HER HANDS SHAKING, Grace struggled to put her home address into the GPS. She had no idea how to get out of the city to the highway. Her only clear idea was that she had to get away from here.
She wanted Aidan to come running out the door, get into the car with her and agree to leave for home with her. She might have been willing to meet Emma, to stay overnight and drive home tomorrow while they talked. But none of that was possible given Aidan’s attitude. He had to have understood how she felt, and yet he refused to take her feelings into consideration.
Her destination finally loaded into the GPS, she eased out of the driveway, her eyes searching the windows of Deidre’s house for any sign of her husband. There was none. He had decided to remain inside the house, not even coming out to the car to make sure she was okay to drive.
Gripping the wheel, she started down the driveway, her head aching and her heart hurting so badly she cried out, her gasp of agony filling the car.
Concentrate. You can’t make it home if you don’t.
Maybe she should check into a hotel and wait until tomorrow to leave. It would be easier, and by morning, she might be able to get Aidan to see reason. Her heart lifted at the idea, then came crashing down. Their last few moments together had proven that her influence over her husband paled in the face of his concern for his newly discovered daughter.
Besides, she couldn’t fight with him any longer. She needed to get home, to talk to her brother. He’d be able to offer suggestions about what to do, how to get Aidan to see the truth. Their marriage had been through enough between the stress of fertility testing and Aidan’s confession of his affair. To think that he was suddenly willing to risk the fragile remains of their relationship in order to raise another woman’s child, a child he claimed he had no involvement with, hurt her to the core.
As she listened to the soothing female voice directing her through town to the highway she had a horrible sinking feeling that this would not turn out well, not because Aidan didn’t want to fix it—she was pretty sure he did—but because she didn’t know if she could go through another round of loss.
Their inability to conceive a child had been so devastating. But facing the cruel truth that Aidan could father a child meant the devastation was on her. She was inadequate; she had been the cause of their unhappiness all along. All these years, all the times they’d tried for a baby, she’d been the reason they couldn’t have a family. A sob shook her.
Focus. Focus on the moment.
As she reached the highway, she instructed the phone to dial her brother’s number and he answered on the first ring. “Where are you? I called the house to talk to Aidan when he didn’t show at work. What’s going on?”
“I’m on my way home from Spartanburg,” she said, feeling relieved at the sound of her brother’s voice.
“What? Why were you in Spartanburg? Where’s Aidan? I need to talk to him.”
She did her best to remain calm while she told Lucas what had happened and about the DNA results.
“I had no idea that he’d had an affair…and now a child? What in hell is going on with Aidan?” Lucas asked.
Had Aidan not told Lucas anything? She hadn’t talked to her brother because she hadn’t seen him since all this happened. But Aidan talked to Lucas every day.
“You can see why I had to leave. He had an affair and now he’s obsessed with the child from that relationship. All the times I tried to get him to understand how important a child was to me, how much I wanted to be a mother. Suddenly he’s completely determined to be a father to a child he claims he’s never met. It’s as if she’s all that matters.”
“Gracie, you know that’s not true. Aidan loves you. He always has. Sure, he made a mistake, and he is definitely making one now, but you need to give him a little time to sort things out. I’m sure once he has a chance to see what being responsible for this little girl means, he’ll be back to you, begging you to help him figure out the best plan. I agree with you. This is all too sudden.”
Grace moved into the left lane, accelerating as she passed a transport truck. She was driving way too fast but she didn’t care. She had to get home. “I’m not so sure. He is completely determined to bring Emma home with him, to be her daddy and provide her with a good home. He hasn’t given me, or what I need, a thought since we arrived at Deidre’s house. It’s as if I don’t exist. Lucas, I’m afraid.”
“Of what?”
“That Aidan has been involved in Emma’s life all along. He denies it, but I can’t believe him. And the photo the nanny had was so upsetting. Aidan said he didn’t know about it, but I can’t believe that he didn’t. It was a photo taken in a park I didn’t recognize. Someone had to have taken it, and by the smile on his face, it was someone he cared about. On top of that, the nanny said that Deidre wanted Emma to know what her father looked like. That’s why the photo was there. But what if it was more than that? Lucas, I can’t face this. I can’t. He has blocked any attempts to see an adoption lawyer, and until this, he seemed okay with not having children. I’ve given Aiden everything I have to give, and I’m still on the outside of his life.”
“Take it easy. Remember you’re driving and it’s not safe for you to be worrying and distracted behind the wheel.”
She began to cry softly, feeling the warmth of the tears as they coursed down her cheeks. She eased her foot off the accelerator a little. The blare of a horn sounded as the car behind her pulled out and passed her. “If he has hidden other things from me, my marriage is over. I might be able to forgive him for the affair, but if he’s been seeing her and his child all this time, I can’t forgive him for that.”
“Sis, you’re upset. But please just drive carefully and make it back here in one piece. I’ll be waiting for you and we’ll talk. Okay?” he said, his voice filled with concern and compassion.
“Okay.” Talking to her brother made her feel a little better than she had when she left Aidan. But Lucas made everyone feel safe, listened to everyone’s woes and always seemed to have the right answer. When they were growing up, she had often sought his advice. “Thanks. What would I do without you? I’m so glad you were on the other end of the line when I called.”
“Me, too. See you in a few hours. And call me if you need to. You hear?”
“I will. I promise.” Lucas had always been there for her, and he was Aidan’s best friend. If anyone would know what was going on in Aidan’s head, her brother would. Just knowing Lucas was waiting for her made the drive so much easier. She felt calm enough to concentrate on her driving as the road unwound in a long ribbonlike arc of asphalt.
Hours later, having listened to an audio book for the remainder of the trip, she pulled into her driveway, to the home she’d shared with Aidan. As she pressed the remote to open the garage door, she fought back loneliness so profound her breath felt trapped in her throat. For one fleeting moment, she doubted her decision to walk out on Aidan.
