6

For goodness sake, Lori was so nervous she might well be getting ready for the prom, not regular Sunday church. It was the video chat with Cate last night that had set her off with accepting the feelings she’d never dared before.

Feelings of home and hearth, roots. Kids.

Love.

Or at least opening the door a crack.

Lori, don’t be afraid of this man. Heston. God will be with you.

But He wasn’t. Back then.

He never left you. He didn’t forsake you.

Or course He hadn’t. It was Lori turning her back in time of trouble and fear. Well, Lori wasn’t afraid of Heston. Or even the possibilities. It was just...

Remember, love between a man and woman is holy, no matter what happened to you. That was a crime. It wasn’t your fault. You are pure in God’s eyes. And you will be in the eyes of the man God chooses for you. Trust in the Lord. He’ll give you the rest of the trust you need.

It all sounded like dialogue from one of the books they collaborated on, but the truth of Cate’s words, advice, and petitions rang in Lori’s head. With a quick breath of prayer—praying seemed easier these days, she checked herself in the mirror of her grandparents’ guest room. Pretty blue sweater stuck here and there tiny black satin bows. Cheeks so pink she didn’t need additional blush makeup.

Ah, her mother’s childhood bedroom. Her mother, who had trusted her heart and found happiness. Made mistakes, asked forgiveness.

Lori shook anew, worthy of any first date, when she heard the doorbell sounding below. Heston. He’d driven in from Hearts Crossing. The walk to church wouldn’t take long. Her heart pounded and she forced a nervous laugh at herself. Goodness, she wasn’t off to her beheading.

Just the possibility of a whole new life.

If she didn’t chicken out.

Since they were walking, she’d put on her good insulated boots and flannel-lined jeans. Folks attended Mountainview Church direct from horseback, as well as dressed like a fashion magazine. Lori was a bit of both. Her heart beat like she’d won a race as she headed down the stairs.

“Heston.” Lori breathed out his name, stumbled on the last step. In the foyer, he stood tall, heart stopping…chatting with her grandparents as though they’d been best friends forever. Her veins pulsed hard at his beauty. In a fancy green dress and elaborate hat, neck hung with ropes of pearls, her grandmother switched her very interested gaze between Heston and Lori. She blew a kiss in that direction, but gulped as the old resentment smacked her once again. Her grandparents’ decision to keep everything private, not go to the police.

Not to try to find Kyle.

And she’d been so traumatized, she’d...

She shook it off as she walked over. Of course she loved them. They’d done their best. And gratitude swelled in her, too, for the darkness faded to white this time, not black. Cate’s words buzzed in her ears...the love between a man and woman is holy too. And if what she was starting to feel for Heston wasn’t quite love, yet...well, she believed in love at first sight in her books. Why not second, or third in real life?

“You look beautiful. The sweater matches your eyes.” Heston’s gaze blessed her, and her knees turned to jam. As if he knew already she’d worn it for that reason. Without being told the correct choice, he picked up her gray jacket from the hall tree and held it out for her.

Sparks skittered down her back.

“Where’s your mini-me,” he asked, not moving his gaze from her face.

“Uh.” She buttoned her coat, scrambled for breath. For words. “Miriam’s already at Sunday school.”

“Cute kid.” Heston’s face split in a grin.

Lori smirked a little. “I adore her, but sometimes her chatter has me ready to scream. That girl does not stop talking.”

Granddad laughed, gruff and in character with his plaid shirt and old jeans but out of step with his fancy-clad wife. “Peace and quiet is nice sometimes. But children are our future, don’t you know. My Doris and I got such a young start we’re starting our fourth generation already.” Then his grizzled whiskers tweaked unhappily across his cheeks. “You kids best get going, and I best get settled in that dagnabbed ‘transport’ chair, which in the old days, we called a wheelchair.”

Lori kissed his furred cheek. “No way you can go slip-sliding on the ice today in that orthopedic boot. Besides, your foot would freeze.”

“We’re sure looking forward to the sleigh ride today, Heston.” Her grandmother’s voice was as sweet as her smile. “A real treat. It’s kind of you to take us. Thank you.”

“Your kind thanks belong to your granddaughter.” Heston grinned and in front of everybody, he grasped Lori’s hand. Her heart hammered like a rider getting thrown thirty feet above his bull. Free falling all the way down...

Heston plunked his Stetson in his head and she collided with heaven now.

The light snow during the night had covered the lovely town of Mountain Cove with a Christmas card scene. Lori gasped in pleasure as she stepped into the beautiful morning. “Norman Rockwell’s got nothing on Colorado. Wow. How’s it in Sunset Hills?”

“Very nice. Fine little town. We live nine miles out. Good hills and rangeland, mountains behind. And not so far away you can’t get your share of Mountain Cove.” His lips mouthed the last bit so deliciously she ached to pull his head down and…

But all she had strength for was “Oh.”

