Yo Mama’s so poor . . . burglars break into her home and leave money.
. . . she hangs the toilet paper out to dry.
. . . they put her photo on food stamps.
. . . she watches television on Etch-A-Sketch.
. . . she can only get to wear her best dress when the dog doesn’t need its blanket.
. . . your Kinder eggs never have any surprises in them.
. . . that to save on water she washes her hair when she flushes the toilet.
. . . the last time your family had a hot meal was when your house was on fire.
. . . her favourite hat doubles up as a lampshade.
. . . a brick through her window would be considered a home improvement.
. . . she waves an ice cube around and calls it air conditioning.
. . . the bank repossessed her cardboard box.
. . . the only time she tasted meat was when she bit her tongue.
. . . she can’t even afford to go to the free clinic.
. . . when I asked her what she was doing kicking a can down the street, she said: “Moving.”
. . . when you ring the doorbell the toilet flushes.
. . . the only way she can watch TV is by drilling a hole through her neighbour’s wall.
. . . she can’t even afford to eat her words.
. . . she conserves toilet paper by using both sides.
. . . the garbage collectors give her a tip at Christmas.
. . . she can’t even afford the last two letters, so she just calls herself “po”.
. . . she’s got more furniture on her porch than in her house.
. . . you know the story about the old woman who lived in a shoe? Well, yo Mama lives in a flip-flop.
. . . she tapes popcorn to the ceiling because it’s cheaper than a smoke alarm.
. . . people rob her house for practice.
. . . that while for some people money talks, for yo Mama it doesn’t even whisper.
. . . when yo brother started having epileptic fits she used him as a dishwasher.
. . . she uses tumbleweed as a Christmas tree.
. . . she’s in debt to the blood bank.
. . . her idea of double-glazed windows is two layers of clingfilm.
. . . the only drink you get offered in her house is spit.
. . . I saw her wrestling a squirrel for a peanut.
. . . when I asked her where the toilet was, she said: “Just choose a corner.”
. . . instead of using a steam iron, she sits on the laundry and farts.
. . . the only time she can put chips on yo plate is when she drops it.
. . . when someone rings her doorbell, she leans out the window and says “ding-dong”.
. . . her idea of “the good china” is a paper plate.
. . . when I walked into her house and swatted a firefly, she said: “Who turned off the lights?”
. . . she uses cobwebs for curtains.
. . . when I stepped on a skateboard outside her house, she yelled: “Hey, get off the car!”
. . . instead of switching on the central heating she kicks yo Papa in the balls and warms her hands on his breath.
. . . she can’t even afford to spend a penny.
. . . if you go to her home and ask to use the toilet, she says: “Sure, third tree on the right.”
. . . when someone went into her living room and stood on a cigarette butt, she yelled: “Who turned off the heater?”
. . . she does drive-by shootings on the bus.
. . . when she heard about the Last Supper she thought the food stamps had run out.
. . . the rats in her house go round with begging bowls.
. . . when she cut her finger she used chewing gum as a plaster.
. . . she can’t afford a mop, so she stands on her head to clean the floor.
. . . the only time she smelt hot food was when a rich man farted.
. . . she eats cereal with a fork to save milk.
. . . when you go over for dinner she just reads out the recipes.
. . . she went to the wishing well and threw in an IOU.
. . . her kids were made in Taiwan.
. . . when you asked her what was for dinner she took off her shoelaces and said: “Spaghetti.”
. . . she has to take the trash in.
. . . when I went to use her bathroom I saw a cockroach sitting on a Pepsi can saying: “Wait your turn!”
. . . she only got married for the rice.
Yo Mama’s house is so small . . . her front and back doors are on the same hinge.
. . . if she orders a large pizza we have to go outside to eat it.
. . . half of the TV is in one room and half in another.
. . . as soon as you enter it, you’ve just left.
. . . she can cut her front lawn with nail scissors.
. . . when she left a shoe box in the yard the council thought it was an extension.
. . . the front door is a cat flap.
. . . she and yo Papa sleep in separate rooms – but in the same bed.
. . . I stepped through her front door and fell out the back.
. . . only one bird can sit on her roof at a time.
. . . her cat complains that there’s not enough room to swing a mouse.
. . . she can only use condensed milk.
. . . you have to stand on one leg in the shower.
. . . the living-room carpet is just a sample.
. . . the cockroaches are hunchbacked.
. . . you can be upstairs and downstairs at the same time.
. . . the bathroom tiles are just two books of postage stamps.
. . . the three-piece suite has to be in three different rooms.
. . . the main TV set is on a cell phone.
. . . when she drops a Kleenex she has wall-to-wall carpet.
. . . when mail goes through the letterbox it hits everyone inside.
. . . Barbie and Ken rejected it.
. . . the doormat just says WEL.
. . . you have to go outside just to change your mind.