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Kiana
“Oh my God. Did I actually shoot my husband?” I asked myself as I stared at the smoking gun that was still in my hand. Shooting a gun wasn’t new to me. I could handle firearms very well. In mine and Brick’s line of business, I’ve had to let loose on a few niggas in the past. But none of those niggas were ever my husband.
“Damn it Brick. How did we get here?” I said aloud as tears raced down my face. The fact that I raised a gun and pulled the trigger on the man that I vowed to love, honor, and obey sent daggers through my heart.
I pulled guns on people that I knew I could do without. But, for the past eight years, I needed my husband. Just like I needed him now. The realization that my marriage was over hurt so bad that I was having a hard time breathing.
I couldn’t understand how eight years of marriage, two beautiful kids, and the millions of dollars that we accumulated wasn’t enough to keep our foundation solid.
“Mommy Ava won’t help me get dressed.”
“Yes, I am Mommy.”
Hearing my girls arguing back and forth snapped me out of the painful thoughts. Six months ago, I had had a nervous breakdown because of Brick’s stupid ass. I wasn’t going to let his reckless behavior ever get me to the point where I couldn’t take care of my kids ever again. Fuck him and fuck that.
“Ava and Elise, turn to something on TV. I’ll be up in a few minutes to help you both. OK?” I said as cheerful as I could through my broken heart.
“OK!” I heard them say as they went back into the room and argued with each other. I usually loved to hear them playing around and arguing about things that only little girls understood. But not even their back and forth banter could get me out of the mood I was now in.
Tears clouded my eyes as soon as I looked down and saw the large drops of blood on the floor and on the couch. Not even the pain of childbirth could rival the pain that was in my heart.
Running into the laundry room I filled a bucket with hot water and Industrial Strength Clorox. The last time I had to clean up blood splatter was when Brick was shot in the foot. Never in a million years did I think that I’d be cleaning his blood off my floor because I shot him.
The bleach was so strong that it stripped the shine that the Murphy’s Oil Soap left on the hardwood floors. Now every time I looked at that spot, I’d be reminded of Brick’s betrayal.
I felt myself getting sick when I poured the water out. The crimson colored water slid down the drain, as tears slid down my face. My marriage, just like the bloody water, had been flushed down the drain.
Walking up the stairs, I tried to think of a lie to tell my daughters as to why their dad had to leave. Brick had never left them hanging before. Because of that, I knew Ava was going to bombard me with questions.
“Ava and Elise what are y’all doing?” I asked as I peeked my head into Ava’s bedroom.
“We’re braiding Josefina’s hair.” Elise said as she held up Ava’s Mexican American Girl doll. I smiled at the 6 big braids with colorful barrettes that they had in the doll’s thick long hair.
“Are you and daddy ready to go now? Can we go to the Aquarium after we eat? I wanna see the white fish.” Ava said while combing her other American Girl Gabriela’s hair.
“That’s stupid Ava. We don’t need to go see any more fish because we have fish in the aquarium downstairs. I want some ice cream instead.” Elise said as if she called all the shots. I wanted to laugh but I felt so drained from heartache that I couldn’t. The energy it took to laugh was more than I had to give.
“Ava and Elise. Daddy got sick and he had to leave. So, we have to go to the hospital to see him. Then we can go to the aquarium and to the ice cream parlor.” I lied.
I hated to lie to my children, but I had too. I really needed to be alone, I didn’t have the brain power to deal with a 3 and 4-year old. I knew how much they hated hospitals, just the mention of going to one freaked them out. They equated hospitals with needles and since getting shots hurt and made them cry, they never wanted to go.
“No Mommy. Take us to grandma’s house and can you ask her to make us some sugar cookies and vanilla bean ice cream. We don’t wanna go to the hospital.” Ava said. She was so afraid that she looked like she wanted to cry.
“Don’t cry Ava. What about you Elise? Are you coming with me to see daddy?” I asked
“I wanna go to Grandma’s too. What happened to daddy? Did the fire cracker hit him?” Elise asked. Hearing those words nearly made me cry again. Since the answer was yes. I couldn’t even answer her.
