms. Fang huffed, her mouth dripping with blood, “what are you going to call me?”
“Ms. Fang!” they all proclaimed in unison.
“Excellent,” she said, satisfied. “Now we can begin our lesson in geography. And Wendy, I’m sorry I had to make an example of you.”
Wendy did not answer her as she was dead now as well.
Okay, there wasn’t much of a life lesson to be learned there, but I guess sometimes bad things just happen for no good reason, and that’s an important lesson in itself.
As soon as class ended, the three Rachels ran to the front of the class and pushed a big red button next to the doorway, which sent an alert to Nurse Hairymoles that something was wrong.
“Do you think Nurse Hairymoles will be able to save them?” Rachael asked Raychel.
“I don’t know,” said Raychel. “They’ve been dead for almost an hour. She would have to be one heck of a good nurse.”