Chapter Fifteen

There was no more than a metre between us, but it felt like a hundred kilometres. Part of me wanted to throw myself at him, but I knew I couldn’t. It wouldn’t be fair. And so when he shuffled forward, I stepped back.

I saw the hurt cross his face and it killed me, but I had to stay firm. It was now or never. To stop my body shaking I crossed my arms and straightened my back. This was probably the hardest thing I’d ever done.

‘I don’t really know how to start . . .’ I paused and searched for . . . help? A fairy godmother? Gotham City Police? No help came, and I had no choice but to continue. Chaz hadn’t moved a muscle. He just stared at me. His eyes looked weird—kind of cold, kind of confused. It wasn’t helping me.

‘Chaz, I just want you to know that I didn’t ever dream this would happen; that I would meet you—and like, well, like you. Really like.’ I paused for a reaction but his expression didn’t change. Dragging in a deep breath, I forged on. ‘I wanted to tell you so many times—’

‘Is it Trent? Are you and him . . . ?’

‘Oh, God no! It’s nothing like that. Chaz, I like you so much and I really, really wanted to tell you . . . And it’s killed me that I’ve had to lie to you—’

He frowned. ‘You lied? About what?’

I shrugged. ‘Just about everything.’

‘Like?’ His voice was cold, cutting through me.

This was it. ‘Okay, let’s start with the big one.’ I sucked in another deep breath then forced the words from my mouth. ‘Chaz, I’m not Harper.’ I put out my hand. ‘I’m Heidi Gage, Harper’s twin sister. Her identical twin.’

It’s amazing how much you can see by watching someone closely. I saw the shock, the hurt and mostly the confusion. He didn’t step closer. His hand didn’t come up to meet mine.

‘I don’t get it . . .’

I guess my sigh could have meant anything—frustration, sadness, fear . . . It was a mix of all of those and yet it still didn’t come close to expressing what was happening inside me. I dropped my hand. ‘It’s a long story, and I know you probably won’t believe me, but I hated not being able to tell you the truth.’ His expression didn’t change, so I rushed on. I told him everything—the whole story, from beginning to end.

‘So,’ I finished, ‘it all started with me being stupid and thoughtless, leaving my skatey around where it shouldn’t have been, and I guess it’s kind of ended the same way. Except, of course, for the skatey . . .’ I fell silent at last.

He wasn’t looking at me. He was staring at the ground. I wanted him to look up, to give me some indication of what he was thinking.

‘Chaz, I’m really, really sorry. I’ve been feeling sick over it. Had all these really bad dreams and—’

‘Why?’ he asked.

‘Because I like you and I thought you might hate me,’ I blurted. ‘You’re so cool and so straight with everybody. And I hate lying and I don’t like liars. I truly don’t tell lies usually. My sister and I have played pranks, but nothing that would hurt anybody. Well, right up until I made an idiotic decision that I thought was going to help but has ended up making everything worse. Hon—’ I stopped, choking on the word honest. Considering I’d been anything but, I didn’t think that would help my case or carry much cred. ‘The um, nightmares were about you finding out and hating me,’ I finished quietly.

‘So at the end of the course, were you just going to go home and not tell me?’

‘I hope not,’ I answered truthfully. ‘At first of course I had no intention of telling anyone. The plan was to fly low, under the radar and do my best. But then, everyone, well mostly everyone, was so nice—and I felt like such a huge fraud. And when I got close to you . . . Every time we were together was just so hard. I wanted you to see me, Heidi—and to like me. But there was so much at stake. Harper and I had gone too far.’

He looked up, his eyes haunted, confused. Hurt. ‘And you didn’t think you could trust me?’

This time my sigh was pure frustration. ‘If you only knew how many times I went over this in my head. Of course I trust you! If it was just about me, I probably would have told you straight away, but I’d only just met you and this was about my sister. I owed her. I’d wrecked so much for her already.’

His eyes slid away from mine again. His mouth was still a tight line and it was like watching my nightmares come to life.

‘I’m sorry, okay? It was ridiculous to think this would work and no one would get hurt. Thoughtless. Dumb! Stupid!’ My voice dropped, shattered on the last words; the most painful words. ‘And I know I hurt you.’ Suddenly, the tears that had been building poured down my face like a river that had broken its banks. I shrugged; it was hopeless. This whole thing had defeated me. ‘I don’t know what else to say.’ And with that, I turned and ran. I ran blindly, and yet I knew where my feet were carrying me. I was going to the place where I was loved and accepted, and where no tricky questions would be asked of me.

