Chapter Four
Principal Headcrusher

Two weeks into the year, Scary School had settled into a normal routine. At 7:30 a.m., Principal Headcrusher unlocked the school gates, made a cup of coffee, and entered her office expecting another predictable day of learning, horror, and mayhem. Instead, she found an envelope sitting on her desk with a seal that said ISG.

Principal Headcrusher dropped her coffee and began trembling.

“This is it,” she said to herself, so excited she was frozen in place. She slowly picked up the envelope, opened it very, very carefully using her teeth (since her hands were far too big and clumsy), and read these words:

Dear Principal Meredith Headcrusher of Scary School,

We received your application and are very pleased to inform you that Scary School has been selected to host this year’s Ghoul Games.

More information and surprise visits to follow.

Sincerely,

Franz Dietrich Wolfbark

Ghoul Games Committee Chairman, International Society of Ghouls

Upon reading this letter, Principal Headcrusher did a dance of joy around her office that I dare not describe to you, for it would be the scariest thing I’ve yet written and would give you nightmares for the rest of your life. Some people shouldn’t dance.

The students and faculty were immediately called into a special assembly in Petrified Pavilion.

Petrified Pavilion is a structure of uncommon beauty and gothic eeriness. Constructed completely from petrified wood, it looks as if a great tree has magically risen from the ground in the form of a glorious spherical hall. Though the exterior resembles tree bark, it shines like polished marble. The enormous spherical face of the structure looks like the face of a man, literally petrified in an eternal scream.

Through the open mouth of the screaming face is the school gymnasium and grand hall, but to enter the hall is no simple task. The open mouth of the screaming face is hundreds of feet in the air. In order to gain entry, students and faculty must stand together on gigantic branches that hang loosely on the tree’s side like wooden hands the size of buses. Once students are standing on the hands, permission to enter is verified and Petrified Pavilion lifts its hands toward its mouth, and the students must quickly hop off into the grand hall. From a distance, it appears as though the pavilion is eating its entrants alive.

To make matters worse, perched upon the head of the pavilion are gargoyles, and not the fake stone kinds you’re used to seeing. These are real gargoyles with leathery wings, sharp teeth, and horns. They perch patiently, waiting for naughty kids to try to enter the pavilion when they’re not supposed to.

The gargoyles have been known to fly down and snatch up kids if they get hungry or bored, but they’re only supposed to snatch kids who break the rules and try to sneak into Petrified Pavilion without a teacher. Some of the kids have thought of ingenious plans to get past the gargoyles and enter the pavilion without being snatched up and eaten. It’s even a rite of passage for one of Scary School’s secret clubs, but more about that in future books.

At 8:05 a.m., all the kids and teachers were piled into the bleachers of Petrified Pavilion for the special announcement. When Principal Headcrusher stepped up to the podium and announced that Scary School would be hosting this year’s Ghoul Games, she was expecting the pavilion to burst into thunderous applause and cheers. But there was complete silence.

The awkward silence continued for several minutes as everyone sat on their hands staring at Principal Headcrusher while she stared back at them. Nobody knew if what she said was good news or bad news. They were afraid to react the wrong way, which would most certainly entice Principal Headcrusher to reach out and crush their heads.

Eventually, Benny Porter, who had just come back to school as a child vampire, raised his hand.

“Yes, we have a question?” said Principal Headcrusher.

“Principal Headcrusher, what are the Ghoul Games?” Benny asked.

Everyone let out a big sigh of relief as the tension was snapped.

“Really? None of you have heard of the Ghoul Games?”

Everyone shook their heads.

“Well, it’s very good news,” she said.

Everyone burst into thunderous applause and cheers.

“Yes, yes, it’s very exciting. The Ghoul Games is the biggest event of the year for all the scary creatures of the world. They will be coming to our school to compete against us in many kinds of games. Every student will have to pick a game to compete in against the other ghouls, goblins, and monsters. That’s right, each one of you must participate in a game of your choice. But the reason this is so historic is because this is the first time human children have been allowed to participate in the Ghoul Games. It means our school has finally been recognized as part of the Scary community!”

“What games do we play?” asked Jason. “Do we play hockey?”

