The drive home was the longest she had ever known, and with each passing mile Susan became increasingly tense and nervous. She really had thought that she was bulletproof and that Eric didn’t have a clue what was going on, but then it occurred to her: she was viewing the message through guilty eyes - perhaps he still didn’t have a clue and was just concerned that she wasn’t at work? Perhaps, but it was so unlike him to call work that he must surely have been suspicious. And the tone of his voice, that wasn’t concern; that was anger.
As she got closer to home, a plan started to emerge from the fears and doubts. It was a simple, straight forward plan and, she hoped, believable. They would argue, that was for sure; even if he believed her they would argue, but it was nothing compared to what would happen if the truth came out - or even a fraction of the truth. But what if the worst did happen? What if they fought and he left, or threw her out? Would that be so terrible? It wouldn’t be if Harry was single; but he wasn’t, and she was far too old to live the rest of her life alone. No ... if only Harry was single, or if he had even hinted at them being together, she might challenge Eric and be damned with the consequences. But he wasn’t and he hadn’t. She went over the plan again and then suddenly realised she was almost home.
*
Harry sat in the car for a long time after Susan left. The light was fading fast before he even thought about starting the engine. She had waved and smiled as usual as she drove away, but he knew that Susan was deeply upset and, to be brutally honest, he was pretty damn happy.
He knew that she had finally accepted that they had something special and that today - this extraordinary day - must have pushed her closer to him and further away from the reliable, steady, dull, boring knobhead she lived with. No, she didn’t live with Eric, she existed with Eric; she only lived, only came alive, when she was with him.
Harry was worried though. He knew days like these were few and far between, and he had missed several golden chances to talk to her about leaving Eric - moments when she was his totally, when she was melting in his arms. He metaphorically kicked himself but then found reassurance in the fact that nothing in her normal life could hold a candle to what had happened today. All she had to do was remember this day and believe in him. All he had to do was to leave her alone for as long as it took for her to thrash things out with Eric. His BlackBerry lay on the passenger seat, almost taunting him, text her now; but he knew he had to be strong, at least this once. She would have enough on her plate without him bothering her every five minutes. Harry turned the key in the ignition and then changed his mind and picked up his phone. So much for will power.
*
Eric paced up and down in front of the bar, pausing and peering through the window at every passing car. When each one drove past he continued his pacing, chewing abstractedly at his finger nails.
‘Are ... are you ok Eric?’ Amanda had never seen him so agitated. In fact, when she thought about it she had never seen him express this much emotion at all.
Eric glanced at her and smiled. ‘Yes thanks, I’m fine.’
Amanda winced. Eric never smiled. The sound of a car made him turn away and she saw Susan pull into the car park. Amanda sighed inwardly, relieved that she would have some cheerful company at last.
‘Tell her I’m upstairs and I want to see her right away ... please.’
*
‘Hi Sue, had a good day? Been quite quite busy early on but quiet now. I’m sure it will pick up again. Eric just asked me to say he’s upstairs and he would like to see you ... erm ... right away.’ Amanda only just managed to get the last two words out, in a whisper. It was like telling a school friend that the headmaster wanted to see them. It was the strangest mood she had ever known in the pub, and when Sue didn’t speak, or even look at her, she knew something was very much amiss.
Susan stepped heavily and slowly up the stairs to their apartment. Amanda’s first words stuck in her head: had a good day? She had had a wonderful day and she was now determined not to allow Eric or anyone else to ruin it for her. As she placed her hand on the door knob she assumed the face that got her through every night behind the bar - the armour that no-one could penetrate, even if they were completely right. She walked into the open-plan room that was their kitchen/diner and living room. Eric was standing by the sink.
‘Where have you been?’ He was stony-faced and he stared straight at her, challenging her.
‘I’ve been having a day out with my sister. Where do you think I’ve been?’ Susan stood by the door, keeping as much space between them as possible.
‘I know full bloody well where you should have been ... You should’ve been at work!’
‘Yes, I should have been at work, but I had some holiday owing me and I fancied a nice, relaxed day wandering around a shopping mall with my sister. What’s wrong with that?’