When I reached her in the day paddock, I flung my arms around her neck. Her whinny was gentle, like a cry of surprise, and I chose to believe it was a happy one. She lowered her head and her coat glistened with my tears as I pressed my face into her side. The decision to ride, to get away, was instinctive, and I didn’t stop to question whether it was sensible.

Even after barely a week I could saddle her quickly and efficiently, and in no time we were heading for open ground. Once we were away from the stables we were able just to amble along. The sun shone down on me, soothing me. Sweat trickled, drying instantly thanks to the heat and the little breeze that occasionally wafted our way.

These were things I was aware of on one level, but on another I was far removed from them. My mind had drifted away, tangled in the maze of my worries. It was only when Poppy stopped to nibble on some grass that my head returned to the present and I sensed with a shock that we’d been gone a while. Glancing at my watch, I was surprised to see that I’d been out riding for well over an hour. I couldn’t remember turning back, so either I’d done it automatically or Poppy had done it for me, but I could now see the buildings of the property in the near distance. The last I consciously remembered I’d been riding away from them.

My thoughts swirled. I’d miss Poppy so much. Miss her sweet scent, her love, her acceptance and loyalty. But that was the least of my troubles. I’d failed; I’d let Harper down. Big time. Because of me she probably wouldn’t get into Agricoll—at least not on a scholarship. I vowed to get another job and give her all the money I earned—but who was I kidding? That wouldn’t even pay for her shoes!

Then there was Vee. There was also Chaz, but I just couldn’t go there. Not yet. I’d lost them both, Chaz and Vee. For different reasons, but it was the same outcome for me.

There was nothing I could do about Chaz; he had to make up his own mind, and if the expression on his face when I last saw him was anything to go by, it looked like he already had. That memory threatened to start another flood of hot, choking tears, so I quickly shut it down and focused on Vee.

I truly didn’t believe she was a thief. And yes, I’d only known her for a short time, but she was always so kind and caring, and I just didn’t see her doing anything deliberately to hurt people. Okay, it could have been an act, but I still wasn’t seeing it.

But that made even less sense. So, someone was setting her up? Why? What would anyone get out of that?

I figured that Skye would be the one most likely to do something like that, just because she’d already proven she could be snarky and mean, but even if she wanted to set Vee up, there was no way she could have got her watch into the bag. We were all with her the first time she went back into the bunkhouse after her return from hospital, and she didn’t go near the bags.

The boys? The comedy duo adored Vee and I couldn’t see them wanting to hurt her—and they’d looked truly shocked when they saw the haul in her bag. Trent? While I wasn’t his greatest fan, I didn’t think he was a thief. And anyway, what would he get out of it?

I came up with that answer for every face I brought up in my mind. No, this was hopeless. Someone must have a motive. Motive! I scoffed. Who did I think I was, some TV cop? But that’s what they always came back to on every detective show I’d ever watched: motive—a reason to want to hurt Vee.

As those words tripped around in my brain, another random thought occurred to me. And if I was right, it changed everything. And snatched my breath. Really? Could that be the answer?

Sharp on the heels of that sudden thought came an idea. A cunning idea. Perhaps there was a way to prove that Vee had been set up. I was going to need help—and that was tricky, because I wasn’t sure who I could trust. Of course, one face came straight to my mind, as long as he would listen to me. That was a tall order when I didn’t think he’d even want to see me again—let alone help me.

There were other things I needed to do, too. The ride had clarified a lot of things. One was that I would have to fess up to Steve. The last thing I needed was for him to find out for himself and blame Harper. Trent was a loose cannon, and I didn’t know whether I could trust him or not. Would he tell Steve? I had a feeling he wouldn’t, but still, for Harper’s sake, I’d beg him again for the opportunity to tell Steve myself.

But only after I’d found a way to prove that Vee wasn’t a thief. Because I was pretty sure that once Steve and I had that particular convo, I’d be on the next train back to Sydney.

I nudged Poppy with my thighs. ‘Time to head for home, baby.’

