Sebastian was sitting waiting for his name to be called again. Yesterday had helped take his mind off things, but he knew there was no escaping today’s appointment with the neurologist. He glanced down at the reading material on the coffee table. It was mainly gardening magazines and holiday brochures. Maybe that’s what he needed, a good holiday. But who would he go away with? He sensed that sad, lonely feeling seeping into his soul again and tried to force it out. Why was life so tiring, he pondered bleakly. He looked round the waiting room. Everyone had someone with them for moral support. Where was his back-up, his shoulder to cry on? He blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall. At last he was summoned to go through.
Sebastian wasn’t there long. The appointment was a repeat of the previous one, the same tests were done on his reflexes and his eyes were examined. He was asked to walk in a straight line, putting one foot in front of the other.
After the second step, the doctor waved his hand and said, ‘Enough.’ Sebastian sat back down with a heavy heart. ‘I’m going to request a brain scan, Sebastian, and a scan of your neck too,’ the doctor told him matter-of-factly.
‘A brain scan?’
‘Yes, plus a lumber puncture.’ The neurologist looked into his eyes with compassion.
‘Will… will it hurt?’ Sebastian swallowed. His mouth had gone dry.
‘Lumber punctures are not pleasant, but you will be given an anaesthetic.’
‘I see.’ Sebastian’s eyes started to fill.
The doctor coughed and spoke gently, ‘Sebastian, have you come here alone today?’
‘Yes,’ he whispered.
‘Don’t you think it would help to have a little support?’
‘Maybe.’ But who? He hadn’t told anyone about this.
‘You won’t have to wait long. A letter will be sent next week advising you of the appointments.’
‘Thank you.’ Then Sebastian paused. ‘What are we looking at?’ He scanned the neurologist’s face for any clues.
‘Let’s not speculate at this point. Let’s get the results of all the tests back first.’
Sebastian left the surgery and drove home in a state of numbness. Desperately wanting to talk to someone, he considered telling his brother, then ruled it out. Tobias was happy for the first time in a long while, newly married and expecting his first child. The last thing he needed right now was his brother bringing the mood down.
Then there was his mother, but bless her, she was neither use nor ornament, with her head in the clouds. She didn’t even know he was gay.
Megan was a possibility – she had gently asked if there was anything wrong not long ago – but no, she would only tell Tobias. So that was that. There was no one.
Deciding to put off going home, he pulled into the car park of The Templar. He was in dire need of a drink. On entering the bar he was greeted by Dermot. He asked for a pint of real ale then sat down in an alcove. He glanced around the pub, hoping Nick wasn’t there. He wasn’t, thank God.
Then he became aware of someone watching him. It was Jamie. He smiled and called him over, glad to see a friendly face. Jamie was there in an instant.
‘Hi, Sebastian, are you OK?’ Jamie noticed Sebastian’s quiet demeanour. He was not being his usual flamboyant self.
To hell with it, thought Sebastian, why not offload for once? It would be easier to talk to someone he hardly knew, instead of being careful not to upset those he was close to.
‘Do you know what, Jamie? No, I’m not OK.’ His voice cracked.
Jamie’s face fell. He moved closer. ‘Whatever’s the matter?’ he asked, genuinely concerned. His smoky-grey eyes searched Sebastian’s face with worry.
‘How long have you got?’ replied Sebastian sardonically.
‘As long as you need,’ Jamie answered softly.