In Germany, they came first for the Communists, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn’t speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time, no one was left to speak.
Martin Niemöeller, 1892–1984
My 1828 Webster’s dictionary defines the word fear as a “painful emotion or passion excited by an expectation of evil. Fear is accompanied by a desire to avoid or ward off the expected evil. Fear is an uneasiness of mind, upon the thought of future evil likely to befall us.”
In its milder forms, fear can initiate a rush of adrenaline and be stimulating or even exciting; it is the reason many people enjoy roller-coaster rides or a scary moment in a movie (neither of which are on my top-ten list). But if fear persists to the point of becoming unmanageable or operates in extreme measures, it creates a tension so great that people say and do things they might not normally do. It short-circuits our spiritual discernment and may cause us to respond with ineffective thoughts, logic, and emotions. Fear is captivating and creates a cycle of confusion that may lead to a serious path of hurt, pain, and destruction.
This powerful emotion greatly affects our responses. It has a large impact on our participation in runaway conversations and is our fifth track of defilement.
Fear: Anxiety-producing emotions that lead one to be concerned about losing control. This is often brought about by unexpected or poorly handled situations.
The connection might not be readily apparent. It is easy to wonder, for instance, how an evil report about an individual can create a fear response in us. We will look at this and other aspects of the fear cycle, as well as learn how to break free. The spiral of defilement is like a whirlpool of water. It is fascinating to look at and somewhat hypnotic, but if you get caught up in the current, it is very difficult to get out. As you spin around and around in the whirlpool, all points of reference get blurred. The fear cycle is one that spins us around to such an extent that we cannot identify the beginning from the end. Innocent comments seem like cutting remarks. Simple conversations become distorted and convoluted.
I remember swimming in the ocean during my college days in San Diego. I loved the waves crashing against the shore, the taste of salt on my lips, the fresh smell of the sea. I spent many hours enjoying the sun, the surf, and the sand. (Naturally, this was after I had finished going to class, doing my homework, and studying for every test. Well, maybe it was before, or instead of, I can’t remember—it is such a convenient blur!)
In any event, I specifically enjoyed bodysurfing in the ocean. I would swim out to where the waves began to grow on their way to cresting and then breaking. As the water would swell around me, I would swim along with it. The key was to be swimming in the wave as it crested. The momentum of the wave would then carry me toward the shore. When it was done properly, I could actually be propelled along in the midst of the wave with my head out of the water and enjoy a free water ride.
Occasionally, however, the wave would suddenly break on the shore and crash down with me in the middle of it. The turbulence of the water would spin me around, over and over again until I could not tell which way was up. I remember times when my lungs were ready to burst yet my body continued to be tossed to and fro underwater like a piece of seaweed. I would try frantically and desperately to swim toward the surface only to realize I was swimming sideways or, worse yet, toward the bottom. The feeling of panic and fear only magnified my confusion and my misdirection until finally I achieved freedom from the watery prison and could gulp big breaths of air.
Likewise, when we place ourselves in a position amenable to gossip and murmuring, the emotion of fear empowers the areas of confusion, contamination, foolishness, and identification, all leading to defilement. The panic that comes with fear causes us to think that we must respond immediately with exceptional force and conviction. As in my ocean experiences, our perspective becomes distorted; we attempt to reach for “fresh air” only to realize we have gone in the wrong direction. This only reinforces the panicky emotions and elevates the desperate nature of our actions. If we continue to develop this pattern in our lives, each situation becomes more and more unclear as we react to people with confusion, judgment, criticism, and condemnation. Further, it is the emotion of fear that opens the door for the dangerous stage of impurity, which will be discussed in the next chapter.
To Fear or Not to Fear
Certainly there are times when fear is good. Fear and anxiety can warn of imminent danger: A little child may be fearful to cross a busy street by herself; an adult may be fearful of walking alone in certain areas. These can be lifesaving motivations. It becomes important, then, to have an understanding of fear and the wisdom to know what to fear.
Here are some scriptures to help us gain an appropriate perspective on fear.
While the admonition to fear God is clear, the Lord also gives the command not to fear.
