It was a balmy August day and Ben Elmys shifted uncomfortably. He didn’t want to be in this chair, in this office, but it was a necessary part of the journey.
Elaine Hardcastle, the ceaselessly cheerful care home manager, sat behind her desk and studied the paperwork that would make him legal guardian of the child.
Elliot Asha.
Himself.
Ben shifted again. Sometimes his mind balked at the disjointed reality he’d created, but he’d had to do it and the child would have to do it again. He was the link between moments in time that ultimately saved his mother’s life and brought her back to his father so they could be together, and he would do it endlessly, because that’s what it took.
Elaine looked up. She was slightly overweight and her plump cheeks were creased with smile lines. She showed her teeth now.
‘Everything seems in order,’ she said. ‘Shall we?’
She crossed the carpeted office, but her heels started clacking the moment she stepped into the corridor. Ben followed, trying to keep his eyes off a ladder in her tights that ran up her left leg and disappeared beneath her pencil skirt. She seemed too bright and cheerful for such a blemish.
She took Ben to a reception area where the walls were the colours of sweet wrappers. Smiling faces and cuddly toys crowded posters that covered the gaudy walls, but despite all the cheer, the room seemed permeated with sadness. There was a corner unit of fabric-tile chairs of the kind found in job centres and doctors’ surgeries, and in front of them lay a graveyard of toys, battered and broken, fallen warriors maimed in battle by tiny hands.
‘If you wait here,’ Elaine said with a smile, before stepping through another door.
Ben heard her clack away. He tried to prepare. This was another crucial moment, and he scoured his memory. This one was old. From childhood. How did it go? Did it matter if he remembered? Wasn’t he fated to get it right?
Was he an actor in a play, trapped by lines written by his future self? Or did he have agency? Are our paths set? Or our futures undecided? Ben never could make up his mind.
He tried to recall the words and paced the space until Elaine returned with another woman, this one much younger and less smiley. And they brought Elliot Asha with them.
Ben smiled uncertainly at his younger self, but Elliot was distraught.
‘I don’t want to go with him,’ he said the moment he saw Ben. ‘I want Mum and Dad.’
‘I know,’ Elaine responded, ‘but Mr Elmys—’
Elliot cut her off. ‘I want Mum and Dad.’
Grief glistened in the ten-year-old’s eyes. He pulled away from Elaine and ran into the corner where he slumped down with the broken toys.
‘Elliot, your mummy and daddy wouldn’t want you to be sad. They’d want you to live a good life. They’d want you to smile and laugh and be happy,’ Elaine said as she approached him. ‘They wouldn’t have left you with Mr Elmys if they didn’t think he was a good man.’
She reached for his arm, but he lashed out with a petulant cry. He turned and started trying to hit her. She held him at bay, and the younger woman rushed over to help restrain him.
‘Gently, Steph,’ Elaine cautioned, and the two women spoke soothing words and tried to calm the distraught boy.
Ben watched, anguished at the pain, tormented by his own memories of the moment. He knew exactly what the boy was going through and that the two women couldn’t say anything to ease his suffering.
‘I’m sorry,’ Elaine said. ‘If we can’t calm him down, we’ll have to do this another day.’
Ben stepped forward. ‘Would you mind if I tried? He knows me, don’t you, Elliot? Maybe if I could speak to him alone?’
Elaine looked at Steph, who was stroking the shuddering boy’s hair. She shrugged.
‘OK,’ Elaine relented, and she and Steph stepped away to the opposite side of the room.
Ben crouched down and tried to catch Elliot’s eye, but the boy was staring at the floor.
‘I know how much you miss them, Elliot. I really do. I know how hard this is, little man. I know what you’re going through, but I’ll make a deal with you. It’s the same deal someone once made with me.’
Elliot lifted his eyes from the floor. Ben remembered this. His interest had been piqued. The words had cut through the pain.
‘Come with me, and I promise you will see your mum and dad again,’ Ben said. ‘You can’t ever tell anyone, because if people learn about this secret, they will do anything and everything they can to take it away from you. It’s a kind of magic, but one that won’t work if others take it from us. If you come with me, and keep this secret forever, I promise I will make sure you see them again.’
A glimmer of hope took hold in Elliot’s eyes. The fairy-tale hope of magic and miracles and happy endings children cling to.
‘You promise?’ he asked earnestly.
‘I’ll show you how,’ Ben replied. ‘I promise.’
Elliot reached out his little hand, and Ben took it and helped the boy to his feet. Ben led a changed child over to Elaine and Steph, and he could sense their astonishment.
‘How did you do that?’ Elaine asked. ‘What did you say?’
‘We made a deal, didn’t we, Elliot?’ Ben said.
The boy nodded.
‘What deal?’ Elaine asked.
‘I can’t say,’ Elliot replied. ‘It’s a secret.’
‘A secret?’ Elaine remarked with more than a hint of suspicion.
Ben nodded. ‘I made him a promise.’