Chapter 11

The practice field was empty as Elim crossed it with his fellow corporals and sergeants. They had all been summoned to the field by Major MacDonald, and whispers of “Why?” had flown through the camp in a matter of minutes. Elim discarded most of the rumors, fear building with each step. Was this the end? Was he being summoned to be told that his men weren’t fit for more than trench work? His fears subsided when he saw all the noncommissioned officers making their way to where the major stood.

August wasn’t there. A strange twist knotted in his stomach. He outranked the man he’d been a slave to for most of his life. Private Smith would not have been called to this meeting, although he may be outside right now. Elim had spotted August watching him at the chapel, the mess tents, and the parade field. August was probably waiting to see when Elim would be ready to talk.

Major MacDonald waited until the men fell into something like formation before he began speaking. Elim took a place near the rear. “We have received word that Confederate troops are marching north attacking supply lines.” His voice was steady, but a shudder went through the crowd at his words. “We are sending troops south to support the battle.”

The air was still. This was it. The fort had been relatively stationary, mostly drilling. No one had been sent out for battle since he’d gotten here, white or black. The fact that was about to change sobered Elim.

The major called out several units that needed to prepare to be mobilized. Elim held his breath, worry rising. What if … He swallowed down the strange mixture brewing in him. Part wanting to be called and part dreading to be called.

Major MacDonald looked at Elim. “Corporal Smith, your men will accompany us to build fortifications.”

Horrified shock rattled through him. The men had passed the inspection. He had done what he thought was impossible. But still they were assigned to ditchdigging and fort building. He’d wasted his time. “Yes, sir,” he croaked.

Major MacDonald continued giving a few more details, oblivious to the blow he’d dealt Elim, and then dismissed the meeting.

As he arrived back at his camp, he spotted Adeline with his men, a worried look on her face.

“Is everything all right?”

Elim put on a calm face. “May I speak to you in private?”

She nodded, and he led her a few steps away from his men. He lowered his voice. “You should probably go back to Philadelphia soon.”

She gaped at him. “Not without my family.”

He gritted his teeth. “I’m not saying forever. Maybe for a month or two.”

“My family could be caught in whatever you’re trying to warn me about. I refuse to leave and go back north without them.”

“You don’t know for sure that they are here.”

Her face shifted to a mask of hurt. “I have good information that they were here. That could lead me to wherever they are. I can’t believe you would even suggest—”

“You can’t help them if you’re dead.”

Her face hardened, and he knew he was wasting his time. “Thank you for your concern, Corporal.” She flung his rank at him like a stone, and it hit its mark. She spun and left him standing alone. He resisted the urge to go to her, pull her back, and demand that she get out of harm’s way. He did nothing but watch her walk away. What could he do? He had no power to help or protect her.

It took her most of the lesson for her anger to dissipate. Elim sat through the lesson, looking at everything but her. Maybe he was being eaten from the inside out with the ridiculousness of his request. He knew how important her mission was to her. How finding her mother and brother was the only thing that would give her real freedom. He could have his danger and warnings. She wasn’t leaving Alexandria until she’d found her family.

Even though she had left Philadelphia without a fully formed plan, she had understood the danger of returning to the South.

“Miss Barris?” A voice sounded close to her ear.

She turned to find Private Douglas standing next to her. “Do you need help?”

“No, ma’am. I think I can help you. I wanted to tell you yesterday on our walk, but I wanted to be sure. I think I found out something about your family.”

She closed her book and slowly lowered it to the pulpit. “You have?”

Douglas nodded, a smile spreading on his face. “One of the other men said they remembered a boy named Michael who sometimes came to work at the fort. He was here with his mama and said he’d come from a nearby plantation. The boy talked about his father and his sister Adeline in Philadelphia.”

Adeline fought to breathe. “And? Is he still here?”

Douglas’s smile faded and he shook his head. “The boy hasn’t been seen around for a couple of months. But the man said he thought the boy went to work on a farm south of here owned by a free Negro woman. Milton Farm.”

Tears sprang to her eyes. “Thank you.”

“I even got directions to the farm.” He handed her a piece of paper with directions scribbled on them. The paper felt like a stone in her hand. Directions written by a man she had taught to read and write.

A flash of regret cooled her excitement. She had done everything she could to find her family on her own, but she had failed at that. Private Douglas had found them, not her. Would she ever be free from her guilt? She had to get Mama and Michael home to free her from her debt.

A small thought sounded in her head. “What if you don’t have to do it alone? What if you need My help?”

She ignored the voice. God shouldn’t have to fix her mistake. She was the one who sneaked out after her father. She’d made the trip to reach freedom harder and longer for them. If she hadn’t left, Papa could have worked and used all of his savings to buy his family’s freedom instead of using the money to support her. He would have seen his whole family free before he died. She never should have left Mama and Michael, so now she should be the one to get them free. She folded the paper and stuck it in the pocket of her dress, where it sat like a smoldering fire for the rest of the lesson. As soon as Elim announced that it was time to go, Adeline quickly gathered her things.

“Adeline,” Elim said, after the men had filed out of the chapel. “I wanted to—”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t stay.”

He took an abrupt step back. “Oh.”

She pushed past him, but he lightly grasped her arm. “Can we talk later?”

He stood so close. She could see the apology in his eyes, but she couldn’t let herself hear it. If she found her family, she would be returning north to get their freedom. Elim would be here, fighting.

“I must go.” She pulled herself from his grip and rushed out the door.

To her surprise, he followed her. “Adeline, please,” he called from behind her, but she kept walking. She didn’t want to turn around. Because then she would have to acknowledge that she was walking away forever from the man she loved.

He caught up with her and stood in front of her. “Please let me apologize.” He was slightly out of breath, and a lock of his hair had fallen on his forehead without his cap holding it in place.

“I forgive you.” She moved to go around him.

“Don’t go.” Her knees turned to jelly at the pleading in his voice. “Don’t go. Stay here with me.”

“Elim, I can’t.”

“At least tell me what you are going to do.”

She dropped her head, bothered that he could read her so well. “I’m going back to town to help the Hunters. You don’t need me here anymore.”

He stepped closer. “But I do need you.”

She let out a sob. “And then what, Elim? You marry me, and what? I watch you go off to battle, never knowing if you’re going to come back? Is that the life we would have?”

He swallowed. “I would marry you today if you would agree to it.” His eyes told her that he was speaking the truth.

Now tears flowed freely down her cheeks. “And what of my family?”

“I’d help you find them. We’d search together.”

“No, Elim. You are right now preparing to go to the battle lines. I have to find my family. This can’t be.” She pushed past him, but he grasped her waist.

Without warning, he leaned in and kissed her. There was need in that kiss, overwhelming need. The world seemed to spin around them. She almost got lost, until she realized that this was their goodbye kiss.