Right now, I’m going to talk first about male masturbation. And let me say upfront...
I know, I know, I know, I have no right to because, after all, I’m a woman.
I’m an expert on women through academic and practical research I’ll admit, but for men, I’m relying on academic and interviews with men, so I do apologise in advance if I’m not always perfect in my description of male masturbation.
Now let’s review in particular why a man should learn how to masturbate.
1. Well firstly, because it makes him feel good.
2. To learn the three basic skills of male sexuality.
These are:
i. To get erect,
ii. To stay erect,
iii. To ejaculate by choice.
Wouldn’t you just love to be in control of those three actions?
To start, in order to masturbate in the best circumstances, you need first of all to make sure you have time just for you. Although you’re a bloke, it’s ok to pamper yourself.
Take a sensuous shower or bath and notice the pleasant feeling of warm water on your skin.
Afterwards spend a few moments looking at your body and appreciating its good features. Be sure that you’re as positive and friendly with yourself as you try to be with your partner when you’re creating a mood of romance.
(Don’t put
yourself down because of that” beer gut” or those “love
handles”.)
Touch your whole body and explore it for pleasure. Knead your
muscles, massage your scalp, and caress your skin.
I know, men may feel especially embarrassed caressing themselves, but do it anyway to learn what feels good, even if you think you already know. Most men get completely focused on genital stimulation but they can increase their levels of pleasure enormously by widening their focus to include their entire bodies, especially their tummies, thighs, face, neck, arms, hands, and nipples.
So at some point during this time of touching and self-exploration, move to a comfortable place where you can sit or lie down. And when you’ve touched your whole body for pleasure for at least five minutes, start to explore your genitals.
Even if you’re familiar with self-stimulation, explore your genitals as if you’re doing so for the first time. Don’t fall immediately into a practiced boring pattern. This time really notice what you’re doing, what you’re discovering, and how it feels.
After a while, add lubrication and notice the difference between dry stimulation and stimulation with a lubricant. Lubrication is important to allow stimulation to continue for long periods of time and to simulate vaginal sensations. A vibrator could help too, as can fantasy and erotic media, such as magazines or videos.
Now to learn higher levels of awareness and control of sexual arousal, it’s essential that you learn reliably to focus and maintain your attention on your selective physical sensations and your sexual thoughts.
During masturbation, focus your attention closely on the feelings your stimulating hand is producing. Appreciate every variety and sensation that comes from every single movement and touch. The more you notice the effect of the stimulating you’re doing, the less energy you’ll need to expend and the shorter the time you’ll need to produce and maintain sexual arousal.
Concentrate on feeling good so that you can officially dispose of intrusive thoughts if they come. It’s best if you can have no more than 5 seconds before you let go of any specific intrusive thought like, “Uh oh, I’m gunna come” or “If only I could come”.
Next it’s time for the man to experiment with different kinds of strokes.
My goodness, there are lots to consider:
Firstly you can stimulate with a basic up and down stroke in one hand.
Secondly some men stimulate themselves best by rolling their penis in two hands.
Thirdly, your hand can be turned thumb up or thumb down.
Fourth, you can make a ring of your thumb and your forefinger.
Fifth, you can concentrate stimulation on the shaft or the glands.
Six, you can use your index finger and/or third finger to lightly stimulate your sensitive frenulum area after erection.
Seven, you can use both hands, and stroke from mid shaft outward in opposite directions towards the glands and towards the base.
Eight, you can press your penis against you belly and rub its underside with the flat of your palm.
Nine, you can switch hands using the dominant hand.
And ten, you can use any other stimulus to rub your penis.
And these are only a few of the many possible variations!
Each time you stimulate yourself, make it a new experience.
Your goal isn’t necessarily to ejaculate, but to feel more and enjoy the process.
When you’ve achieved hard erection and sustained it for at least five minutes, continue stroking your penis while stimulating your external prostate spot.
What’s your external prostate spot? Well it involves pressing upward firmly with one or more fingers on the area of the perineum, about halfway between the very base of the penis and the anus. Press upward on that spot with your forefinger or a middle finger or both.
This kind of stimulation is pursued when you have been erect for at least several minutes; it could be uncomfortable if you move too quickly to it.
Use your left hand to stimulate your external prostate spot while you continue to stimulate your penis with your right hand.
Don’t be afraid to try using very firm pressure. When you’re near ejaculation, firm pressure in this spot can help hold off the ejaculation reflex. And if you’re wondering why pressure on this area is often pleasurable, remember that the emission stage of orgasm involves the production of fluid and contractions of the inner male glands, the chief of which is the prostate.
Firm, rhythmic pressure on these areas mimics orgasmic contractions, without necessarily triggering the ejaculatory reflex. Now just a caution, if stimulating the external prostate area feels uncomfortable, reduce pressure and stimulate more lightly until you feel aroused and more comfortable.
Oh and the stop/start control ejaculation technique is when you find yourself approaching ejaculation and you stop stroking from five to thirty seconds. Make sure you stop when you are three or more strokes away from ejaculating. If you get closer than three strokes you are likely to get too close and trigger your ejaculation.
Another way to assist with ejaculatory control is scrotum pulling, where you pull your testicles away from your body to prevent you from ejaculating. To apply the scrotal pull, grasp the scrotum between your testicles with your thumb and forefinger of your free hand, and when you’re near orgasm pull firmly down. At other times, for stimulation, pull lightly on your scrotum in rhythm as you stroke.
Aim to teach yourself how to maintain hard, pleasurable erection with stimulation, but without ejaculation for at least fifteen minutes. Did you know that once you can sustain arousal for fifteen minutes without ejaculating, you’ll probably be able to sustain it for as much as you want? It’s great insurance!
Oh, by the way, fifteen minutes is also a necessary minimum to build up the muscular tension and vasocongestion that are essential for extending and intensifying orgasms. What a great goal!
A vibrator can be another good form of stimulation to add while you’re masturbating.
It’s especially effective for applying stimulation to the external prostate area.
If you find a vibrator disappointing the first time you use it, don’t give up, try it again, several more times, experimenting with it at leisure before you pass judgement on its value.
Two more tips specifically for men:
1. Combine masturbation with moving around and even standing up or walking. When you think about it, this helps you rehearse how you might have to change positions during lovemaking without losing your erection.
2. Another good thing to practice when you’re masturbating is to include practising with a condom. Getting it on, rolling it on, and keeping it on. In fact you might like to use a lubricant inside the condom so you can slide it easily over your penis.
(Of course, you wouldn’t do that for intercourse however, because that wouldn’t be safe.)