Fear. . . . Do not fear. . . . It might sound paradoxical upon first glance. I believe the key is found in this verse: “In God (I will praise His word), in God I have put my trust; I will not fear. What can flesh do to me?” (Psalm 56:4). In other words, trust in God, not in man. Fear the Lord, flee from evil.
How are we fearful of God? By giving Him honor, respect, and reverence for His power and authority. “The fear of the LORD is to hate evil; pride and arrogance and the evil way and the perverse mouth I hate” (Proverbs 8:13). God never intended fear to bring bondage to our lives. It is meant to guide us and keep us safe under His protective covering.
Unfortunately, in circumstances where false reports are being uttered, the fear of the Lord is usually overlooked. Our trust is placed in the constant barrage of negative and condescending remarks and inaccurate information. This takes a terrible toll on us as our defenses are gradually worn down. We begin to reject the truth we know, the people we love, and the destiny to which God has called us. We begin to anticipate, fixate on negative outcomes—surely accidents, broken relationships, injuries, rejection, and hurt are just around the corner. As stated earlier in this chapter, our responses become atypical of us (as godly men or women) and typical of a defiled person.
Faith does not operate in the realm of fear. In fact, it could be said that fear is the opposite of faith. Remember the definition of fear stated earlier: “an uneasiness of mind, upon the thought of future evil likely to befall us.” We cannot dwell on God’s goodness if our minds are full of fear.
It was during a recent time of ministry with a couple in our church that my wife, Joyce, and I saw the full effect of fear. The couple was struggling in their marriage and asked for counsel and prayer. Their problems were serious.
Even though the couple expressed little hope for their marriage, Joyce and I spoke words of faith and encouragement to them. We serve an awesome God whom we have seen take broken lives and marriages and restore them miraculously. At one point, when it appeared we were not making headway, Joyce pressed in a little deeper. “It seems you have made up your minds about your marriage. What kind of feedback have you had regarding the future of your marriage?” This question was asking the couple to divulge the source of input for their lives. Was it the Bible? Prayer? Godly counsel with friends? Ministry leaders? The next-door neighbor? A person at work? Someone who had gone through similar trials?
The next few minutes were very telling in the lives of this couple. They both had listened to friends who had been divorced or were separated. It became evident that the constant negative input had filled them with fear. They were confused and hurting. They both acknowledged the tendency to identify with the problems they heard and negate the possibility of solutions. “My wife (or husband) does that too” was a common rejoinder for them in those conversations.
May I tell you the phrase that tipped us off? We have heard it many times, and whenever we hear it spoken, we know that the individuals have been polluted by the world’s views. This phrase tells us that God is not a part of their thinking and that they have moved into a fear of the world, of life, and of the future. The phrase is this: “I have given to others all my life and now I need to look out for myself.” This is the same as saying, “I no longer want to serve. . . . I am more important than anyone. . . . Meeting someone else’s needs is not as important as meeting my own needs.” I will come back to this situation later in this chapter.
Let us look at a biblical account involving Jesus and some very dear friends. Take note that constant negative and false reports had great impact on the thinking of people in biblical times, also, to the point that even those who knew Jesus well lost sight of who He really was and of His authority.
Mary and Martha and their brother, Lazarus, enjoyed a special relationship with Jesus. He had spent time at their house, both socializing and ministering. Mary is remembered as the one who anointed His feet with oil and wiped them with her hair (see John 12:3). The Bible says explicitly, “Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus” (John 11:5). It is very evident that Mary, Martha, and Lazarus had spent time with Jesus.
During their times of “connecting” with one another and building relationships, of course, the air around them swirled constantly with charges and allegations about Jesus. The city of Bethany, the home of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus, was an oppressed area. It was also known as the “house of misery” because of its reputation for welcoming many physically injured and emotionally hurting people. Certainly the people felt rejection and complained of their lot in life. How many times were curses made toward Jesus regarding the assertion of His being the Christ? Certainly the Pharisees belittled and besmirched His name. Is it possible that after such a barrage even Mary and Martha finally got worn down? Could fear have found its way into their hearts due to the persistent spirits of confusion and contamination that surrounded them daily?
