Tally wondered if she should call to let Alan Peters know Devon had been missing since mid afternoon. But she couldn’t. Not yet. If he really had gone, she’d have to let the authorities know. She’d agreed to the rules of the program when she signed up. But she wouldn’t do anything just yet. He might return. She’d give him time to do so.
“What’s that?” Jed asked, jumping up and hurrying to the back of the house. Everyone in the room immediately followed.
Flipping on the outside light, Jed ran out the back door.
The slow gait of a horse could clearly be heard.
“Devon, are you all right?” Brad asked, running outside to the horse that was ambling into the yard with Devon slumped in the saddle.
As soon as Devon became aware of the others, he made an attempt to sit up straight. Seeking Tally, he smiled wanly.
“Got knocked down by one of your darned steers. Think I sprained my wrist,” he said, cradling his arm against his chest.
“We were worried about you. Can you dismount? We’ll go into the hospital and get them to look at your arm. Brad, take the horse. Jed, go tell Gus and Alberta. Ariel, look in the first-aid kit in the kitchen and see if we have something we can use as a sling.”
“I have a scarf that’ll work,” Kat said, turning to run into the house.
Ariel hovered with Tally as Devon gingerly dismounted. His left arm and hand were swollen. Lines of pain radiated from his mouth, around his eyes. But his gaze was steadfast as he stared at Tally.
“Sorry I worried you.”
“We were all worried,” she said, afraid to touch him.
Afraid to give way to the emotions that threatened to choke her. He was here. Safe if not sound. He hadn’t left.
Gus and Alberta hurried from their cottage. Rusty and Tomas, hearing the commotion, joined them.
Ariel looked around and then looked at Tally.
“A family rallies round,” she said wonderingly.
Tally nodded, already working with Alberta to tie Kat’s scarf around Devon’s neck and slipping his arm carefully into the makeshift sling.
“Cool fashion statement,” Jed murmured at the bright, colorful scarf.
“That’s enough. I need someone to go with me to the hospital. Just in case Devon passes out in the truck or something. Jed?”
“Why does he get to go? Girls make better nurses,” Ariel said.
“I need a man. Devon’s no lightweight.”
“I’m not going to pass out. Let the boy get his rest. In fact, I appreciate the show of support, but you all can relax, I’m doing all right. We could wait until morning, to get this checked out,” Devon said.
“Nope, not then. Now. I’ll get my purse. If you really feel you’ll make it, we won’t take a third. It would be crowded in the truck and I suspect the rough ride will be hard enough on your arm without knocking it against someone else.”
Two hours later Tally turned the truck into the ranch driveway. Devon had broken his wrist in two places. Cast on, pain medication given, the doctor released him with the instructions to take it easy for a few days.
Tally felt almost euphoric with relief. He was going to be all right. And he hadn’t been trying to leave. She wanted to tell him how afraid she’d been. How awful she felt thinking he might. But she kept silent. There was no point in revealing her lack of faith.
It was after midnight by the time Tally stopped the truck and shut off the engine. The house was dark except for the back porch and the kitchen lights. The other buildings were dark as well. Everyone had gone to bed.
“Sorry to keep you up so late,” Devon said.
“And I’m sorry you got hurt.” Tally said, moving closer, her arm going around his neck, her head resting against his shoulder. She could take this bit of comfort.
“If you keep that up, I’ll be responsible for what happens next.” Devon’s low voice sounded above her head, amusement lacing his tone.
She tilted her face up. His eyes were closed. She could still see the pain in his face. Wasn’t the medication working?
“What did you say?” she whispered. Had she imagined he spoke?
“Usually people say they won’t be responsible for their actions, but I wanted you to know that I would be.”
He pulled her a bit closer and leaned over to kiss her. His free hand brushed across her cheek.
“Tired?” he asked.
“Aren’t you?”
“Yeah. It’s been a long day.”
They walked into the house together, quietly, so not to waken anyone.
“Do you need anything?” Tally asked.
He had the pain pills even though he wasn’t to take any more until morning.