Eric glared at her. ‘A day out? So why didn’t you tell me? Why pretend you were going to work? I don’t believe you, Susan ...I think....’ Despite the evidence of countless text messages combined with his intuition that she was having an affair, Eric couldn’t bring himself to say the words.
‘If I had told you, you would have wanted to come with us. I hardly ever see her, you don’t even like her and I just wanted a few hours having a laugh and doing something that was just for me for a change. I never get any time to myself just to relax!’ Part of this speech, albeit a small part, was the truth. She had being doing something totally for herself.
‘So...if I called her right now?’
Susan held her mobile phone out in her hand. ‘If you don’t believe me, here you are. Go on, call her.’ It was a high-risk strategy. She hadn’t spoken to her sister because she didn’t want her knowing anything about her life. In fact, they rarely saw each other and Eric hadn’t seen or spoken to her in years.
‘I’m ... I’m sorry.’ Eric muttered the words as he turned and started to fiddle with the kettle.
Susan closed the door behind her and walked into the room. She knew she had to be completely normal for the rest of the evening, so she walked over to Eric and gave him a perfunctory hug.
‘Tea for me, please. I’m sorry I upset you. What did you think was going on - that I’d had an accident .... or run away with a fancy man?’ She was feeling a little lightheaded and the same thrill that ran through her when she thought she might be seen having sex in the woods coursed through her now. She was taking life to the very edge, pushing her luck, and winning.
Eric grunted but didn’t turn to look at her. She had made total sense, absolute sense and she didn’t appear to be lying - but he still didn’t believe her. There was too much evidence to the contrary; even if she really was telling the truth about today, there was still something else going on.
hey, not heard a
word, is all ok?
really worried
bout you xxx
*
That night, Eric walked past their bedroom door and into the spare room. Susan lay alone; for the first time she could recall in their married life, she lay alone and stared at the ceiling. Sleep wouldn’t come. There was no sound of snoring coming from the next room so she didn’t dare text in case Eric walked in but she was desperate to let Harry know how things had gone. Her mind was in compete turmoil. One moment she was reliving a memory from the day with Harry - a day that already felt like a month away - the next moment she was thinking about the scene with Eric.
The fact that he was in the spare bed meant he hadn’t believed a word and that there would be more to come from him. The big question - in fact, one of several big questions was, what would he do next? And more to the point, what did she want him to do? If only Harry wasn’t married it would make life so much simpler. If Eric did get angry enough to throw her out she could have walked straight into Harry’s arms, but he was married and, despite all the fabulous meetings and their undoubted love for each other, he had never mentioned being together, not even once. No ... whatever was going to happen with Eric, it wouldn’t be easy.
In the adjacent room, Eric lay on his side, wide awake, staring at the wall. On the other side of that wall lay Susan, the woman he had given his all to, given his life to. He was totally convinced that she was having an affair but that was all he was totally convinced about. If he confronted her she might walk out. That was the last thing he wanted. He loved her and he needed her, and at his age the last thing he wanted was a life alone, she was really good company. So maybe he should let the thing run its course? There was still the chance that she might leave, but equally she might get bored of whoever it was and then life could get back to normal.
However neither option really appealed to him and he knew that whatever happened, life would never be normal again. As he started to doze off his thoughts drifted to the ex-copper that Andy knew. The positive thing to do would be to get someone to find this bloke and let him know that he couldn’t mess with another man’s wife, and let the bastard know in a way that he would never forget. If he could be convinced to leave her alone, to disappear from her life, then she would have no option but to stay put.
*
‘You need to spank her harder I think; her bottom needs to be turning red.’ Harry stepped back behind the tripod and they started the scene again. To say he was conflicted was the understatement of the century. He was producing the strangest imagery of his life and an entirely new group of people had entered his world whilst the only person he wanted had disappeared. He checked his phone at every possible break in the shoot but there was nothing. He glanced across at the video camera. Nigel wanted every shoot captured on video too - apparently ‘backstage’ footage was incredibly popular. One thing Harry had definitely not bargained on was becoming a star of the internet himself, but yet again he forced himself to think of the money - money he desperately needed, even if Sue had disappeared from his life.
hi its me...got a new
phone, just for us..
so sorry but its been
difficult here, all ok
now tho i think, always
use this phone now,
xxx
*
‘So ... what’s the story?’
