That afternoon in Alice Springs, Ava watched the side of the road flash past as her mother drove her from the hospital to the family flat. It wasn’t far, and despite their protests that she should travel back to the station with them, they were dropping her off against their better judgement, and heading back to Setabilly before dark.
Ava said again, ‘I’m fine. If he agrees to come, I want to bring Zac back myself.’ More importantly, she wanted the alone time in the car with Zac to see if they could find the rapport from their previous closeness. It wasn’t much of a plan, though, and it relied on both Zac agreeing to convalesce at her home, and also the privacy while they became acquainted before then.
There was silence from her mother and a nod from Mim. Her mother would have to deal with whatever reason she had for her tepid response to Zac.
‘So you met him on the plane back from Sydney?’ Stella finally spoke from the front.
‘Yes, and then we worked together in Alice.’ It was the second time she’d asked, and Ava thought again that her mother was behaving oddly.
‘Hmmm,’ said her mother. ‘And he’s going back to Sydney in a month?’
Mim interrupted. ‘I think the idea of bringing him back to the station is a good one, Ava. You’ll be able to look after him and show him around. I think that would help take his mind off the horrible feeling of losing a slice of his life. Don’t you, Stella?’
Ava smiled her thanks at the back of her grandmother’s head. Every few minutes, Granny Mim would turn and give her a little smile. She needed to have her family’s understanding, but when her grandmother’s sympathy came her way, she felt reassured that her heart would not break. That things would turn out well.
She deliberately breathed in slowly and then out. In and out. She needed to let everything go, and just concentrate on healing herself from the shock of the accident and her own small injuries. She also needed to believe that Zac’s memory would return.
She’d visit him again tomorrow, convince him to come, and start again. She needed him to come with her. To let whatever their future together would be to grow naturally, because loving someone couldn’t be forced.
Or forgotten.
Or lost.
Could it?
She slowed her breathing again as a wave of sadness rolled over her, and she brushed away a lone, stupid tear as it threatened to run down her cheek. It could have been much worse. She had to keep telling herself that. He’d be physically fine. Dr Fithers had said he was happy with the scans. It was the amnesia and the loss of the last weeks that felt like a chasm between then when they’d only just found happiness.
Mim turned her head again as if she knew what Ava was thinking. ‘He’ll be fine, darling.’ She smiled encouragingly at Ava. ‘He seems very strong …’ She paused and her eyes twinkled. ‘He seems like a particularly virile man, and I imagine his recuperative powers are impressive.’
Was there innuendo in that statement? Surely Mim couldn’t know that they’d slept together. Ava felt her cheeks warm and the sudden lift of her spirits was something she’d not have believed possible even a minute ago, but such was the magic of Mim.
Darling Mim. Nobody could love their family more, nor mischievously direct from the sidelines in the loving way Mim did.
The next morning, Ava drove back to the hospital, her fingers tense on the steering wheel. She went early, deciding she’d come back to the flat to pack after she knew Zac’s decision. She had things to do in town before she left.
Mostly she was thinking about if he said no. Which was the opposite to what she should be doing – affirmations and all that. Hopefully that wouldn’t happen because she’d convince him. But what if he did? Then she’d have to try to forget him and also the fact that she’d found the man she instinctively knew could have given her a happily ever after.
Once at the hospital, she climbed softly so her feet wouldn’t echo in the deserted stairwell. It wasn’t visiting hours and she hoped she wouldn’t meet any staff on the way, more for the fact that she didn’t feel like conversation than any worry they’d tell her she had to leave. Coming out on the second floor, she crossed to Zac’s doorway and found him standing at the window looking out over the hospital grounds. His broad shoulders were silhouetted against the light and there was tension in the stiff set of his neck. She wanted to come up behind him and put her arms around him in comfort. Instead, she knocked quietly on the doorframe and waited, and when he turned, his face lay in the shadow with the light behind him.
‘Ah, Ava. Good morning.’
‘Morning, Zac.’ She could hear too much cheery brightness in her voice and pulled it back. She only just managed to stop herself from asking, Are you coming? Taking a calm breath, she said, ‘How are you?’
‘Feeling remarkably well,’ he replied, then he paused and gestured for her to come in. ‘And you?’
‘Fine, thanks.’ She could feel her heart thumping and this precipice of the future was killing her. She needed to end this indecision before it did her head in. ‘Have you thought more about where you will convalesce?’ she asked as coolly as she could muster.
