GRACE APPLIED LIPSTICK, her hand shaking so much she was afraid of smudging it. She’d spent the entire day getting ready for their date, including buying a new dress in shades of green and gold with a wide skirt and a narrow waist. She’d never owned a dress like this one, and she loved the way it swayed around her legs as she walked.
She could still feel Aidan’s eyes on her as she’d made the peanut butter sandwiches with Emma, the rush of exhilaration when he’d walked her to the door.
After applying a bit of blush to her pale cheeks and putting gloss on over her lipstick before checking her face one more time in the mirror, she put her makeup away. Turning around in a circle in front of the full-length mirror, she smiled at her reflection. She felt so good, pleasure bubbled through her. She hadn’t been this excited in years. This was like a whole new beginning.
“Maria and I are here waiting in the living room to see you off on your date,” Lucas said, coming down the hall toward the bathroom. “Ready or not, we want to see how you look.”
She opened the door and stepped out into the hall. Lucas gave a long, slow whistle. “Sis, you look spectacular,” he said, pulling her close. “Aidan won’t know what hit him.” He led her to the living room. “Maria, what do you think? Is my sister not the most beautiful sister in the world?” His voice was filled with pride.
Maria strode across the room to hug Grace. “That dress is perfect on you. It brings out your eyes.”
Maria’s job as fashion coordinator for the local department store meant that she always dressed well, another trait Grace admired about her. She had been so kind since Grace had moved into the condo. “If you like it, then I’m good to go,” Grace said.
“The only thing I’d add is a smoky tone to your eye makeup,” Maria said, heading toward the bathroom. Quickly and with complete confidence, she applied the shadow to Grace’s lids. “Aidan is one lucky man. That’s all I can say.”
Maria’s gaze met Grace’s in the mirror. “I think Aidan needs his butt kicked for the way he’s behaved. I mean, he had everything and he tossed it for a hookup. Men. Sometimes I wonder…”
“You’re not wondering about Lucas are you?” Grace asked.
“No! But before Lucas I was involved with someone who didn’t tell me that he’d had an affair on the side. I was so hurt and angry. I had invested my total self in the relationship only to find out that he’d been with someone else.”
Grace touched Maria’s arm. “I’m so sorry.”
“Thanks. It was really messy at the time, but when I realized that he was the one who made the mistake, not me, that I was the excuse he used to justify what he did, I got angry. And getting angry saved me from slipping back into those patterns of thought.” She gave her forehead a gentle smack. “Sometimes I wonder what we women use for brains when it comes to men.”
Grace experienced an odd sense of comfort. What had happened to her had happened to someone strong and amazing like Maria. “You’re right. This isn’t my fault at all. I wasn’t the one who broke our marriage vows.”
“That’s the attitude, girl. You just remember that you deserve a man who knows how to treat a woman. Someone like your brother,” she said, winking. “And if Aidan doesn’t come to his senses and behave like a loving husband, he’ll have my man to deal with.” She teased Grace’s bangs a little. “You look like a sexy woman on a mission.”
“How serious are you and Lucas?” Grace asked.
Maria nodded her head slowly, a smile filling her face. “Very serious.”
“Oh! That’s great!” Grace hugged Maria.
“Isn’t it? I’m excited. He’s asked me to go looking for a diamond with him, but I’m a little more traditional. I’d like him to pick something he likes. As for me, it’s not about the diamond. It’s about our future together.”
“I couldn’t agree with you more. It’s not about the ring. It’s about the love and the future together. I can’t wait to have you as my sister-in-law.”
“I’m so lucky. We’re both taking it slow, getting used to being with each other, to sharing our lives, our interests.” Maria glanced at her watch. “You’d better get a move on. You’re going to be late picking Aidan up. By the way, I think it’s totally cool that you’re driving—shows him you’re in control.”
“I hope so.” Grace hugged Maria a second time, went to find her evening bag, kissed her brother’s cheek, then headed for the door. “Love you. See you both later.”
“I guess I can’t ruffle your hair the way I did when we were kids,” Lucas said.
“Not a chance. After all the work Maria and I have put into my appearance, you cannot touch my hair.”
“I’ll be waiting up for you, to hear all about your date,” Maria said.