Her boots slid atop the icy crust beneath the fresh-fallen snow, and Heston steadied her. With his arm across her shoulder, she leaned into him with every ounce. He shortened his stride, and they strode to church in even step. One. Same rhythm. For an odd yet beautiful moment, her granddad’s invitation last night played in her head again. Asking Lori to stay on. Help him with his auto shop business as she’d done for summer jobs. Help him get things in shape for retirement. After all, Lori could move her ergonomic office set-up and part time marketing job and collaborate with Cate from anywhere.

But the light faded, and the darkness in her mind stumbled her feet. Heston tightened his grip. At his nearness, his simple protective touch, her heart pummeled itself like a prizefighter. But there was always Kyle, lurking. She could hide easier in the canyons of the city.

Even with Heston next to her, warming her against the cold, how could she, he? With a television show as his family’s middle name? Her heart lurched as much from doubt as Heston’s touch. Cate’s words, oh, Lori wanted to believe, did in theory, but fear found unexpected times to smack her heart.

Her toe caught a rock of ice, but she righted herself. Although she kept her hand safe in his. Neighbors called out friendly hellos as Heston guided her down the sidewalk through snowplowed drifts. Christmas wreaths grinned big round mouths from every home and shop, but it was the arch of elk antlers doming the main street that always took Lori’s breath away. Today, swept with snow and draped with fir boughs etched a memory she’d hang on to forever.

After she returned to San Antonio. As if in goodbye, she pulled Heston’s hand tighter. Because she didn’t want to leave, but couldn’t think of anything else to do.

Her scattered emotions warred with prayer when she and Heston entered the sanctuary. Oh, she’d been inside Mountainview Church before. But never with Heston at her side. And never on a winter’s day. Her breath left her lungs far behind when she looked ahead.

Behind the altar, the entire back wall of the church was framed out of glass. The distant mountainscape of the Rockies drenched in silver snow and gleaming with daybreak had her gasping.

Clustered around the chancel, enormous pine trees glittered, too, with lights and white decorations.

After they seated in a front pew, she could see closer up the beautiful ornaments crafted in the shape of doves, or pomegranates. Seashells and crosses.

“Why, I’ve never seen anything like those ornaments.” She couldn’t help the whispered outburst. Her skin tumbled with feelings she didn’t recognize. Was it…could it be the peace that passes all understanding? Oh, she’d heard the benedictions so many times, but had she ever truly listened?

The pastor hadn’t started the service yet, so Heston whispered back, not shush her like she had to do Miriam. “They’re called Chrismons. Monogrammed symbols of Christ. Each has a meaning.”

A ray of sun stabbed the mountainside outside and jolted Lori with its glare. The sunlight fractured upon the sequins and pearls of the decorations. White, pure. Stories of the Lord’s life. For the next hour, Pastor Hale shared some of the symbolism in his homily, and Christmas carols exploded from the choir, festive hymns from the congregation. The man beside her sang in a deep rich tenor. Miriam’s feathery angel wings fluttered during a nativity tableau. The scenery outside, more spectacular than a human hand could depict on canvas...Lori’s emotions detonated inside every cell. How could anything be more perfect in her little world?

Even in the shining white of snow and Chrismons, the darkness began to flicker.

Kyle...

He always ruined everything. If Heston was the dream, Kyle was the nightmare. She gulped away sobs.

Even in all this splendor, with living faith surrounding her, peace merely loomed overhead and remained one sad hair out of reach. A halo she wasn’t innocent enough to deserve. After the doxology, she ran outside, tears freezing on her cheeks. Without waiting for the benediction to listen with her whole heart.

She felt rather than heard Heston behind her.

“What’s wrong? Lori, what is it?” His voice softened in her ears, as hard ice crushed beneath his feet. His strong hand once again took hers as he found a cleared walkway into the churchyard. In a little alcove overlooking a brick labyrinth, he brushed snow from a garden bench, slung off his coat and laid it across to cushion both of them. “I mean it. Let me help.”

She sagged against him. His strength, his warmth. His care. His faith. Trust. With his glove, he dabbed away her tears, then removed the glove to run a tender finger down their trails. The electricity of his touch slammed to her feet.

“Oh, Heston. I don’t know. I just don’t know.” Lori buried her face against his chest because she didn’t know what else to do.

Where else to go.

Of course she did: to God. But it was all harder than she’d ever thought.

He patted her back, her head, but not at all the way a man would a child. His touch fired her heart, heated her to the narrow of her bones. “I’m here. However you need.”

His words, his promise, nestled on her hair like starlight before moonrise. Refusing more tears, she forced a peek up at him.

