How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Follow the fresh prints.
Celine Dion walked into a bar. The bartender said: “Why the long face?”
Michelle Pfeiffer has a silent P. But when she has a dump you can hear it downstairs.
Why is David Beckham like Ferrero Rocher?
They both come in a posh box.
It’s people like Bob Geldof and Jamie Oliver who give kids a bad name.
Piers Morgan boasts that he and Manchester United footballer Wayne Rooney have a combined Twitter following of 3,000,000. That’s amazing! Who would have thought Wayne Rooney would have 2,999,999 Twitter followers?
How did Bill Gates accumulate all his wealth?
By never spending more than $3 on a haircut.
A tan can look nice but Katie Price has gone way too far. She’s now the colour of a hangover piss. Sean Lock
Police found a chocolate bar up George Michael’s ass. It must have been a careless Wispa.
George Clooney taught me never to be a name-dropper.
When Joan Rivers has her make-up confiscated by airport security, the terrorists will realize they’ve gone too far.
I bought a 2011 Brigitte Bardot calendar. We’ve both seen better days.
Did you hear about the reality TV star whose career nose-dived so much that she was dropped from switching on the Christmas lights in her own home?
Why does Shane Warne never go to bed late?
So he can get up Hurley.
Paris Hilton had a nightmare. She was being chaste.
Kim Kardashian was apparently the most Googled celebrity last year – no doubt due to people Googling, “Who the hell is Kim Kardashian?”
Did you hear about the big argument that Madonna, Cher and Rihanna had? Apparently they’re no longer on first-name terms.
What was Dolly Parton voted in school?
Most likely to breast-feed Africa.
Sean Connery has found his niche. She was in his back garden chatting to his nephew.
Why is Paul McCartney glum about his new wife?
He’s buying twice the amount of shoes.
Rod Stewart is a man of principle. He absolutely will not go out with a woman with brown hair. David Walliams
Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 7? He replied: “I still love Vista, baby.”