The traffic on the parkway was light and Grace got to the house earlier than she expected. She thought about slipping in the back door, but decided to come to the front instead. Like a real date. A scream of delight greeted Grace as Lisa answered the door. Emma peeked out around Lisa’s leg, her thumb slipping into her mouth, a smile of welcome on her tiny, upturned face. Unable to resist the little girl with the mischievous grin, Grace knelt down. “Hello there, Emma. What’s up?”
Emma pulled her thumb out of her mouth. “I’m playing with my Barbie doll. Do you want to play with me?” she asked, stretching out her hand toward Grace.
“I would like that very much.”
“Aidan’s been on the phone for the past hour,” Lisa said. “He just now headed upstairs to get dressed.”
Emma tugged at Grace’s hand. “Come on. I’ve got lots of dolls,” she said. The soft touch of the little girl’s skin filled Grace with happiness. As they entered the kitchen, she stopped. Everywhere she looked, there were toys. The TV was turned to a Thomas the Tank Engine program. The late-afternoon sun streamed over the counter where a little pink sweater dangled from the corner.
This was exactly how she’d imagined her kitchen would look when she and Aidan had a child of their own. She’d imagined making breakfast while her toddler played, Aidan coming downstairs, scooping up their child and squeezing in between her and the island to kiss the nape of her neck. She’d imagined so many wonderful moments. Moments that had never come true. Struggling to maintain her composure, she swallowed over the lump in her throat.
“I didn’t realize that four-year-olds played with Barbie dolls,” Grace said.
“Her mother bought a lot of toys, from dump trucks to Barbie dolls, and let Emma make the choice of which to play with.”
“Wanna see my dump trucks?” Emma asked still holding Grace’s hand. “Or we can sit at my table and have tea.” Emma pulled Grace to the child-size wooden table and chairs near the window. “Please, Lisa, can we have tea? Just the three of us. And Daddy, too.” She popped her thumb back into her mouth as her gaze moved to the door leading to the hall. Emma had clearly begun to feel at ease around him. The idea warmed Grace.
She was suddenly overwhelmed with caring and concern for this little girl who had been through so much and still faced the loss of her nanny when Lisa went back to Spartanburg. How would Emma cope with her dad at work and Lisa gone? Grace couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be so young and face so many changes in her life.
“I would love tea,” Grace said, kneeling next to Emma’s table, patting her narrow shoulders as Emma moved the dishes around in a businesslike fashion.
“We have to get tea for Sam and Pedro, Barbie, Ken and Tammy,” Emma said, going to the dolls propped up on miniature furniture by the fridge.
“Is everyone having tea?” Grace asked, loving this moment of make-believe with Emma.
“Oh,” Emma said, her lips rounded and her eyes bright with anticipation. “Do you want to make a peanut butter sandwich? Like we did the last time? All my dolls like peanut butter.”
“That sounds like fun.” The way Emma’s eyes widened when she was excited about something was cute.
Lisa wiped her hands on a towel, folding it neatly. “Emma, honey, you’ve already had your dinner. We need to get you ready for bed. Besides, Grace is here to pick up your daddy.”
Emma’s lower lip trembled. “Are you taking my daddy away?”
How difficult it must be for Emma to understand what is happening in her life. To think that she would fear someone taking her daddy away broke Grace’s heart. She hugged Emma, smoothing the curls from her face and looking into her anxious eyes. “No. Never. No one is going to take your daddy from you. I’m going out to dinner with him so we can talk.”
“About me?” Emma asked, leaning closer to Grace as she played with the gold necklace she was wearing.
“Probably some,” she answered honestly. She saw the downcast look in Emma’s eyes, and wanted to hold on to her forever. “Do you mind?”
Emma snuggled closer to Grace. “Has my mommy really gone to be with the angels?”
“Yes. Your mommy is in heaven with the angels.”
“How do you know?” Emma asked, her dark eyes wide in question.
“I just know. Someone who loved you so much would definitely be in heaven,” Grace said. What if she’d said the wrong thing? What if Lisa or Aidan had given Emma a different explanation? She glanced hurriedly at Lisa, to see her nodding slowly.
Grace clung to the little girl, feeling connected to her, imagining what it would have been like to hold her own baby. What would it have been like to give birth to a wonderful little girl just like Emma?
