Chapter 12

There, she’d asked the question that had been burning in her mind like a hot pot of porridge. From the shocked look on his face, he hadn’t been expecting it. He needed to answer her question if he ever wanted to court her. He sipped from the tin cup of water that still rested on the table. He looked nervous. Well, he needed to be sure he told her the truth.

“I enjoyed visiting with you. I was even starting to be smitten with you.” He paused and took a deep breath. “One day when I was coming to visit you, Eve met me on the path. She flirted with me and kissed me.” Sweat rolled down his brow. He swiped the moisture away as he told Deborah what happened. “She continued doing this, stopping me from visiting you. One day, you and your parents were gone and … Deborah, I’m so ashamed.”

She took a deep breath. “Ashamed of what?”

His face reddened. She gasped. “You had relations with my sister and were not married to her?” The question squeaked from her mouth. “How could you?”

“As soon as it happened, I went to your parents and told them we had to get married.”

“Did my parents know what you did?”

“Yes, I even told the pastor. Deborah, I’m not perfect. The first thing I did after it happened was beg God for forgiveness. After we got married, I changed. After your sister and I moved to a new town, I went to church and got baptized.”

She took a deep breath. “But you always went to church before you married Eve and when you visited me.”

“I did, but I’d never accepted Christ as my Savior. I never told the Lord that I accepted His gift of salvation until after I married Eve.”

Tears slid down her cheeks. She swiped the moisture away. “I guess I didn’t know you as well as I thought. I just assumed you were a Christian when we were … visiting together when I was seventeen.”

“Oh Deborah. It makes me sad to see you cry. I was struggling back then. I was going through a lot. Questioning a lot. I was angry with God about my parents’ deaths. It was a rough time for me. I’m so sorry.”

She shook her head. “Timothy, it’s not just you. It’s my sister. I didn’t realize that Eve was so … so …” She struggled to come up with a proper word to describe her sister.

“Conniving?”

She blew air through her lips. “Yes. I mean … I guess maybe deep down I knew, but I just didn’t want to admit it to myself.” She sniffed and wiped her wet eyes with her napkin. “My friend Lucy asked me if Eve was kind.” She sighed and placed her napkin on the table. “Why would Eve want to hurt me like that?”

“I don’t think she was thinking clearly. She was self-centered. I think she saw that you were happy from spending time with me, and she wanted some of that happiness for herself. It’s possible that she mistakenly thought that being with me would make her happy. She considered her own feelings but didn’t think about how much her actions would hurt you.”

Deborah vividly recalled the day she’d accepted Christ. She was fourteen, and a week later the pastor baptized her in the river on the edge of town. Folks had congratulated her for accepting Jesus into her life. She winced, recalling that Eve had accepted Christ a week later. Had her sister had a real relationship with Jesus? Or had Eve accepted Christ because she’d been jealous of the attention her twin had received?

“Deborah, what’s wrong?” Timothy’s deep, gentle voice interrupted her thoughts.

“It’s Eve.”

“What about her?”

“Did she know Jesus? Did she truly accept His gift of salvation?” She told him about how Eve accepted Christ shortly after she herself had accepted Him as her Savior. She swiped away the sudden tears that spilled down her cheeks.

“Deborah, I hate to see you so upset. I think Eve was a Christian. After Lily was born, she began reading her Bible more. She often read the Bible with a group of ladies at our church. I honestly don’t know how she felt when she was fourteen. I do know she said she wanted to make sure Lily loved Jesus.” He sighed. “Our marriage was difficult and full of arguments. We didn’t always agree on everything, and it was hard, but I do believe that Eve was saved.”

What a relief to know that fact about her sister. But this new knowledge didn’t change the way she felt. She needed to let Timothy know what she was thinking. “Timothy, we can’t court, not now. I need some time to think and pray about this.” She paused. “It will be difficult seeing you at meals each day at my house. I need some time alone.”

“That’s all right, Deborah. Don’t worry about that. I won’t come to your house any more for meals. I can cook for Lily and me, or send Lily to your house to get our meal. The only reason I dined with your family is because your ma insisted. She wanted to spend time with Lily, and I think she’s still sad about Eve’s death. Take as much time as you need, and when you’re ready to talk about this again, please come and see me.” He paid the waitress for their meal. He then took Deborah’s hand and they exited the restaurant.

So, she had to think about his request for courtship? The question had been spinning in his mind ever since he’d shared dinner with Deborah a few days ago. He peered into the Kings’ barn and breathed a sigh of relief when he spotted Papa Daniel feeding the horses. He figured Deborah’s pa would be out doing chores in the barn while Deborah and her ma fixed supper. He’d already sent Lily into Deborah’s house to fetch their supper pail. He’d told Lily that her grandpa would come fetch her when it was time for them to walk home. This would guarantee that he had ample time to speak with him.