When Tally walked into the kitchen the next morning, her eyes involuntarily flew to the calendar. She hated it hanging there. It reminded her constantly of the limited time she and Devon had together. She couldn’t take it down, it’d cause too much comment.
And it would change nothing. She had to accept the fleeting time and make the most of it.
But every time she looked at it, she was reminded and felt herself die a little.
She had yet to decide what she was going to do to protect herself from the inevitable hole in her life his leaving would cause. She couldn’t continue to be involved with him. She smiled to herself. How could she stop? It was a craving—to spend time with him.
She couldn’t stop, but she had to protect herself. She had to keep a part of herself safe. Separate, isolated against the inevitable departure day. She had to keep part of herself safe from loving him.
Naturally at breakfast, everyone wanted to hear Devon’s account of the accident. Several suggestions were made on how he could have prevented it, on how to watch out for steers. Which led to a general discussion of what to do when injured. Whether on the ranch or in town.
Devon smiled as he watched Tally lead the discussion. If he wasn’t careful, he’d be smiling a lot more.
Now she was in her element. Teaching these disadvantaged kids the basics of life. Giving them each a boost in the right direction to enable them to turn their lives around and achieve the kind of lives most people took for granted.
As he had.
Reminded once more, he thought of their discussion about forgiveness. He had been thinking about it a lot. Would it make a difference?
“So, does this mean we’re putting the painting project on hold?” Kat asked.
Devon looked at her. She no longer flirted with him. His tactics of demonstrating their age difference, the differences in interest and common ground had worked. But he had a warm spot in his heart for the young girl.
“Nope. Just means I don’t have to paint. I can still supervise.”
“It’s your left wrist that got broken, not your right one,” Jed pointed out with a cheeky grin. “Seems to me you could still hold a brush.”
“Thanks, pal,” Devon drawled.
“Devon’s teasing you, boy,” Tomas said, looking up at Devon. “He ain’t a man to let a little thing like a broken wrist slow him down. Expect he’ll be on his horse sometime today out doing regular chores. Maybe not stringing fence ’cause that needs two hands, but most of the other work can be handled with one. Right, Devon?”
A wave of pride washed through Devon as he nodded. He hadn’t expected to receive such a vote of confidence from one of the ranch hands. He’d been a bit wary around them, knowing they probably didn’t appreciate working with prisoners. But the accolade touched something deep inside.
“Don’t see why not,” he said slowly.
“I think you should rest your arm,” Tally said firmly.
Devon grinned around the table. “Well, maybe I do feel a bit under the weather. Maybe I should have you wait on me today.”
Gus and Tomas laughed. Even Rusty smiled broadly.
“Milk it for all you can, man. She usually kicks us out to work even if we’re dying.”
“I do not,” Tally said.
“Take it easy today, son,” Gus said. “You get all the paint and stuff you need for the job, we’ll all pitch in next week and get this house looking like a showplace. And no riding until tomorrow. Expect you’ll need help saddling a mount for a few days anyway.”
Getting everything lined up for the painting project didn’t take long. While in the office, Devon double-checked the accounts. Brad was doing a good job keeping them straight and current. The kid had a true affinity for ranching. Devon hoped he got a great job at a place that would let him use his newfound skills.
Hunting for Tally when he finished, he couldn’t find her. Probably just as well. He had other work to do.
Shutting himself in his bedroom, he pulled out the last draft of the book and started reading. With any luck, he’d finish it and get it off by the end of the week.
Tally stayed away all day. Devon and Alberta ate lunch alone. Then she left for errands and he had the house to himself. Was Tally’s absence deliberate? Was she avoiding him? It seemed as if she were, but he could come up with no reason for her to do so. Maybe she just rode out to cover his chores today.
Not knowing where she was drove him crazy. He couldn’t remember feeling like this about other women. Not even Sheila, for whom he’d ruined his own life. He was shaken at the intensity of his feelings, with the obvious need he felt. Walking out to the porch, he sank into the swing and gazed over the hills.