No! She couldn’t think those thoughts anymore. She would never have a baby of her own, and she had to stop wishing she could. With Aidan able to have a child, and despite the gynecologist saying they could find no reason she couldn’t conceive, the fault for not having children had to be hers.
She sensed someone standing behind her. Glancing up she saw Aidan, an expression of wonder on his face.
“Emma needed a little comforting,” she offered, the air seeming to be suspended between them. She searched for words to express her feelings, the changes this child had wrought. Changes that went so deep they rocked Grace’s belief in herself.
He knelt beside her. “You are so good with Emma,” he said, his eyes dark with awareness as his hand touched her shoulder.
For the longest minute, she wanted him to take her in his arms and kiss her breathless, show her how much he cared by making love to her. It took all her willpower not to act on her feelings. But if everything went well in the next few weeks, she might not have to resist her feelings.
“I think it’s time we got to the restaurant,” she said, holding back the loving, bittersweet emotions his touch sparked.
“Whatever you say,” he offered, taking Emma in his arms and brushing the curls off her face. “Emma, Daddy is going out with Grace, but I’ll be back.” He kissed her round cheeks, making her laugh, a beautiful sound that tugged hard on Grace’s heart. She needed to leave before she lost her determination to stay removed from this scene.
Still in her father’s arms, Emma reached for Grace. “Hug. I want a hug.”
Stepping closer to Aidan, Grace kissed Emma’s cheek and, in doing so, breathed in the cologne she’d given Aidan for Christmas. She felt light-headed at the nearness of him, the possibilities of the evening ahead. “Good night, Emma.”
“Good night,” Emma said, giving Grace a big, noisy kiss and a smile as she waved.
It took every bit of energy to move away out of Aidan’s reach. Grace wanted to touch him, to feel his skin, soak in his scent, but it was too dangerous. She had to keep her head clear, focus on working out the issues between them.
Tonight was the beginning of the changes needed to make her feel included, be part of Emma’s life and to find a way to resolve her feelings of betrayal. If they were to have a life together, it had to be on equal terms. Even the thought of what would happen if it all went wrong again made her frightened, her courage deserting her.
Lisa’s voice was gentle as she said, “Emma, it’s time for bed. Say good-night to your daddy.”
“Night, princess,” Aidan said, kissing Emma before handing her to Lisa. “I’ll be back real soon.”
“And in the meantime, Emma will have her bath and I’ll read her a story,” Lisa said.
What would it be like to put Emma to bed, read to her, then kiss her good-night before seeking Aidan to enjoy the rest of the evening? Feelings of remorse flowed through her at the memory of the words they’d said to each other, their inability to find a way to be a family.
She wanted to be part of Aidan’s life and Emma’s. Everything she’d ever wanted and everything she stood to lose was in this house. Quietly, she went to the door. He must not see her tears. He would want an explanation and she couldn’t give him one without admitting how much she loved him.
When they got to the restaurant Grace was feeling a little more in control. Aidan, true to his word, had kept the conversation light and fun as she drove. They listened as the maître d’ told them a humorous story about his eight-year-old son learning to play the violin, then ordered their favorite food.
When the meal arrived, they talked and ate as if nothing was wrong between them. “Do you remember the first time we went to the movies together?” Aidan asked.
“Ah… Miss Congeniality. Benjamin Bratt and Sandra Bullock. We laughed all the way through it.”
“And how many times have you watched since?”
“Probably three or four times,” she said, savoring the taste of Alfredo sauce.
“I’ve never known anyone who enjoys watching reruns of movies like you do.” He picked up his wineglass. The old connection, so strong between them even after all these years, came alive. It was as if they’d never been apart, as if none of the events of the past weeks had happened.
Nervously, she smoothed her hair, her fingers touching the necklace at her throat. “How is work going?” she asked to keep the conversation on a safe topic.
“Busy.” Aidan sighed, putting his wineglass down. “In fact, we are going to exceed our profit projections for this year based on the first six months.”
He continued to talk, giving Grace a glimpse into the business that excited him. She’d always loved his passion for his work, even though she didn’t understand most of what he did. Yet his enthusiasm triggered a sense of loss. A few weeks ago sharing their day over dinner had been normal—something they’d taken for granted and maybe not appreciated. But because of the past weeks, it had completely and utterly changed.
