An unwatched TV buzzed in the corner of the lobby. An orderly flitted about with busywork, opened the blinds and let the morning sunshine sneak through. The red and pink sky had dwindled, an orange-gold light taking its place. It added a warm feeling to the lobby, if that was possible. Drab colors were everywhere—a dirty tan carpet, worn thin from too many footsteps. Boring beige walls which could’ve used a touch of paint several years ago. A couple of brown wooden chairs and yellow lamps, along with a yellow table. So much for decorating with cheer. It was like they didn’t want anyone to feel too much in that place. Just plain and mediocre.
Made Alex want to fucking puke. But maybe that was the countless cigarettes on an empty stomach. Or maybe it was from the anticipation of what he was there to do.
The attendant waved Alex through reception without making eye contact. As he walked past her, he had a wicked urge to shout Boo! just to see how far she’d jump and how loud she’d scream. Resisting that urge, he made for the elevator. As the doors closed, he had a second of panic about being confined in such a small space. Moments like that happened frequently, after the house, but he had to keep on going.
Alex pushed the button for the third floor and it lit up. He took a deep breath as he listened to the cables above, lifting the metal box up to his destination. He dug his fingers into his pocket, fondling the pack of smokes but curbed the urge to take one out.
The elevator jarred to a stop and relief washed over Alex like an autumn breeze as the doors opened and spilled him out into the hallway.
Twenty-two paces from the elevator to Reid’s room. He counted the steps one last time as he proceeded down the hall.
Hesitating at the door, he grabbed onto the frame and poked only his head through.
“Hey, buddy, it’s me. Alex.”
No response. Didn’t expect one.
Alex swayed back and forth in the frame and then let go, momentum pushing him into the room.
Reid was lying in bed and his eyes were open.
“Good morning to you,” Alex whispered. “Ready for today?” He bit his lip. “It’s a big fucking day, you know.”
Not a blink.
“I ran into your dad outside. Had a quick chat.”
Alex darted his gaze around the room and it landed on the Red Sox calendar he’d bought Reid for his birthday. At least it covered up part of the drab wallpaper and added a splash of life and color. Fresh flowers sat on the bedside table, most likely from Reid’s dad. White, yellow, and pink bulbs. A little more cheer. His pillows and bedspread were that blue everyone assumes is a boy’s favorite color—dark like a sky right before a storm.
Today seemed impossible. Alex had always been able to talk to Reid when they were kids and even after he became catatonic. Alex imagined his voice, his response to whatever he’d say.
“Saw a girl in the parking lot. She had some seriously curly hair. Looked a lot like Heather.” Alex paused. “Or maybe she didn’t, I dunno.”
“Heather’s gone,” Alex imagined he’d say.
“Yeah, I know she’s gone, but…never mind.”
“It’s okay to remember them. All of them.”
“I know, I know. But man, it hurts.”
“Life hurts.”
“You got that fucking right.” Alex strolled over to his bedside and sat down.
“Why is it always so cold in here?” The closer Alex got to him, the chillier the air felt.
“It ain’t the room, it’s what inside, dumbass.”
Alex rubbed his arms to chase the goosebumps away.
“So I got some shit to tell ya. Big news, man.”
“You don’t say.”
“And I’m sorry I haven’t been around in a while. Things have been hectic, to say the least.”
“Stop making excuses, bitch.” He’d have a shit-eating grin on his face.
Alex laughed a little at the thought of his chiding ways. “I’m having a hard time getting the words out.”
The bed creaked when Alex shifted his weight. Still, Reid didn’t move.
“For Christ’s sake, just spit it out, already!”
“Yeah. Right, then.”
Alex sat there and stared at him. Tried to see the friend that used to be there, before the house. His thick brown hair was cut way too short. Reid would never go for that if he were…awake. Looks dumb. Looks like they want to do as little maintenance on him as possible. The more he looked, the less that person in front of him was Reid. Where his skin used to have the brightness and softness of early teen years, it now had a macabre pallor, like he was always about to break into a sickly sweat. Almost didn’t look like skin anymore. Alex had the revolting urge to touch it but stopped himself. No, what was in front of him wasn’t really Reid. Some sort of Reid-shaped shell, but what was inside? What had really shut him down like that? What had turned out all the lights?