“Heston, I just don’t know. Life was more...routine, safer, before I got here.” Lori swallowed so hard it hurt. “I knew what to expect. I knew my limits. My comfort zone.”

Hurt glazed his eyes. “I…I make you uncomfortable?”

“Oh, dear no. I promise.” She couldn’t help it. The tears started again and turned cold on her cheeks. She grabbed his hand, then, and held it tight in hopes he’d believe her.

“Lori, I don’t understand. I might, if you let me.”

Cate’s advice turned to dust. “It’s not you, Heston.”

He barked a rough laugh. “Oh, that cliché. And I suppose it’s complicated, too.”

But his laughter wasn't amusement. She knew him better than that already. Her omission had hurt him.

She tightened her fingers around his hand, glad he didn’t pull away. “It is complicated, Heston. And yes, it’s not you.”

Confusion hung on the air “Scott then. You’re not over him.”

“Scott is part of this, yes, but not the way you think.” She garnered every ounce of courage, for Heston deserved it all. With both hands, she held his face so their gazes had no choice but to meet. “I’m just not in a place where I can trust again. Anybody.”

“How about trusting God,” he asked, simply.

She ignored him, soldiered on. “From the moment we met, I’ve been thinking about nobody and nothing else.” There. She’d said it out loud, Admitted it to herself. Watched his eyes glisten, “And if there’s anybody I could fall for, it’d be you. But I just...don’t think I can.”

A little smile, possibly of relief, twitched across his lips. “You mean you’re just not ready.”

Her hands tensed against his face before she dropped them. Oh, her fingers burned against his flesh. “A little, for sure. Or even a lot. I just need my privacy. And I...” She lowered her eyelids and allowed herself to relax against him. “But at the same time I know I have to go back to Texas, I don’t want to leave, um, Mountain Cove.”

Of course she meant him, but the name wouldn’t quite come.

“Lori, whatever it is you’ve got to figure out, I think I’m worth the wait.” He cupped her face now, held her like she was a treasure he’d never drop.

She had to look away or melt in his arms, make promises she couldn’t keep. “I…I…”

“Look at me.” His request gentled around her. And she looked, saw herself reflected in his eyes and smiled against her fear. His answering smile was tender. “Lori, I don’t want to push you into anything. Or rush you. I respect your need for seclusion. And whatever got you there.”

“Thanks. It’s a personal battle.” She laid a hand over his. “I’ve made progress, but I don’t own it yet.”

His handsome forehead creased, his carved cheekbones a manly purple in the cold. “As for owning something, well, we all have chapters in our lives we wish we could rewrite. Where we lost our faith. Our reputation. Ourselves.” He gave her a crooked grin. “The writing metaphor not really intended. I sure have a part of my life like that.”

Not like this, she said inside. But out loud she said, “I know. It’s hard. I trusted the wrong people.”

“Well then, let me be the right people.”

“What do you mean?” She narrowed her eyes but his gorgeous image speared her gaze anyway.

“Well, I find it best to be around those who ‘get me.’ To depend on them. In return, to be there when they need me.” Heston took his hands away and looked away from her gaze. “To ask forgiveness when I need to. To look ahead.”

Lori forced a smile. “I get that. I do. And I try. But sometimes, the ugly head still rears. Using another metaphor.” She tried for a chuckle and hoped she didn’t sound bitter.

Like the flit of a butterfly, his fingertips briefly warmed her cheek. “I’m not saying you can entirely forget the thing that hurts. I mean that. I’ve lived it.” His voice tightened as church bells gonged through the air. “It’s just that...the past can help you navigate into the future. We can’t change it, but we can learn from it.”

All stuff she’d heard before. “I know, but...”

“In college...” Heston’s voice slowed like he didn’t want to go on but knew he needed to, for his sake. Hers. Theirs. His courage and persistence meant the world; she touched his cheek now.

“Only if you want to, Heston.”

That breathless, crooked smile. From inside the church streamed Mary Did You Know? A carol that always got her weeping. She gulped.

“I do. It’s time.” He held tight to her hand like she night get up and run off. His touch reached her heart. “When I got ready to leave for college, the hugeness of it all started to slap me around. I mean, Sunset Hills population is about five hundred.” He shook his head as if he’d returned to the enormity of everything and found it no smaller. “I’d had what, forty kids in my senior class? I’d barely ever been away from home. And there I was, off to Golden, to a big school. To prepare for a future I didn’t even know a thing about. I was so scared.”

She snuggled into his shoulder, aware there was no other place she wanted to be, at least for this brief moment. But was his upcoming reveal something she wanted to know?

And what about her own? “It’s a pretty natural feeling, Heston. UTEP was terrifying.” But I made it out OK. Then...it was after...like I hadn’t learned anything at all.

How much of it did she dare share? And when?

