Long Story Short
In the week after our first attempt to fuck, Alyna and I made no other attempts. She offered no blowjobs, no hand jobs, nothing even remotely sexual, although she would still cuddle with me in bed before sleep.
In the month after our first attempt at reconciliation sex, Alyna and I fucked once. It wasn’t as terrible as the first attempt, but it wasn’t good. She insisted we fuck doggy-style. I don’t know if she thought that’s what I wanted or if she just didn’t want to look at my face. I came, but she didn’t, and she refused my offer to go down on her to completion after we fucked.
In the six-month period after our first attempt at sex, we fucked five times, each time getting successively closer to the sexual relationship we had before I fucked Holly. In the last of these encounters, Alyna faked an orgasm. I thought about bringing it up to her, and using the argument that we have to be honest about everything in our relationship if it’s going to work again, but I didn’t. Instead I just accepted that this will very likely be the nature of our sexual relationship for the rest of our marriage.
In the year after our first attempt, we’ve fucked eighteen times. Each time, Alyna has insisted on fucking either doggy-style or with her on top. The sex is bad, and despite its unbearably low frequency it has become boring. The most recent sexual encounter we had ended with me pulling out and jerking off all over her back, in an effort to elicit some kind of a reaction from her when a new act was introduced without her prior approval. She didn’t appear to notice and seemed as glad to have my dick out of her as she has seemed every time we’ve fucked.
We’ve been to three different marriage counselors, who all have said essentially the same thing where sex is concerned: that Alyna needs time, and no one can tell how much time it will take, because these situations are all unique, and the best thing I can do is give her that time without putting any pressure on her. Because I sought sexual gratification outside the relationship, I’m in no position to argue the point.
I have had no contact with Holly since the day I had her transferred to Legal. With time, she has become a fond memory for me. The things I found unattractive about her personality have dissipated, and I think about the various times we fucked when I masturbate, which is less and less frequently given my growing apathy toward sex of any kind, due to the nature of my sexual relationship with Alyna.
I see no hope that things will improve in the future. It will never be like it was. It will never be better than this.