“I need to talk to Mommy and see if she can keep y’all. If she can’t y’all will have to go with me. Now come downstairs, so I can fix you girls a quick lunch while I call.” I said as I turned to walk out of the room.
“We want wings, fries, and grapes.” They said in unison. I didn’t even have to turn around and acknowledge them because they ate the same thing every day.
As soon as I made it to the kitchen. I reached for my cell phone and called my mother. Besides my daughter’s, she was the only person that I knew for a fact would never betray me.
While listening to the phone ring I thought back to a conversation she and I had a few years ago. As holy and as religious as she was, she was the most thorough woman that I ever met.
“Kiana, baby. Sometimes you gotta check these niggas. They tend to get out of hand, when they think they got their ol’lady in check. But one swift kick in the butt will bring them back to reality. Sometimes a woman has to do what a woman has to do. You didn’t do anything wrong.” She said when I told her I threw a barstool at Brick for letting a woman get to comfortable in his face.
“Today is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.” My mother said when she answered the phone. Ever since I was a child, she used that same greeting anytime she answered the phone. The only time she said Hello was when she was angry.
As soon as she finished her spill, I burst into tears. My heart was in so much pain that I thought I was going to die. I was like most women. I had experienced heartache before and failed relationships. But I assumed that when I got married it was for the long haul. I never in my life expected to be as broken as I was right now.
“Key Key Bear, what’s wrong baby?” My mom asked. The cheerfulness that she exuded when she first answered the phone was now gone. I could hear the alarm in her voice as she tried to figure out what was wrong with me.
“Ma. Mommy. It’s over. It’s really over.” I said through my tears.
“Baby, what’s over. What are you talking about?” She asked.
“My...My marriage is over. I shot Brick. I didn’t mean too. It just happened.” I said through my sobs.
“You did what? Kiana how the hell...Where is Ava and Elise?” She asked. I could hear rustling in the background, so I knew she was scrambling looking for her keys.
“They’re upstairs. I need you to...”
“Keep them upstairs. I’ll be there with the heavy-duty plastic and tarp in about 30 minutes, so we can cleanup. In three days report him missing. By that time, we’ll have everything disposed of.” She said quickly.
I paused at the insinuation. Then burst into laughter. My mom was the most church-bound woman that I knew. Yet, often times I forgot that she was once a gangster’s girl and had gotten her hands dirty a few times.
“Girl what’s so funny?” She asked with major attitude.
“Ma, it’s not like that. I don’t need a cleanup crew. Brick’s not dead. I shot him in the shoulder. I see its easy for you to transform from ‘Ms. Church every Sunday’ to ‘Mob wife’.” I laughed.
My heart smiled. Because even if she had to step out of character, no matter what the situation was, Avalon Bradshaw would always have my back.
“It’s easy for me to transform from ‘Ms. Church every Sunday’ to ‘Ms. Do what I gotta do to make sure my child is ok.’” My mom said. She said it with no shame and no hesitation. By any means necessary was my mother’s motto.
“Ma, I just need you to come and get the girls. I need some time alone. They didn’t go to daycare today. We were supposed to have a family day. But things changed.” I said as I seasoned the chicken drumettes with onion powder, garlic powder, Mrs. Dash and prepared to put them in the Air Fryer for my daughter’s lunch.
“Oh Lord. Let me take my heart medicine and calm down. You scared me half to death. Girl, what happened? Tell me what’s going on.” She said.
“I should’ve filed for divorce when I left his ass six months ago. Then I wouldn’t be feeling like such a fool now.” I said.
“Tell me what’s going on Ki.”
“Last night, or this morning rather. I heard loud banging on my door. So, you know me. I put the girls in one room. Grabbed my pistol and went downstairs...”
“And I’m assuming Brick was at the door.” My mom interrupted.
