I bought my wife a pair of crotchless panties for Hallowe’en – not for sexual purposes, just to give her a better grip on her broomstick.
What did the incestuous family do on Hallowe’en?
Pump kin.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi.
Husband to wife: “Don’t look out the window! People will think it’s Hallowe’en already.”
I got so sick of trick-or-treaters that I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn’t in. To hell with the ships, it’s my lighthouse!