2
Another minute slowly ticks by on my watch. Lunch is dragging.
I’m sitting under a pine tree with Kayla, Tia and Rebekah.
Olly and Jake are close by, a couple of trees over with the other male CITs, Marcus and Lorenzo. They seem more interested in spending time with each other than getting to know us. They might be a little older.
We’ve been here for about an hour and the counselor cliques are complete.
On my little paper plate there is a hot dog smothered in ketchup and charred corn. The second I take a bite out of the hot dog, I’m eight years old again. The taste brings me back to long summers swimming in the lake, and Kayla and me as skinny kids with dirty knees and wild hair. We’d eat hot dogs almost every day at camp, along with mac and cheese.
I loved it so much, and I can’t wait to give the campers the same experience.
“He keeps looking at you,” Tia sings.
“What?”
“Olly. He’s talking to the guys, but about every three seconds his eyes wander your way.”
I’m not even going to pretend I’m not interested in tall, dark and handsome. I would have to tilt my head up to talk to him, but I have to do that with almost everyone.
“What about you, Tia?”
She shrugs. “I’m not really into guys.”
“There are girls here.”
Her cheeks turn pink. “Well…Cora.”
“How old is she?”
Tia sighs. “It’s just a crush. I think maybe twenty? And straight.”
I pat her arm. “Are you seventeen?”
“Yep. All of the CITs are sixteen and seventeen except Lorenzo, who’s eighteen.”
“You know everything. How long have you been here?”
“I arrived early this morning. I work fast.” She taps her head. “Knowledge is power.”
“You here as a CIT or as FBI?”
That gets a laugh. “You stick with me, girl.”
“I’m going to talk to them,” Kayla says, standing up and taking her plate to the boys.
Andy watches her from where he’s sitting by the campfire. His expression is hard and his head tilted. Oh, come on, he can’t possibly want to separate us. This whole camp is coed.
I’m not spending the entire summer pretending that boys don’t exist.
“Shall we?” Tia asks.
Rebekah looks up and her eyes widen. “You wanna join them?”
“Yes, come on,” I say, standing up. With one hand I hold my plate and with the other I offer to help Rebekah up.
“All right, I’ll go with y’all.” She places one hand in mine and I tug her to her feet. She towers over me. “Thanks, Esme.”
Tia, Rebekah and I take a seat on a log bench. I strategically sit next to Olly. He has been looking at me, and he is totally cute. He looks athletic. I’m betting on football.
“Hey,” I say.
He glances sideways and smiles. “Esme, right?”
“Should I be flattered that you remembered?”
Laughing, he says, “You should actually. I forgot my cousin’s name once.”
“How do you do that?”
“I have fourteen. Most of us live on the same street.”
“Yeah, I only have five. Where are you from?”
“Missouri. You?”
“Pennsylvania. So, what made you want to be a CIT?”
He rips the end of a hot dog bun off. “I went to a camp when I was thirteen. It looked a lot more fun being a CIT. I guess I’ll find out. How about you?”
I think of the pamphlet, now buried away in my tiny dresser. “Pretty much the same as you.”
His insane green-blue eyes drift to the bramblebush that is probably going to shred my skin. I hope we don’t have to go through it to take the shortcut.
“Tia told you, too?” I ask.
He grins. “I think before she even said hello.”
“All right, guys, let’s finish up and organize the multi and the food cabins,” Andy says. “There’s lots to do before the campers arrive the day after tomorrow.”
Olly doesn’t move. He does glare at Andy’s back, though.
I sit straighter. “I guess we should…”
“Finish eating, Esme,” Olly replies.
My glance drifts between him and Andy. “Did you know him before you came here?”
“Kind of. Only through one of my cousins. They went to college together and I met him at their graduation. He talked to me a little about camp. When I got a pamphlet about becoming a CIT earlier this year, I figured he was the one who sent it.”
“He really likes this job, doesn’t he?”
Olly laughs. “Yes. He spends about ten hours every day promoting it. You should see his social media, it’s nothing but camp.”
“I don’t think I want to see his social media.”
I finish eating. The Buttercups—Mary and Catalina, I need to use their actual names!—follow Andy, almost tripping over themselves to get in first.
Is there a prize for best counselor or biggest suck-up?
That’s not a medal I’m likely to win.
Kayla and I dump our plates in the trash and head into the hall with our newly formed coed group.
Jake and Olly have broken away from the guys to stick with us four girls. We really don’t mind.
Inside the multiuse cabin is a sea of equipment. Tents, canoes, kayaks, sports gear, ropes, camping stoves and pans are spread out. It smells like a gym.
“Er, we have to check all of this?” Kayla mutters to our group.
“What qualifies me to assure anyone that a kayak won’t sink?” I mutter.
Olly chuckles, but I’m being serious.
Andy claps his hands. “Right, CITs can start by putting tents up and checking that they’re intact. I want to know if anything is missing or if there are rips, et cetera, et cetera. Counselors are to check outdoor equipment, and I will check the cooking equipment.”
We pair off and get to work. Kayla makes a beeline for Jake, so I end up with Olly. Not that I’m going to complain when his crazy shiny eyes keep making my tummy flip. I smile as I grab the first tent and try to hide my face with my long hair. My cheeks are probably tomato red.
The first tent goes up without a problem. It’s a small, simple four-person one.