The man sitting across from her had kept a part of his life a secret from her, had let her believe that he’d been faithful to her. And all the while, his infidelity, his thoughtlessness had threatened everything.
A chill settled in the pit of her stomach. Their life would never be the same again, no matter how much either of them tried to put it back together. They could never go back to how their life had been, to that time of innocence and total trust. Deidre MacPherson—a woman Grace had no real knowledge of and one her husband claimed to not really know or care about—would always overshadow their lives.
But the worst of all was that Aidan could have had a casual relationship with a woman he claimed no real connection to. That he could be so cavalier about something she considered sacred. And now there was a child who would forever represent that fundamental difference in their values. How could he be so careless about sharing his body with another person? What sort of person could have sex with no emotional involvement with someone he’d had no contact with after?
“Sorry. I tend to talk too much about business.” He leaned back in his chair, glancing around for a waiter. “What would you like for dessert?”
“Not tonight,” she said.
He waited while the waiter took their plates. He looked into her eyes, stirring her affection despite her train of thought. There had never been anyone else for her but Aidan.
“Are you sure? What about lemon gelato? It’s your favorite.”
He can remember my favorite dessert but not understand how I feel about his infidelity.
Did he have any idea how much he’d hurt her? He was sorry, and repentant, but was that all? Would he have felt as she did if the situation had been reversed, if she’d been unfaithful?
There was an awkward moment after he convinced her to order dessert. Even though there was a lot going on inside her, she couldn’t seem to think of anything to say. At least, anything that wouldn’t lead to what was really uppermost in her mind.
They were supposed to be on a date, but it didn’t feel that way. It felt more like being suspended in a bad dream, unable to wake up. Every time she tried to rein in her thoughts, her mind circled the pain of the past few weeks.
Aidan watched her, a pleading look in his eyes. “Grace, I would give everything I have if you would come home with me this evening. I love you, and I miss you in a way I’ve never missed anyone in my life.” He smoothed his hand over his hair, a sign he was nervous. “I’m well aware that we have issues to work out, but it’s lonely without you. I miss our early morning talks. It’s hard to get up and head out to work without saying one word to you.” He blinked rapidly. “Do you suppose we could go for a walk, somewhere more private so we can talk?”
She wanted that more than anything. “It’s impossible the way it is,” she said.
“What do you mean?”
“We can’t ignore or gloss over what’s going on between us.”
“Let’s drive out to Foley Beach and watch the waves. We always loved doing that,” he said.
His suggestion called to mind the days when they had no money and went to the ice cream shop near the pier. More bittersweet memories. Still, a walk on the beach would be pleasant and distracting. “Why not?”
“Will you let me drive?” he asked.
“Why would you want to drive my car? Aren’t you the one who claims that it drives like a grocery cart?” she asked, slipping easily into their teasing banter.
“I’m doing my good deed for the day by saving all the oncoming traffic from my wife, the centerline hugger.”
“While Mario Andretti, here, thinks that the speed limit is for turtles,” she said, laughing for the first time this evening. It freed her.
He shifted in his chair, his smile warm, his gaze intense. “You look gorgeous,” he said. “I love the sound of your laughter…the way your nose crinkles when you grin.”
I love you was on her lips, but she held back. Her laughter was one of the first things he’d complimented her on when they’d started dating, and something he never failed to remark on. Funny, how he’d always been able to make her laugh. And she’d always said she loved him when he did; a habit honed from years of loving the same man.
They arranged to take their desserts and coffee with them, then headed out onto the highway to the beach, the windows down, the air ripe with scents of tidal water and muddy inlets. The street leading to the beach was lined with shops selling trinkets, and restaurants with patrons spilling onto the sidewalk.
“I love this town,” Aidan said as he pulled into the parking lot next to the pier, searching for a space.
“It’s certainly busy tonight,” Grace said as she watched him maneuver her car into a narrow parking place.
“Do you want to take our desserts out to the boardwalk or eat here?” he asked, turning off the engine.
