The fact that I can’t get rid of her tells me a lot. The fact that I don’t want to tells me even more. We’re right where we need to be: on the cusp of everything.
“You’re relaxed here,” she says.
“Mostly. I’m not at home.”
“You are. There’s something different.”
Yeah, you. I shrug. “Same old me, Mila.”
“Literally old. Mid-twenties. You’ll soon be drawing your pension.”
“You’re not too far behind.”
“Far enough to tease you,” she says, leaning in.
I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her closer. Who cares if my family see? According to Phoebe, it’s obvious every time I look at Mila, anyway.
“You’re really ditching me tomorrow for a spa?” I ask, circling my thumb on a strip of her skin between her jeans and top.
“I’m sure you’ll cope without me for a while, and I promise to talk solidly the whole way home to make up for it.”
“Not really the talking I’ll want you to make up for.”
Laughing, I block her arm when she tries to elbow me. “You’re not getting any tonight.”
“Yeah, all right.”
“I mean it, Reid. I’m not putting out.”
“You don’t want me to sneak into your room later?”
Her eyes narrow. “No, thank you.”
“Okay. I’ll just see you in the morning.”
“Reid.”
“Yes, Mila?”
She sighs. “I want you in my room tonight.”
“Yes, Mila.”
She laughs and lowers her eyes. “Going to a hotel so we can be loud tonight sounds good.”
“Yes, it does.”
“Spencer and Indie are getting married in a hotel.”
“It’s a popular choice.”
She lifts her gaze, her lip between her teeth. “You could come.”
“To a wedding I’m not invited to?”
“Well, that’s the thing…” She takes a sip of prosecco and places the glass on the table.
“What’s the thing?”
“Will you give me a second?” She scowls. “Indie and Spencer said that I could invite you. You know, to be my plus one. Maid of honour gets a plus one.”
“That’s very generous of them.”
“You twat, you’re not making this easy.”
“Why is it hard?”
She frowns like it never actually occurred to her to have a reason for it.
“It shouldn’t be. It’s not.” Straightening her back, she nods once and adds, “You’re coming to the wedding with me.”
“There she is,” I say, laughing.
“Ugh, as if I had a total girly moment. We’re going to share a hotel room. I love the sneaking around, but I just want us to go back to the same place.”
“Sold.”
“I thought that would sway it for you.”
“I was coming before that.”
“Ha, yes you were, sucker.”
I’d tell her she doesn’t need to sweeten the deal with nudity, but that doesn’t sound much fun for me.
“Hey, what time do we need to go back to your parents’ place?”
“Not until after dinner.”
“Dinner? We’re eating here?”
My smile grows. “Yes.”
“You come here for a drink after brunch, and then back for dinner?”
“Yes, only we don’t go home. After dinner, we move to a bar down the road.”
“Your tradition is weird. Reid, it’s not even two in the afternoon yet.”
“Get comfortable.”
“You’re serious?”
“Dead serious.” I pull her closer. “Want to come play football? My dad and Callum are still going.”
She shuffles closer and leans against my chest. “Yes, but can we just sit for a minute first?”
“Whatever you want,” I reply, resting my chin on the top of her head. “Thank you for coming.”
“Nowhere else I’d rather be,” she whispers, and I’m not sure if I was supposed to hear that or not.
It’s the best present I could ask for.
* * *
Dinner and the rest of the evening passed quickly. Mila and I sat on Mum’s sofa for two hours after we got home, pretending like we didn’t have things to do.
I run my finger over the picture of Nan and Grandad on the dresser. They were so happy. I would give anything to remember them like this picture, smiling bright, instead of the last haunting memory I have – her lying on the floor with the step ladder on its side. Him slumped in his seat, still clutching his heart.
But now it’s almost one a.m., and I’m finally going to her.
Creeping out of my room, I walk quietly along the hallway. I waited thirty minutes, but I’m not sure if that’s long enough. She knows I’m coming and will likely wait up, even if she tries to go to sleep.
She’s lying on her side in bed when I reach her room. I quietly close the door behind me and walk towards her. Crawling on her bed, I pull the quilt down.
Mila rolls onto her back, and her smile makes my stomach clench.
“Hi, Reid,” she whispers.
“Hi, yourself. Christ, you’re naked already.”
