Chapter Eighteen

Settling back into his leather office chair, Collin held one of Louisa’s stories in his lap. His tuna sandwich remained untouched as he munched barbeque chips. As he continued reading, he felt he had made the right decision to build Jazz an office. When they’d returned from the memory-making camping trip, he’d checked out the work that had been done while they were gone. The transformation from workshop to office was well on its way. The walls were painted a nice butter yellow, and the plush, sandy-colored carpet had replaced the workshop atmosphere.

At the end of the chapter, he set the pages aside and took a bite of his sandwich. Glancing at the clock on his desk, he decided he had enough time to read a few pages of Louisa’s journal. Not that he wanted to. Almost every page drew blood with the sharp words of disappointment in their marriage. He discovered Louisa thought taking out the trash was equal to hugs and kisses. One day he had driven the soccer car pool, and she had written three pages on how wonderful it had been to have time alone to write.

He picked up the journal and then set it back down. He couldn’t do it. He didn’t want to read about his old life. Now he had Jazz to love. His heart quickened as he realized what he had never admitted. Could it be possible Jazz was easier to love than Louisa? He wanted to know everything about Jazz: Why did she stare off into space and then jump when he touched her arm? Why did she dissect movies when she watched them? That’s it. He would learn all her secrets.

After a few moments he decided to take her away for a romantic getaway—no kids, no tents, and if it rained, it wouldn’t matter. He pulled out his BlackBerry and opened the calendar to check when he could leave. He couldn’t go on Friday, but if they left after lunch this Saturday, he wouldn’t have to be back until court Monday afternoon. He had heard his secretary talking about a quaint little town not too far away—R-something? He grasped the phone on his desk and asked his secretary to come in.

* * *

Hail crashed against the window, waking Jazz. The lightning flashed repeatedly. She pulled the blanket over her head to block the irritating light. Inside, a headache kept time with the rolling thunder.

She flung back the covers and fumbled for the bedside light. The switch clicked in her hand. Nothing. The clock next to the light no longer gave off its familiar eerie green glow. The air stilled, and for a second, the house seemed to have no life. The ceiling fan no longer turned; the vents didn’t send out air. Just stillness, then thunder, louder than before. She clutched her head between her hands in an attempt to stop the pain. The ibuprofen was downstairs in the kitchen.

The lightning flashed again, sending a fresh wave of pain through her. She had to get relief. She shivered and tugged one of Collin’s shirts over her tank top and boxer shorts. At the top of the stairs, she peeked over the railing. The storm sent a flash and briefly lit the room. Collin’s shape didn’t seem to be moving on the couch. She crept down the stairs, praying she wouldn’t wake him. He needed his sleep.

Jazz made it to the kitchen. She stood in front of the open cabinet, ready to cry in frustration. Darkness made it impossible for her to know which bottle contained the ibuprofen. She found two bottles that felt right in her hand. But which one was it? One of them had to be Cleo’s heartworm medication. She set them on the counter, reluctant to take a chance. She had made the trip for nothing.

“Jazz?” Collin’s whisper made her jump. “What are you doing?”

She turned and reached out to grasp his arm. He stilled beneath her hand. His stillness electrified her feelings. She could hear his breath in the darkness and wanted to crawl into his arms. Did he have to smell so good? Her defenses were down, and she knew it. The headaches seemed to make her vulnerable to a strong desire for him.

Pulling away, she said, “Headache. I’m sorry I woke you.” The words rushed from her mouth. “Where’s a flashlight? The power is out.”

“There’s one in the basket on top of the fridge.” He brushed past her close enough for her to feel his warmth on her back. “I’ll get it.”

She could hear him fumbling in the basket, and was grateful for the distraction and the darkness. She knew she had to make a choice soon. Either be Collin’s wife or not. It was that simple. Or at least it sounded easy.

“Got it.” The click of a button seemed to flood the room with light. “I’ll hold it while you open the bottle.”

“Thanks, but you could set it on the counter and go back to sleep. I know you need to be at the office early.”

“No, it’s okay. I’m not sleeping well. I keep expecting the storm to wake one of the kids.”

Guilt flooded her. “The kids. I didn’t even think about them. Should we check on them?”

“You have a headache, and you aren’t used to checking on them. If they were awake and scared, you would know it.” Collin’s words reassured her that she hadn’t made another mistake. “Jazz, will you go away with me for a weekend? Just the two of us? No kids?”

Stunned at his request, she didn’t answer. Thoughts, bouncing as fast as popcorn in a microwave, burst in her mind. A weekend alone, in the same room? A choice had to be made.

“We’ll have your mom stay with the kids,” Collin said. “I’m sure she’d be happy to watch them. She hasn’t been here in a while.”

“I don’t know, Collin. I don’t think I’m ready to take that step.” She couldn’t, not yet. Not until she felt comfortable being—that’s just it, being who?

“No steps, Jazz. Just a chance to rediscover—discover each other. I can’t keep living like this. I want you for my wife, and I intend to do what I can to make that happen.”

Her heart thudded with the realization that “discover each other” didn’t mean finding out who her favorite singer was when she was thirteen.

“If you go with me, I’ll buy you a laptop.”

“A bribe, Collin?”

“If that’s what it takes.” He pulled her close and kissed her. “That’s a bribe to go with me, not to sleep with me.”

She backed away and bumped into the counter. “Do I have to tell you tonight?”

“No, but I wish you would.”

She thought about what he was asking of her. In her heart, she felt God would want her to go—not for the computer, but to get to know Collin. Didn’t she just pray about what choice to make? She didn’t expect to have to make it in the middle of a thunderstorm, though.

“Jazz, are you going to say anything?”

“I don’t know what to say. If I say yes, then I feel like a bought woman because of the computer. If I say no, then I have to keep sharing with the kids. I think I would like to go with you, but now I’m confused.”

“Forget the computer, then. I’ve already bought it. I just wanted to give it to you at the right time.” He paused and ran his hands through his hair. “I shouldn’t have tried to bribe you.”

“You bought me a laptop? Can I have it now?”

“It’s not here yet. I ordered it.”

She rushed into him and hugged him tight. “Thank you! You do believe in me.” She reached up and kissed him. Fighting the urge to hold on, she let go. “Good night.” She sped through the room as a round of lightning flooded through the windows. Halting a safe distance away, she looked back in the darkened room at his silhouette. “Thank you.”

Jazz eased the bedroom door closed behind her and rested her back against the six-panel door. She hadn’t given him an answer. Could she do it? Spend a weekend alone with Collin? The thought sent shivers through her. And they weren’t the tingles of joy she had expected.