Second Session
Roland says, “So did you guys try anything that I mentioned in the last session?”
Alyna says, “We did try something. But it didn’t really work like I wanted it to, or like you said it would.”
Roland says, “Okay. Can you elaborate a little bit?”
Alyna says, “Well, I planned a spontaneous, um, encounter, you know, and I even had a sexual position picked out that we’d never tried, and I dropped the kids off with a friend, but once we actually got close to having intercourse I just started thinking about the kids and about how I don’t think I’m the same person I used to be and about how I don’t know if that’s a bad thing, it’s just kind of how it is, and I’m not sure if having sex more or in weirder ways is going to change that for me, you know?” She’s clearly trying to get the idea that we should be fucking more out of Roland’s head.
Roland looks at me and says, “And how did you feel about all of this?”
I say, “I really did appreciate the effort. It just didn’t work that time, and I guess I don’t think it means we should give up on it or anything.” I’m clearly trying to put the idea back into Roland’s head that we should be fucking more.
Roland says, “Well, I think you should both be aware that these things, these changes, can’t happen overnight. As long as you’re both committed to making it work and to try and not give up, then you have nothing to worry about.” That’s my boy. I start wondering if there could be a market for a relationship therapist who always sides with the guys and always convinces women to fuck their partners more often and in more sexually adventurous manners. I wonder if I could become this therapist. I wonder what kind of schooling I would have to complete in order to get licensed. Roland is licensed, but he’s certainly not a doctor. It can’t be that tough. I make a mental note to remember this idea in case my other job goes belly-up at some point.
Roland says, “It’s possible that the last suggestion I gave you was doing too much, too fast. Let’s try something a little less involved. Tonight—”
Alyna says, “Tonight?”
Roland says, “Yes, tonight, I want you each to imagine it’s the first time you’re having sex.”
I want him to get specific. I say, “With each other or the first time ever?”
He says, “Good question. With each other.” Roland likes me. He says, “Try to remember what it was like when you first started dating, how you felt about each other physically, what it was like when you first began to feel each others’ bodies. Really try to get back to that place in your heads.”
Alyna says, “You want us to reenact the first time we had sex?”
Roland says, “No. Not at all. Don’t think about the first time you had sex. I want you to pretend like tonight is the first time you two have ever had sex. For the rest of the day I want each of you to convince yourselves that you’ve never had sex, that you’ve been dating for a while but tonight is the night you’re finally going to do it. Really try to work yourselves up for the rest of the day, and then tonight just cut loose.”
Alyna says, “I can try to do that.”
I say, “I can do that.”
Roland says, “Good. This will be a good first step, I think, and it should be a little less pressure than what I suggested last time. I’d also like to make another suggestion to you.”
I don’t know what Roland is about to say, but I have full confidence that it will be heavily weighted in my favor based on the entirety of the therapy he’s dispensed thus far. He says, “I think it’s important in couples to reestablish some individuality if it feels like that’s been lost. Couples should never be codependent or have an identity that is solely based on the couple as a unit. You should each be your own autonomous entities who are choosing to be together because it makes you better both together and on your own.”
Alyna says, “So what are you saying? We should do things without each other?”
Roland says, “That’s exactly what I’m saying. At least one night a week, maybe more, you should each go out with your friends separately or possibly just go out and do something alone. The point is to establish for yourselves that you have lives independent of one another, so that the time you do spend together isn’t taken for granted. You might find that on these nights apart, you even miss each other a little bit, as crazy as that might sound.”
Roland has basically given me carte blanche to fuck Holly whenever I want or to get drunk with Todd whenever I want. He is the greatest therapist in the world.
Roland spends the rest of the hour asking us about influences outside our relationship that might be contributing to our lack of sex. I talk about work. Alyna talks about the kids. I do not mention that I’ve been fucking my intern but look very forward to the next time I can do that, under the guise of taking some “me time.”