“Yeah. It was him. Ma, he looked so good when I opened the door and saw him. He looked like everything I missed. My love, my best friend, my husband. He looked so good that it pissed me off. I hated him for putting me in a situation that made me leave. For fifteen minutes we stood in the doorway arguing. Until it got so loud that the girls woke up. I fought tooth and nail to avoid letting him in my house.” I said as tears ran down my face.
“You fought tooth and nail because you knew what would happen if you were to let him in the house.” She said.
“You’re right Ma. The sad truth is, I wanted him so bad that it scared me. The level of need and want that I have for Clifton is so strong that it makes me sick. I don’t think I’ve ever been a fool for a man. I’ve always been to smart and too driven to fall for their bullshit lines and games.
I always worked and had my own bands, so I didn’t need to stay where I didn’t feel like I wasn’t wanted. I was never any man’s fool. But I knew that if Clifton Brick came into my house, that I’d be a fool for him. Because I love him just that much.” I said.
I had to stop talking because I was on the verge of coming completely undone. I was so mad at myself that I wanted to throw something.
“Sweetheart, do you think you’re the first strong willed woman to ever be a fool for her man? You’re only one of many. Hell, I was one. Which is how I ended up with two kids. You aren’t the first and you won’t be the last.” My mother said.
She spoke so gentle and calm that it actually made me mad. I wanted her to scream and curse just so I could feel better. But she didn’t. She wasn’t really a person that cursed or got loud often. She was to sanctified for that.
“I know Ma. But I thought I was different. I wanted to believe that I was different. But I realized that I was just a woman in love.” I admitted.
“I know baby. It’s ok. So, how did he end up with a bullet in his behind.” She asked.
“Well, after the girls woke up and saw him. They were all over him. Even though they see him all the time. I guess they missed all of us being under the same roof. They asked him if he was going to stay, I said no. He said yes and they got all excited.
So, I ran upstairs pissed off and laid across my bed. I was too upset to even take my clothes off. Fifteen minutes later, he came in my room, we fought, and one thing led to another.” I said. I could still smell his cologne all over me and it was making me sick to my stomach.
“Something doesn’t sound right Kiana. Something is missing. How did fighting, turn into sex, to him being shot?” She asked.
“It doesn’t sound right but that’s what happened. He spent the night and we were supposed to do the family thing with the girls. When we woke up, I asked him if he was still sleeping with her and he said no. He looked me directly in my eyes, and said no.” I said while taking the perfectly fried wings out of the Air Fryer and placing them on a plate with the French Fries and fruit for Ava and Elise.
As usual the girls could smell when the food was finished because little feet came running from down the stairs and into the kitchen.
“I’m going outside so I can finish talking to grandma. Ok?”
“OK Mommy.” They said in unison.
“Kiana, are you telling me you shot that boy because you caught him in a lie?” She asked. I could hear the disappointment seeping in her tone. I had behaved recklessly, and I knew it.
“Well, yes and no. When we were in the kitchen laughing and talking to our girls. Someone came knocking hard on my front door. We sent the kids upstairs and he started saying if I had a nigga at my house with his daughters that I’d regret it. Then Charmaine’s voice came through the door.”
“WHOSE VOICE?!” My mom screamed. She was so loud that she damn near burst my eardrum. I could hear the anger in her voice as she asked the question.
“You heard me Avalon. She was beating on my door, screaming his name and talking crazy. Then I swung the door open with my gun in my hand. She looked like she almost shit a brick.
But I was the one truly in shock because Charmaine is very much pregnant. She said he left her home alone last night and she tracked him to my house. That bitch came to my house, with a stomach full of a baby that belongs to my husband.
Mine!! He is my fucking husband and he put his dick in that bitch, put a baby in her, then came here to me. Fucked me raw, not once, but 2 times and lied to my face!! I had to do it. I had to light his ass up. He deserved it!!” I screamed as I burst into tears.
I was so mad that I didn’t even recognize my own voice. My whole body shook as I tried to recover from the pain and betrayal that my husband and ex-best friend had brought to my life.