In John 11 we follow the account. Lazarus was ill, and his sisters sent a message to Jesus that their brother was sick. Note, however, this critical point: The message was not “Lazarus is sick” but “Lord, behold, he whom You love is sick” (John 11:3). Jesus cared deeply for Lazarus. He was a friend; they had a personal relationship. My perception is that because of this connection there was an expectation that Jesus would hurry to be with the family. But Jesus did not go to see Lazarus immediately, and instead stayed where He was for two more days. Then He decided to go to Judea, a place where there was animosity against Him. I imagine there was much discussion among the disciples. “Why is He waiting to go to Lazarus?” “Judea? Is that a wise choice?” Even though Jesus (whose miracles were well known and whose word was always true) revealed to the disciples that Lazarus had died but that He would “wake him,” they found little to be encouraged about. Thomas made a most telling comment when they departed for Judea: “Then Thomas, who is called the Twin, said to his fellow disciples, ‘Let us also go, that we may die with Him’” (John 11:16). Now, that is an encouraging send-off! I suppose the name “doubting Thomas” was appropriate for this reason.
When Jesus and His disciples finally reached Bethany, Lazarus’s dead body had been in the tomb for four days. When word came that Jesus had arrived in town, Martha left the house, where many people had gathered to comfort her and Mary, to meet Him. Or rather, she was up and on the move ready to confront the Son of God. Is it surprising that Martha headed toward Jesus, wanting a discussion, while Mary sat still in the house? (See John 11:20.) Remember, it was Mary who sat at the feet of Jesus, listening contemplatively, while Martha was active, busying herself with work.
Martha immediately engaged Jesus in conversation. Her statement was respectful, showing a degree of former faith yet lacking in active faith. “Now Martha said to Jesus, ‘Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died’” (John 11:21). Martha knew Jesus could have saved Lazarus. She had seen and heard of many of His miracles. It was for this reason they sent word to Jesus and asked for a healing for their brother. Yet fear had robbed her of active faith—faith that can be called upon in the present. When all seems bleak, when there is no visual substance to believe, it is our active faith that wells up within us and awaits the touch from God. “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1).
If Martha had not let fear swallow her faith, she would have asked God to speak forth words of life. Fear altered her perception. Martha’s mind began to run away with her thoughts, and instead of being drawn toward God she was pulled away.
In response to her comments, Jesus spoke these words: “Your brother will rise again” (John 11:23). Martha’s lack of faith was again blatantly obvious in her words. She did not acknowledge the possibility of a miracle, but instead noted that Lazarus would rise, like all dead people, in the day of resurrection.
Thus my impression is that Martha and Mary had been polluted by the words of those around them. Instead of having a clear vision about the possibilities in God, they were discouraged and walked in fear of the truth. They resigned themselves to the death of Lazarus, even though “the resurrection and the life” (John 11:25) stood in their midst. Did they not understand the healing power of Jesus? They had faith in the ability of God to heal their brother of sickness yet were unable to extend that faith to resurrection from death to life.
Is God to be so limited by us? When we begin to place limitations on the power of God, we enter into a “wilderness” mentality. Remember the Hebrew people and the countless miracles of God they witnessed. Plagues were sent upon the Egyptians to open up the opportunity for them to be free. The Red Sea parted so they could pass through, and then, as suddenly as it parted, it closed upon their enemies. And still the Israelites continually placed limitations upon God. “We don’t have enough food; we are going to die.” “We are thirsty; we are going to die.” “We are surrounded by our enemies; we are going to die.” They limited God in His authority and power in their lives.
How do people who know of God’s divine power place barriers and restrictions upon Him? Mary and Martha were not able to seize upon their active faith because they had been polluted by discouragement and confusion. This blindness to the ability of Christ to heal their brother, to raise him from the dead, was mainly due to fear. But where did this “pollution and fear” come from?