Suddenly Devon realized he didn’t want to leave when his time was up. It was so clear and simple. He could stay on and help out around the ranch. His accounting should be worth his keep alone. And he liked learning from Gus and Rusty and Tomas. There was so much he didn’t know, yet his knowledge of ranching increased every day.
Tally remained stubborn. From her side, when his term was up, he left. He’d made no headway in changing her mind. He’d find her and make her change her mind. He had to. He was beginning to think he wouldn’t like a life without Tally in it.
But nothing he did over the next three weeks changed her mind.
The house was painted. The pond a huge success. The boys learned more and more about the business end of ranching. Ariel decided to try for college in the fall—with a view to major in psychology. She wanted to do what Tally was doing, helping people in need. Kat already spoke of finding an apartment in Jackson, of continuing to work in the clothing store. Maybe one day having a store of her own.
Tally mothered them all. Stood by them all. But she would not change her mind about Devon, and she knew it was driving him crazy.
Tomorrow was his last day.
Tally went into the barn the next morning to feed the animals, wondering how she would make it through all the rest of the mornings in her life. One day at a time, she thought. As she had when Bobby had died. And again when she’d found out her father owned this ranch and had never made it available to his only son.
Devon rose from the darkened interior, a shadowy figure looming over her.
“Devon! You startled me.”
She caught her breath at the sight of him.
“I want to talk with you. This issue is not resolved.”
“It is resolved. Today you are a free man. Free to go where you wish, do whatever you wish, as long as it’s legal. I have the papers in the office. I’ll give them to you after breakfast. I’ve already talked with Gus and he’ll take you to Stockton so you can catch a bus to San Francisco or wherever you wish to go.”
“And what if my wish is not to go, but to stay here?”
She took a deep breath, hoping her pain wouldn’t show in her expression or voice.
“Well, that’s not an option.”
She turned to get the feed for Penelope. The pig squealed and paced in her pen. Tally was flooded with reminders of that first day with Devon, how surprised he’d been to see Penelope.
Other memories crowded in. His feeding the chickens and ducks, how seriously he’d done it those first few times. His long rambles with Major. Finding the egg on the rafter, their water fight by the pond. She was going to miss him so much!
Hard hands grasped her arms, turning her to face him.
“I’m not leaving. We’ll get married, if that’s what you want.”
Tally blinked in surprise, her heart beating heavily. If that’s what you want. Her chin tilted up as she faced him. He’d never know what she wanted.
“Devon, being here has been a safety zone for you. I’m the first woman in your life since Sheila. You don’t know what you want yet. You’ve not done any dating since Sheila, haven’t had the opportunity to meet other women, find someone you could fall in love with, make a life with.”
“There’s no comparison between you and Sheila.”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake, you loved her enough to commit a crime for her. Now you’re trying to say you’ve forgotten all about her and want to marry me?”
Because he was fond of her? Tally thought she would choke with the rage that flared. She wanted the kind of love Sheila had carelessly thrown away. She wanted to be desired and loved and cherished. And she vowed she wouldn’t settle for anything less.
“Sheila used me. All feelings I had for her are gone. Except bitterness at being used, maybe,” Devon said.
“You need to get out on your own,” she repeated stubbornly.
She stepped back and his hands reluctantly let her go.
“Get a new place to live. Meet other people. If writing is going to be your source of income, you need to set up an office for that. Work at it regularly.”
“I like ranching. I’ve learned a lot, Tally. I know the accounting side, can pick up whatever else I need. And now I can do almost every chore around the place that Tomas or Rusty do. Except shoeing.”
“There’s more to life than a ranch. If you really like the work, find a job on another spread. The West if full of them.”
“I like this ranch.”
“Mr. Peters said...”
“What—now I’m fighting Mr. Peters, too?”
“He says guests get comfortable. You made the transition from prison to here, but you need to be challenged, get back into the mainstream.”
“I’m challenged right now. This isn’t easy. There’s a lot about ranching I don’t know. May never learn what people born to this way of life know. But I can make a go of it. Can make it work. Let me stay.”