“Well, life changed, you know.” His breath turned to white mist in the cold air. Surprisingly warm, his fingers should have been cold. “One of those moments that separate the past from the rest of your life. You know?”

She did know, knew too well. Relived it far too often. But this was about him. “Yeah, I do.” His jacket beneath her warmed her legs.

He sighed, long, deep, and she heard—felt—his leftover pain. “It was July, the summer I graduated from high school. Mom baked pies all day for the county fair. Like she’d done forever.” His jaw grew hard, like his teeth clenched. “And that night, she was gone. Fell asleep and never woke up. I...still see Dad, sick over the bathroom sink.” Agony clogged his words. “Paramedics. Everybody walking around like zombies. It was like my eyes were in somebody else’s head. It couldn’t be me. It couldn’t be real. Couldn’t be my mother. But it was.”

“Heston.” She grasped him close, longed to hold him forever, share his pain. Most of her nightmare she couldn’t recall, and even though she saw it in her imagination, how much worse to relive the real thing. “You don’t have to...”

His lips brushed the top of her head. “Yeah, I do. If we want to get to know each other. I, I wanted stay around Dad and the ranch, but he insisted life went on.” He stretched his long legs ahead of him, as he’d done at the hearth that night in the study—had that been just two nights ago? But now his feet met a patch of fresh snow.

“Well, life didn’t just ‘go on.’ For him or me.” Heston’s fingers tightened around hers. “At least, not how I think he meant. Dad went into his dark place, and I went off to college. Like we’d planned when life was normal. But nothing was normal.”

The loss in his gaze scorched her.

“There I was alone, not knowing anybody.”

Lori heard his pain. “Your brothers, Cagney. I mean, there’s email, the phone, video.”

“No, they didn’t forget me. Not at all. It was a terrible time for everybody. But they were all engaged or married or pregnant. Meaning, they all had found their significant other. They had someone.” Heston shuffled his toes, leaned harder against her. “But Dad had lost his. And me, I’d barely dated. So much real life around me to get used to. All at once.” He slowed. “So...I found comfort in ways I shouldn’t have.”

She looked away from his tight face, to ease his embarrassment. “Sounds like a lot of college kids, when they find themselves away from home and on their own.”

“Did weed, partied.”

“Yeah, I had friends like that. You’ve grown up fine, Heston. I promise.”

“It gets worse, Lori. I went to a party. Not my first one.” He shot her a look, blushed. “We’d all just survived our first semester exams. Me, barely. And, well, I mean, I don’t mind having a beer now, but at the time, it was pure and simple underage drinking. A crime in itself. Shames me...”

She wrapped her hands around his. “Peer pressure is a powerful thing.”

“There was a girl. I’d had way too much to drink...I couldn’t help myself. It’s no excuse.”

Cold seeped into Lori’s skin now, his jacket or not. Terror brushed her like she hadn’t felt in years. Heston?

Her Heston?

“You didn’t...” She swallowed her whisper, unable to say the word. Rape.

He nodded, misunderstanding her implication. “Hook up? Yeah, I did. She came on to me, and I gave in. Just a worthless, one-night stand.”

Despite his shameful confession, relief coursed through her. She squeezed his hand harder. “It’s...”

“I mean, it was my first time, my only time. And it should have been with my bride. The one I love. Something meaningful, special, after our wedding. And I...” Misery glazed his gaze, his tone. “You can’t imagine—waking up in a strange bed with...”

Her breath stopped. Yes, she could imagine. Because she had.

The raw physical pain. The dead thump of her heart. If only it had been a nightmare, but it was all too real. Now a part of her. Forever and ever. Amen.

Her stomach churned. Her heart, alive and angry now, pounded so hard against her ribs she thought they’d crack. She prayed the misery away. “Heston.” His name strangled her but only because of Kyle. “It’ll...”

“It happened the night before Christmas break,” he said, dull. As if he’d killed all emotion. Lucky Heston. “Next morning, I had a hangover so bad I prayed for my grave to be dug. At least I learned a lesson. Well, make that a few lessons. Soon as I got home...”

He hesitated, but she had to know. “What did you do?”

“I went to my pastor. He’d been such a comfort when Mom died. I knew I could trust and confide in him.”

Something Lori hadn’t thought to do. “Did he help?”

Light brightened Heston’s face. “Yep. He’s the Lord’s spokesperson, after all. He took me outside for a walk in the snow. There was a verse he quoted. From the Psalms. Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.

“Pastor Walt reminded me it was Christmas, when God’s love comes to life as one of us. How Jesus had experienced human temptations. The Man in Him struggled against earthly allure, and God gave Him the strength to resist. God would give me the strength I needed. Pastor Walt told me to forgive myself, to know I was forgiven by God. To forgive the girl. And ask her for forgiveness, too.”

