The fear was something few men would ever understand. The short walk home from the train station. The hurried march from car to front door. The dash down a gloomy footpath. Isolation and darkness stoked women’s fears of encountering the wrong man. The creep with the angry glint in his eye who could be triggered by the wrong word. The charmer who just wanted to be friends, but who would turn hostile at the politest refusal. Harri thought of them all now, as she walked from her car to her apartment building. She was never usually this anxious, but Sabih’s suggestion that Ben Elmys was playing her was unsettling.
She’d dropped Sabih off at his place and driven home, but it wasn’t until she stepped into her pin-drop quiet street that she realized how vulnerable and exposed she felt. Harri was a former police officer and could handle herself, but tonight she wished she had someone beside her.
She hurried up the path and poked her key in the lock. She opened the front door, and there was a slight delay before the motion-activated lights came on and illuminated the deserted lobby. She shut the door behind her, didn’t bother checking her mailbox, and went straight for the lift. She was halfway across the open space when she heard a noise coming from the stairwell. The door was ajar, but she couldn’t see anything in the thin monolith of darkness. Her stomach lurched when she heard another sound, a low shift, movement across concrete. She slid her key between her index and middle fingers and jammed her thumb behind it.
She pressed the call button, and shuddered when she heard another noise.
Please let it be Jenny’s cat, she thought, and prayed she’d see her neighbour’s grey-and-black tabby emerge from the doorway. But nothing came, and the nagging inner voice that told her the poem was meant for her also warned her that whatever lay beyond that door was not as harmless as a cat.
Harri jumped when the lift doors slid open. She hurried inside and pressed the button for the sixth floor. She slumped against the side wall beside the console as the doors eased shut.
A hand reached into the gap.
Her heart skipped a beat and started racing at a thunderous pace. The safety sensor activated and the doors bounced open to reveal Ben Elmys. Harri lost the power of speech when he stepped into the lift. She wanted to scream, but fear choked her. He was dressed like an assassin, in a black pullover and black jeans, and he looked at her with an intensity that burned her soul. She tried to scream again, but could only manage a strained choking sound.
‘It’s OK,’ Ben said, stroking her arm.
His touch was like a cattle prod, and she jumped away from him, which she realized, with sinking dismay, took her away from the doors. They closed, and the lift started to rise.
‘I’m not going to hurt you,’ Ben said.
‘I’m not afraid of you,’ Harri managed at last.
‘No? You look afraid. Terrified even. But you shouldn’t be. We’re connected. I know you feel it. You felt it the very first time we met.’
The words were delivered with such sadness, Harri almost felt sorry for him.
That’s the kind of thinking that gets women killed, Harri corrected herself instantly. Never make excuses. He shouldn’t be here, not like this.
‘We need each other,’ Ben said. ‘You might not see that now, but I hope one day you will.’
‘You shouldn’t be here,’ Harri said. ‘This is my home.’
‘When you came to my home, I wasn’t scared.’
‘What do you want?’ she asked. Her voice had a sting. She started to resent the presumption of this man. He’d invaded her space.
‘To see you,’ he replied. ‘And to tell you that whatever happens, I forgive you. It’s important you know that.’
‘What do you want with me?’
Ben’s eyes narrowed and his face fell. He looked frustrated. ‘We’re meant to be together. I really believe that,’ he replied. ‘I know you feel it. You do feel it, don’t you?’
Harri didn’t respond.
‘The time wasn’t right,’ he said, closing on her. He reached out and touched her chin. ‘But it will be. One day it will be, and I hope when you’re finally given the choice, you’ll think about how good we could be together.’
Harri held his gaze, and for a moment she saw the warmth that had drawn her to him. He’d looked at her with the same intensity when they kissed by the gate in Maer Hills all those months ago. The memory of the kisses they’d shared stirred in her chest, they were so passionate, so all consuming, so right. She felt herself waver.
Then she came to her senses, and stepped away.
This man isn’t what he seems, she told herself.
The lift stopped and the doors slid open.
‘Don’t ever come near me again,’ Harri said as she pushed past him.
She was worried he’d try to stop her, but he just stood aside and watched her go.
She took out her phone and dialled Sabih. She glanced over her shoulder and saw the lift doors close. Sabih didn’t answer, but she didn’t need him. A moment later, she was inside her flat, her locks secure, her bolts drawn, a chair wedged against the front door.
She went to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of beer. As she sat on the arm of the sofa, watching her front door, she wondered how long it would be before she stopped shaking and felt sufficiently calm to sleep.