Kath sat on the edge of the bed and cradled the sandals in her hands. They were exquisitely beautiful, had four-inch heels and open latticework near the toes, and the label was still attached. Nonetheless, there was not joy in her heart and her insides ached with her decision. She should return them to the shop and retrieve the money. It would be the right thing to do.
Eighty pounds was far more than she would normally spend on shoes, but she had purchased them as a treat for holding a job down for a whole year. She had believed that she had finally turned a corner and that good fortune was favouring her. It had seemed like a safe declaration to make.
Until recently Kath had worked part time a department store in the ladies clothing section, and had spent many hours drooling over the items that she could only dream of being able to afford. She served the customers without malice and went out of her way to help them. Most of the staff seemed to like her, some of the regular customers requested her personal assistance, and the hours suited. It had been her perfect job.
More importantly, it had provided her with an income. Biting her lip, she gazed at the sandals and battled with her demons. She didn’t want to have part with them but how could she not? She may not find another job for weeks, and her daughters’ birthdays were fast approaching. Eighty pounds would allow her to purchase gifts that were more favourable.
Kath wrapped them in the crepe paper and placed them back in the box. She would do it tomorrow. Chloe and Lily’s needs were more important than her own, and it was not as if she was going without. She still had an old pair, and the scuffs on the heels were barely visible. She would have to cope and Ignore her sorrow.
She glanced at the time. Liam would be returning home soon with the girls, and the calmness would fade into chaos. Wanting to get a head start with the meal preparations, she scurried downstairs, retrieved the potatoes and carrots to chop into strips, grabbed a large tin of mushy peas from the cupboard, and looked into the freezer for suitable protein. Multiple packs of cheap fish had been placed nearest the door. It would have to suffice.
Her irritation grated. She liked eating expensive foods, and was fed up of having to count her money and ration out what she had purchased. It was not as if the situation she had found herself in had been her fault. She had been sacked, but no matter how often she had reiterated her innocence, it had made no difference. Beyond the moment, there was no one to tell and no one who cared. Once again, she had been forced to deal with a false accusation, and it never got any easier.
Kath’s thoughts drifted to her youth and the first time her father criticised her behaviour. Even when she had done no wrong, he had never believed her cries of innocence, and his accusations hurt. He labelled her as a dropout and a no-hoper and punished her without evidence. In part, it had been Jade’s fault; she had been the perfect daughter and had put aside her own desires for the sake of their sick mother. Kath could never have competed with that, not unless she too had become an angel.
Refusing to allow her muscles to tighten, Kath forced steady breaths and continued with the preparations, reiterating her calmness in her mind. Her anger must not be allowed to grow inside of her. She must maintain control and not let her dismissal from work or her father’s treatment of her, eat away at her. To ensure past lessons had been learned, she reminded herself of the family tragedy.
Kath’s mistakes had been of her own choosing. It was a bitter reality, and she willed aside the torturous images of shame and regret. She wanted forgiveness, wanted to feel her sister’s love and affection, but she also wanted an apology. It was not going to be an easy goal to achieve considering Jade’s refusal to talk about the incident, but it was how it had to be.
The outer door banged open. Her family had returned home.
After receiving multiple hugs and kisses from Chloe and Lily, and having listened to her daughters enthusiastic recount of their day at Liam’s mother’s house, Kath settled back into the kitchen. Whilst chopping the potato, she listened to the Chloe’s screechy exclamation through the walls, and could tell from Liam’s command to hold on that he was on his hands and knees pretending to be Susie-Ann, their imaginary pony.
‘She’s going to buck,’ he said.
Giggles mingled with screams.
‘My turn, my turn,’ Lily said.
Kath gathered the potato pieces into a pan, added water, and placed it onto the hob. She loved to watch their antics and gazed to the doorway with a familiar longing, wondering if food preparations could wait. In the end, she decided not. She wanted to be one step ahead, as when her daughters’ little stomachs demanded food they would not find any patience and their mood would turn sour. She would find time for them later.
After a few minutes, Liam appeared and gazed at the offerings in the pans. ‘Fish again. That’s three times this week.’
‘Twice actually, but it’s not my fault. I am trying to get a job.’
‘No luck then?’
‘No, I’ve trailed the shops. There doesn’t seem to be much around. Anyway, no one’s going to give me a chance when they see my record.’
Liam reached for a glass and filled it with cold water. His silence was oppressive. He had not actually accused her of any crime, but neither had he displayed sympathy. It was time they talked about it properly.
‘You think I stole from them, don’t you?’
He did not look at her.
‘I can’t believe you’d even think such a thing. I told you I was set up.’