Maybe if she had stayed, encouraged him to talk about how they would care for Emma together, put aside her hurt feelings, they could have made some decisions. Then she recalled his mulish expression. No, there wouldn’t have been any discussion or compromise. Aidan would make up his mind, the way he always did.
And that, more than some of the other problems before them, seemed to point to the end of her marriage.
* * *
AIDAN WATCHED THE car pull away and his heart turned over in his chest. He didn’t want Grace to leave. He should have gone out to beg her to stay, but he hadn’t because…because he didn’t know what to say to her. He’d felt this way so many times before when they’d been trying to have a baby. Grace had been so intent on getting pregnant that everything else in their lives was forgotten. They’d stopped talking about anything other than having a baby. Their time together had become charged with waiting to see if Grace had a positive pregnancy test.
When Grace had wanted to take Emma’s custody slowly, to consider all the aspects of what it meant to take her, he’d been surprised. Having witnessed her obsession with having a baby, he’d assumed that Grace would be as willing as he was to take the little girl into their lives as soon as they possibly could.
His wife wanted a child, and Emma needed parents. To him it was a gift from God, the answer to their prayers.
Yet when Grace had protested, his first instinct had been to defend his position, his plan. He’d been hurt that Grace didn’t seem to feel as he did about Emma. Yet he knew he needed Grace more now than he ever had in his entire life.
He’d screwed everything up. But one thing he was thankful for: he’d held his tongue. When she accused him of being selfish, he’d almost said something about her selfish obsession these past years. If he’d said that, there would be no chance that she would ever listen to him again.
But Grace had been right about one thing. They needed to talk this out together, and he had to take it easy, let her express her fear and reservations about assuming custody of Emma. He had a few reservations of his own, including how they would cope with a child who was old enough to realize that her mother was gone, but too young to understand why her life would have to change.
As he watched Grace drive away he wanted to run after her, tell her how much he loved her and that she was right. They needed to sort out their feelings and expectations before they made a decision about Emma. And that meant they needed time alone together to prepare for what lay ahead.
Yet he couldn’t find the motivation to walk out on his daughter. She faced the long days and nights without her mother. It was so important that Emma have people around her who loved her while she learned to cope with her new circumstances.
His heart heavy, he turned toward the window to see the brake lights glow red as Grace pulled out of the driveway. He knew his wife would call Lucas to seek his advice. When she told him what Aidan had done, Lucas would be angry, and rightfully so. Aidan doubted that Lucas would understand his point of view, and he couldn’t blame him.
Aidan glanced around the room, remembering the two nights he’d spent in this house when he and Deidre had been together. Deidre had used birth control, something she’d been very emphatic about. How had the birth control failed? Deidre had loved details, had reveled in getting everything right.
Another idea skirted the edge of his mind. He couldn’t imagine someone like Deidre taking any chances with her personal life. Yet she had insisted that they work in her home, a home equipped with all the technology to do so. Had she intentionally misled him? Had she chosen him to be the father of her child, invited him into her home, intending to get pregnant, keep the child and continue on with her life? Had her father’s death made her realize that if she passed away, Emma would be alone? His mind ran over the possibilities as his eyes took in the space that appeared unchanged from five years ago.
Focused on his thoughts, he was about to head to the kitchen for a glass of water when the door from the garage opened. Lisa walked in carrying a pink Dora the Explorer backpack while Emma followed holding a huge brown bear, the one in the video. His heart soared as he looked at his daughter. She was even more beautiful than the photos he’d seen. Uncertain about how to approach the little girl staring at him, he smiled, trying to put her at ease.
Lisa put the backpack on the end of the kitchen counter. “Emma, do you know who this is?” she asked, her gaze sweeping from Aidan to Emma.
Emma promptly popped her thumb into her mouth and reached for Lisa’s hand.
Lisa patted Emma’s curls soothingly as she spoke. “He’s come to see you.”
His chest tight, he knelt in front of his little girl and held out his arms. “Hi, Emma, I’m your dad,” he said.
Emma stopped sucking her thumb and stared at him, her eyes filling with glossy tears. “No! Mommy. I want Mommy.”
He edged closer. “I’m so sorry,” he said softly, despite his disappointment. His little girl needed him, and he would be here for her. “Come, let me hold you,” he whispered, marveling at how natural it felt to be here with his daughter.
“No! Mommy!” Emma screamed, her arms reaching for Lisa as tears flowed down her tiny face.
“Aidan, I’m sorry about this. It’s all pretty new for Emma,” Lisa said, picking her up and snuggling her close as Emma continued to sob, her face pressed into Lisa’s chest.
Helpless to figure out what to say or do, Aidan watched in dread as Emma stared at him, her eyes dark with fear. He was a stranger to his only child, his daughter. She didn’t want anything to do with him. He hadn’t expected this. He’d assumed that she would recognize him from the photo, remember what her mother had said, and would want him to hold her.
He struggled to stem the flood of fear circling his heart. He was in over his head. He had no idea what he was doing or how to do it. He’d never considered that Emma would react this way. How would he ever manage to care for his daughter if this behavior continued? He glanced at Lisa, seeking her support.
“Aidan, please don’t worry. Emma has been very upset since…you know. She’ll be better soon. You’ll see.”
He didn’t see at all. He hadn’t been around kids very much, and he had no idea how to deal with them. Now, with his daughter so upset, he didn’t have a clue how to reach out to her. Yet he knew he had to if he was going to be her dad. Instinctively, he backed away, keeping the smile on his face, his heart heavy with disappointment. “Emma. Your daddy is going to wait in the living room. Is that okay?”
Emma, her face buried in Lisa’s neck, didn’t respond.