“No. Haven’t you heard a word I’ve said? You can’t stay here. Go find your place in the world. Be a writer or try something else. Find a ranch and hire on. Go home and visit your folks. Make something of your life. You deserve the best, Devon, don’t settle for less.”
She struggled to keep the tears from her voice, from her eyes. It was so hard. Why did he keep arguing with her? Why wouldn’t he go and let her find her own way in the future?
“What if I don’t go?”
Tally wasn’t getting through to him. The final reason would. She couldn’t keep on with this. It wouldn’t grow easier by prolonging it.
“I don’t want to marry you. I don’t want you on my ranch. Your time is up. Go away, Devon, just go.”
With an oath, he turned and left the barn.
Tally watched him go with an ache in her chest that rivaled the feelings when Bobby died.
If only Devon had loved her. It didn’t even have to be as much as he’d loved Sheila. But she wanted love. Blinking frantically, she tried to stop the tears. But they welled up faster than she could blink. Brushing her hands against her damp cheeks, she turned and walked deeper in the barn.
She wouldn’t let him know how she felt. Devon had been a guest. He’d changed since he first came. Now it was time for him to move on. The program had succeeded again. Only this time she couldn’t rejoice.
Two days later, Tally sat alone on the porch swing, listless, lethargic. Slowly one foot pushed the swing back and forth, a cool glass of iced tea forgotten in her left hand. She gazed out at the duck pond, her mind seeing Devon when he worked in the hot sun.
Her eyes filled with tears at the memory of the happy times, forever gone.
The crunch on the gravel alerted her to a visitor. Turning slightly, Tally watched Kat walk around the house, step up on the porch.
“Want company?” she asked
“Sure.”
Making an effort, Tally tried to smile. From the look on Kat’s face, she hadn’t been successful.
Kat’s expression was sober as she took in Tally’s listlessness, the tear-swollen, blotchy eyes behind the glasses. She shook her head in sympathy to Tally’s misery, hesitating, unsure.
“I guess you miss Devon, huh?”
Tally nodded, turning back to gaze out over the hills.
Kat joined her on the swing.
“Is he ever coming back?” she asked.
Tally shook her head.
“I told him not to.”
She thought of those last few hours before Devon had left. They had been awful. Devon had railed at her for her stubborn attitude, for denying the chance he wanted. She remained steadfast in her position, though it had become harder and harder. Finally, in anger and frustration, he’d stormed out.
She wished he hadn’t left in anger. That was her one regret.
No, that wasn’t true. She had lots of regrets, and knew she’d have handled things differently if only—
“This isn’t the end,” he’d yelled at her when Gus drove him down the driveway to catch the bus to San Francisco.
“Please don’t come back,” she’d said stoically, all the time screaming in her heart for him not to leave.
Unlike the other guests, she couldn’t extend the invitation to return whenever he wished. She couldn’t subject herself to this a second time. With Devon, she had to make a clean break.
“I think he likes you,” Kat said after a minute.
“I like him,” Tally said. “I like all my guests.”
“I wanted him to like me, love me, really. But he didn’t. Guess that was a dumb idea, huh?”
“No, it wasn’t. It would never have worked, honey. He’s years older, and was burned badly by a woman. He doesn’t trust any of us. And that’s not good for a lasting relationship.”
“At least you didn’t say I was too young.”
“Did he?”
“No. For a few days I thought we were becoming close. He never kissed me or anything, but he talked to me.”
Tally wondered what Kat thought about Devon now. “And?”
“And he’s still a nice guy. And gorgeous to look at. But he’s old. Too old for me. He doesn’t listen to the same music I like, didn’t want to do crazy things,” Kat said, looking at Tally. “Don’t take this wrong, but I like Jed a lot better.”
“Jed and you have interests in common. You’ll find others who do, too. And one day you’ll find a special man who will want to share his life with you. I want to be invited to the wedding.”
“One of the sheriffs deputies asked me to coffee yesterday,” Kat said. “He’s only about twenty-five. Not too old, do you think?”
“What do you think?”