Alex shuddered. His mind flashed back to those last moments in the house, Reid pushing him aside and taking the creature inside himself, its form fighting the whole way down.
Perhaps some questions were better left unanswered.
Before Alex knew what was happening, a tear ran down his face and landed on the bed. Before he could wipe it away, another snuck out, and then a goddamned pipe burst. He couldn’t stop the tears. Couldn’t even see, they were coming so fast.
“I’m sorry. I’m so…so sorry.” A stream of snot leaked out of Alex’s nose, and he brought his sleeve up and rubbed it away. “It shouldn’t be like this.” His voice grew louder. “It should be me in that bed, not you. You son of a bitch. Why did you have to go and be the hero?” He lowered his voice. “Why—”
He took a deep breath, glanced around the room and realized he’d left the door open. So much for privacy. He got up and shut it softly, then leaned his head against the door, not yet ready to let go of the handle. He spoke to the door instead of Reid.
“Always thought we’d be doing this together. Some big scholarships to play ball somewhere. Our tickets out. Kids are dumb, huh?” He pushed off the door and turned around. “We thought a lot of dumb things.” He plopped into the chair beside the bed. “College, girls, parties. Not this, not this.”
He gripped the armrests and squeezed.
“I’ve said so many things to you over these past four years. It’s hard, you know? And I’m not saying I have it harder than you. I hope you never thought I was complaining. I’m thankful for the chance you gave me. For all you did for me. For what you tried to do for them, too.”
His fingers were starting to hurt. He loosened his grip and flexed his fingers. Nothing felt comfortable as he shifted from side to side in his chair. He began tapping his foot on the floor.
“I can’t keep still. This is so hard.”
He forced his foot still and sensed a twitch starting in his eye before spreading to his temple, like one of those facial tics that no one can see. But maybe he was just imagining it.
Lightning bolt zapped him right behind the eye and made him cringe. He brought his hand to his temple and rubbed at the scar. Fucking thing stung.
The room warmed. The air grew thick and heavy, crawling over Alex, pressing down on his chest as he breathed in. A trickle of sweat beaded above his top lip. What’s with the shift in temperature? Maybe it’s just the stress. Yeah, the stress.
As he thought about that, he looked at Reid’s face and swore it was getting flushed. When he leaned closer, he saw Reid’s brow beading up with sweat.
Fear washed over Alex.
He took another heavy breath in.
“I gotta go, man. I can’t take this town anymore. I don’t wanna leave you, but…I can’t stand the way they all look at me, the way they treat me. Like I’m poison. Like breathing the same air as me might do something bad to them.” The shirt on his back began to cling as sweat ran down his neck and between his shoulder blades. “My own family is afraid of me. So I’m leaving in four days. Off to school in California. Far away. A fresh start. You gave me a chance and I gotta take it. I know you understand.”
The sweat ran down his back, to the crack of his ass, and slipped into his jeans.
“So fucking hot in here, man.”
Alex got up and went to the window to crack it open. He flipped up the locks and pulled. Nothing. This time, he propped his hands on the glass and pushed up. Still nothing.
“This goddamn place. Really? Can’t even get the window open.”
He tried one more time and gave up.
Covered in sweat and feeling like the hot air was pushing at him from all sides, Alex turned back to Reid in the bed and gasped.
His eyes were squeezed shut like he was fighting to keep them that way, and his face was beet red.
“What’s wrong? Should I get the nurse?”
Alex peeled the blankets away from his sweaty friend and found Reid’s hands balled up into fists. He was clenching so hard his knuckles were white.
“Does it hurt? I’m gonna get the nurse, hang on.”
Alex flew across the room, to the door and turned the knob, but nothing happened. He turned again and yanked, but the door still wouldn’t give. Both hands now on it, he twisted madly, pulling, but all in vain. Panic gripped him. It started in his gut, like evil butterflies racing through, and tore up his throat, making it hard to breathe. A sharp pain shot through his temple and he buckled to his knees.