‘Yes, you did. You said someone planted the stuff in your bag.’
‘They did! Why don’t you believe me?’
He sipped the water.
‘Liam? I told you I was innocent!’
‘I know, and I believe you.’
‘It doesn’t sound like it . . . just because I have a record, I’m automatically guilty. You’re no better than the rest.’
She lowered the heat on the food and hurried up the steps to the bathroom. Liam did not attempt to stop her or extend the conversation. She would not lose her temper, even if she felt devastated.
Breathe, she told herself. She inhaled, counted to five, and exhaled.
Liam, above everyone else, should be aware of how any false accusation burned. He had heard of how poorly her family had treated her, and he knew the consequences. She rested her hands on the basin and stared at her reflection. She was weak, pathetic, and her eyes betrayed her cowardice. Just for once, she wanted someone to believe in her; Just for once, she wanted someone on her side.
She deserved better, and fought to release the tension from her muscles and dreamed of Jade’s apology. They would wrap their arms around each other. They would ease away the pain, together. They would be sisters again
Somehow, for the sake of her mindset, Kath knew she must seek a solution. She must make Jade see the error of her ways and she must force the truth from her. There was no other way.
The doorbell sounded.
‘Jade,’ Liam cried, ‘it’s for you.’
She hurried downstairs. William was waiting in the hallway.
‘Hello Kath, sorry to bother you.’ He glanced to the kitchen and sniffed the gentle aroma. ‘Is it bad timing?’
‘Liam is working a late shift and has to be out soon, but I can spare a few minutes.’
‘That’s all I need.’
She weaved past, closed the door to the living room, and guided him to the kitchen. ‘Is Jade all right?’
‘Yes . . . kind of. I’ll come straight to the point.’
Having caught sight of his worried face, Kath stopped herself from turning up the heat on the hob. His visit had to be something to do with Jade’s swift escape. She could not think of any other reason for his sudden and unusual appearance.
‘I don’t want you thinking this is an accusation, because it’s most definitely not.’
Her pulse quickened and her expression tightened. ‘Okay . . . go on.’
‘Jade is being tracked by someone, and they’re accusing her of things relating to her past . . . things to do with your family and the fire.’
‘What?’
William nodded. ‘She hasn’t a clue who’s responsible. I wondered if you might have any ideas.’
She shook her head. ‘What’s this person saying?’
‘That she's in denial.’
He was holding a firm gaze, studying her for a sign of weakness, but she was not going to relent to his persistence and tried to appear as stolid as possible. Nonetheless, a fear ran through her veins. William must think she was guilty or he wouldn’t be there.
‘Is the accusation definitely related to the fire?’ Kath asked.
‘What else could it be?’
‘I hoped you’d tell me,’ she said and turned her attention to the peas, giving them a quick stir.
‘Do you know anyone who may think she’s in denial?’ William asked.
‘No. The facts show she’s not guilty of anything, and she knows that, so what’s she afraid of?’
William hesitates and his gaze, causes Kath’s nerves to dance. He is definitely probing, looking for ways to trip her up. She must remain focused.
‘Are you aware she has dissociate amnesia?’
‘What? No.’
William nodded. ‘She has only very selective memories relating to that time. If fact until yesterday, she remembered nothing of the fire.’
Her pulse quickened. ‘And now?
‘She remembers your brothers screaming for help.’
‘And that’s it?’
‘That’s it. We think the rest is going to come back to her though. We’re hoping she doesn’t find anything out she’d rather not know.’
Kath held her hand to her mouth. ‘I can’t believe she never told me any of this.’
‘You never knew?’
‘No. It explains a few things.’
‘Like what?’
‘She avoids talking about our family. I just thought she hadn’t come to terms with things. It took me a while too.’
‘Will you talk to her?’
‘I don’t know. I’m not sure it would be a good idea. We’ve never been close, and it’s not like I haven’t tried. I get the impression she’s uncomfortable around me.’
The door opened and Chloe and Lily charged into the room, screaming out to her and talking over each other. She ordered them to stop and wait, and returned her attention to William.
‘I’m going to have to get on,’ she said. ‘If I think of anything that may be of use I’ll let you know.’
‘Thanks, that would be great. She’s very anxious.’
Kath nodded. ‘She has no reason to worry.’
William smiled. ‘That’s good to hear.’
Remaining in a trance-like state, she watched him leave. Her awareness of Jade’s amnesia had changed everything, and she wondered about her plan to force an apology. It may trigger an exposure of other things best forgotten, and right now, she wasn’t sure if that would be a wise move. It would need consideration, but now was not the time. She had a husband and two little girls to feed, and their demands were starting to grate.