It was still early, but my ears were pricked anyway, listening for the sound of tires on the driveway that meant my mom had come home early. There was a little bit of ice cream left in the freezer, and if she wasn’t going to eat it, I planned on inhaling all of it myself.
A lot of people made jokes about how ice cream was a good substitute for sex. Of course, those people didn’t know what they were talking about because they’d never had sex with Cooper.
But since I was home with an eight-year-old instead of out with my boyfriend, ice cream was all I was going to get.
My mom had better appreciate the fact that I didn’t just go ahead and eat it all without her.
I flicked through the TV channels with the volume on mute, too restless to settle on anything for too long.
When the sound I’d been straining to hear actually happened, I nearly fell out of my chair from surprise. Chuckling at myself, I went to the door.
But it wasn’t my mother’s beat-up sedan that was bumping up the drive.
It was a black pick-up truck.
Immediately my body was at war with my brain. I rushed outside barefoot, barely remembering to catch the door before it slammed behind me. He was here, he was here, shit, why was he here? “Cooper?” I whisper-shouted into the dark. Maybe I don’t need that ice cream after all.
He was a blurred shadow streaking across my pitted lawn and then he was catching me up in his arms. “Wha -?” I squeaked but didn’t have time to finish the question before his mouth was on mine, kissing me like he’d never kissed me before.
At the cabin, I’d been shocked to discover the gentle, playful Cooper. But this was still another version of him. Raw. Desperate. His fingers bruised my skin as he clutched me. He steered me back into the house as he kissed every inch of my exposed skin. When my back bumped against the kitchen counter, he growled and lifted me up, balancing me against the edge. I had to wrap my legs around his waist.
I should have been frightened. But instead, I was inflamed. I pulled him to me, arching against him. “Now, Willa.” His voice was so ragged I barely recognized he was saying words. “I can’t... I need you.” It sent a frightened thrill down my spine to have him so desperate, so needy. “Let me. Let me.”
I nodded, cupping his face. He reached down, fumbling at his zipper. I heard the condom wrapper ripping and felt the downward rush of anticipation. This was crazy. Jake would hear us.
But I was selfish, greedy. The way he needed me was addicting, filling up a space inside of me I hadn’t known was empty. We came together, both of us arching toward each other, hands tangled in hair, mouths gasping, biting, wanting more as we gave more.
“Let me, let me…“ His pleas had become demands, a chant in perfect rhythm with each devastating thrust. The harder he pushed, the more I opened for him, the more I took him in. “Yes, Yes,“ I chanted in return to each one of his demands. Yes, take me, whatever you need, it’s yours.
The orgasm took me, quick and sudden just like his arrival. I broke open and then dissolved, burying my face into his neck and biting down hard to keep from crying out. His fingers sank into my thighs, and he growled out a sound unlike I’d ever heard, so animal and pure it was almost frightening. I felt him spasm inside of me, and then the rush of his sudden release. With a groan, he collapsed with his head on my shoulder.
I kissed his neck, soothing his brow with my hand. With the desperation over, I wanted to know what had driven him to such a frenzy. How I could help him, what he needed me to do.
But before I could say a word, I heard a thump.
Then a squeak.
“Shit! Jake!“ I wrenched myself away from Cooper and yanked my pants back up again. “Hurry!“ I gestured at his zipper.
“Willa?“ Jake called out from his doorway. “Who’s here?“
“Don’t say anything,“ I hissed. “It’s just the TV!“ I called out to my brother as I pushed Cooper to the door. I stepped out onto the porch and shut the door behind me. “You have to go,“ I told him.
“We should do this again.“ His face was still drunk off of what we’ve done.
I shook my head. “No, no way, we can’t do this here. We were lucky, but what if he’d seen?“
"You're twenty-three years old, Willa. You're allowed to have a social life. And a boyfriend."
"I know that. But I also have - " I caught myself before I said something I'd regret.
Cooper jumped right into the pause. "You have what?"
"Other stuff going on,“ I finished.
"Really."
"Yeah, like my little brother who shouldn’t be exposed to this kind of thing.”
"Is that it?"
"What?"
"The other stuff you have going on."
"Yes!" I felt like my head was spinning. "Cooper, I told you about his accident. I know you said I should forgive myself, but you have to know it's..." I caught myself again, wondering why the hell I thought I had to make excuses for why an eight-year-old needed to be supervised. Why we couldn’t be fucking like that with him only a few feet away.
Cooper took a deep, steadying breath. “Nothing happened, baby. Why are you so freaked out?“
I shook my head again. “Cooper, you need to go now.“
“Can I see you tomorrow?“
I had no idea. “Maybe. I might be busy.“
“Busy with what?”
“I don’t know,“ I exploded. Guilt was making my voice rise. How could I have done that with Jake around? This was not who I was. “Just busy, okay?“
“Well, I’ll call you then.“
“Fine, fine, call me.“
He was staring at me like he was seeing me in a new light. “You sure you going to pick up if I do?“ he asked. There was something of his old sarcasm in his voice.
But I didn’t have time for that now. “If I can, yeah.”
“Well, I’d be grateful if you could pencil me into your busy schedule,“ he snarled.
“Cooper, you knew that this was how it was going to be. I’ve got other shit going on in my life than just you. You can’t just show up in the middle of the night like this just to get your rocks off. Don’t be so goddamned selfish.“
“Is that it then? You sure there isn’t something else you’re not telling me?“
Something snapped inside my chest and I suddenly couldn’t take a deep breath anymore. Tears stung my eyes, but fuck him if he thought I’d start crying about this again. “Don’t even start with me. Just, go. I don’t have time for this right now.“
I hesitated for a second. As freaked out as I was, something inside me knew that I shouldn’t leave it like this. Not with him.
But his jaw twitched in anger, and he walked away. And then my brother called back out for me and reminded me of who I really was, and what was real in my life. So I didn’t look when Cooper pulled away in his truck. I just went back into the house, took the ice cream out of the freezer, and ate it until it was gone.