Greer JULY 13, 2016

HOW CAN SOMEONE SOUND MORE like you than you do? If it’s possible, Amelia has done it. She’s only two chapters into my book, but I barely have edits for her. She nailed it.

I feel guilty, of course. I feel badly that when this book comes out, everyone will give me the praise. Dead me, probably. Unaware me, at the very least. I don’t like thinking of that. Not at all. I said to Amelia today that maybe we should do this differently. Maybe the cover should at least say “Greer McCann Thaysden with Amelia Saxton.” Then she could have the glory that I won’t be here to have.

But she said, “This is your life advice, Greer. It’s your memories. The men and women who buy this book are buying it because they want to hear from you. Who technically wrote it isn’t important.”

Maybe it isn’t. And I know it’s selfish, but it soothes me that my legacy won’t be that I was too sick, too depleted, to even finish my own book. I’m sure there’s someone out there who would argue that my truth would help people. But this will help people, too. It comforts me that I will leave people believing that I was fighting with all I had until the very end. That’s a lesson the world needs, too.

I used to think of Amelia as a threat. But now I realize that wasn’t true at all. Amelia Saxton isn’t just Parker’s family; she is mine, too. We are bonded together, connected forever. I trust her in a way I have never trusted anyone. I trust her with my deepest secrets, with the most important parts of myself. I trust her with the future I won’t be here to live. I hope she knows how indebted I am to her. I hope she feels my gratitude. I will be gone. But thanks to her, I will live on. Because of Amelia, the best parts of me, the truest, are yet to be.