Astonishment pumped in Lori’s veins. “Her? What did she do that needed forgiveness?”

“I’d sinned against her as well. I mean, I was no innocent by-stander. She might have come on to me, but I could have said no.” His voice gentled.

“Did you? Talk to her, I mean?”

“Yeah. And we became friends. A bit awkward friendship.” Heston’s flush deepened. “I needed her to know I’d be responsible, you know. If there was a child.” His jaw tensed again, and then he gave Lori a lopsided, sheepish smile. “I look back and replay that night in my mind. What led up to it, what I should have done different. But in the long run, I managed to find peace. Thanks to the Lord.”

Lori had replayed the night with Kyle in her mind as well, what she could remember of it. And while her struggles were far from over, for a brief time afterward, she had found a piece of peace, too. Thanks to Scott Martin for one thing. Until...

“Thanks for sharing this part of your life, Heston. I think we all have secrets. Some of them we keep, though.” Or was this time for her own reveal? She shivered. Let him think she was cold.

His strong arm slung across her shoulder. “Lori, I know something’s hurting you, deep down. I can’t promise to fix things, but I know there are people—pastors, support groups, mentors, counselors—out there who can help.”

“I know that. I’ve tried them one and all.” She swallowed, took a deep breath, and looked him in the eye. At once, she realized he deserved her honesty now with his so freely given. “I had a first time, too, Heston. My only time. And it should have been with the one I love, on our wedding night. I did something stupid, too. Trusted the wrong person. Oh, and no, it wasn’t Scott.”

“Can you talk about it?” As before, his finger drew a gentle line across her cheek. “I’m here.”

“Yeah, I know. I think I can now.” She snuggled into the curve of his arm. For the first time in a long time, Lori didn’t want to run and hide.

****

Heston brought his other arm around her in a protective circle. She smiled into his eyes.

“Well, you know I was dating Scott. It was a wonderful summer. My grandparents love him. I felt so at home at Hearts Crossing.” She traced a long finger across his palm, and his skin sizzled even in the cold. “And I think anybody you date, when you’re done with college, you think they could be The One, you know?”

“Yep, I get that.”

“Well, one weekend Scott was busy on a wilderness campout with a group of tourists. During my visits, I’d gotten acquainted with some girls in town.” Her smile died, her gaze left his, and she stared at the labyrinth. Eyes flicked as though they were following the curved path of the sacred lines. “One of them had a sorority sister’s engagement party go to go in Boulder, at some fancy hotel. It was a big deal, an open house. She invited us all to come along.”

On her lap, Lori tied her fingers together in a pink-nailed knot. “I don’t know who the bridal couple was, but I think everybody for a thousand miles was in that ballroom. The din, the noise. Whew.” She shuddered into him. “Anyway, our little group found a quiet hotel lounge away from the party. To grab some quick peace and quiet. A couple of guys came and sat with us, hailed the waitress for a bottle of wine.”

In her blank glance, Heston figured she was watching her past one more time inside her head.

“The guys weren’t friends of the bridal couple, so we all introduced each other. Kyle. His name was Kyle. I don’t remember the other one.”

She paused for a long while, but Heston didn’t prod.

“After a while, the others went back to the ballroom to dance. I liked the quiet. It was just Kyle and me. He seemed nice. I’d told him I was dating somebody. We sipped wine. It was just friendly, fun. Then I got lightheaded.” Her feet rustled against the snow, like her memories wanted to run away. Heston tightened his arm around her shoulder.

“I figured it was the noise, not enough AC.” She squeezed his fingers. “I’d only had half my glass of wine, so I didn’t think it could be that. Anyway, Kyle suggested a walk outside so I could get some fresh air. He picked up my wine glass. He—he had his other arm around me because I couldn’t walk straight. That’s all I remember.”

Heston swallowed hard. What she implying the nightmare he was thinking?

“Yes.” She read his mind, nodded. “I was careful, but somehow he slipped something in my wine. He’d taken my phone. It was an old, cheap flip phone...didn’t need a pass code. We’d all introduced each other, so he remembered the names of the girls I’d come with. Found their contact numbers. Texted them as me, said Kyle would get me home.”

Heston’s shoulders tightened in disgust. “All the way to Mountain Cove? And these so-called friends didn’t think it was weird?”

“I guess not. I mean, the text came from me. What else would they think?” Her fingers left his to jump up and down her lap.

“But they knew you were dating Scott, right?” he asked, gently taking her hand to settle her.

“Yeah. But one of them texted back. Said Scott was hot, but this guy was hotter. Said she got it. So Kyle got Scott’s name to use. He sent a text that Scott and I had just had a big fight over the phone. And that I needed some rebound fun.” Her tone flattened. “Of course Kyle didn’t text about drugging me. Of course, he didn’t text them that.”