“I was going to leave the lace on but I didn’t want anything in the way.” She slides her hands down my sides and pushes my boxers down.
I groan as her warm hand wraps around my erection.
“I have your present,” she says.
My eyes snap shut as she gently pumps me in her hand. “Yeah, like that.”
“This isn’t your present. It’s on the bedside table.”
“Later.”
After giggling when my mouth connects with her neck, she pushes me away and squirms out of my grip. “Down, boy.”
“You didn’t need to get me anything.”
I groan when she sits up and flicks the lamp on.
Her breasts are above the quilt, and it takes me a minute to notice the gift-wrapped flat box she’s holding out.
“Open it.”
I take the box from her. She watches with an excitement you rarely see in from the gifter.
“I can’t imagine what you’re like when it’s your birthday.”
“I love other people’s just a little bit more. Well, people I like, anyway.”
I peel open the first corner. “Nice to know I fall into that category.”
“We’re in bed naked together. You couldn’t guess that I like you?”
My eyes snap to hers. That’s the first time she’s said those exact words.
“Reid, you’re the slowest at opening presents!”
Chuckling, I pull the rest of the paper off. My mouth drops. She’s bought me a black leather notebook with my initials embossed into the front.
“There’s nothing out there to match how awesome you are, so I went with—”
I seal my mouth over hers while my heart tries to rip itself out of my chest. The notebook drops out of my hand to reach for her.
She smiles against my mouth. I grab her hips and pull her onto my lap.
“I love it. Thank you.”
We spend the next hour touching, tasting, and feeling. I don’t let go of her hand as I take her over the edge again and again, and she holds on to me like she’s scared I’ll disappear if she doesn’t.
* * *
In the morning, I leave Mila to get ready in the bathroom while I go downstairs to make coffee—brushing my fingertips over the leather notebook as I go.
Mum and Lexie are in the kitchen. Lexie is stuffing sliced banana and strips of toast into her mouth with Mum watching on.
“You’ll put her off her food, staring at her like that.”
Mum looks up and smiles. “Morning, love.”
“Dad not up?” I ask, walking over and dropping a kiss on the top of my niece’s head.
“Not yet. Lexie had us up from two until four last night. I’m surprised you didn’t hear… you know, since you were sleeping in the room next to ours.”
Oh, she knows. I smile and walk past them to the coffee machine.
“I bet Callum and Phoebe are still asleep. What time are they coming back?” I ask.
“I told them not to rush. It’s not the first time Lexie has had a sleepover, so Phoebe is no longer texting me every three minutes and turning up on the doorstep at six in the morning. Is Mila up?”
I start the coffee machine and turn to her, leaning against the counter. She’s watching me with her eyebrows raised and lips pursed. I know that expression. It’s the same one she used through my teens whenever she was waiting for me to own up to something.
“She’s getting ready.”
“Hmm, is she?”
I look up at the ceiling. “Spit it out, Mum.”
She claps her hands together. “I heard your door open late at night. Did you go to her? Are you together? She’s such a lovely girl, Reid, and I see the way she looks at you, too.”
“Slow down.”
“I can’t. Have you told her how you feel?”
“Not all of it. Jesus. Don’t say anything.”
“I won’t, but you should. Oh, honey. I understand that you’re scared. There’s a lot to unravel here, especially with Grandad, but if you have the chance for happiness, I want you to take it. He would want you to take it.”
The mention of my grandparents injects a fresh shot of guilt into my veins. “I’m okay with that. Well, no, I’m not, but I don’t associate Mila with that day. None of that was her fault.”
“No, it wasn’t. I wish you’d forgive yourself because it wasn’t your fault, either.”
I rub my forehead. “I should have been there.”
“Reid…”
I shake my head. “It’s okay, Mum. I know he wouldn’t blame me. Every time I think about that day, I can hear his voice telling me not to carry something like that around with me. He wouldn’t want me to blame myself. I do it anyway. Maybe there’s nothing I could have done… but maybe there was. We’ll never know, and I have to live with that.”
Her shoulders fall. “He loved you.”
“Yeah, I know. I loved him, too.”
“You love Mila.”
“Yeah, I do.”
“What would Grandad say about that?”
