15

The love of my life nearly backed into a tree as he roared out of the driveway. The dam of tears that welled up and threatened to break out did not come. I took a deep, deep breath and exhaled praying.

The Spirit whispered ‘don’t worry’ on that breath.

I still felt the solid foundation of Scott’s love. My arms shivered, and I pulled the afghan from Scott’s rocker and added it to mine. Now would be a good time to rehearse all the good advice given to me about Scott’s emotional state. Still, my mind kept leaning toward hurt. Even with the words of the Spirit holding me up, I just wanted to sink.

Should I pack up and go to my mom’s? Move back in with Mandy and Macy? What about my pre-engagement promise to stay and run the inn through the fall? Should I see that through? I really began to feel handicapped. Without my necklace to comfort and ground me, I felt so lost. I still couldn’t find it. No. I would not lose that necklace and I would not lose Scott.

I know he loves me. What if he didn’t get over this? How long could I wait? Forever, if I thought he’d ever come around. My heart wrenched. The pain I’d seen in his eyes made my heart hurt, but something stronger pervaded even that. Fear, pure and unadulterated, had emanated from his eyes. Determination replaced my hurt. It welled up, and I knew exactly what I had to do.

Fight.

~*~

Now I’m a freak with a shattered heart. I couldn’t remember how I drove back to the diner or got up to my room. I just knew where I had to be and somehow got there.

Bailey would be packing up about then, and I didn’t want to be in the diner to see her drive past, out of my life forever.

I threw myself onto my bed. No matter how hard I squeezed my eyes shut, I could not erase her eyes, her skin, our plans.

~*~

I sat on the porch and prayed until the sun shot golden shafts through the pine trees and then disappeared. The diamonds in my engagement ring shone as if they’d stored the day’s sunshine. I closed my eyes against the memory of the pain on Scott’s face. Hope had not faded, but disappointment wove its dark tendrils around me.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life. The proverb rang true. My heart ached, but I knew my heart’s desire would come. I tossed off the afghans and arranged them on the rocking chairs. Time for something to drink.

I hunted for the box of coffee mugs I’d brought from the apartment. Ah, yes, I’d put them in the pantry. One by one I lined them up across the window sill above the sink. Gifts given to me over many years from those who loved me and knew how much I loved autumn. Each one depicted a fall scene. Baskets of apples nestled on a hay wagon. Rosy cheeked children in knitted sweaters raking mountains of golden foliage. I always imagined the anticipation on their faces as they would run and jump in those glorious piles.

Pumpkins and ivy encircled my favorite mug. Gran had given it to me during my first semester in college. The black background rendered the orange vivid and bright. I’d found its twin in a gift shop in Marshall not long after Scott and I had been engaged. So much for the daydream of a fall morning at breakfast, Scott and I drinking from my favorite mugs.

I filled it with water and set it swirling in the microwave. A packet of hot chocolate would be great just about then. I took the hot mug of cocoa and its empty identical twin and sat down at the kitchen table. Normally, the creamy concoction caused a delicious drowsiness. Not this time.

I’d be praying into the night.