“The gelato is probably melted, so maybe staying here would be better,” she said, opening the bag and passing him his coffee and chocolate cake. Placing her coffee in the cup holder, she opened the tiny container and peeked in. “Yeah, I’d say it’s minutes from being totally melted.”
“Why don’t you simply drink it?”
“What?”
“Just drink it. Never mind using a spoon.” He grinned. “Be adventuresome.”
Grace sipped the delicious liquid. That worked—tart and creamy, and delicious.
“Grace, you are so beautiful,” Aidan said, his voice low and husky.
Sitting inside the darkened car, listening to the radio, made everything feel so perfect, so normal. She licked her lips, tasting the lemony sugar, feeling his gaze on her. She knew that look. “Aidan, we can’t. There is so much that isn’t right between us.”
She saw the disappointment on his face, but makeup sex wasn’t going to solve their problems.
“I’m aware of that,” he said. Focusing on his dessert, Aidan finished, then dropped the container in the bag. “Let’s go for a walk along the beach.”
He came around and opened her door, then led her to a path that reached the shoreline. “Grace, you may be angry at me for saying this, but we’re so good together and always have been. I can’t let that slip away without doing everything in my power to prevent it.” His hand held hers in a firm but gentle grip as they moved across the sand, the setting sun sending long, gold cones of light around them.
Despite all that had happened between them, she knew he was speaking from his heart. “Aidan, I’d like that, too.”
He slipped his arm around her shoulders as they moved closer to each other. “I’ve known that since the day I met you—”
She put her fingers on his lips to silence him. “Just listen to me. Being a mother means everything to me, but I never imagined it would happen like this. That you would have a child with someone else. All I ever wanted was to have our baby, to be part of bringing our child into the world, our lives, our home. I wanted the excitement of being pregnant, of giving birth to our baby. That’s not going to happen for me.
“Instead, I am faced with another woman’s child who has come into my life uninvited and unintended. It’s not that I don’t adore her. She’s sweet and bright and a beautiful child. But she’s not mine. I don’t know how to explain this any better than that.”
He pulled her into his arms, his warmth, his embrace a shield from the world. “Grace, if I could turn back time, I’d go back to Spartanburg, the first time, and do it all over with you. I would. I’d include you in everything I said and did back there. But that’s not possible.” He paused, then said slowly, “If it would change how you feel about me, I’m willing to move Emma and Lisa back to Spartanburg while we sort things out between us.”
She wished with all her heart that was possible. “You can’t do that to Emma. She’s been through enough, from losing her mother to losing her home. But don’t you see what’s happening here? You’re looking to make things right without thinking it through or considering the consequences. You’re looking for a quick fix and there isn’t one.”
His expression was bleak as he held her closer, his forehead pressed to hers. “But I can’t live without you. Maybe we can all move to Spartanburg for a few months.”
“You can’t believe that such a move would work. Your business is here. Our lives are here. You wouldn’t be happy living in Spartanburg. Emma is here now, and she has to stay here. You and Lisa are all she has, and together you’ll work through it,” she said, tilting her face to his.
“But what about us?”
“Isn’t that what we’re working on now?”
“Then what do we do?” he asked, touching her cheek, sending waves of desire spiraling through her.
She fought off the urge to succumb, to kiss him, to hold him… “I wish I knew. For me, it feels as if my life has been broken in ways I can’t fix. I feel as if you’ve turned your back on me.”
He held her shoulders in his powerful grip, his face a mask of shock. “No! I haven’t, Grace. Yes, I made a mistake, more than one. But I am not intentionally turning my back on you.”
“But I can’t get past the idea that when you were faced with the opportunity to claim your daughter, you put your needs ahead of mine. You shut me out.”
“Grace, I’m not shutting you out now,” he said, easing her head against his chest. The sound of his heart reverberated through her, tampering with her will.
Aidan stroked her cheek. “Grace, you mean everything to me,” he whispered, touching her cheek, eliciting a sigh of need.
As his dark eyes searched hers, he kissed each finger slowly and deliberately. “I want to make love to you all night. I want your skin on mine, our bodies together.” He nibbled on her lip, his mouth hot against her.
She sank into his embrace, her head spinning, her body angling closer to his. He smoothed her face, his breath warm, his eyes on her lips. “Grace, please,” he breathed as he pressed his body into hers. “Please.”
