Chapter 4
“Let the redeemed of the Lord say Amen!”
The following Sunday, Johnnie walked through the doors of Mount Zion Holiness Church. Service had already begun and she was late. She skipped choir rehearsal the previous day and contemplated skipping Sunday morning service altogether, but felt the need to go. In order to sing on Sunday morning, she had to go to rehearsal on Saturday. Johnnie never missed a rehearsal prior to losing her virginity. Singing on Sunday morning was something she looked forward to. Worship service offered her the opportunity to hone her singing skills as well as sing the Lord’s praises. Now the thought of singing spiritual songs made her feel like a hypocrite; especially since she knew that the man who had deflowered her would return so she could pleasure him again.
Worship service was in full swing when Johnnie walked into the sanctuary. The church was packed with members, singing and praising the Lord. The whole building seemed to sway with the gospel rhythm. “Hallelujah!” Johnnie heard Reverend Staples shout. Shortly after that, she heard, “Holy, Holy, Holy, is our God,” followed by, “Rose of Sharon, bright and morning star, King of kings, Lord of lords, we give you the highest praise.” The woman next to her lifted her hands and shouted “Hallelujah!” Then from the back of the church, someone shouted another hallelujah, and another and another until it seemed as if the entire church was caught up in the spirit of the service. Conviction consumed Johnnie when she heard such high praise. She never considered herself a sinner even though she believed all human beings were born sinners. Johnnie knew she wasn’t perfect, but she believed she was closer to it than anyone at Mount Zion—Reverend Staples being the only exception, and she wasn’t sure about him.
The fact that her mother had sold her virginity so callously removed the veil of innocence and stripped her of any semblance of perfection, reducing her to the status of an ordinary sinner. Ever since Johnnie was a little girl, she had been taught that sin separates people from God. Now that she had consented to sexual sin, she was separated from God, and therefore, no longer a Christian.
After the announcements were read, Reverend Staples stood up and said, “Let the redeemed of the Lord say Amen!”
“Amen,” the members said and took their seats.
“Turn with me in your Bibles to Jeremiah 17:9,” Reverend Staples continued. “When you find it, say Amen.”
“Amen,” the members said in unison a few moments later.
Reverend Staples read, “The heart is deceitful above all and desperately wicked.” Johnnie thought he was talking to her as he spoke, like he was standing right next to her, speaking directly in her ear. “Some of us are so self-righteous that it’s going to take a lifetime to discover the truth of this verse so that we might be truly saved,” Reverend Staples went on. “If you’re lookin’ around at your neighbor . . . If you’re thinkin’ of your husband or your wife . . . If you’re thinkin’ of anyone other than yourself . . . this message is for you.”
Johnnie found his words to be both penetrating and prophetic. Something within her told her to run to the altar, but she resisted. Her mother needed her to “be nice” to Earl Shamus. Yet, somehow she knew that her refusal to go to the altar would alter the course of her life for years to come—perhaps forever. If I’m going to continue having sex with Mr. Shamus, what’s the point in confessing my sins? I’ll confess when I know I won’t have to do it with him anymore.