‘I suspect my wife of having an affair.’ Eric thought the best way forward was blunt honesty. After all, if Mike did get involved there would probably be some very blunt honesty dished out. He glanced down at the huge paw wrapped around a pint glass and winced. A slap or two from those fists would be very convincing indeed.
Mike shrugged his broad shoulders. ‘In my experience most wives are, and if they’re not they are thinking about it. Fucking slags.’
Eric felt uncomfortable in Mike’s presence. He was nervous of him physically and far from in agreement with his ideas. If Susan was having an affair she certainly wasn’t a slag; she must have been talked into it by the bloke, whoever he might be.
‘Yes, well, that’s as maybe, but Andy said you might be able to help to ... dissuade him, if she is having an affair, that is!’
Mike continued to stare at Eric and the look of contempt was unmistakable. ‘Tell me what you know and I will tell you what I think.’
Eric brought out photocopies of her itemised phone bill, with the number in question highlighted in luminous red. Page after page glowed almost totally red on the table. ‘There is this phone number, and I’ve also been keeping a track of the mileage on the car. None of it tallies up with where she has supposed to have been. She’s also taken a day off work without telling me, and I’ve found some sexy new panties in her bedside drawer. On top of that she’s ... different. She’s full of life and really happy.’
Mike had already made his assessment of the situation. In five minutes this bloke had bored him to death so there was no surprise that his wife was looking elsewhere for entertainment. And there was no doubt in Mike’s mind that she was playing away. He turned the papers round on the table and studied the number. With a few phone calls he could get to this chap very easily. He might not even have to meet him to frighten him off, but if they did meet he knew he could guarantee that he would never bother Eric’s precious wife again.
‘Oh, and this came this morning.’ Eric pulled an envelope out of his jacket pocket. In it was a speeding ticket. ‘There’s no reason on earth why she should have been in this location, but here’s the evidence, she was there and she was in a rush.’
‘Have you confronted her? About any of this?’
Eric squirmed in his seat. Just being in Mike’s presence made him feel small and inadequate, but the question made him feel even worse. ‘Sort of. I spoke to her the other night and she told me a load of nonsense about having a day off. I’ve not quizzed her about the rest of the stuff.’
‘Why not?’
‘Well, it’s difficult, I ....’
‘It’s ok, I understand. You don’t want to believe it and even if it’s true you don’t want to lose her. Have you got a recent picture of her?’
Eric fumbled in his jacket again and produced a small photo of her on holiday. Mike glanced at the picture before putting it and the photocopies into his pocket. A glance was all it took to see why this bloke dreaded losing her, and why she was fucking someone else. He would bang her too if he got the chance.
‘Is there anything you can do to help?’
‘Yep. I can sort this out in one of several ways, depending on how final you want the solution to be. And how much you’ve got to spend.’
*
Harry was amazed. It was the end of another long day - long and very productive. After only a week of shooting the fetish content, he had got into the swing of things and was already feeling quite proud of himself. He had changed, albeit slightly, the style of the stills and video, but changed it enough to feel better about himself-creatively. Nigel was extremely happy with the results and next week Harry would start interviewing potential assistants. He had overcome almost all his reservations, and he knew that he was now part of an ongoing money-making machine.
He also knew, as if he needed confirmation, that Sue really was the only one for him. In the past week he had seen more tits and ass, more slapping, strapping, tweaking and beating than ever before, and not once had anything raised the beast; he had not even felt a twinge.
