My eyes snapped back open a second before my phone buzzed in my pocket. Grateful for the distraction from my overwhelming guilt, I checked the caller ID.
"Shit," I hissed in a long exhale. "Shiiiit." Then put it to my ear. "Hey."
"Don't hey me," Liam growled at the other end.
"I know." I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and index finger and tried to massage the bleariness away. "I'm sorry I didn't call yet, I kept meaning to and -"
“I called to tell you I landed hours ago. Left you a voicemail blathering on all about the bumpy takeoff and how fun that was with a hangover. Figured you’d get back to me when you heard it but...” He trailed off and then suddenly, ferociously, he growled, ”Why the hell didn't you tell me?"
I swallowed and glanced around. There were no nurses listening in, no sign of Chrissi anywhere.
I decided to risk it. "We're not actually engaged," I muttered, lowering my voice almost to a whisper.
"Yeah. No shit." Nobody could cut you with sarcasm quite like Liam Mulligan. "I'm not even touching that yet. We can deal with that later. What I want to know is why I had to hear she was hurt from Ethan!?"
My blood ran cold. The word "shit" froze on my lips in an inaudible whisper.
Liam kept shouting. "You know what I did? Yeah, I called him to find out if his cousin would share his secret recipe for Old-Fashioneds because I am already going through withdrawal. Do you know how big of an asshole that made me? Here I am calling E and badgering him to con his grumpy cousin into giving me a cocktail recipe, because my big plan for tonight is to give it to the bar down the street from here and get homesick drunk all by my lonesome. Only to find out he's leaving the hospital after visiting Willa?" His voice rose louder. "Who got hit by a car?"
I was rubbing my eyes so hard I saw spots. But still, everything seemed blurry. "I know." It was all I could say. "I started calling you a bunch of times, but was cut off every single time."
"What the hell happened?" He wasn't shouting anymore, and there was heavy, worried pain in his voice. "I thought you were taking her home? What the hell happened to her, Coop?"
The worry in his voice. The fucking love for her that was still there all these years later, even after she broke his heart. It made no sense. It still made no sense. I swallowed down my knee-jerk reaction and answered his question through gritted teeth. "I wasn't taking her home. She wasn't in the truck with us."
”Bullshit."
"It's the truth. You were so shitfaced you just thought she was there, but she never came with us."
"You said... of course she was. You promised you'd get her home."
"I know," I exploded. "I promised you and I fucking kept my promise. I went back to the party." It was suddenly hard to catch my breath. I squeezed my eyes shut, but the terrible memory of that night was seared into my brain. "And when I found out she'd walked home, I went looking for her, Liam." I took a deep breath. "I was the one who found her."
From the sound of it, he had collapsed into a chair. He was silent for a long moment. "Jesus."
"I stayed with her. Rode the ambulance and everything. I was right there." I felt something sliding on my cheek and was surprised when my fingers came away wet. I gritted my teeth and tried to force my breath to come at slow, regular intervals, but the panicked adrenaline made it hard to keep from gasping. "I made sure she was okay. Like I said I would. You know I keep my promises."
I listened to his silent, gasping breath as he processed this. Was he crying? Shit. "Liam?"
"You didn't call me?" he shouted. "Jesus Christ Cooper, you let me just blithely move all my shit and settle in a city, hours away from her while she's lying in a damn hospital? I knew you hated her, but I didn't think you hated me too!"
Stunned, I took a breath. "I don't hate you. Shit, I went through hell just to keep a promise I made to you when you were so shitfaced I figured you’d never remember asking for it.” As quickly as it came, the anger rushed back out of me. "And I don't hate her, either."
"Could have fooled me," he snarled in a half-strangled whisper.
"I hate what she did to you," I reminded him. For the millionth time.
"Yeah well..." He trailed off and went silent. It sounded for a moment like he'd hung up on me until his voice came back strong and loud. "It was never what you thought."
I opened my mouth. Shut it. Closed my fist and squeezed until my knuckles were white. "What else could it be?" I asked.
He took a deep breath. Blood thumped in my ears. After five years, was he finally realizing where his loyalty should have always belonged? Who had his back even when he didn't want to believe it? Was this it? The moment he finally thanked me for bringing him the truth? I held my breath, waiting.
Liam cleared his throat. "Is she awake? I want to FaceTime."
My breath came out in a whoosh like he'd punched me in the gut. Squeezing my eyes shut, I felt the sting of angry tears and then the shame that came right after. I needed to hang up before I lost it. "My battery's almost dead," I informed him. "And she was asleep last I saw. Her mom is here.”
"Ah jeez, poor Mrs. Harlow must be shitting herself."
"She's holding it together well." Clipped. Neutral. Bye, Liam.
He knew me well enough to hear it. "Okay, well, I'll let you go. Just one more thing."
"Yeah." My finger was already sliding to the End Call button.
"Does Mrs. Harlow think you guys are engaged too?"
My finger fell away. Shit. I dragged my hand through my hair and then sighed as my anger drained away, leaving in its place a deep longing for a sit down at Crown Tavern for a beer with my best friend. "Shit man," I sighed again. "I need your advice. I think... I think I might have really fucked up."
Chapter