When I rode into the yards near the stables, my heart stumbled. Chaz was sitting up on the fence, staring down at a herd of steers that had been brought in. His eyes were covered by his sunnies, but as I got closer he pushed them up onto the top of his head. In a way I wished he’d left them where they were, because the eyes that looked back at me weren’t the same warm, smiley eyes I was used to. They were a bit sad—and thoughtful.

I pulled Poppy to a halt beside him and met those eyes steadily. ‘I know you probably don’t want to speak to me again, but if you could just forget that for a while, I’d be really grateful. Vee didn’t take that stuff, I know it. I have to prove it—no one else will, they’ll just accept the evidence. But I can’t do it alone. Believe it or not, you’re the only one I trust. That’s all I’m saying.’ I nudged Poppy forward again. I hadn’t smiled, hadn’t begged, hadn’t cried.

Back in the stable, I kept my focus completely on Poppy, unsaddling her and brushing her down. I even let her have a bit of a splash under the hose, and once we were done and she was ready I led her back into the day paddock. She was my focus, the thing holding me together, and I stood for a few minutes watching the light play on her shiny chestnut coat, turning it gold in places, red in others. Her gorgeous tail, swishing now at the odd fly. Her noble head, so proud, so gentle. After taking a long drink, she lifted that head and turned in my direction. Did she know what I was thinking? Would she miss me like I already missed her? Or when the next student came along would she forget me in a heartbeat? I hoped not.

So many things weighed down on me, which might have been why the noise startled me as I went back through the stable to hang up some tack. Because I was only half-conscious of my surroundings, I hadn’t immediately identified it—just acknowledged a sound that was out of place. All the horses were out in the day paddocks, nothing should be moving . . . The noise pulled me out of my trance-like state and I tried to force my mind back. Had something fallen? It seemed to come from a stall. I looked up. Milo’s stall. Maybe one of the stable cats was hurt? The lower door was partially open and I pushed it back a little further. It was dark, and I struggled to see anything, so I leaned in further.

The shove on my back was hard, winding me. Sending me sprawling. I think I screamed. My palms hit first, skating painfully on the crisp bedding, my body landing with a thud microseconds later. Dust rose around me, making me sneeze, catching my breath in my throat. Thank God it was clean bedding.

Heart pounding, I stumbled to my feet and spun to see who was there, who’d pushed me. There was a quick flicker—a shadow passing the doorway? Or had I imagined it? I strained to make out any noise but could hear nothing but my hammering heart.

Stunned, I stood motionless in the middle of the stall. Trying to work out what to do, trying to understand what had happened. My palms stung, my knees burned. I needed to get out of the stall, but what if someone was waiting outside?

Then . . .

I’ll never know what made me turn and look around the stall. Did my subconscious pick up a noise that my ears missed? Or was it pure survival instinct? I turned slowly, my body now on full alert. And froze.

My heart rose into my throat, and I felt as though I would choke at any second.

I wasn’t alone.

The pounding of my heart filled my entire body, hammering in my chest, bashing in my ears. Sweat rolled down my face, stinging my eyes, but I couldn’t wipe it away. I was paralysed. Paralysed with fear.

I knew it could see me. My mind shut down; it was blank, frozen, like the rest of me. Frozen on the thing before me. The thing I couldn’t take my eyes off. I couldn’t blink. I couldn’t breathe.

It was long and dark, slithering, sliding sinuously, effortlessly. Curling in on itself. Lifting its head, lifting that body, its muscles stretching, coiling . . . Beady eyes watching. Its bullet-like head bobbing, taking aim . . .

The shuddering started then. Violent shudders that rose up from my toes and rocked my body. I wanted them to stop, wanted to be still, but I had no control. I wanted to scream but no sound emerged.

It was coming . . . I closed my eyes.

Something grabbed me. A voice said in my ear, ‘I’ve got you. It’s okay.’

I was lifted, carried. The shuddering wouldn’t stop.

I heard footsteps clattering on the concrete floor. Breathless voices.

‘She’s okay. Didn’t get her. I threw a chaff bag over it . . .’

‘What is it?’ Steve’s voice.

‘King brown. Biggie. In Milo’s stable.’

‘Bloody hell!’ The voice went in a different direction. ‘Get the boys. Fast!’ Then, ‘Chaz, can you get her up to Amanda? I’ll radio up. She’s in shock.’ Then, ‘Close that bloody door!’

