“Dr. Maru, are you sure?” Von asked as she sat back on the examination table.
“Yes.”
“I just can’t believe this. Does this happen to people with this disease?”
“The normal ones, but this is indeed rare,” the doctor said. “You can get dressed now.” The doctor’s latex gloves went into the trash, and she marked a few things on Von’s chart. Then she turned around and smiled at her, but Von didn’t see anything that was worth smiling about. Not in her predicament.
“Here is a new prescription fill.” The doctor scribbled her name and ripped a prescription order off of a pad.
“Do I have to take it every day? Will it make me sick?” Von asked.
“You might feel a little queasy, but anything more than that, let me know right away, okay? And I need you to come back next week so we can make the best decision on what we’re going to do. This is so rare, but I’ll sit with my team and try to figure out the best option for you.”
Von began to cry. This couldn’t be happening. This disease wasn’t just bad, it was the devil himself manifesting as a horrible sickness in her very own body.
“I just feel so dirty. So nasty inside. I don’t understand how this could happen. Just when I thought it couldn’t get worse.”
“Your medicine seems to be working, Von. I’m here for you. You call my office anytime. And you also have my cell phone. Use it for any emergency, okay? We’re going to take care of you. We’ll do all we can. Preservation of life is our main objective.”
Von nodded and wiped the tears that fell from her eyes.
“I want you to call Dr. Harmond. He’s a psychologist over at Howard. He can help you get through this. You call him anytime and tell him I referred you, okay?” Dr. Maru felt bad for Von. The last few years she’d witnessed an epidemic. AIDS was claiming so many young lives. Most of the cases were young African Americans. It was a sad thing to see. But she dedicated her life to helping.
Von walked into the house crying after going to the doctor. Her face was swollen and tearstained. She wouldn’t allow Marla or Paige to go with her whenever she went to the doctor. Paige put little Tonaya down onto the carpet and ran to her friend. The tears rolling down Von’s face scared both Marla and Paige.
“What’s wrong?” Paige asked. Marla got her some tissue. Von let out a vicious cry that felt like a sharp pain to both her girls.
“Things just get worse and worse by the fucking minute.” Neither one of her friends could figure out what was wrong. She already started her medicine, and the bad news had already been as bad as it could get, right? So what could it be now? They were already dealing with Von being HIV-positive. They were already dealing with cloudy days no matter how bright the sun shined. So whatever this was, it had to be bad.
They waited for Von to calm down. “What happened? Tell us,” Marla asked softly.
“My doctor’s appointment. It wasn’t good.”
“Well, what happened? What do you mean it wasn’t good?” They were hoping that her doctor hadn’t given her a time line left to live or no crazy shit like that. Von caught the disease early, and her prognosis was that she might be able to live a normal life for a long time. They didn’t understand what caused so much despair at this moment. But then again, neither of them were dealing with such a devastating illness; they were both on the outside looking in. Having HIV wasn’t just about the sickness itself. It was the stigma that came with it that was even worse than the disease. People were uneducated about it, and that caused them to say the wildest things. They did their best to protect Von from that, and it helped that nobody knew besides them.
Von dropped to the floor, and her girls sat beside her.
“Tell us, boo. You know we are here for you, no matter what.”
“I know. But this, this was just so unexpected. I found out today that I’m pregnant. Almost 3 months.”
“Oh my God. Von!” Paige said.
“I had no idea. I thought my body changing was because of the medicine or my illness. I had no idea I was pregnant.”
“That’s great. We get to spoil another baby!” Marla said, hugging her. She was all smiles . . . until she saw the look on Paige’s face. Then she backed up. “Wait a minute, can it pass to the baby?” Paige gave her another look. Sometimes Marla spoke without thinking. Paige’s expression clearly was saying for Marla to use her damn brain about now.
“That’s what I am scared of. The medicine is doing its job. My blood work came back showing that the virus was undetected.”
“That’s great! Oh my God! It’s a miracle!” Marla said. Paige just shook her head.
“That doesn’t mean I’m cured. It’s just the medicine doing its job. There is a 50–50 chance that the baby could get it. All I can do is pray.”
“Well, we’ll be praying right with you,” Paige added.
“I wish I never met Rod. I hate him. He’s not only condemned me, but his children too. Why did I have to be with a no-good man like him? I should have listened to Nasty and stayed away from him back then.”
“Girl, his ass manipulated you. You weren’t out looking for him or trying to be grown like I was,” Marla said. She made Von smile. “You were all into school, and he kept coming onto you. Buying you shit, calling you, treating you like his girl before you were. Who wouldn’t have fallen for that?”
“You got a point, I guess, but I still should have listened to Nasty. I hate fighting with him. He hasn’t called me or nothing.”
“You know he’s stubborn.”
“So how soon before you find out the sex of the baby?”
“I’m not even thinking about that right now. I just want the best for my baby. I want him or her to be healthy, you know?”
“It will all work out. Don’t worry about it.”
Just then, the baby started crying. “Sounds like somebody is hungry,” Paige said, picking up her two-year-old. Little Tonaya was adorable.
“I want Daddy,” she said, clear as day. Silence filled the room. “Where Daddy?” she asked in her innocent voice.
“Daddy is working.” Paige put Tonaya down, and her little feet took off running. Then she came back carrying her mother’s cell phone. She put in her lap and waited. Then she looked up at her mother as if to say, What the hell is taking you so long? Call him!
“You better call Tony,” Von said.
“No!”
“You ain’t right. You can’t keep that man’s daughter from him,” Marla added.
“I’m not trying to, but I don’t want my daughter around that ho, Sharise. And I know he is still messing with her because I did a drive-by 2 days ago, and he was at her house.”
“You know where she lives?”
“Yes, I did a reverse search from the phone number. His car was in her driveway.”
“Dirty!”
“Dirty isn’t the word. But . . . You’re right. He is her father. I have to figure out something.”
“I hate to think that this will be my life,” Von said. “No offense to you, Paige, but just to know that I may have to deal with Rodney for the rest of my life makes me sick. I don’t wanna have to see his face. And this baby is going to change that. I won’t have a choice. I won’t keep him from his baby, but, damn! It will be like the nightmare that never ends.”
“Yes, and your baby father is the real Freddie Krueger.” They all started laughing.
Von had a lot to think about. And seeing the pleading look on Tonaya’s face and how she craved her father let her know that keeping Rod out of her baby’s life was unthinkable. She grew up without parents, and she wanted her baby to have a better life than she did. It wasn’t going to be easy, but she would find a way to make everything gel together as best she could.
“When are you going to tell Rodney?” Paige asked.
“I don’t know. But I have to tell him. I’ll tell him soon.”
“About everything, right? You can’t keep it from him, Von.”
“I know. I won’t. I’ll tell that bastard. And maybe he’ll drop dead on the spot and save me a lot of time and energy.”