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Just as important as being forgiving is making it easy for others to forgive you. You aren’t perfect – you will make mistakes as you go through life. You will do things that will rub people the wrong way whether you consciously try to or not, and when that happens your actual intentions matter less than the fact that the other person’s feelings have been hurt. An apology should be unequivocal and have no reservations or caveats, regardless of the intentions behind the actions that made it necessary.

A lesson that will keep cropping up in every life manual you will ever pick up is to be proactive – it has been and will continue to be brought up in this book as well. It applies to relationships as well, and to this aspect in particular: whenever there is a grievance, be the one to make a move to set things right. “Winning” in a relationship doesn’t follow the same pattern as in other things like competitive sports. It is not something you do over the other person, it is something you do with them. It’s important to facilitate that victory by always being the one to extend the olive branch, whether you are the slighted or the slighter.

Same as you are quick to forgive, be quick to ask for forgiveness. Be sensitive to the moods of your friends and loved ones so that you can better identify when you have done something that rubs them the wrong way. If whatever it is isn’t that big a deal, you should have no problem apologizing for it. If it is, open up dialogue with the other person so that you can resolve it, and if you do discover you are in the wrong or it’s something that’s a particular sticking point for them, apologize. It will ultimately bring you closer together.

A relationship is a private thing, so it’s possible to start to think every aspect of it should be tackled between the two of you. It’s easy to think that you can figure the future of your relationship and work through any rough patches on your own and that any outside involvement is bringing something unwelcome into something sacred.

This cannot be farther from the truth – like any other aspect of life, it’s impossible to figure everything out in a relationship on your own. There are others who are far more experienced and have been through the same things you are experiencing. Just as you have mentors for other facets of your life, find and learn from people you know who have relationships you would want to model yours after.

Particularly more important with relationships is to get professional advice from people who are trained to give it. It’s a ridiculous and unhelpful notion that only couples who are in trouble go for counseling: you need to know well beforehand how to resolve conflicts and avert crises if your relationship is to last. Counseling is absolutely vital for any couple that is really committed to the long-haul, especially before major decisions like getting married, moving in together or having children that may throw up situations you’ve never encountered before.

Find an older couple with a relationship you admire and befriend and ask them for how they’ve managed to reach where they are – remembering to use their advice as guidelines. Get couples counseling from a certified professional when your relationship starts getting ‘serious’. It will save you so much angst and strife when you know just what to do to avoid it .

The culmination of the desire for companionship is to bring forth new life into the world – to perpetuate the species through reproduction. This is another urge that is not present in all of us, or even in all couples, but for those who desire it, it can still be a daunting prospect. How you raise your offspring will have profound effects on their lives, and potentially on the entire planet so getting it right is possibly of world-changing importance.