My great-grandmother reckoned hot, sweet tea was the best treatment for shock, and maybe she had something, because after a few sips I was starting to feel a bit better. More normal. The barley sugar and the sweet biscuits Amanda was shovelling into me helped as well. But my great-gran didn’t mention how having the right person beside you can also help. It might actually have helped more than the tea.

However, when the shuddering started again and some tea spilled onto the blanket covering me, I knew there was no quick fix; that there was no miracle cure—that it took time.

‘Hey, it’s okay,’ Chaz whispered.

‘H . . . how . . . ?’

‘I came looking for you. To talk,’ he said hoarsely. ‘I heard you scream.’

‘D . . . don’t remember screaming. No sound came out.’

He nodded. ‘Yep, it did. Kind of a gurgle.’ He licked his lips and sucked in a deep breath. ‘Really weird sound . . .’

Tears joined the spilled tea and dropped onto the blanket. ‘Thank y . . . you. You saved m . . . me. Dunno how you did it.’

‘Old trick Dad taught me. Throw a hessian bag over the snake. Confuses it. We get a lot of blacks and browns around the bananas.’

I nodded. ‘Weren’t you scared, though? I was so sc . . . s . . . scared.’ More shaking. Amanda added another rug. It was boiling outside and I couldn’t get warm. My hands felt like ice.

Tears filled his eyes. ‘Bloody terrified. But I had to do something.’ He raked a hand through his already mussed hair. ‘Hell, I thought it had you.’

Images flashed across my mind. Images I tried so hard not to think about until one stopped me. A shadow . . . ‘Wait, did you see who pushed me?’ My hands clenched and I searched his face hoping to see the answer even before he spoke. All I saw was confusion.

‘Pushed you? Harps—’ He paused, and his face flushed as though at an unhappy memory. He shrugged. ‘It’s hard to remember that you’re not Harper.’ He spoke quietly so that only I could hear, and I was grateful. Even though it barely mattered now.

‘I know. I’m sorry.’ But still my eyes begged for answers. ‘But please, did you see anything?’

He shook his head. In a normal voice he said, ‘I didn’t see anyone. The stable was empty. Are you sure?’

I nodded. ‘Positive. I thought I heard something in the stall. It was dark and I half stepped in and then got shoved from behind.’ I pulled my hands out from the blankets to show him the scrapes on my palms.

‘If there was anyone there,’ he said thoughtfully, ‘they must have come in and gone out the same way. Must have been out of the east end. I was out in the yards with the steers, right until I came in. That’s right near the western end of the stable, so no one went in or out that way. I saw you watching Poppy in her paddock.’ His voice cracked a bit. ‘You looked so sad . . . I didn’t know whether to come and see you and then I decided I would. That’s when I heard you.’

His face closed over, but not before I saw anger and concern. He darted a look at Amanda, who was hovering in the background, her face worried. ‘Chaz,’ she said quietly. ‘I have to go and talk to Steve. There’s been too much happening, he needs to know this.’

Chaz nodded. ‘The stolen stuff?’

‘A lot more,’ she said. ‘But it’s not my place to say anything yet. Do you mind sitting here for a few more minutes? I’ll be straight back.’

When she’d left, Chaz thought for a moment, and his mouth tightened. ‘If someone pushed you, then do you think they knew the kingy was in the stall?’

I shrugged, pushing back the rising nausea. ‘W . . . why do it otherwise?’

My hands and voice shook, and he adjusted the rug. ‘Hey, look, I gotta ask—could it have been Trent? He was pretty weird earlier.’

‘Nah, I think he likes Harper. I don’t think he’d do anything stupid to her sister.’

‘So why’s he hassling you?’

I sighed, glad of the rugs, but wishing that some of that warmth was being provided by Chaz. But since carrying me up from the stables, he hadn’t so much as patted my arm. ‘I don’t know. Jealousy, maybe. Or just that competitive thing they’ve got going . . . They’re both top of their classes and they both want to be best, I guess.’ I shook my head, and was immediately sorry when a rush of pain washed over me. Stress headache. ‘I’ve been a shaking mess every time he’s been close to me. Maybe not that bad—maybe jittery. Nervy. That’s bad enough. I kept thinking he’d guess, but I suppose because he was expecting Harper, he just accepted that I was her. But he kept coming close, calling me on things . . .’