“I told you,” said Principal Headcrusher. “You can play any kind of game you want—sports games, video games, board games, mind games, blame games . . . you name it.”

Charles Nukid smiled very broadly when he heard he could play video games. He had been playing Guitar Legend all alone in his room for years and was pretty sure he was the best in the world at it, but never had a chance to show anyone.

Principal Headcrusher continued, “The Games will begin in the spring, so you have the whole school year to prepare. Plus, the school that wins the Ghoul Games receives a Golden Elephant and gets to go on a trip to Albania to meet the Monster King! Assembly dismissed.”

As the kids walked back to class, they couldn’t contain their excitement. They were all trying to figure out what game they were going to play in the Ghoul Games. Sign-ups were just a week away.

“I’m going to play basketball,” said Johnny.

“I’m going to play hopscotch,” said Lindsey.

“I’m going to play dead,” said Penny Possum.

For some it was an easy choice, but for most, they weren’t sure what they were best at and had to do some serious thinking.

Charles Nukid couldn’t wait for spring to arrive. He would finally get to show off his video game guitar skills to the whole school. It gave him a real sense of purpose he hadn’t felt before. Maybe I’ll dye my hair green for the added effect, he thought to himself. Then he shook his head, thinking, nah, that might be against the rules.

Principal Headcrusher stood in the hall smiling as she held her giant hands against her ears and eavesdropped on all the kids’ conversations about the Ghoul Games. It was what she’d been waiting for her whole life.

When she was born, Principal Headcrusher’s parents did not know what to make of her. How could a baby’s hands be as big as her body and as strong as a gorilla’s? Worse, she had no control of her strength in her first few years of life. She almost crushed her own parents’ heads so many times that they had to walk around the house wearing football helmets. Bottles were impossible, because when she squeezed one, it would immediately explode, sending milk flying everywhere.

The doctors all said she was a perfectly normal little girl except for those hands, so when she was old enough to start school, her parents faced a very hard decision. On one hand, the little Headcrusher needed to go to school and make friends. On the other hand, they certainly didn’t want their daughter to accidentally (or purposefully) crush the heads of other kids or teachers. That wouldn’t go over well at a regular school.

Her parents’ prayers were answered on a summer morning when they opened the door and an abominable snowman was standing there. He introduced himself as Rolf, and told them he was the principal of Scream Academy (also known as the Aaaaaah!cademy). He offered young Meredith Headcrusher a place in his school, which was hidden deep in the arctic mountains. This was a great honor, as she would become the first human child to attend the same school as monsters, vampires, werewolves, zombies, dragons, and ghosts.

At first things were very hard for Meredith at the Aaaaaah!cademy. No one wanted to be her friend because she was so different—not because of her hands, but because she was a human, and humans had never been very nice to monsters, dragons, and other scary creatures in the past. Then, one day, the nastiest bully at the school, Tony the troll, pushed Meredith to the ground and tried to steal her lunch money. When Tony got close enough, she socked him in the jaw, and Tony stumbled back in shock.

Infuriated, Tony rushed toward her, growling and drooling, about to gobble her up, but Meredith instinctively reached out and crushed the troll’s head before he could eat her. Tony the troll learned a very valuable life lesson about not bullying little girls with enormous hands.

When the other kids saw what had happened, they hoisted Meredith up on their shoulders and carried her around the school chanting her name. “Headcrusher! Headcrusher! Headcrusher!” They were so glad that the bully was gone, Meredith became the school hero and was even elected class president.

From that point forward, Meredith was very happy at Scream Academy. When she’d go back home for the summer, she’d tell all the kids on her block about her scary school, and they were all jealous that she got to go to a school that was never, ever boring.

By far, Principal Headcrusher’s favorite thing about Scream Academy was the Ghoul Games—the annual competition in various games between all the Scary schools on Earth. Young Meredith won the trophy for arm wrestling every single year. There was always a big crowd to watch her arm wrestle, and Scary students from competing schools would hoot and holler as she took down beasts and monsters five times her size with ease.