“Papa Daniel.”

The older man looked up from his chore. “Timothy. I’m surprised to see you.”

He strolled into the barn and helped Papa Daniel toss hay into the horses’ feeding trough. They worked together silently. Once the feeding trough was full, Timothy assisted with hauling water for the horses. The nip in the November air felt good against his heated skin as he performed the chore. After they’d finished in the barn, he gestured toward Deborah’s wooden crates in the adjoining room. “I have to talk to you. Do you mind if we sit down for a bit?”

The older man nodded. “Let’s rest for a little while.” They made themselves comfortable on the crates. Susie scampered into the barn. Timothy lifted the cat and stroked her silky black fur. When the cat wiggled in his arms, he released her. He watched the animal run out of the barn before he focused on Papa Daniel.

“I guess Deborah mentioned that she needed some time to think about my offer of courtship.”

“Yes, she did mention that. My Deborah is not one to rush into anything. She thinks and prays about it. She has to seek God’s guidance.”

“Yes, she does.” How could he broach this emotional topic? “Actually, Deborah told me to come and speak with you.”

He raised his gray eyebrows. “Really?”

Taking a deep breath, Timothy told Papa Daniel all that he’d discussed with Deborah when they shared dinner after she’d taken the exam. “I know it hurts Deborah to discover what I did with Eve. I also know she’s upset about how Eve … well … how Eve approached me. Sir, I wasn’t a Christian at the time. I have a relationship with God now.” He took another deep breath. “I’m sorry about what happened. I really am. I just wonder if Deborah will ever forgive me for what I did years ago. I also wonder if she can forgive Eve—even though Eve has passed away, I don’t blame Deborah for being upset about what happened.”

“What about you, Timothy? Are you upset?”

“Yes, Papa Daniel. I’m upset that my actions hurt Deborah. I’m also upset about Eve’s death.” He told the older man about Eve’s illness and about the dreams he’d been having about her. “I feel awful. Since I’ve returned to town, I’ve felt conflicted. I like Deborah.” He figured he could even grow to love her the way a husband loves a wife, but only the good Lord knew if that would ever happen. “But she’s Eve’s twin sister. It seems wrong for me to be with her, yet I want to see her. She’s smart and pretty, and I enjoy spending time with her.” He took a deep breath. “Then I feel bad about Eve’s death. Was there anything I could’ve done to save her?”

Deborah’s pa clapped his large hand on Timothy’s shoulder. “Son, you need to forgive yourself for all of that. Jesus forgave you when He died on the cross.” He paused for a few seconds. “If Jesus were here right now, what would He tell you to do?” Surprised at the question, Timothy looked into Papa Daniel’s wise, kind eyes. “Jesus wouldn’t want you to feel guilty about something that wasn’t your fault. Son, you need to get on your knees and pray to the Lord about this. Ask Him to lift away your feelings of guilt.” He leaned back against the wall. “Ask Him if Deborah’s the right woman for you, and then, if it’s His will, to open up her heart so she’ll accept your courtship. I’ll be praying for you and Deborah too. You hurt her when you married Eve. Sometimes it takes folks awhile to let go of pain. Pain can run deep, and your returning to town and then both of you studying and treating patients together … well … she probably was hoping you’d ask to court her. Now that you have, she doesn’t know what to do about it.”

After they stood, Papa Daniel hugged him hard. “You’re like a son to me, Timothy.” He released him. “I’ll send Lily out for you.”

Timothy thought about Papa Daniel’s advice as he trekked home with Lily. After they’d feasted on dinner and Lily had gone to sleep, he went into his room. He dropped down on his knees, steepled his hands, and bowed his head. “Lord, I’m struggling. I brought Lily here to live close to Eve’s family. Now I’m dreaming about Eve. I still wonder about her death. I feel so bad about it. Please take away these bad feelings, Lord. Please be with Deborah. Please help her to see that I’m sincere about wanting to court her. I like Deborah. I could even grow to love her. Lord, I need help with so many things. My life is full of guilt and bad feelings. Help me, Lord. Help me so that I can be a better father for Lily. Help me to be the best doctor I can be for this community. Lord, please help me to feel happy and not full of guilt.” He paused. “I thank You for all You’ve done for me, Lord. Amen.” After his prayer, he remained on his knees, his eyes tightly closed. The tense feeling in his shoulders lessened as he took a few deep breaths.

He finally stood up. For some reason, he didn’t feel sleepy. He lit his lantern and lifted his Bible from the shelf before making himself comfortable at the kitchen table. He opened the Bible to Romans 3:23-24. “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.” He stared at the verse before touching the words with his fingers. He continued reading his Bible until the weak, early morning sunlight streamed through his window.