“At first I thought he was hassling me. Knowing my record and all. But he’s been in the shop several times,” Kat said, grinning. “He always gets really pink, like he’s embarrassed to be there. He talks with Yvonne and then always wanders over to where I am and talks to me.”
“So did you go for coffee?”
“No. Maybe some day. But not just yet.”
“Go when it feels right.”
Stupid advice. It felt right with Devon, and she’d refused. Maybe Kat would prove wiser.
“Do you think?”
“I think the deputy wouldn’t ask you out if he didn’t want to get to know you better. Go and have fun.”
Kat sat silent for a long moment.
“Is there something else?” Tally asked at last.
“Devon’s leaving got me to thinking. My time’s up soon. I’ll be leaving, too.”
“Are you looking forward to that?” Tally asked.
Kat shrugged. “Maybe.”
“Maybe you’re a bit apprehensive, as well. That’s normal,” Tally said matter-of-factually. She’d been through this before.
“Is it normal?”
“Sure. But ask for help if you want it. Just because your time is up doesn’t mean you suddenly become a nonperson. We like you, Kat. Alberta and I can help you find an apartment, if you’re serious about staying in Jackson. We’ll ask at the church for donations of furniture. The guys can help you move. And you’ll have us nearby.”
“You made Devon leave and told him to never come back.”
Tally took a breath, feeling the sharp pain.
“I know, but that was a different situation. You’re welcome here whenever you wish to come. I hope you keep in touch and visit often. I care about you, Kat.”
The girl slid her eyes sideways, looking at Tally.
“Yeah, well, you cared about Devon. We’re not blind, you know. You’re crazy in love with him, if your sappy expression was anything to go by most of the time. And you sent him away and didn’t invite him back. Excuse me for thinking I wouldn’t be welcome either.”
Stricken, Tally turned to face Kat.
“That’s not true. I want you to view this as a second home. Come whenever, you are always welcome.”
“And Devon?”
The girl didn’t give up. Tally tried to rally her thoughts, find a way to explain. But she couldn’t. She wasn’t sure she knew herself. Giving up, she just shook her head.
“That’s a different situation.”
“Okay, then,” Kat said, seemingly reassured.
“You’ll do fine,” Tally said, reaching out to lightly brush the girl’s arm.
She wanted the best for Kat. Her earlier life had not been kind. Tally hoped for a brighter future for her.
“I’m going to do you proud,” Kat said suddenly. “I won’t ever forget what you did for me, Tally. I’ll never let you down.”
“I know, Kat. Thank you.”
Score another one, Bobby. This one will make it, I know it. I wish you were here to see her. I still miss you.
The next afternoon Tally tried painting. A light breeze blew in through the open windows. The aroma of cinnamon and sugar floated in the air. Alberta was baking another batch of apple pies. It was still and peaceful. Conducive to painting, except Tally had never felt less like being creative.
Hearing the footsteps on the stairs, she looked up as Jimmie May burst into the room.
“I heard he’s gone.”
“Devon? Yeah, he left a couple of days ago. His time was up.”
“I think you are a fool, mon amie,” Jimmie May said impatiently. “I think you were falling in love with him. Why not keep him around a bit longer? See what developed?”
“Nothing was going to develop. He was fond of me. If I insisted, he might have married me. But he wouldn’t have loved me. And that’s something I would like to have in a marriage, you know?”
The hurt went deep; she sighed and blinked back tears. Would she ever stop crying?
“Give the man a break, chérie. He went through a lot. At one time he was never going to trust a woman again. Now you say he wanted to stay and make a life with you. Is that so awful?”
“Three years ago he loved Sheila. Loved her so much he covered a crime and went to prison. So he’s without a woman for three years. Then he finds a nice, willing woman who places no demands on him, and he fancies he wants to make his life with her. Given time. Maybe.”
“So, what’s wrong with that?” the ever practical Frenchwoman asked.
“First of all, it’s not what I want. Second, he’s not even seen another woman in more than three years. It’s hormones talking.”
“He’s thirty-two years old. He probably knows what he wants by now.”
“It’d never work.”
Was she trying to convince Jimmie May, or herself?
