ALEC
After Maddie finally came down from her fifth orgasm by only my fingers, I leaned back on her bed and watched her carefully dress into something more comfortable. Her red hair cascaded down her shoulders, shielding her face from me.
“So,” she said, fiddling with some sweatpants, “are you feeling better?”
“Somewhat. Why?”
She pulled up her pants and peered over at me. “Your mom told me that you have anxiety.”
My entire body froze, and I found myself standing. My mom told her what?
“It’s okay, Alec. I just wanted to—”
“I should go,” I said, turning around because I didn’t want to face her.
I didn’t even want to look at Maddie. A guy like me wasn’t supposed to have anxiety, wasn’t supposed to … to have that happen to him. I wanted Maddie to think of me as a protector, someone strong that she’d want to spend her life with.
Not a fucking wimp.
“No,” Maddie said, her voice soft. She grasped my wrist and pulled me toward her bed. When I sat, she sat in my lap and wrapped her legs around mine, taking my face into her small hands. “I want to know if you’re okay.”
Okay?
I stifled an ugly chuckle. I would never be okay after what had happened. I was pushing my friends away, skipping games, not wanting to do shit anymore. I felt like absolute garbage, like my world would never get better, like I would never freaking heal.
Before Friday night, I had been on top of the world. Now, I felt like I needed to be out of it.
“I’m fine,” I said.
“No, you’re not,” she whispered, inching closer to me and swooping my hair off my forehead. “You’ve been acting weirder than usual lately, and I want to know what’s going on with you. You can tell me, you know?”
“No,” I whispered, “I can’t.”
“Yes, you can.”
“You’ll get angry with me.” Or she just won’t fucking believe me.
She had been dead set on thinking that I had wanted to sleep with another woman right after I slept with her—which was partly my fault—but I wouldn’t be able to convince her otherwise. And if I tried, I feared I would say something stupid, like I had that night about Sandra.
We sat for a few moments in silence, and when she realized she wasn’t getting more out of me than that, she gave me a soft smile and poked me in the chest. “Do you know what I was thinking about earlier?”
“Hmm?” I hummed, watching those full pink lips curl into a smile.
“That night in middle school when you slept over after your hockey game.”
My fingers curled around her waist. “You mean the night we made out on your bed?”
“We did not.” She giggled.
“I bet that was your first kiss too, huh?”
She blushed. “It was not.”
“It was mine.”
Her gaze flickered up to me, her eyes widening. “You’re lying.”
“And I haven’t been able to fucking forget how I felt,” I whispered, remembering that night like it was yesterday. I leaned back slightly and closed my eyes, sighing softly. “God, I wish we could go back.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, voice small.
“When we didn’t have to act like we hated each other,” I murmured. “Before Spencer.”
“Spencer,” she repeated.
“Why’d you even date that asshole?”
“Do you want the honest truth? I wanted to make you jealous,” she whispered, gaze dropping to the bed between us and her lips curling down. “But things got too out of hand with him, too quickly, and I didn’t know how to stop it.”
They had gotten more than just out of hand. They had turned violent.
I gently cupped her chin and lifted it so she stared at me. “Well, you succeeded, Cupcake. You’ve made me a jealous, possessive asshole of a man who would do anything to get closer to you.”
She glanced from eye to eye. “Stop it.”
Drawing her even closer, I leaned in to whisper into her ear, “You drive me mad.” I inhaled the sweet scent of her vanilla shampoo, wanting to be this close to her all the time. Fuck everyone else. “I want you badly, Mads.”
She froze and pulled away slightly to stare into my eyes once more.
“No, you don’t,” she finally said. “Stop whispering things to me that you don’t really mean. I’m too weak to stop myself from listening. You don’t like me like this, Alec Wolfe. This has to be some sort of joke, a bet, something.”
“It’s not.” I frowned. “Why don’t you believe me?”
That was all my life had been lately. People not believing me.
“Because you’re the most popular guy in school,” she said.
“So?”
“So, why would you want to be with me?” Maddie exclaimed, throwing her arms up. “How don’t you get it? Guys like you never date girls like me. You’re popular and athletic, and you could score any girl at Redwood without even trying. And I’m just some geek who is obsessed with anime, plays video games, and loves AP Calc.”
“So, just because you watch anime, play fucking video games, and love school, I can’t have feelings for you?” I asked.
Damn, she didn’t think highly of me at all, thought all I cared about was superficial shit.
She stared at me for minutes in silence, as if she was torn, until she finally shook her head and dropped her gaze once more. “We’re too different, Alec Wolfe. Too different to be together ever.”
I lifted her face again and placed my lips on hers, kissing her softer than I ever had. Very unlike the savage, ruthless hockey star who picked fights whenever I could, the man my father and my coach had attempted to shape me into.
When I finally pulled away, she whimpered against my mouth.
“Don’t say that,” I whispered, sweeping my thumb across her cheek. “I know you want it too, Maddie. And if you don’t, look me in the fucking eye and tell me you don’t want this, and I will truly leave you alone.”
“I shouldn’t,” she whispered, balling her hands into fists against my chest. “I shouldn’t want you, but I haven’t been able to get you out of my head for the past five years. But we can never be together.”
“Bullshit.”
I had been waiting years to hear this.
“You’re my brother’s best friend,” she said. “He can’t know about us.”
I rested my forehead against hers. “Then, he won’t find out.”