We walk around it checking for rips, and Olly ducks inside, checking there too.
“It’s fine,” I say.
“Yep,” he agrees, poking his head out of the opening. “On to the next one, Esme.”
I like the way his rough voice says my name.
Enough, you weirdo!
The day rolls on, and we keep making good time with organizing. It’s nonstop work, but I’m enjoying it.
Nerves are swimming lengths in my stomach, though. What if I’m not good at this? What if my little team of campers doesn’t like me? I have to guide them and make them feel safe as well as learn new skills and have fun.
This isn’t just something that will look good on my résumé. I want to be good at it. I loved it here. I loved almost every part of Camp Pine Lake. There was just one thing. One night picked from a horror movie that still freezes my heart.
By nightfall we’re officially ready for the campers. Or at least the camp and equipment are.
We pushed on and got everything done. I’m a hot, sweaty, gross mess of a human, but because we finished, it means tomorrow we can have some fun. Then, it will be all about the young people we’re caring for.
After a refresh in the communal showers, we gather back outside. The air is a lot cooler, though I’m still in shorts and a T-shirt.
Tia grabs my elbow and I startle. “Let’s take a walk.”
I do a double take as she pulls me in another direction. “What?”
“Around the lake.”
She doesn’t wait for me to agree, but all right.
“What are we doing?” I ask when she lets me go.
“Walking.”
“I got that. Why?”
Grinning over her shoulder, she replies, “We’re checking out the shortcut. You just go straight along a man-made trail right through the trees. We should wait a week before we sneak out.”
Her voice is animated, and she waves her arms as she speaks. Her hair is tied in a messy bun.
“Make Andy think we’re good little CITs and following the rules,” I say.
“Exactly.”
“What happens if we get caught?”
“We’d be in a lot of trouble, I think. I doubt we’d get kicked out, though.”
I take a breath. “I hope not.”
My mom and dad would be so mad.
“Don’t worry, Esme, we won’t get caught.”
I mean, the chances are high. If someone else is outside, too, they will see us disappear into a bush and not come out for a couple of hours. Maybe they all do it.
We walk along the edge of the oval lake with trees to our left and water to our right. It’s beautiful, peaceful.
In a couple of days, we’re going to be swimming out here. We even have an inflatable obstacle course for the water. We didn’t have that when I was a camper, so I can’t wait to try it. I can get a bit competitive, so I need to remember to play fair with the children.
“Are you going to college after summer?” I ask.
“Yep, in New York. Big change from Oregon. I can’t wait. What about you?”
I nod. “Denver. I’m from Pennsylvania, so a big change for me, too. It’s so pretty in Colorado. I can’t wait to see mountains.”
“We’ll have to keep in touch.”
“Definitely. Is this it?” I ask.
“Yep. Must be.”
Thankfully, the track is just behind the bramble.
Tia and I continue to walk around the lake. It’s dark over here without camp lighting, but the moon is bright, so there’s enough light to see where we’re walking. The scent of pine is stronger away from the cabins and campfire. I breathe it in.
It takes about ten minutes to walk all the way around the lake, probably quicker now that I’m not eight.
“Next week,” I say with a bubble of excitement. This summer is going to rock.
Back at camp, some of the CITs are down by the lake, while others are playing cards.
“I’m not jumping in the water tonight, I’ve already showered,” Tia says.
“I’m with you,” I say. We take a seat with Kayla, Rebekah, Jake and Olly. They are sitting to the side of the campfire in a little circle.
“Campfire games,” Tia says. “We can play Which One Is the Lie. You have to tell two facts about yourself, but only one can be an actual fact. The rest of us have to guess which one is the lie.”
Rebekah interjects. “I have a better one for y’all, a way for us to really get to know each other. But we have to all agree to be completely honest and no one can judge.”
I’m not sure I like the sound of that.
“I’m game,” Jake says, rubbing his hands together.
Good for him.
Kayla and I share a look. There are some things we won’t ever be telling anyone.
“Come on, it’ll be fun.” Rebekah sits taller if that’s even possible. “It’s something I’ve played before with my best friends. It keeps us close.”
“All right,” I concede. I don’t have to lie to anyone. Kayla and I just won’t tell everything.
Kayla’s eyes snap to mine and I see her body visibly stiffen. We’re obviously not going there. I subtly shake my head, telling her it’s okay.
“I’ll go first,” Rebekah says. “My greatest fear is that I will never be happy. Really, truly happy.”
Her confession knocks the air out of my lungs. “You’ve never been happy?”
She shakes her head, eyes downcast. “I don’t think I know how. Since I was young, I knew there was something wrong with me.”
Well, this got dark fast. I want to ask what she thinks is wrong with her, but her eyes fill with tears and I don’t want to make her cry.
Olly purses his lips like he’s deeply uncomfortable and doesn’t know what to say. Jake clears his throat and looks longingly at the lake as if he wishes he was in it.
He’s not alone.
“You will be happy,” Tia tells Rebekah, giving her shoulder a squeeze, and then quickly moves on. “So, my big confession is that my parents still don’t know I’m gay.” She laughs. “In fact, no one does but you guys.”
“What, no one at all?” I ask.
She shrugs. “I guess being here and being out will give me the kick in the ass I need to live this way back home, too. What’s yours, Esme?”
I clear my throat.
My biggest fear is that someone will find out what I did ten years ago.