She fought for air, her heart tumbling in her chest. She wanted him, his skin, his body, his words, everything. As his gaze, simmering with passion, met hers, she faltered. There had never been a time when they didn’t enjoy each other’s bodies.
But she couldn’t help wondering if he’d held Deidre the way he was holding her now. Had he spoken similar words of endearment to Deidre before he made love to her?
“Aidan, we can’t do this,” Grace said, seeking to put a little space between them. She wanted him, needed him, but she couldn’t do this…not here…not now.
His face was lit by the setting sun, spotlighting his desire. “Grace, we need to find our way back to each other. We could always shut out the world and love each other. We need that now more than any other time,” he said, his deep baritone voice playing over her, toying with her resolve.
“Aidan, what we need is to work things out. To talk, to act differently. I can’t make love to you, not yet. When you’re close to me, I can’t stop myself from imagining you holding another woman.”
“That was five years ago, Grace,” he said, disappointment seeping through his words.
“Not for me,” she said. “I found out only a few weeks ago, so for me it feels as if it happened yesterday.”
Sighing, he pressed his lips into her forehead. “You’re right. This is not a good idea at all. I don’t want you to feel pressured,” he said. “I meant for us to simply spend the evening with each other. No expectations.”
Glancing down the beach, he said, “Let’s go into the hotel and have a drink. Maybe reminisce a little.” He took her hand and tucked it against his body.
She matched his stride as they walked. “I can’t remember the last time I was inside that hotel,” she said, allowing the evening to chase away her disturbing thoughts.
“The last time I was in this hotel was when we came here for dinner to celebrate our new office space. Do you remember that?” he asked, sounding completely in control, as if the past few minutes hadn’t happened.
“I do,” she said, matching his carefree tone, even though she wasn’t feeling very carefree. She felt as if she’d let him down, somehow. But maybe that was her guilt talking. She’d always done whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted it.
At least going into the hotel bar might distract them enough that they’d keep the conversation light and upbeat.
“One of our first dates was at this beach, having hot dogs at the little takeout on the pier. That was one of the most memorable dates we had. I was so sure I’d blow it and you’d go off with Peter Woods and I’d be left holding the beach bag.”
“You’re kidding. Me and Peter Woods? Never,” she said playfully. “He wasn’t after me. He was after Sue Beck. Remember her?”
“Yeah. How I remember her…all that black hair,” he said, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye, a smile teetering on his lips.
“You told me you didn’t like her—you’re teasing me.”
“Of course I am. Wonder what we’ll find when we get to the bar. Probably a bunch of people staring at their cell phones.”
“And, of course, you’ve never stared at your phone,” she said, giving him a gentle poke in the ribs.
He laughed, pulled her close and kissed her. “Guilty…” His gaze caught hers, held her…and then he slowly looked away. “You can’t imagine the fantasy playing in my mind at the moment. You. Me. Our big four-poster bed…”
Struggling to recover from the force of his kiss, she said way too quickly, “I wonder if they’ve redecorated since we were here last.”
He took her hand and pulled her along with him. “I hope so. It wasn’t the most elegant bar I’ve ever been in.”
They entered the lobby of the hotel and went into the wide-open space of the bar. Taking a table by the window, they sat in deep, comfortable chairs across from each other, their hands touching casually.
She glanced around. The color scheme had changed from taupe and grays to mostly black and turquoise with splashes of white and cream. The room was filled with small tables along the windowed area, while the bar with high stools and tables occupied the rest of the space.
She liked the way they’d opened the bar up to be part of the lobby area. Young couples and singles milled about. “New color scheme.”
“Different crowd. They seem a lot younger than I remember,” Aidan said.
“And you might be showing your age,” she teased. “I remember when we were in our twenties, when everything seemed possible…our ambition limitless.”
They ordered wine and continued to people watch. “This must be a popular bar by the size of the crowd.”
“We were here to a wedding reception once and there was a dance floor over there.” She pointed to the back of the room near the entrance. “I wonder if they ever have dances here.”
“No. This is probably a bar for hookups. People coming on vacation looking for a quick fling. I hear my staff talking about how dating works today. Were you aware that there are apps you can get for your phone that allows you to find someone to hook up with on a moment’s notice?”