He nodded. ‘I have. George has been to see me already and I can leave today. He thinks going with you is a better idea than staying on my own at the hotel, and he’d prefer I didn’t fly back to Sydney yet because my parents are in Greece for a couple of weeks.’
She felt her heart lift. He was coming.
‘But I still think it’s an imposition on you.’ She could hear the hesitancy in his voice.
‘It’s no imposition if you’d like to come.’ She kept her voice light, though the idea that his parents knew at least her name now made her feel anxious. She’d been driving when their son had almost been killed.
‘Though I’d better tell you now in case you change your mind – Mum wants you sleeping in the homestead so she can watch you.’
His mouth opened and shut.
She grimaced. ‘That conversation went as expected. I suggested you’d want a cabin and your privacy but was howled down because you “need watching”.’ She shrugged. ‘You could stay a couple of days in the house and then move out. I gave up trying to reason with her.’
To her surprise, he didn’t seem fazed. ‘She seems a strong-willed woman.’ She could hear the smile in his voice, which reassured her.
She couldn’t stand this any more. ‘I’m leaving at twelve, so yes or no?’ She had a pretty good poker face for work and she hoped it was doing its job now because her stomach was twisted in knots.
‘If you’re sure it’s no imposition, then yes, please. I’ll be ready at twelve. George picked up my things and checked me out of my hotel.’
Ava tried not to sag with relief. ‘Thank you.’ Now she really wanted to throw her arms around him. She’d better get out of here before she made him think she’d be offering inappropriate gestures of affection if he went with her.
‘You’ve made me happy. I’ll be back in a couple of hours then, at twelve.’ She smiled blindly in his direction and bolted to the stairwell, where, after trotting down to a landing, she leaned against the wall and closed her eyes. Who knew that would have been so hard and so fraught? She just hoped she was doing the right thing for both of them, because if this didn’t work it was going to be hell for her. She really hoped these obstacles they’d encountered were not fate trying to warn her.
At twelve exactly, Ava pulled up at the entrance to the hospital. Zac appeared at the front steps looking pale but with the tilted smile she remembered from the plane, and she reassured herself that she wasn’t doing anything that was going to hurt her more than she already had been.
She jumped out and hurriedly opened the passenger door for him. ‘You look like death warmed up,’ she teased, although she was questioning whether he was actually well enough to travel four hours in a car. Especially after the last time she’d been driving.
‘I’m fine.’ Zac eased his long legs into the front of the vehicle. He glanced wryly at her as he settled, and the nurse who had followed him out handed Ava his bag.
‘Packing and getting himself sorted took a bit. You sure you’ll be right with him? What if he faints on you?’ The nurse, Jodie, was an agency nurse Ava had done a few shifts with.
‘I guess he’s better with me than alone in a hotel room here. If he deteriorates I’ll phone RFDS for advice.’ This was her one extravagance – she always carried a satellite phone.
Jodie nodded and stepped back. ‘He’s a nice guy – it’s a shame he’s sick. Say hello to the mums and bubs at the community.’ She looked a bit wistful. ‘Enjoy.’
‘Thanks, Jodie.’ The nurse waved as she turned away.
Enjoy, Ava thought with a pang, as she buckled her seatbelt and glanced at her passenger. He stared straight ahead, his profile strongly defined as if he were clenching his teeth. Which made her ask, ‘Are you in pain?’
He didn’t turn. ‘Only from hoisting myself on you.’
She laughed softly and turned back to the road as if the bitumen held a world of fascinating sights. Without looking at him she said, ‘You can change your mind now. Otherwise, you’ll be stuck on an isolated cattle station surrounded by red earth, mountain ranges and bossy women.’
She tried not to hold her breath in case he did just that – underlining the fact that he must be wondering if he was doing the right thing in trusting her. A woman he didn’t remember. She grimaced at that. The one positive was that it had been recommended by his doctor.
What was it about this man that had made her put herself at risk like this? The feelings inside her were too big for the occasion now that it was all one-sided. She knew he didn’t feel the same urge she had to reach across and touch his cheekbone to reassure herself he was fine.
She had to believe everything would work out. If it didn’t it wouldn’t be for want of her trying.
She pointed to the floor. ‘There are two rehydration drinks and some muesli bars in the cool bag beside your feet.’
He raised his brows with a slightly mocking smile. ‘Thanks. You’ve packed my playlunch?’
That sounded more like her Zac and she smiled at him. ‘Cheeky blighter. I’m keeping you hydrated and your glucose levels up. This way there’ll be less chance I’ll have to phone a friend to save you.’