Harry looked at his watch. It was almost 7pm and, up until recently, the time for Susan’s bath and their daily catch up, but he hadn’t heard from her at bath time for two weeks now and he was starting to get worried. Even the abstract thought of her in the bath stirred his cock into life, and he knew he had to see her soon. The few text messages that she had sent since that day together had seemed happy enough, but they also sounded distant and far less intimate.
hey, got something
i need to ask you,
can we meet, soon?
wont take long, can
meet u anywhere xx
*
‘How do you explain this?’ Eric threw the speeding ticket down on the kitchen table and glared at her. All of the way back from the meeting with Mike, the feelings had grown and festered in him - hatred of what she was doing behind his back and of what she was doing to their once-perfect marriage, and loathing of himself and of his weakness at having to involve another man to sort out his own problems.
Susan stared at the crumpled speeding ticket. It looked as it it had been screwed up half a dozen times. She didn’t need to read it to know it meant trouble, and not just with the police. She also didn’t need to read it to know where she had been caught. Her mind worked feverishly but she couldn’t think of a way around this one.
‘Well? What have you got to say for yourself?
Short of telling him the truth she knew there was nothing she could say, so Susan turned on her heel and went down to the bar.
‘Don’t you bloody well walk away from me, do you hear me?! Are you having an affair?!!’
The door had closed and Susan was halfway down the stairs before he shouted the last words, but she heard them clearly enough. By the time she reached the bottom she was shaking like a leaf. A massive turmoil of emotions crashed through her and she wanted to scream .’Yes, I’m having an affair and I’m having an affair because you have paid me no attention for years! I’m not your sodding sister or your mother or your pal ... I’m your fucking wife and I need more than you are giving me from life!!’ She wanted to scream it all, but she didn’t even have the courage to whisper it out loud.
A thought suddenly occurred to her. For all of her life she had let her head rule her heart. Perhaps now she should try it the other way for once? Susan stalked through the busy bar and out to her car. Once inside she delved deep into her handbag for the secret pocket where she kept her new phone. Their phone.
tell me when. soon
as u like, will be
very brief tho.
xxxx
*
‘Hello stranger, you look wonderful. Have you missed me?’ Harry smile was wide and it spread right up into his grey eyes, and Susan melted as she climbed into the front seat of his car. After all the recent constant stress and fighting, it was a wonderful change to be with someone that was pleased to see her. She reached out and held his hand but didn’t try to kiss him. It was impossible to put into words how much she had missed him.
‘Yes, missed you a bit. It’s so nice to see you but I’m afraid I don’t have long, I don’t think we will be able to have sex, I’m really sorry.’
‘I didn’t ask to meet you for sex, Sue. I want to ask you something, it won’t take long. By the way, how are things at home?’
‘Oh home is fine, no problems, just life as usual. No sex eh? That must be a first!’
Susan knew from his tone that this was going to be important but at least he wasn’t shouting at her. For a moment he couldn’t look her in the eye and she expected that he was going to end the affair, that her assumptions all along of just being the latest in a long series of shags had been completely right. She knew he had been working with models recently and she presumed he had started a fling with one of them - with someone she simply couldn’t compete with. She sighed inwardly and wondered how things would pan out now, with Eric furious and accusing her of an affair that was already over. She took her hand away from Harry’s and leaned her back against the car door, trying to put as much distance between them as possible.
Finally Harry turned his gaze back to her. ‘Leave him, Sue. Leave him and let’s be together. I love you with all my heart and I want us to spend the rest of our lives together.’
‘I ... I can’t ... What about Marie? What about Eric? He .... he needs me.’ Susan felt the hesitation in her own voice. She was no longer sure that Eric needed her at all, but she was so shocked and surprised by Harry’s suggestion that she knew she wasn’t thinking clearly.
‘What about them? They’re grown-ups, they will look after themselves. What do you think? Just say yes! And there’s something else ...’ Harry knew it was time to tell her that he was divorced; she was obviously concerned about hurting Eric and Marie. If there was only one person to hurt it might make her decision that much easier.
‘Look H, can we talk about this next time? Let me think things over ... hell, I’m out of time already, I really must go.’