Horror assaulted Heston’s mind, his bloodstream. His imagination. His fingers clenched into a fist around hers. “But your friends knew Scott was camping in the wilderness. How could he call? I don’t get it.”

“The girls believed my text…Kyle’s text. I don’t blame them.” She shrugged inside his embrace. “That’s all I know. What I’m getting over. I have had help so it doesn’t consume me. All those things you mentioned before. Even Scott.

“Scott?”

“Oh, not at first. I hurt him terribly. For years, I never told him the truth. He thought I’d dumped him. I should have trusted him. But the next morning, I didn’t know what to do.” Lori’s chilled fingers turned to ice in Heston’s hand. “Here I am waking up alone in a strange bed at the hotel. Alone. I knew—felt—what had happened.” Her face paled, and Heston ached to place a kiss on her white cheek. But instead, he raised her hand to his chest. “I called my grandparents to come get me. They were sympathetic because they love me, but embarrassed. They sent me back to Texas right away.”

Shock rolled through Heston’s pulse. “But Kyle...did you call the police?”

“No. My grandparents wanted it kept quiet. What could I say? I didn’t know any more than his first name.” She shook her head so fast a tear flew onto his face. “Of course looking back, the police would have checked hotel registration. Surveillance cameras. But I was traumatized, and my family, too. Ashamed. Defiled.”

“Defiled.” For a nanosecond, his lips touched her cheek. Sweet, childish. “That’s an awful word. You were the victim of a bad man.”

She placed her free hand over his fist. “I don’t like the word victim. I was careful. I was in an open, public place. I saw the waitress uncork the wine bottle. He was that good. So I choose to think of myself as a survivor.”

“But are you?” Heston wrapped both his hands around hers. “You hide your light under a big rock. You’re terrified of someone else taking advantage of you. You close your heart to...love.”

“Because there’s more.”

More? Heston’s heart stilled.

She nodded, eyes bright with tears. “Heston, I did make great progress. I found a support group, got checked out by a doctor. No baby. No diseases. Met Cate. We started writing. It’s very cathartic, by the way. I got better. Then...” Her lids slowly closed as if holding off the nightmare’s surge. “Kyle started friend-requests on social media. And all my professional groups. I...was working at a PR firm in Dallas by then.”

“What? When?” Horror danced down Heston’s back.

“Three years ago. Just out of the blue. After two years, and just as Cate and I sold our first book. That’s when I left PR and got my anonymous job. So he couldn’t find me. Kyle found ways to countermand any and all of my privacy settings, everywhere. I was so scared.” Her shoulders shook beneath his embrace. “But we had a book coming out, for heaven’s sake. Promotions to do, book signings. So Cate and I decided she’d be the face of Cady Lomax.” Lori looked away. “She’s a survivor too. But he’s in prison.”

“Did Kyle threaten you?” Heston’s skin crawled.

“Nope. Just private messages that he’d been thinking about me. That he’d like us long-lost friends to reconnect. Friends?” She spat. “Reconnect?”

Her agony clung to the last word.

Heston drew her close. “That’s a start at identifying him.”

“You’d think, but he’s smart about manipulating IP addresses. He keeps his locations hidden. Uses proxies, public Wi-Fi’s. Anonymous usernames. Dummy accounts.” Her dead tone sounded like a grocery list. “I’ve got geek friends who never found any traceable digital footprints. Kyle uses some kind of self-destruct functionality that obliterates his messages and pictures.”

“But the police...”

“I never reported the assault. So there’s no sense now. All Kyle’s doing is friend-requests. Not exactly a crime.” Lori traced the labyrinth in the air with her finger. “My phone’s long gone, if he left a fingerprint behind. I have no physical evidence. There is no statute of limitations if I had anything with his DNA on it, but my grandmother washed all my clothes. Scrubbed me senseless herself.” Then her gaze met his full on. “Heston, there’s no legal justice I could get. And he never threatened me in the messages. There’s no—compromising photographs, thank God. He just pops in from time to time. It’s up to me now. I just want peace of mind.”

“So that’s why you hide. So he can’t see you.”

She scowled. “I call it privacy, but yes. I blocked his attempts, took down my social accounts. So far, lately, so good.”

Unease iced Heston’s spine. “Do you fear he stalks you? I mean, in the real not cyber world?”

“Maybe.” She shrugged. “I don’t get out much, but I admit I’ve felt eyes on me a few times. The airport. Shopping for my bridesmaid dress for Cate’s wedding. Things I have to do in person. And it might just be paranoia. He’s never there when I look twice.” Lori’s breathing quickened, her body tensed. “The PR firm’s address was on the professional site he hacked. I’m not there in Dallas anymore, but still. He’s smart. But at first, I didn’t worry much. Even if he saw my address on my driver’s license that night, I’d already moved out of my apartment at UTEP.” Her restless hands grabbed his again.