The words spoken to Martha and Mary had indeed penetrated deeply. John 11:19 speaks of how people gathered around to “comfort” them. This is mentioned again in verse 31. Was godly solace for the bereaved really taking place? More likely the comforters gave in to the temptation to speak negative comments about Jesus and His “unwillingness” to come when He knew that His friends desperately wanted Him.
The Greek word used for comfort in John 11:19 and 11:31 is paramutheomai (Strong’s #3888). It is derived from another word, muthos (Strong’s #3454), which means “a tale, fiction, fable.” Were the words being told to Mary and Martha by the friends around them a myth, a fable? Were they being ministered to by fairy tales? It appears the words spoken to Mary and Martha contained fabrications and exaggerations.
Their minds must have been racing, hearing every comment made by the unbelieving crowd. “See, I told you He wouldn’t come.” “He wasn’t really your friend.” “Why did He wait before coming here? He doesn’t care about us.” And then, when Jesus did arrive, Martha acted in a way contrary to her belief system. She made a negative confession, one that displayed the current condition of her heart . . . one struggling with faith. She had become confused, hurt, bewildered, and fearful. The evil reports cloaked in soothing words had allowed deep fear and doubt to rise up in both Martha and Mary. No longer did they see Jesus as the healer, the Lord of life, but only as one who let them down.
In this story we have an excellent example of how to combat fear in the face of powerful runaway words. Jesus did not argue, debate, or fight with Martha. He simply told her the truth. He reiterated the truth. “Your brother will rise again” (verse 23). “He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live” (verse 25). “And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die” (verse 26). Jesus concluded by asking Martha a poignant question: “Do you believe this?” (verse 26). The direct, honest and loving way in which Jesus approached Martha brought clarity to her. She was able to see through the fear and realize the significance of what she had been saying. Martha told Jesus that she knew He was the Christ, the Son of the living God, who had come to the world (see John 11:27). Once the truth was recognized and confessed, the cloud of confusion and fear lifted. With the truth shining in her heart, Martha was able to bring her sister to Jesus.
However, notice in verses 28–32 that Martha secretly goes to Mary and then states that Jesus was asking for her. Why secretly? She now recognized the power of the negative reports and did not want to be assaulted by them again. Then, in order to avoid Mary arguing with her, she says that Jesus asked for her personally (which was not true). And then, with the same attitude and exact same verbiage, Mary says to Jesus, “If you had been here, my brother would not have died.” How interesting that both Mary and Martha use the exact same statement in separate conversations. Do you think they might have heard this phrase (and many others) from their friends who were comforting them with myths and fables?
Jesus was overcome with compassion and love for Mary and Martha. He was not angry or upset, but returned their words with kindness and truth. And even as He wept over their pain, He brought triumphant life back to their midst with the raising of Lazarus. We, too, should speak with words of love, compassion, and kindness to those trapped in fear.
This was a watershed event for those who surrounded Jesus. Like Martha and Mary many saw and believed, but many others chose to continue with poisonous words against Him: “But some of them [who had seen Lazarus walk out of the tomb] went away to the Pharisees and told them the things Jesus did” (verse 46). Fear of Roman reprisals because of Jesus’ popularity drove the Pharisees to put their words into action: “Then, from that day on, they plotted to put Him to death” (verse 53).
Fear can draw us toward God or pull us away. It can create a desire in us to cling to the truth or alter our perception of the truth. While Satan wants to use fear to rob us of our faith in God, we need to continue to speak words of truth and confidence regarding our place with Christ.
A Personal Example
We saw in the example of Martha and Mary what can happen when words of truth crash through words of doubt and fear. These words came from Jesus Himself, but truth may also come from a friend, from the Bible, or from any number of likely sources. However, it may also come from the very person who placed the fear in you, the source of the anxiety and defilement. Let me share a personal example.
Having made a change in my teaching status, I moved to a different building and was teaching at a different grade level. I was excited about this change and anxious for God to use me in this area. During the first few days all seemed promising: I met many of the teachers and was feeling very much a part of the staff. At the end of the first week, however, I had an encounter that influenced me for the rest of the year. One conversation, one quick dialogue and I became “trapped” for the next nine months. Fear is an odd emotion. It can come upon us so quickly, so suddenly. Before we even have a chance to respond, fear begins to wrap its tentacles around our hearts and minds.