Yet again Harry watched her drive away with a wave and a smile, but this time the confusion on her face was plain to see. He didn’t know quite what had just happened but it certainly hadn’t gone the way he had expected - or the way he had rehearsed when they drove away into the sunset together.
As she drove home, Susan couldn’t believe what had just happened. While she was being screamed at at home, the love of her life had asked her to be with him and she had said no and run away. So much for her heart ruling her head - her head would always win out. They both had a duty to their partners - a commitment they couldn’t, shouldn’t just walk away from. They couldn’t hurt nice, decent, honest people ... could they? No matter how passionate their love for each other was ... could they?
*
‘Where the hell have you been now?’
‘It’s Tuesday. I’ve been to the supermarket, Eric. I would like a hand bringing the shopping in, there’s quite a lot and it’s heavy.’ He was obviously spoiling for another fight and she was tempted to accommodate him, to let him know exactly how she was feeling right now; how a marvellous man wanted her to be with him and how much she desperately wanted to be with that man and how much she was sacrificing by staying at home. By staying with Eric.
Eric made no apology for his outburst and if he saw the tears in her eyes he didn’t mention them. He picked the heaviest bags out of the boot of the car and silently lugged them into the pub. Ever since the meeting with Mike the feelings had see-sawed through him; one minute the desperate need to confront her and hear the truth, regardless of what might happen; the next moment the overwhelming desire to forget everything he had discovered and pretend that nothing had ever happened. He was becoming a nervous wreck and he didn’t know how much longer he could carry on. Every minute he got closer to letting Mike resolve the entire issue. Already there was a thousand pounds in cash under the mattress of the spare bed.
The tension between them was intense but neither of them spoke for the rest of the day. They exchanged words only when they needed to behind the bar and even then only briefly, keeping up appearances for the sake of the business. As yet another nerve-wracking evening wore on, Susan’s mind never stopped working. How could she ever be ‘normal’ with Eric again? How could she keep seeing Harry on a part-time basis, every meeting with him underlining just how mundane the rest of her life was; yet how could she walk away from everything she knew, at her age? She looked around the bar as she locked up. How could she stay?
Eric was snoring by the time she went upstairs. He was still sleeping in the spare room and showed no signs of moving back in with her. Susan went to her wardrobe and found a small leather holdall. Taking it back into the living room she sat at their shared desk. She opened a drawer and took out her passport, her credit cards, driving licence, cheque book and her bank statements, and placed them on the desk. This was all she needed. She could buy new clothes and shoes. This was all she needed ... and Harry - if she could make her heart rule her head.
On the other hand maybe the dream was just that, and dreams were not supposed to come true - not for people like her. Maybe the thing with Harry worked precisely because they didn’t see each other every day; maybe they were fated to be just the way they were when they were young, and if they spent time together they would fight and argue and tear each other apart. Her head took control again and she knew that there was only one way to resolve this - to find out if there was the remotest chance that they could work as a couple.
*
‘There’s a course they want me to go on at work, it means I will be away for three days and I’m going on it.’
Eric looked up from his breakfast. It was the most she had said to him in a week. ‘And if I say no?’
‘You’re not my father, Eric. I’m going on it. It will be good for my job and I think it will be good for us. Allow us both some thinking time and let the air clear; maybe we will both calm down a bit?’
‘How do I know you’re telling the truth? How can I trust you?’ It was the first time he had openly said that he didn’t trust her, and even though she knew he was completely right not to trust her the words still wounded.
‘Here. See for yourself. You don’t need to trust me.’ Susan handed a thick sheaf of papers across the table. Eric leafed through them. It was a thorough and detailed description of a training course and, from the look of things, it would help her part-time job enormously, probably even ending up with promotion. There could be no doubt it was genuine and her name was on all the forms. And there could be no doubt she was going, whatever he might say.
‘It ... it looks good Sue. Maybe you’re right, maybe a little break would do us both good.’ Eric looked at her and instead of seeing an adulteress he saw the woman he loved. ‘Just a thought but ... well, maybe I could pop down for the last night, have a night in a posh hotel together?’
Susan took the papers back off him and put them in her holdall.
‘No.’