“And right away, I took every ‘stolen identity’ precaution I could think of, when I could think straight again. Job, employer, credit card. Anything like that. But yeah. It crosses my mind. That’s why I help only behind the scenes at my parents’ ranch. There’s so many people passing through.” She swallowed so hard he heard. “And in reality, it is just he said/she said. I don’t even know his last name. Or if Kyle is his real name.”

“The friending contact...”

“Kyle Smith. And yeah, I looked him up. A million Internet images and none of them him. So you get it now, right? Why I keep my life in the shadows, off the grid.” She blinked fast as if chasing away more tears. “I can live with that.”

“Even if it means”—he spoke slowly, deliberately—“you can’t live a life with me in it?”

Silence hung between them louder than the bells pealing in the steeple.

“What do you mean?”

“We’ve got something special brewing, Lori. You feel it, too, don’t you?”

She blushed, looked away. Her hair drifted in the wind, and he brushed it from her cheek.

“Yeah, I can’t deny it,” she said finally. “But you live with cameras humming around you. Cate ran a search on you last night. Of course I told her about you.”

Just Lori’s simple grin heated Heston’s blood.

“Try as you might not, you’re all over the Internet. The hot cowboy and last single Calhoun. How could it be otherwise, with your family’s ‘occupation’?”

His spirit soared. After all, she’d just called him a hot cowboy. “Don’t you think we deserve a chance to find out what it could all mean?” he asked.

The tips of her boots toe-danced on the bricks. Then she stared at her feet. “Heston, I want to, but I’m scared. I have a lot of baggage. I doubt you want to haul it around.”

“Let me be the judge of that. Don’t you think God led us here, now, for a reason?”

With a sniff, she gazed up at him. “The God leading me part…I’ve been places where I don’t think He’d want to be seen with me.”

“He wants you no matter where you’ve been, or who you think you are. He’s always our loving Father.” Father, let me somehow ease her pain, clear her doubt. “I’m sure of Him. Think about it. You said you’ve never come to Colorado for Christmas before. And I’m only here for Christmas every other year. If you’d decided to come last year, or next, we’d have missed our opportunity.”

Her fingers tightened. “I know. I do understand when you say stuff like that. You’re pretty irresistible. Maybe we deserve to figure it all out. If I could get over your very public persona. I’d have to look over my shoulder every minute.”

Heston ran out of air to breath. “What do you mean?” His voice made no sound at all.

“My granddad has asked me to stick around to help with his business. Like I did those summers ago. Get him ready for retirement sometime next year.”

Joy exploded over Heston like fireworks turning to snowflakes. She was going to try. And she…might stay. He held whatever breath he had and took the plunge. “After that, well, I know for a fact we’ll have a PR opening for the wind farm. And for everything else, your writing, you won’t need to hide your light any more, Lori. Or your face. I’ll be here.”

She tensed again. “Heston, I don’t need somebody to protect me.”

“I know that. I meant...I meant, I’ll be around as a friend. Or more than that. If you want. If you let me.” He skipped a gentle finger across her mouth.

“Oh, I do think I do. Want that. I do.” She gave a little nervous laugh. “Too many do’s?”

Heston grinned back. “Just the right amount. You’re the wordsmith, after all. Lori...” He took her hand and tenderly rubbed his palm across hers. “Dad has many connections through the show. It could be possible to find Kyle and end this.”

“End this? How? Why?” Her words rustled, and he reckoned her skin did, too.

“Forgive Kyle.” He kept on, despite her wide eyes. “Don’t let him live inside your head anymore. Forgive your grandparents. But most of all, forgive yourself.”

Her beautiful face reddened, and not with cold. With anger with insult.

“Forgive him? Kyle?” She glared. “How can I forget?”

“I didn’t say forget. But forgiveness is the Lord’s command. Not mine.”

“Well, you said your—experience, you relive it.” Her eyes softened a little.

“Yep, I said that. And I guess I do. But I have learned, trusted, so it doesn’t overwhelm me as much.”

She half smiled. “Well, I get that. But you’ve had more time, maybe. I’m still a work in progress.” She squeezed his hand. “Forgiveness is a tough deal, Heston.”

It would be so easy to look away now, at the busy kids running through the courtyard to Sunday school. Miriam. But he looked directly into Lori’s midnight eyes. “The Lord...”

Long brown waves danced down her back as she shook her head. “But forgive my grandparents? What’s with that? We get along fine.”

“But that’s part of what you carry around. Forgive them. For not following the proper procedures. For not protecting you the way they should have—even after-the-fact.”

She settled against the garden bench. “Hmmmm. I guess you’re right. What if they had done the right things to find Kyle? Before he nested inside my head? So I get your point. But not about forgiving myself.”