“Kiana, baby. I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve that. I remember years ago, Vicky did the same shit to me. Me and your daddy, used to have an amazing relationship. I loved that niggas dirty drawers and Vicky knew that. One night he and I got into an argument because he was slipping.
He was sniffing more coke than he was selling, and I had enough. He got mad and stormed out of the house. When he wasn’t home by midnight. I loaded you and your brother in the car and went to my best friend’s house. Vicky knew all the spots. So, I wanted to know if she had seen him in the streets.
I had my own key to Vicky’s house because I always wanted access to Charmaine. As soon as I walked in the house. I saw the telltale signs of a party. Her coffee table was a mess. The frosty mirror, the rolled-up dollar bill, razor blades, pills and liquor.
I went down the hall and checked on Charmaine and she was knocked out. Sleeping like a little angel. Then I went into Vicky’s room and almost had a heart attack.
She had her face buried into a dirty pillow while the man I dated for eleven years and had two beautiful babies for, was behind her digging for gold.” My mom chuckled.
I nearly dropped the phone. I could not believe what I was hearing. Even though she was laughing, there was no humor or happiness in the laugh.
“Ma are you saying, Aunt Vicky and daddy were having an affair?” I asked. I didn’t really remember my father because I hadn’t seen him in damn near thirty years. But from what I could remember he and my Aunt Vicky hated each other.
“That’s what I’m saying baby. Technically, it wasn’t an affair, because your dad and I were never married. But it was still a violation. When I tell you, I flew into that room like a woman possessed. I whooped Calvin’s ass. Vicky was so scared she couldn’t even move. Vicky had already betrayed me before, and even though I shouldn’t have, I forgave her. But seeing her having sex with my man was too much.
I was so hurt Ki, I told him and her to never come near me again. I left a path of destruction in that room. Calvin nor Vicky were prepared for Hurricane Avalon. All the screaming and fighting woke Charmaine up. She asked if she could come home with me. Since she didn’t have any shoes on, I picked her up and left.
While I was walking out, he kept screaming how much he loved me and how sorry he was. I just kept walking. Then two weeks later Kennedy died. Calvin had been staying with Vicky the whole time, doing God knows what. But when our boy died, he wanted to come back home and I let him. But things weren’t the same.
He tried apologizing but it was useless. We even tried making love, but I just couldn’t get in the mood. The damage was done and we both knew it. Then one day, Calvin came into the kitchen while I was cooking.
He wrapped his arms around me and he kissed me on the side of my face. He said he knew how much he hurt me and he knew that I no longer loved him. I still didn’t say a word. I just let Calvin talk and get whatever he needed off his chest. He told me that he regretted not being there when Kennedy died. He said if he were clean and if he were home instead of getting high, that our son would still be alive.
It was the way that he held me that let me know it would be the last time that I saw him. He said he was going to the store to get a pack of Salem cigarettes. When you heard his voice, you ran in the kitchen and asked to go to the store with him because you wanted a bag of Wise Salt and Vinegar potato chips and a Red Rock strawberry soda.
He told you that I would take you later because he didn’t want you in the store while he bought beer and cigarettes. He reached in his left pocket and handed you a crisp $10 bill. Then he reached in his right pocket and pulled out 10 $100 bills and placed them in the right pocket of my Sassoon jeans.
He whispered in my ear that he loved me, and only me. He said when he came back that he’d be 100% clean. That was over twenty-five years ago. Like I said Ki, all women play the fool sometimes. I don’t know why our men chose our best friends. And I don’t know why we take them back. But we do. I’m on my way to get my grandbabies. I’ll keep them for the whole week.” She said and hung up the phone.
I was stunned. Her saying, ‘I don’t know why we take them back. But we do.’ Didn’t sit well with me. What I gathered from that statement, was she would take Calvin Kennedy back if he were to return. That idea scared the shit out of me.
“Ava and Elise. Grandma is on the way. Go upstairs and get packed. Let me know when your finish so I can check your overnight bags.” I said as soon as I walked into the house.