I was walking down the hallway on my way to lunch and I passed by Karen. She was a teacher in her midthirties, whom I had met briefly in a meeting. I smiled at her and said, “Hello, Sharon.” She looked at me, unsmiling, and corrected me regarding her name. I apologized sheepishly, attributing my mistake to being new and meeting so many people. Getting no response, I continued to chat casually, commenting about the number of students in the hallway and how crowded it was to walk. She received my efforts with a stern, steady scowl. My thirty-thousand-dollar education and my counseling credentials helped me discern immediately that something was amiss. Or, perhaps, it was the hole that was now bored in my head from her steely glare. Regardless, I knew we were not connecting very well and fear began to approach. I asked her if I had said something wrong. Her response helped fear get a tighter grip on my mind. “Why would you care?” she said. “It’s not like you would change.” She retreated into her classroom as the bell rang, signaling the beginning of the next period.
I gulped, took a deep breath (actually a shallow breath because I felt as though someone was choking me) and followed her into her classroom. I was not sure what to say, but I knew something needed to be done. I had no desire to go through the rest of the day or week with someone upset with me. “Karen, could we meet after school to talk? I’m sorry if I have offended you.” There was a bit of pleading in my voice. Again a withdrawn, distant response came forth: “It would be a waste of time. Your arrogance would get in the way.” With that she turned her back and the conversation was over.
Dejected and in shock, I walked down the hallway wondering how to respond. My mind was confused as I replayed the conversation over and over. What had I said? Was she right? Right about what? It did not make any sense to me. And worse yet, there was no hiding from the problem: Her room was on the same floor as mine. I would be passing by her door several times a day. Was it too late to change jobs?
Within minutes another teacher tracked me down. She asked how I was doing. I suppose that having my lower lip drag on the floor gave a slight indication that something was not right. This teacher explained that she had been in the hallway and had heard the conversation. I shook my head and had few words to offer in reply. The teacher told me to not take it personally as Karen had done this to many other teachers, especially men. She had had several bad experiences in past relationships and was bitter. From the consoling teacher’s perspective, Karen was an angry person who often responded to people with venom and rage. Over the next half hour, two other teachers approached me in an attempt to offer encouragement.
Yet as the school day ended, I could not shake the heaviness upon me. I went to the principal in an effort to obtain counsel. When I sat down in his office, he said, “Sounds like you met Karen today.” I smiled weakly as I realized that the story had probably spread throughout the school (the joy of gossip!). I shared my perspective and asked if I should approach her again, apologize, and attempt to smooth over the situation. His counsel was to leave it alone, as he concurred with the other staff members regarding her anger. He shared that she was a fine teacher, but she struggled with relationships with fellow staff members. I was told she was much “better” than she used to be with people. That was not much comfort.
As the weeks passed I found clever ways to avoid Karen. I walked to the other end of the hallway to get wherever I was going, even if it was just to the other side of her doorway. If she came into the office, I walked out. When she was walking toward me, I reversed direction or ducked into the nearest room. This may sound childish (because it was), but I was scared of another encounter with her. I felt handcuffed, unable to approach her to reconcile, yet bound by the curses she had leveled at me. I spent time in prayer, hoping to get a direction for working with her. It was the end of October when I felt an inspiration to reach out again.
The student government was selling candy-grams as a fund-raiser. I purchased a little pumpkin-shaped card and wrote a note to Karen.
Dear Karen,
I am sorry we got off on the wrong foot. If I have been insensitive, please forgive me. I hope you have a great day and I look forward to working with you this coming year.
Sincerely,
Mike Sedler
The cards were given out on Halloween, but I did not receive any response. Throughout the year, there were numerous occasions where I found myself in the copy room, in the office or walking down the hallway and there was Karen. Occasionally, she would be cordial and say hello. Other times she would ignore me. Each time, my heart would begin to pound and I would look for an escape route. I never did reach out again to Karen. I was gripped by fear and was unwilling to place myself in a position of being hurt again with no known chance of reconciliation.