“Lori, not because you did anything wrong, then. Because you didn’t trust enough. After.”

Winter sun warmed him through, just at the expression on her face.

“You’re right. Oh, I have struggled with faith and trust.” She chewed her mittened thumb. “I might always, you know.”

“I do know. Happens to everybody. Until we’re made perfect in Heaven.”

Her smile lit up his world. “Well, Mr. Heston Calhoun, I think you missed your calling. As a counselor or minister.”

“Nope. Not me. I’m a cowboy. Through and through. Just passing on what I’ve learned.” He laced a cowboy drawl with earnestness.

She nodded, held tighter to his hand. “You know, you’re making sense. About everything. And well, it wouldn’t be killer expensive for me to get back to San Antonio from time to time.”

Did that mean she was caving, about staying? He held his breath.

“Maybe the Lord does want us to have a chance,” she whispered.

“I’m willing to take that chance,” he said when he found air again. “And for that matter, your parents might get here more often, too. And another thought doesn’t escape me.”

“What thought? My brain’s swimming with possibilities as it is.”

“How you might be a support leader. A spokeswoman. For other survivors of this awful crime.” He chose his words with care, for he meant every single one. “Put yourself out there. Raise even more awareness about date-rape, predator rape.”

“Heston, you cannot mean...” Tension clouded her eyes, and he hated putting worry back there, but...

“I do mean. Lori, you’d have the mouthpiece of Dad’s show to start from. I know he’d be on board.

She sat up straight, away from him on the hard little garden bench, and he felt her loss like a gut punch.

“That’s too much, Heston. I don’t know if I’ve got the courage for that. Every day waking up, knowing Kyle could find me.”

“You’re stronger than you think. You’d have a great support system behind you. Me, for one. I think you could be a great help to other women. Both support after-the-fact, and raising awareness.” Heston touched the tip of her nose. “And my dad. I know you had computer friends trying to find Kyle, but...” He slowed.

“My geek friends are apt,” she threw in, defensive, but she moved a little closer. “I know they do everything possible.”

“But Bloodstone could do more. They’ve got technology you and I can’t even imagine.”

“Bloodstone? I don’t understand.” Her eyes widened wide as the sky at mention of the world’s foremost tech conglomerate of digital communication and entertainment.

Heston rolled his eyes. “They’re making an interactive video game based on Dad’s show. A build-and-run-your-own-ranch concept. So, Bloodstone’s got cyber-magicians. Maybe they can lift a photo of Kevin Smith from your defunct social files or email caches. Or servers from the professional online organizations.”

“I can’t see how. We tried. Or why.” Her eyes grew bigger yet.

“Here’s why.” Heston took her hand. “If we can somehow find his face, we could get it out there. You’re probably not his first or only. He’s a criminal, Lori.”

Her face relaxed, took on a glow that had nothing to do with the sunlight. “I keep remembering the self-destruct thing, but I do know a great artist. I bet Scottie can do a pretty awesome sketch for me.” She rubbed her eyes. “Kyle’s lived inside my head for long time. Sometimes he’s a blur, and I can hardly remember. Other times, he comes crashing back so real I could slap his face.” She shook off a shudder and smiled again. “You know, Heston, I think I’m on board, too. Not to sound helpless, but if you help.”

Hadn’t God Himself said something about a man’s helpmeet? His breath caught again. “I’ll be right by your side. Every step of the way. And by the way...”

Whether this was the time or place, whether it was even a plan Heston could make work, he had to let it all out. “And if you can believe it, I hit the Internet myself last night. The Hill River Ranch is up for sale.”

Her lovely face crumpled with confusion. “What? Where’s that?”

“Once upon a time, the spread was called Rio Colina. That’s Hill River in Spanish.”

“Oh. Wow.” Her mouth made a pretty pink O.

On cue, he rose from the bench and gently pulled her up beside him. Shaking off his jacket, he slid into it, realized her body so close to him had held off any morning chill. Around them, churchgoers herded to the Fireside Room for coffee hour. Once in a while, someone waved. “Let’s take a walk.”

“I’d like that. Coffee? Brunch?”

“Later. There’s something I need more than food at this moment.”

“What could that possibly be?” she asked. From the glint gentling in her blue eyes, he read her invitation. Hand in hand, they left the churchyard.

Surefooted on the icy sidewalk, he drew her into the shelter of a trolley stop on Main Street, away, alone. Together. “This.”

Like he’d never let her go, he held her tight against his chest and posed her mouth to his.

Their first kiss tasted of warmth and Christmas, of now, and all the years to come.

She breathed into his lips. “Today on the sleigh ride, can we go back to that aspen grove, and do this again?”

“Yep. But no need to wait that long.”

And they kissed again.