He gave her his heart-melting smile at that and she was lost as her cheeks heated. ‘Ready?’
Zac shifted in his seat to look at her properly. ‘Yes. Though I’m still not sure why you agreed to let me lump myself on you in this state. Doesn’t seem fair for your holidays.’
‘I know.’ She threw up her hands, pretending horror, before she started the vehicle. ‘Crazy. But your sparkling company grew on me in just a week and I’m hoping to find that again,’ she said lightly. She was still a little surprised he’d agreed to come. ‘I’m sure you’d do the same for me if our roles were reversed.’ She wasn’t, but it was a standard answer she used when people tried to thank her for an act of kindness.
‘True.’ And he gave her another singularly sweet smile that reminded her she’d liked this guy on first sight. Loved him by day two. And maybe that smile was why she’d been drawn to Zac. That, and seeing Zac’s genuine caring and compassion for the young, the old and the staff, despite the maelstrom of a busy ED and maternity department. But he didn’t remember any of that.
He said, ‘I looked up your family station on my phone and I’d like to at least pay the tariff for accommodation on the web page. Lack of finances isn’t a hardship I suffer from.’
She opened her mouth to refuse and then stopped herself. She guessed she’d want to do the same. Charity sucked. And her family could use the money. ‘I invited, so you don’t have to. But if you’d prefer to pay, then no problem. You can do it online later.’
It was funny how hard that had been to say, which was probably why she was a midwife and not a businesswoman.
The awkwardness passed as she pulled into traffic. ‘We’re all looking forward to you coming.’
‘It was good of your family to drop in yesterday.’
‘My mother is tough. As is my grandmother.’
‘And yet they both look so sweet. I’ll look forward to knowing them better. And you.’
You do know me, she ached to say. She stared at the road, but in her peripheral vision she could still see his broad shoulders resting back against her passenger seat. Could detect the tang of his aftershave, a mix of wood and citrus, and feel the heat from his big, rangy body a foot away from hers. He was her man, a man whose bone structure, musculature and skin she knew intimately.
Taking him with her had better work.
‘Is Uluru near your station?’ he asked, and Ava thought, Thank you. A welcome interruption.
‘About seventy kilometres. Mount Conner is closer and also impressive.’
‘I feel ripped off that I’ve been to the centre and I don’t remember any of it.’
Now there was a nice, safe topic, and Ava grabbed the opportunity. ‘We can drive out when you’re feeling up to it. I do the base walk around Uluru as often as I can. I start after sunrise and it takes me about three hours, but I love the different facets. The folds and the angles in morning light, and the up close and personal is less populated with tourists at that time.’ She thought about the moments just leaning against the smooth granite, feeling the vibration in her aura. He’d think she was a crackpot.
He leaned back in his seat and said quietly, ‘I must do that one day. How long is the base walk?’
‘Nearly ten kilometres around.’ She glanced quickly at him. ‘Maybe give yourself a couple of weeks before you do. I hike the base most times I work down there. It’s good for my soul.’ She shrugged a little self-consciously. ‘I see something different every time. And it’s good exercise. Bit different to a gym, I imagine.’
‘I like the gym.’ He half laughed. ‘But I’ll have to go back to see what you see before I return to Sydney.’
Her confidence took a hit. Of course he was going back. He remembered nothing about his promise to do what was necessary for their relationship to work.
After a few minutes of silence, awkward for him and tense for her, she said, ‘Before the accident, you told me you went to Weipa last month. That’s one of the places I’d like to do a stint. They say it’s an amazing flight into the town.’
He blew out a breath as if to loosen the sudden tension between them.
‘Weipa …’ He paused. ‘I remember that. It was nothing like I expected. Nothing I’d done before in Sydney. Which was what I wanted after my wife died.’ He turned to look at her and she briefly met his eyes. ‘I’m guessing I told you about that?’
She nodded and eased the grip she had on the steering wheel. And his honesty, again, eased the ache in her heart for what she might lose. He too was trying.
‘Flying into Weipa is spectacular.’ He stared straight ahead with the slightest smile on his face, and she could tell he had shifted his thoughts to that flight.
She was glad. Of course the loss of his wife made him hurt and clam up, and also feel guilty that he’d had some sort of relationship with her so soon after his Roslyn had died. And getting him to talk was for her benefit, too – she loved the sound of his voice. Unfortunately, she loved a lot of things about him.