How does a high school boy propose marriage?
“You’re having a what?!”
A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam.
I took a geography course that was so hard, I couldn’t find the classroom.
The library at the University of Iowa burnt down last week. The students were very upset – some of the books hadn’t been coloured in yet.
Neighbour: “What are you going to be when you graduate?”
Student: “Penniless.”
I’ve just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology – the study of milkmen.
At university my girlfriend took English and I took medicine. But I’m better now.
I studied to be a bone specialist – the tutor said I had a head for it.
Did you hear about the realistic Politics exam? Students got extra marks for not answering the question.
I took a college course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in just 10 minutes.
Mike: “What’s your son taking at university?”
Marty: “Every penny I’ve got.”
Did you hear about the young man who studied semaphore? His interest is flagging.
College exams are nature’s laxatives.
I’ve been revising for a practical exam on pest control. I was up all night swatting.
Did you hear about the student who cheated in his Ethics exam?
What’s the difference between a soccer pitch and a media studies degree?
A soccer pitch has goals.
What’s the difference between a camel and a medical student?
A camel can go five days without drinking.
Did you hear about the medical student who removed the appendix from one of his textbooks?
Studying is healthy, so best leave it to the sick.
Why is a degree like a condom?
It’s rolled up when you get it, it represents a lot of effort, and it’s worthless the next day.
I’ve just taken my hive-building exams. I’m hoping to get a B in at least one of them.
If students wrote the Bible, the Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning – cold.
If students wrote the Bible, the Ten Commandments would actually be only five; double spaced and written in large font.
If students wrote the Bible, Paul’s letter to the Romans would become Paul’s email to abuse@romans.gov.
If students wrote the Bible, instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, he would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.
You’re a college student if 6 a.m. is when you go to sleep, not when you wake up.
You’re a college student if you schedule your classes around sleep habits and TV soaps.
You’re a college student if you wash dishes in the bathroom sink.
You’re a college student if you wear the same underpants for a week and think nothing of it.
You’re a college student if your idea of a square meal is Pop-Tarts.
You’re a college student if you’ve travelled with bags of dirty clothes.
You’re a college student if you throw out bowls and plates because you don’t feel like washing them.
You’re a college student if your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn’t.
You’re a college student if you live in a house with three couches, none of which match.
You’re a college student if you stay up late to finish homework, then sleep through the class in which it was due.
You’re a college student if the food in your fridge may or may not be older than your little brother.
You’re a college student if finding random people in your house is perfectly normal.
You’re a college student if you have more beer than food in your fridge.
You’re a college student if weekends start on Thursday.
You’re a college student if you know the pizza delivery boy by name.
You’re a college student if you don’t think three miles is too far to walk to a party.