A boxer complains to his doctor about insomnia. “Have you tried counting sheep?” asks the doctor. “Yes,” says the boxer, “but whenever I get to nine, I stand up.”
Women’s boxing will never catch on. Most women wouldn’t dream of putting on gloves without a handbag and shoes to match.
He boxed as Kid Candle. One blow and he was out.
He fought under the name of Kid Cousteau because he took so many dives.
He boxed as Kid Picasso because he spent so much time on the canvas.
He was a colourful boxer – black and blue all over.
Boxer: “Just think. Tonight I’ll be fighting on TV in front of millions of people!”
Manager: “And they’ll all know the result at least 10 seconds before you do.”
Why does everyone hate boxer Audley Harrison? He never hurt anyone!
What does Audley Harrison have in common with a five-year-old schoolboy?
They both need picking up ’round 3.
Every morning I shadow box. Sometimes I even win.
Did you hear about the boxer who didn’t know the meaning of defeat? So his manager bought him a dictionary.
After battering an opponent to defeat, the boxer said he didn’t want a rematch because he didn’t think his hands could stand the punishment.
When I was a fighter I kept my head. I lost my teeth but I kept my head.
Why are short people so good at boxing?
To beat them you really need to knuckle down.
A boxer is a man who makes money hand over fist.
What was the difference between Evander Holyfield and Mike Tyson?
Holyfield was champing at the bit, Tyson was biting at the champ.
It’s easy to download the Tyson-Holyfield fight off the Internet. It doesn’t take much memory – just two bytes.
Who was the last person to box Joe Louis?
His undertaker.
What did the boxer have written on his gravestone?
“You can stop counting. I’m not getting up.”
When the fight ended he was handed a cup – to keep his teeth in.
A boxer was taking a terrible beating. At the end of the round, his coach said: “Let him hit you with his left for a while. Your face is crooked.”
Manager: “How would you like to fight for the crown?”
Boxer: “Great. I think I can take the Queen in about five rounds.”