I quickly checked my phone. My battery power was down to seventeen percent. My brainpower percentage was even lower.
Claire and Ryan and all the rest of them had loudly filed out a few minutes ago. I knew this because I'd heard them. Not because I'd actually seen them leave.
Had I hidden on the other side of the nurse's station to avoid my friends? Had I turned and walked briskly in the opposite direction the second I heard Claire start shouting goodbye? Was I being a total pussy avoiding them like this?
I really didn't want to dwell on the answers to any of these questions, or what they might say about my manhood. I just wanted to check in with Willa. Try to explain really quickly before we got interrupted again.
I nearly broke out into a sprint to get back to her room....
Then skidded to a stop right outside of her door. "Shit," I hissed. "Mrs. Harlow."
Willa's mother hadn't left with the rest of the group. Right? Shit, now I wished I had poked my head around the counter and done a quick headcount. Was I about to walk in on a touching mother-daughter moment?
I poked my head gingerly in around the curtain.
And caught my breath.
Cradled in her mother's arms, Willa was curled up on her good side. Fast asleep.
I couldn't breathe. The soft, peaceful set of her mouth, the vulnerable way her dark lashes swept her cheekbone, the unruly halo of her dark curls on the white pillowcase.... Had she always been this beautiful and I was only just now noticing? How could I have missed the deep Cupid's bow of her top lip? How had I never touched one of her curls, even by accident? How did I not know whether they were as silky as they looked? How had I not known how sweetly the shell of her ear nestled underneath them, or how beautifully the curve of her neck met her jaw? Was I delirious, or just exhausted, and that was why Willa Harlow looked like a goddamned ethereal angel right now, instead of the pain in the ass in the background I was certain she should be?
I actually turned my head and checked the whiteboard on the wall. Willa Harlow. Yeah. It was her.
What the hell is wrong with me?
The motion at the doorway made Mrs. Harlow look up from where she'd been intently staring at Willa's face. I held up my hand before she could speak, not wanting her to wake Willa. She nodded when I pressed my finger to my lips and then pointed back out into the hall. Then I slipped back out of the room as quietly as I could, hoping I didn't look as rattled as I felt. I stepped back into the hallway and let my forehead rest on the wall while I tried to make sense of the strange way my heart was beating.
You've been awake for over twenty-four hours right now. You're exhausted and confused and feeling guilty as hell. That's why. That's why all you want to do is go in there and kiss her right now. You've taken leave of your senses. It's Willa for fuck's sake. You know everything you need to know about her to know that she'd be a terrible idea.
She acts like she should know everyone's business but gets all pissy when you get in hers. I nodded as I began to tick down the list of everything I hated about Willa to slow the strangely fast way my heart was beating. She acts like a goddamned martyr all the time. She is totally humorless, can't take a fucking joke to save her life. She's a wet blanket. A nag. A fussy old woman disguised as a twenty-two-year-old.
She's the enemy of fun.
She's always doing this over the top shit. She's a total try-hard.
She's Debbie Downer.
She's Mother fucking Teresa.
And she won't let Liam out of her sight when we're out together, always policing how much he drinks and fussing over him. She shoves her tongue in her cheek and huffs like crazy whenever I want us to do anything more exciting than sitting in a bar. Like she has a right to act that way when she fucking tossed him aside like he didn't matter. I nodded again, not caring if I looked like a crazy person because obviously I was turning into one. Remember the night before prom, the movie theater. The way she looked so guilty when she saw it was you calling her name. The way she only remembered to drop his hand when you asked what the fuck she was doing? Remember the empty seat in the limo because Liam was too heartbroken over his girlfriend's betrayal to come out that night? Don't forget that.
She thinks it's no big deal what she did. That it's water under the bridge. That we've all forgotten how she treated the best friend I've ever had.
But I haven't forgotten. She cheated on him. That was the biggest sin of all. She cheated on him, and cheaters don't change.
I stood up straight again, feeling like pieces of me that had been scattered around were now sliding back into place. Old anger helped things make sense again. It was true that Willa was pretty, but that didn't matter. She was still the same Willa.
Feeling in control of myself again, I considered what to do next.
Her mom was here with her. Now would be a great time for me to go home and shower. I nodded, started forward, then stopped short when I remembered my truck was still parked on the side of the road by Cutter's farm. And all the people I could call for a ride were the same people I didn't want to face until I'd figured out what to do about the fake engagement thing.
Those were both valid reasons why I should stay here. But the biggest one? Was that the idea of going home felt... wrong to me. For some reason I wanted - no needed - to stay. Because...
Well. Because.
I slumped back into one of the excruciatingly uncomfortable plastic chairs in the waiting area and gripped the armrests. Lifting my hand to rub my eyes, I felt my forehead sink into my palm and all at once, the exhaustion caught up with me. I braced my arm against the chair and sagged into it, resting my fist against my temple, and finally, finally closed my eyes.
Sleep closed over me almost immediately, bringing with it a tumble of dreamlike images. Willa's white hoodie. Her splayed fingers curled skyward. The red shine of the ambulance lights as they reflected off the wet pavement. Her skeptical expression and the way she'd rolled her eyes when Liam suggested she ride with us. And how I'd been so shitty. Yeah, we didn't get along, but what was a ride? It was such a simple thing. I could have at least told her it wasn't a big deal. I could have fucking pretended, if not for her sake, then Liam's. But mostly hers.
I turned that conversation over and over in my head, wishing. Wishing that I'd acted differently. Wishing I'd just nodded when Liam suggested it. Then Willa would be okay.
If I could just live that moment over again, I'd jump at the chance to help her.
Chapter