The last week of school arrived. It was early morning before classes and I was cleaning up my room for the upcoming summer break. I looked up and in my doorway was Karen. The windows were closed and locked; she was blocking the only doorway. I am sure the look on my face was one of terror. I got a grip on myself, straightened up my five-foot-six-inch frame, looked at her boldly (I am sure I was an impressive sight) and said, “Hi.” She asked if I had a moment to talk. The grip of fear came upon me and all I could think about was the conversation nine months earlier. My confidence was gone; no scriptures of encouragement came to mind. I had let fear literally rob me of my faith, hope, and confidence in God.
I answered Karen in the affirmative and asked her to come into the room. Her words were cautious, but purposeful. Her voice had a tone of lightness mixed with a twinge of sadness. As I listened to her speak, the fear began to dissipate, being replaced with compassion and love for a wounded sister. “Mike, I’m sorry,” she began slowly. “Earlier in the year, I should not have said the things I did to you.” In my haste to make things better, I quickly interjected, “It’s okay. I’m sorry if I was insensitive.” She persisted, “No, it wasn’t you. It is me. I have a lot of issues that need to be taken care of in my life. I am moving out of the area and taking another job. I shouldn’t have taken my frustration out on you. I appreciate your reaching out to me. I am sorry I couldn’t respond. Please forgive me.” My smile and words of forgiveness seemed to lift a weight off her shoulders. She shook my hand, turned, and walked away. As I stood watching her in disbelief, the Lord began to reveal my sin.
I had ridden along the track of fear to such an extent that it had prevented me from praying for a hurting individual. My own emotions had paralyzed me. Instead of recognizing the opportunity to pour out God’s love, I became frightened and distant. Fear had thrown such a blanket of confusion upon me that I was unwilling, not unable, to persist in an area of outreach. I say “unwilling” because I know God’s power and authority could easily have purged the fear from my thoughts if I had allowed Him. First John 4:4 says it beautifully: “You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.”
Fear infected my opportunity to minister, to reach out, and perhaps even to evangelize another person. Karen should not have “attacked” me verbally, but it was my sin, the sin of holding on to fear, of looking out only for myself, that prevented her from being healed that year. The one who spoke fear into my life was also the one who opened my eyes to the truth of God. I am so grateful for Karen and her willingness to speak to me the last week of the school year. She not only freed me from my fear, but she was a vehicle for God’s teaching me a valuable lesson.
I do not know where you are today, Karen, but if by some exciting design of God you are reading this book, I wish to write you one more note.
Dear Karen,
I am sorry I was not more sensitive to you and your situation. I know God has great love for you and a desire to see you healed of past hurts. I lift up a prayer for you and trust that God has brought others into your life to touch and heal your broken heart. May your life be full of joy.
Sincerely,
Mike Sedler
Speaking Truth
Earlier in this chapter I mentioned a counseling session Joyce and I had with a couple who had taken on the posture of negativity brought about by fear. Our approach to them was simple: We followed the approach that Jesus used with Martha. No, we did not tell them that we were the “resurrection and the life,” but we did begin to speak truth to them. We discussed the words that had been spoken over them. We reminded them that they had a calling on their lives and recounted the ways in which God had used them to minister to others. We had them review their dreams. As they listened and then began to talk about shared areas of their lives, it was as if the veil or cloud was lifted from them. They began to weep and ask for forgiveness for their loss of hope. They spoke words of commitment to one another and words of healing.
This is not to say they had no more issues to deal with in their marriage. But they are together today, working through their problems via counseling, accountability, prayer, and support.
If you are in a situation where fear has robbed you of hope and dreams, take a moment to ask for God’s clarity in your life. Fear will try to negate the truth by overshadowing it with worry and false scenarios. Speak truth to your fears. Do it now! If your marriage seems too broken to be fixed, your relationship with your children too cold ever to connect again, stop now and pray. Write out the truths of your life, the areas of success, of relationships, of support and encouragement. Too often, our fear will lead us to a path where we only see the darkness and cannot see the light.
Examining the Heart