Jimmie May blew out her cheeks in exasperation, a frown marring her features. Taking a deep breath, she tried again.
“Maybe he is afraid to admit to love.”
Tally shook her head. There was more to it than that. If he’d loved her, he’d have refused to go. If he’d loved her, she’d have insisted he stay.
Jimmie May paced restlessly. “I cannot believe you let him go.”
“There was no letting. I made him go. He needs to get back into the mainstream. Put the past behind him and move on.”
“And then, if he dates a dozen women, if he gets a job and a new life, and then if he still wants you, would you take him?”
“You’ve been writing too much fiction. It’s never going to happen.”
But, oh how she wished it would. Just as Jimmie May said.
“Bah, I cannot believe you! First you send him away, now you say it’ll never work, yet unless I can’t understand what my eyes see, you yearn for the man. Which is it, chérie?”
Her friend was right. Tally had seen this coming and still done nothing to prevent it. Their time together was over, no use moping about it. Time enough to dream of what might have been at night when she was alone in her bed.
Around the other people in her life, she would be bright and cheerful. Sending Devon away had been her decision and the right one. There’d come a time when her heart wouldn’t ache so, when her mind would stop wondering what Devon was doing every minute, where he was, if he was all right. Life did go on, one sunrise after another.
“I think he loves you, chérie. Perhaps he doesn’t realize it. And I think you love him. We’ve been friends for a long time. What’s going on?”
“I wanted to be young and pretty and desirable for him. I wanted him to love me to distraction, be extravagant, overwhelming in his love for me,” Tally said passionately, the hurt building. “But he told me he was comfortable here. He’s fond of me. How would you like Philip to be ‘fond’ of you? You’re right, I love Devon, but he doesn’t know it. And his leaving is better in the long run. I’ll get by and be fine one of these days.”
In her heart she questioned it, but it was probably true. One day, when she was old and gray, she’d get over Devon Henderson.
Jimmie May sighed gently.
“I came by to tell you I heard from our publisher. He likes the latest book. Wants a couple of changes to the text and one more drawing. And he likes the proposal for the next one. Wants to know how soon we could deliver it.”
“Great.” Tally forced enthusiasm into her voice. “What changes specifically? What does he want for the additional picture?”
They discussed their work, made plans for the next project, scheduled dates and drafted the basic outline and picture list. Tally forced herself to pay attention, clung to the discussion as a means to forget the ache in her heart for a few moments.
Tally felt better by the time Jimmie May left. The work schedule they drew up was tight; briefly she wondered if her friend had exaggerated the need for haste to make sure Tally had plenty to do and didn’t brood. Whatever the reason, there was a close deadline looming over them.
Life settled into a routine. She spent time with each of her guests. Applied with Fresh Start for another to fill Devon’s slot.
If at each meal she remembered Devon’s presence at the table, she mentioned it to no one.
If when she gathered eggs she remembered the day the egg dropped on his head, she tried to smile through her tears.
If as she sat on the porch and listened to the waterfall, and watched her ducks swimming in the pond she remembered every second spent with Devon Henderson, she kept the memories private.
At first she was miserable, but the memories were happy and they became easier to live with.
Her birthday came and went. Jimmie May and Philip sent her flowers and a card. Her guests, abetted by Alberta, threw a party, with a huge cake and presents from each. Tally enjoyed the day, but she couldn’t help but think of all the birthdays yet to come. Other birthdays she’d spend without Devon.
Working on her sketches and drawings took a lot of time. The one additional painting for the book had been easy, sent in a few days after Jimmie May’s visit. Now the stack of paintings grew for the next book. A Christmas story. If they could make the deadline, it would be published in time for next year’s Christmas list. She worked long hours, determined to meet the deadlines, glad for the concentration required. Focusing on work, to make sure she didn’t think about Devon.
But during the long, lonely nights Tally couldn’t ignore the memories and she thought about Devon nonstop. She wondered what he was doing, where he was. If he ever thought of her. She missed him dreadfully. Missed him with a deep longing that so far showed no signs of abating. Surely this empty feeling would pass, given enough time.