“Yayyyy!!!” They screamed as they ran up the stairs. My daughters looked so much like Brick that it pissed me off. I carried them for nine months and all they got from me was their long hair. While they were upstairs packing. I made a very important call.
“Hi Maureen. This is Kiana Brick. How are you?” I asked. I knew what I had to do. I was not going to hold onto hope like my mother was that my father would get it together one day. Fuck that.
“Mrs. Brick, I’m wonderful. But if you’re calling me then that tells me you may not be. How can I help?” She asked.
“Maureen. Six months ago, I walked into my house and saw my husband having sex with my best friend. I left that night and never looked back. Now I want to file for divorce.” I said. My heart cracked saying those words, but I knew it was for the best.
“I’m sorry to hear that Mrs. Brick. But if you saw this six months ago. Why are you filing for a divorce now? And have you recently been sexually active with your husband?”
I hated that she asked me that because I had to tell the truth. I knew if I didn’t that whenever she called Brick. He would.
“Clifton came to my house last night and we did have sex. But after that my former best friend tracked him down to my home and she is pregnant. She took pride in telling me that she was having my husband’s baby. I need this divorce expediated. The adultery, harassment, pain and suffering it’s too much. I don’t want anything. That’s how serious I am about leaving this marriage. I don’t need or want spousal support or child support. No alimony. I don’t need anything financial.” I said honestly.
“Mrs. Brick, let’s not be hasty.” Maureen said in her ‘I’m rich bitch’ tone.
“The two of you have been married for years. You are entitled to everything you are trying to decline. Don’t you think he should have to pay for the lifestyle he’s afforded you and your daughters?” Maureen asked.
She never tried to hide the fact that she hated men. She opened her own law firm because she disliked having a male boss.
“Maureen, I was a business woman before Clifton Brick came into my life. I was already self-made. He didn’t afford me anything because I already had it. I don’t see myself needing any financial assistance for the next two life-times. Because I don’t have a financial cap, I expect you to work your magic. I want this marriage dissolved by the end of the month.” I said.
“Well, Ok then. I’m going to get in contact with Mr. Brick. I’m sure he’ll try to contest the divorce, because all men that don’t initiate the divorce proceedings do. I have work to do, so I’ll give you a call later. If I don’t call you tonight, I’ll call tomorrow.” She said and hung up.
As soon as I got off the phone my mom came walking through the door looking like the young hazel eyed Vanessa Williams. Her honey blonde pixie cut was styled to perfection. In addition to being beautiful and kind, my mother had a heart of gold. She would give a stranger the shirt off her back if they needed it. I couldn’t understand how my father could walk away from someone like her.
“If it isn’t Avalon Bradshaw. Don’t you look adorable.” I smiled. Her ensemble of distressed denims, a burgundy flimsy tee and matching burgundy Chuck Taylor’s made her look like my older sister instead of my mother or my kids grandmother.
“I look adorable, but you not so much. Come here Key-Key Bear.” Anytime my mom called me by the name Kennedy used to call me. Whatever walls I attempted to put up broke. I fell into my mother’s arms and cried so hard that my whole body shook.
“Why would he do me like that Ma? I was a good wife to him and I’m an amazing mother to our daughters. I brought everything to the table. What did I do? What did I do to deserve this?”
“I don’t know Baby. But, I’m sorry he did you like that. I know this heartache is too much for you to carry right now. But this too, shall pass. Mama has never lied to you baby, and I won’t start now. I want you to take a warm bath, drink a glass of wine, and lay in your large comfortable bed and relax.”
“I filed for divorce. I can’t take the heartache and humiliation. It’s too much. I...”
“Hi Grandma!!” Ava and Elise yelled before I could finish my sentence.
“Hey Babies, are y’all packed up and ready to go?” My mom asked. The smile on her face as she spoke with the girls was infectious. She turned into a big kid every time they spent the night or weekend with her.
“Yes, we’re ready. Can we make some sugar cookies and eat ice cream?” Elise asked.
