How do you get a hippie out of the bath?
Turn on the water.
How do you hide money from a hippie?
Put it under the soap.
Why couldn’t the lifeguard save the hippie?
He was too far out, man.
What do you call a hippie’s wife?
Mississippi.
How many hippies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Hippies don’t screw in light bulbs, they screw in dirty sleeping bags.
What do hippie horses eat?
Hay, man.
How do you know if a hippie’s been staying at your house?
He’s still there.
How do you get twenty hippies into a phone booth?
Throw in a joint.
Why are there no hippies on the Starship Enterprise?
Because hippies don’t have jobs in the future either.
Why are hippies like bears?
They both hug, eat honey and shit in the woods.
At what temperature does a hippie like to eat his pizza?
Cool. Really cool.
What’s red and orange and looks good on a hippie?
Fire.
What’s dumber than a box of rocks?
The hippie that carries it across the country.
What kind of cigarettes do hippies smoke?
Yours.
I was walking down the street when a hippie suddenly shoved a joss stick up my butt. I was incensed.
How can you recognize a burned-out hippie?
He used to take acid; now he takes antacid.
You know you’re a hippie if you carry a picture of Gandhi in your wallet.
You know you’re a hippie if your child is named after a celestial object.
You know you’re a hippie if, out of habit, you pass your cigarette to whoever’s sitting next to you.
You know you’re a hippie if your hair contains a fully functional eco-system.
You know you’re a hippie if half your furniture is bean bags.
First hippie: “What would you do if you saw a spaceman?”
Second hippie: “Park my car in it, man.”
What do you call a hippie with a haircut?
The defendant.
How do you know a hippie chick is on her period?
She has only one sock on.
Did you hear about the hippie ghost?
He was ghoul man, really ghoul.