‘And he finally guessed?’

I nodded. ‘Today. So, so dumb of me. You see,’ I shot Chaz a sideways look, ‘it was always around you that I’d forget, that I’d just be me—and this afternoon when you dared me to play and I gave in, he saw that I was holding the guitar in the wrong hand. Harper’s a leftie. I was holding it the wrong way. It’d been there in front of his nose all week, but I guess he hadn’t really paid attention. I knew as soon as I saw him looking at the guitar that he knew.’

‘And you’re sure it wouldn’t have been him in the stable?’

‘Sure,’ I confirmed.

‘Heid—’

I interrupted him. ‘Wait. Amanda might be back soon and I need to say something. Again. Chaz, I’m so sorry. I honestly do trust you. I mean, when I thought of who I could trust to help me with Vee, you were the only one who came to mind. But with the Harper thing—I guess,’ I paused, licked my lips, ‘I guess I was just so scared and confused. I was taking such a huge risk and . . .’

He nodded. ‘Yeah, s’pose I get it. Hope I’d have the guts to do something like that for my brother.’

‘You wouldn’t,’ I said ruefully. ‘You’d be way smarter. You wouldn’t lie, you’d figure out a way to make it right.’ He smiled for the first time since he discovered I’d been lying. It wasn’t the same wattage as I was used to, but I’d take it. ‘I think you’re being pretty hard on yourself.’

Did that mean he’d forgiven me? I didn’t really think so. Not yet. Maybe not ever. Not completely. But I was willing to take anything.

I didn’t want to push it. ‘So,’ I said, changing the subject, ‘about Vee. What do you think? You can’t honestly think she’s a thief, can you?’

His frown transmitted so many conflicting emotions. Finally he shrugged. ‘I don’t know. Vee? Doesn’t seem to fit, somehow. But I guess we don’t really know her.’

Or me, I added silently. Still, talking about Vee, even just thinking about her, helped me feel more in control, and I liked that feeling. ‘I know I’m right, Chaz. I just know it. She didn’t do it. So, who did? Skye? But I guess the watch thing doesn’t fit for her, right? Unless she’s somehow pulled a swifty.’

‘Skye? Where’d that come from?’

‘Chaz, someone set up Vee, and it had to be one of the kids. So, Skye?’

‘But why would Skye want to hurt Vee? That’s crazy!’ My raised eyebrow prompted him to answer his own question. ‘Okay, so I admit I don’t really know her. Not properly. So, yeah, I reckon she’d be a player to get what she wants, but set up Vee? Why? Can’t see it.’

‘We could probably come to the same conclusion about everybody. In fact, I have. Who’d want to hurt Vee? What’s their reason? Motive?’ Silently I gave up my own answer: Unless they didn’t . . . I turned to him too quickly, making my headache spike. ‘Chaz, will you help me find out who did this to Vee? Please?’

He looked uncertain. ‘And do what?’

‘Just a bit of detective work,’ I assured him. ‘Even just someone to talk to sometimes—bounce ideas off? Test my theories? I know it sounds crazy.’ I leaned forward to lay my hand on his, rushing to get this all out before Amanda returned. ‘And I also want you to know, I’m going to tell Steve. Well, if Trent doesn’t beat me to it. I want to tell him the truth. It’s only fair. But not until I’ve cleared Vee. Okay?’

He still looked unsure and I pressed on, desperate to make him understand. ‘Look . . .’ I heard a noise outside and hurried on. Amanda was on her way back. ‘What if it wasn’t—’

I stopped short as Amanda walked back in. ‘Steve’s going to come and see you as soon as he can. How are you doing? Anything hurting?’

Did hearts count? ‘My head. Headache,’ I explained unnecessarily.

She nodded and unlocked a cupboard and pulled out some pills. ‘You allowed to take Panadol, Harper?’

At my nod she poured two into a little cup, and handed them to me with some water. ‘It wouldn’t hurt to try and get some sleep, you know.’

‘Can you guarantee I won’t have any dreams?’ I muttered.

Chaz took that as his cue to leave, and I waited, face upturned for the peck I’d been hoping for. But I got nothing. Just a little nod and then he was gone. Yep, my fears were coming true: even though he was being kind, maybe this really was something Chaz couldn’t get past.