ALEC
Someone slapped me hard on the cheek. “Dude!”
I lifted my head off my shoulder, my head pounding, and opened my eyes. Oliver and some of my teammates stood around me, all laughing and some holding their phones in my direction, their flashlights shining brightly in my face.
“What’s going on?” I asked sleepily, glancing around at them. “What happened?”
And why the fuck were they recording? I got that we joked around and shit on the team, but I had been sleeping. What the hell was so funny that they had to record me while I was half-drunk, half-hungover, and sleepy as fuck?
“Who’d you fuck out here?” Frazer asked.
“I didn’t sleep with anyone,” I mumbled, not daring to even look at Oliver.
I had been good at keeping my little crush on his sister a secret. It would never go anywhere—especially after tonight—but I still didn’t want him knowing about it. He had become way too protective of her after her piece-of-shit ex-boyfriend, and I didn’t blame him.
“Must’ve been good if you couldn’t even stuff it back in your pants,” Caleb said.
Eyes widening, I peered down at my jeans and saw my soft cock covered in dried pussy juices and blood hanging between my open zipper. While we had all seen each other naked in the showers, I quickly scrambled to stuff myself back into my underwear and jeans.
The fuck happened?
The last thing I remembered was—my chest tightened—a girl climbing into my lap.
I stood up and shook my head. “I-I didn’t—”
“Dude, come on.” Caleb laughed. “You’re probably too drunk off your ass to remember.”
“Y-yeah,” I whispered, dropping my gaze to the ground and shaking my head. “You’re probably right.”
But he wasn’t. He fucking wasn’t.
“I-I’m going to head back inside and get something to drink.”
I grabbed on to the house so I wouldn’t stumble and headed to the back door.
“Hey,” a drunk Oliver called from behind me, pointing his finger. “No more beers, or you’ll end up sleeping with the entire town.”
The guys erupted into a fit of laughter behind him.
“Leave some girls for us.”
“As long as you assholes don’t share pictures of my soft dick online,” I called, forcing myself to smirk and play along.
They wouldn’t share shit. They would probably use it to attempt to blackmail me, but I didn’t care about that right now.
My head was spinning, my throat closing. I stumbled into the house.
Instead of heading toward the kitchen, I sprinted up the stairs and slipped into the bathroom. As soon as the door closed, I clasped the porcelain bowl and leaned over the sink, breathing heavily. My heart pounded fast. I turned on the cold water and splashed my face.
“I wanted it,” I affirmed. “I wanted it. I wanted it. I wanted it.”
The cold water did nothing for me. I ran to the toilet and puked inside the bowl, my throat burning from the bile.
I wanted it. I wanted it. I wanted it.
I ripped off my clothes and stepped into the shower, turning on the cold water to ground myself.
When I was younger, I used to do it for my anxiety attacks, but it wasn’t working now.
I slammed my fist into the tiled wall and split my knuckles. “Fuck!”
I needed to get out of here. I couldn’t breathe. My head was spinning again. My hands shaky.
Nobody could see me like this.
So, I wrapped a towel around my waist—because I wasn’t putting those filthy clothes back on—and hung another towel over my head, then hurried down the long hallways until I found Maddie’s room. I didn’t want her to see me like this, but everyone knew that this room was off-limits during parties.
It was the only damn place that I could go.
My breaths were short, ragged. I could barely breathe. I grabbed the doorknob with a shaky hand and yanked it open, hurrying into the room and locking the door behind me. I placed my back against it and sank down to the floor, shoving my hands through my hair.
“I wanted it,” I said to convince myself, rocking back and forth. “I was too drunk to remember that I … that I …” I wanted to finish the sentence with asked her to do that, but all I remembered was telling her to crawl off me.
I couldn’t even remember who the fuck it was.
Did she get me hard? Did I come inside her without a condom?
I crawled over to Maddie’s bed and used the rest of my strength to hoist myself up onto the mattress.
She wasn’t here. Why isn’t she here?
I pulled one of her pillows to my chest and sank my nose into it, inhaling her vanilla shampoo deeply. My shoulders relaxed slightly, and the facade that I had desperately attempted to hold up slowly faded.
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Fuck!
Heavy tears threatened to spill down my cheeks.
“I didn’t want it,” I murmured. “I didn’t fucking want it.”