I laugh, shaking my head as I picture him in front of me, irate that I’m taking so long. “He would tell me that I’m wasting time.”
“And he would be right. Your dad would say the same.”
I grab three mugs from the cupboard, since Mum doesn’t have one. Lexie has a choice of milk or water.
“Dad has said the same.”
“No one resents her, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
I freeze, my finger hovering above the ‘start’ button.
Mum doesn’t wait for me to reply. “What happened was horrible, but he had a heart attack, Reid. You couldn’t have stopped that. No one blames you. I spoke to Uncle Graham, and he thinks you should go for it, too.”
Uncle Graham is the one who properly introduced me to books after Nan’s death. He’d just lost his mum, but he was still more concerned about me. I’ve seen two dead bodies and loved them both.
“I love you all for that. I’d hate to think that anyone wouldn’t accept her because of that.”
Mum laughs quietly. “It’s impossible not to fall for her, isn’t it?”
“Tell me about it.”
“Be happy, Reid.”
“I am.”
I make three coffees, and that’s when Mila walks into the room. She doesn’t come for me first. She says morning to Mum and then sits next to Lexie. Damn, I love that.
I carry the coffees over and take a seat next to her at the table that’s far too big for our family.
“Morning,” I say.
She wraps her hands around the mug. “Morning, Reid.”
I watch Mum roll her eyes as we pretend that we haven’t spent the night together.
“Oh, that looks so yummy, Lexie,” Mila says, handing her another slice of toast.
Lexie grins and take it from Mila. If I’d tried that, she probably would have thrown it and burst into tears.
“If you’ve got Lex, I’m going to start our breakfast. Mila, do you like omelettes?”
Her cheeks turn pink, and I know she’s thinking about when I made them after our first night together. “I love them. Do you need a hand?”
“No, you sit. Lexie will only scream with Reid, anyway.”
“Oh, girl, you have got to start loving your Uncle Reid,” Mila coos, handing Lexie a bottle of milk. “He’s actually pretty cool.”
“Actually?”
She turns to me, trying not to smile. So, there was a time that I was uncool to her. That’s great to know.
Her shoulder lifts in a lazy shrug. “Well, you know.”
“I don’t.”
Mum laughs in the background.
“You don’t know? For real?”
“Mila, you’ve lost me. Are you going to start making sense soon?”
“I always make sense. It’s not my fault that you don’t always understand.”
I take a breath. I love and hate it when she does this. “Mind explaining it then?”
She shrugs, and her cheeks turn pink again. “Before we started hanging out, how many times did you come and talk to me?”
“I… don’t know.”
“I do. Well, kind of. My memory isn’t that great. We had one conversation.”
Two. I played it cool, but I do know this.
“Mila, you would walk straight up to the devil himself and tell him to turn the heating down. You never came to me first.”
“You were…”
“Wow, is this going to be another ego hit?”
She laughs and sips her coffee. “No. You’ve always been the super-hot neighbour, but you were so locked away. Believe it or not, I don’t go up to people who look like they want the whole world to leave them alone. Unless I’m drunk. If I’ve had too much wine, no one is safe.”
“I’ve been that unapproachable?”
“Oh, yeah.”
“See, love, I told you to get out a bit more,” Mum calls from the oven where she’s pouring eggs into a pan.
“Yes, thank you, Mum.”
“I don’t think you’re a stuck-up dick now.”
Mum laughs out loud.
“Wonderful.”
She bites her lip, smiling up at me. There’s nothing in her expression but hunger now.
“You asked.”
“Yes, I did.”
“Lexie, does the floor really need your banana?” Mila says, jumping up and picking the slice that’s about to be thrown from Lexie’s hand. “Okay, I think you’re done, huh?”
I’m about to get up and clean her, but Mila clearly has it covered. Before I can move, she’s picked the banana up and is pulling a wipe out of the packet to clean Lexie.
She’s a natural.
“You have any babies in the family, Mila?” Mum asks.
“No, but babies and kids let you know exactly how they feel, no punches held back, and I feel that.”
Her eyes flick to me before her attention is back on wiping mushed banana off of Lexie’s cheek. I have a feeling that when it comes to me, she’s not as straight up as with everything else in her life. It’s not like I can call her out on it, either. I’m no better.
I still can’t tell her that I love her.