Meredith Headcrusher went on to teach human history at Scream Academy for many years before moving back to the United States to found Scary School—the first and only school to mix regular kids with Scary kids and Scary teachers. At last, her students were going to have the same opportunity she’d had as a young student to meet monsters from all over the world and possibly even attain glory and acclaim through victory.

But most importantly, an invitation to the Ghoul Games meant that Scary School was finally being recognized as a success. Nobody ever thought in a million years that there could be a functioning school mixing monsters and humans, but not only was it functioning, it was succeeding beyond her wildest dreams.

If the Ghoul Games went well, it could spell an end to the thousands of years of human-monster separation, which had been Principal Headcrusher’s highest aspiration from the moment she decided to open Scary School.

Principal Headcrusher reentered her office at 8:30 a.m. practically dancing on air, only to trip and fall at the feet of a thin man in a drab gray suit. His face was sunken in, almost skeletal. He wore thin-framed glasses and his stringy gray hair was slicked back on his spotty head.

“Mr. Wolfbark!” exclaimed Principal Headcrusher, picking herself up from the floor. “I wasn’t expecting you so soon.”

Mr. Wolfbark replied in a distant, sinister tone, “Well, if you were expecting me, it wouldn’t be much of a surprise visit, would it?”

“No, I guess not.”

Principal Headcrusher knew Franz Dietrich Wolfbark all too well. He had been her fifth-grade teacher at Scream Academy thirty years ago, and she had no fond memories of his class. He definitely didn’t think humans and monsters should be mixing. She remembered he used to call on her for only the hardest questions to make her look stupid in front of her classmates. Now he was head of the Ghoul Games.

“There are some details to discuss and forms to sign,” Wolfbark said, “which will make everything official.”

He handed her a form that said in big, black letters, HOST SCHOOL ACCEPTANCE FORM. Beneath that title, there was a bunch of microscopic writing, which she didn’t bother to read before she signed the form.

“Excellent,” he said with a cagey smile. “Now to update you on the new rules and procedures.”

“New rules and procedures? I wasn’t told of any changes.”

“Of course you didn’t think it would remain exactly the same with humans in the mix? Before this, you were the only human to ever compete in the Ghoul Games, and let’s just say, you had a ‘handy’ advantage that these human children won’t have, so some changes had to be made.”

“Okay, what are the changes?”

“For the most part things will remain the same. Since you are the host school, your students will get to decide the games that will be played, and the other schools will send over their participants for each game. However, rather than awarding medals, the prizes will be quite different. You see, this year, the winners get to . . . eat . . . the losers.”

Franz Wolfbark savored saying those last words and practically licked his chops at the thought of it.

“What?” Principal Headcrusher exclaimed. “But that means if the monsters win all the games, I won’t have any more students. That would be the end of Scary School!”

“Yes, indeed. It will be the end of something that never should have existed in the first place. On the bright side, I’m sure the Scary kids who attend your school will be able to defend themselves and won’t be eaten. I suppose it’s only the human students who will be devoured, so in the end, you’ll have a normal Scary-community school just like all the others. And won’t that be nice?”

Principal Headcrusher finally understood what was going on. Scary School wasn’t chosen for the Ghoul Games to put it on the map, it was chosen to wipe it off the map.

“Mr. Wolfbark, please. It’s one thing to lose a few students here and there to keep everyone on their toes, but I can’t lose my entire paying student body. Besides, my kids won’t even want to eat the monsters if they win.”

“Don’t worry. If the human students don’t want to eat the monsters, they will be given lollipops instead. It’s all on the acceptance form you just signed and agreed to. Feel free to take a closer look at your copy.”

It took all of Principal Headcrusher’s willpower not to crush Franz Wolfbark’s head right there.

“Farewell, Principal Headcrusher. If I don’t see you the next full moon, then certainly this spring.” There was a burst of smoke around Wolfbark. When the smoke cleared, Wolfbark was still standing there. He started whistling and walked out the office door rather unremarkably. Principal Headcrusher scratched her head in confusion. Suddenly, the smoke alarm went off, ceiling sprinklers popped out, and her entire office was drenched in streams of water.

Dripping wet, Principal Headcrusher seethed as Wolfbark laughed like a hyena from the hallway.