“We sure can. Let’s go. Walk us to the car Kiana.” My mom said as she opened my front door and walked to her midnight black Corvette.
“Ava and Elise, be good for grandma. I’ll see you girls on Saturday. Love you.”
“Love you too Mommy. Bye.” They said as they hopped into the passenger seat of my mother’s sports car.
“We’re going to have a good week. So, you don’t need to worry about them. Relax and try to clear your head. Excuse my French, but Maureen is a bitch. Before you speak with her again make sure it’s what you really want to do.” She said as she opened her car door.
“Ma, before you go did you ever forgive Aunt Vicky or my Dad?” I asked.
“Yes, I had to forgive them. Which is why I’m so blessed.” She said as she got in her car.
“One more question.” I said looking at the ground like a scared child.
“What is it sweetheart?” She asked as she placed my girls in the seatbelt.
“You said something while we were on the phone. Maybe I’m reading too much into it. But you said, ‘I don’t know why we take them back but we do.’ Have you been talking to Kennedy’s dad? I mean have you taken him back or are you planning on taking him back?” I asked. I knew my mom like the back of my hand and she never said what she didn’t mean.
I noticed how her body tensed up by the question. Which let me know that she wasn’t expecting me to ask her something like that. The fact that she couldn’t make eye contact with me was sending red flags.
“Ma, are you...”
“Kiana, you and Kennedy have the same father. He didn’t die when your brother did. Make sure the choices you’re about to make are the right ones for you and your family. I’ll see you this weekend. Love you baby.” She said then got in her car and drove off.
“What the fuck?” Was all I could say to myself when she drove off. Her response made absolutely no sense to me.
I stood outside so long that the sprinkler system came on and drenched my clothes. As soon as I ran back in the house, I could hear my cell phone ringing. I sucked my teeth and rolled my eyes at Brick’s name on my screen.
“Hello?” I said. I was too drained and too exhausted to even scream or argue with his stupid ass.
“Did you take the girls out? Were you crying?” He asked.
“What do you want Brick?” I asked. He was the last person that I wanted to talk to. But, I knew that if I ignored his calls he’d keep calling back to back or show up to my house.
“What do I want? I want to know why Maureen Leibowitz called my motherfucking phone with that nonsense Kiana.” He screamed. I knew that’s what the call was about but I refused to acknowledge his rant or say a word. Since I was quiet he decided to keep talking.
“Ki, you want a divorce? You shot me and that still wasn’t enough to make me say fuck my marriage. Come on Kiana. What the fuck are you doing? What are you trying to prove?” He asked.
“Brick are you serious. We no longer serve a purpose in each other’s lives. Besides being parents, we have nothing to discuss. Before last night, I hadn’t seen you in six months. But I made sure your mom, my mom, or your sister brought the girls to you.
Why would I want to stay married to a man that slept with the woman that has some type of vendetta against me? The fact that she and I were once best friends should have been enough for you not to fuck with her.
I asked you before you fucked me if you were still seeing Charmaine and you said no. You lied to me because you knew that if I knew you had gotten that bitch pregnant, that I wouldn’t have let you in this damn house. I’m done.” I said trying to fight back tears.
“Kiana, you’re right. I was out of line. But...”
“There are no buts Brick. I never gave you a reason to think I would ever cheat on you. But the moment an opportunity presented itself for you to do so, you took it. You had a good woman, but you wanted a gutter snipe.
I don’t know why, and I refuse to ask because I don’t care. It’s over Brick. I’ll have my attorney email you the documents.” I said and to my surprise, Brick laughed. He laughed like I had just told a joke or like the downfall of our marriage was something to give him comic relief.
“Kiana, you got me fucked up. You divorcing me, will never happen. I’ll never give you a divorce. Listen, you belong to me. Ava and Elise, belong to me. Y’all are mine. Matter of fact, I’m on my way back to your house.” He said and hung up.
I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at it like it was crazy. I knew that Brick would never leave well enough alone. But this time I wasn’t playing with his ass. There would be no rekindling this time. This fuck up was unrepairable.