Is that what you did? Did you and Deidre hook up in a bar like this one?
He said that they’d been working, but what if they went to a bar for a drink after work? She couldn’t stop the sudden rush of images. Her husband touching another woman, kissing her in public…laughing…sharing a joke. Deidre flirting with him, making it clear she wanted him. No strings attached. Just sex…
She felt the blood drain from her face. “How do you know that?” she asked, her voice sounding distant, not part of her body.
Surprise dawned on Aidan’s face. “I—I know because of some of the people I work with.”
“Is this how you and Deidre got together? Did you go to a bar?”
“No! We worked long hours together…” He rubbed his face with his hands, his eyes bleak as he met her desolate gaze. “Look, I never hang around bars when I am out of town. They don’t have any appeal for me. I eat in the dining room of the hotel, then head upstairs to work. I’ve always done that.”
“Except when you hooked up with Deidre,” she said, aware of how angry and judgmental she sounded, but she didn’t care. Seeing these people behaving in such a casual way, enjoying themselves—some of them probably cheating on their partners—made her want to throw up.
“Grace, talk to me,” Aidan said, taking her hand in his. “I’ve never been in a bar like this without you. I swear.”
“But you did have a casual relationship. How could you?”
Aidan put his hands in his lap, his face impassive, his tone quiet and controlled. “I’ve told you how it happened.”
“How do I know that what you’re saying is the truth? Look around. Whether innocent or not, these people are here for something besides a drink.”
“I swear to you. It only happened that one time, Grace,” he said, his gaze searching the room as he took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I brought you here if it reminds you of what happened. I’m truly sorry,” he said, defeat in his voice. “I think we should leave.”
Numbly, she followed him out to the car, her heart breaking. But she couldn’t help lashing out. And even worse, she was still so angry at him, at what he’d done and how it had destroyed her happiness. When they reached the car she slid into the seat, despair filling her.
Aidan climbed into the driver’s seat and started the car. “Grace, we have to resolve this somehow.” He gripped the wheel and stared straight ahead. “You are my life. I want you to be with me and with Emma. I want you to be part of everything we do. But if you and I can’t get past your fears…pain…what then?” he asked, his voice haggard.
“I just can’t believe that someone as caring as you are would have casual sex, Aidan. It’s not like you. That’s the part I can’t accept.”
“You’re right—it’s not like me at all. That’s my whole point. It was a onetime thing.”
“You say that, but I find it so hard to accept that you could be so indifferent about something so intimate. It makes me feel inadequate, as if I wasn’t enough for you.”
She swallowed against the futility of it all. This shouldn’t be happening. She longed for the days when they were excited and hopeful about having a baby, rather than this. This awful, hurtful experience that had destroyed her self-confidence and her trust in her husband. “Regardless of how you felt about everything going on with us and your work, why did you do something so demeaning to me, to our marriage?”
Aidan sighed. “I don’t know, Grace. I was lonely and working long, hard hours with her, eating in her office. We were together and suddenly… I… Things were all mixed-up in my head. It was a long time ago,” he murmured, pain and hurt flowing through his words.
She stared across the small space separating them and felt as if she were looking at a stranger. She didn’t know this man nearly as well as she thought she did, and it broke her heart. “I don’t know, either.”
His gaze met hers, his face drained of any emotion. “I’m out of ideas, Grace. Please help me figure out what to do.”
Grace felt sick. The marriage she’d dreamed of was about to disappear. “I have no idea.” Sadness wrapped around her heart, crushing her spirit. “I really have no idea how we’re going to work this out.”
“You know what frightens me the most?”
“What?” The desperation in his eyes made her fear his answer would make things worse.
How she wished she’d never said what she had said. It only made more trouble for them to deal with, adding to their problems, and maybe for no reason if he was telling the truth. And if he wasn’t, there was nothing she could do to alter the past and the hurt they’d both experienced, widening the gulf between them.
“I’m scared that we can’t fix this. That you will never forgive me for what I did. That Emma and I will live our lives without you. I wish things were good between us, the way they were. We were happy together, regardless of what happened these past few weeks. You have to admit that.” Turning, he pulled out of the parking lot. “I’ll take you to Lucas’s place, and bring your car back in the morning.”