This Is What Being Loved Feels Like
Kanesha stared into the bathroom mirror, trying to arch her eyebrows evenly. It had taken her an hour to do her hair, and not a strand of it was out of place. The scent of her Baby Phat cologne filled the air as she strolled out of the small bathroom.
"Dang, girl, I'm gon' have to sit at the bar with you all night. You lookin' as good as you wanna look," complimented Wilson.
"Thank you, Wilson," smiled Kanesha. "You ready to get to work?" Kanesha grabbed her purse and walked toward the door. Wilson followed Kanesha out the door. The two made their way down the two blocks in the direction of work. They held hands during their quick drive.
"See you inside," Kanesha said knowingly. Wilson would immediately take his post at the door.
Swaying her hips, Kanesha walked into the bar like she owned the place. A few male patrons turned their attention to Kanesha as she sauntered behind the bar to start her shift. Percy sat at the end of the bar staring a hole through Kanesha. She pretended not to notice him as she spoke to a few regular customers while preparing to start her shift. Unlike his last visit to the bar, Percy's presence didn't bother her. She was unfazed by his stares and went on about her work without missing a beat.
Life was going so well for Kanesha that even her self confidence had improved. She walked with her head up, her back straight and a smile on her face. She was amazed at how committing to serve the Lord had made such a huge difference in her life. The relationship she and Wilson were building gave Kanesha a natural high.
"Look at you, girl," smiled Miss Yolanda. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say there was a spotlight shining down on you."
"I can't remember the last time I was this happy," giggled Kanesha like a teenage girl.
"Doesn't it feel good to have a good man in your life? A God-fearing man who's comfortable in his own skin at that?"
"Yes, ma'am, it does. Wilson treats me so good and I can see how much he cares for me when I look into his eyes."
Kanesha had her back turned to Percy, but Miss Yolanda had a clear view of him. The smile on her face quickly faded, causing Kanesha to turn and see what she was looking at. Something about the glare in Percy's eyes gave Kanesha an uneasy feeling, but she dismissed it, thinking Percy was a jealous and miserable soul in search of company.
"Don't worry about him, Miss Yolanda. I'm not going to let anyone rain on my parade, especially somebody as pitiful as Percy Watkins.
Kanesha and Miss Yolanda gave each other a high- five, followed by a hug.
Outside, Wilson was focused on searching women's purses and patting men down to make sure no one was carrying a concealed weapon before entering the establishment. Just when the line disappeared and Wilson pulled the door open to step inside for a minute, Byron pulled up to the curb.
"Hey, Wilson, what's up witcha, man?" greeted Byron.
"I'm straight," responded Wilson with the black man's handshake and quick hug. He could have held some animosity against Byron for how he had played Kanesha, but looking at the big picture, he owed Byron. If it hadn't been for Byron's mess up, he might have never hooked up with Kanesha. "We ain't seen you around in a long time."
"Yea, man. That same night when Kanesha caught me with Mickey, I got popped and had to serve out my forty-five days in the county. Karma I guess." Byron and Wilson shared a quick laugh at his bad luck. "It's all cool, though. Word in the joint is you and Kanesha kickin' it now." Byron unexpectedly turned the conversation serious.
"Kanesha's a good girl. I'm just trying to treat her the way my momma taught me to treat a lady." Wilson looked Byron in the eyes as he spoke.
"It's all good, Playboy. She's cool. I ain't trippin'. I just stopped by to see if she'll let me go up to the spot and grab some stuff I left there. She's working, right?"
"You know she is, but you know the routine; assume the position," instructed Wilson before patting Byron down. Wilson was not going to jeopardize his job by assuming Byron was not carrying a weapon.
The club had a good size crowd for it to be so early in the evening. Byron had no problem scanning the room and checking out the females. He stopped his gaze halfway around the room and locked eyes with Percy. Byron could feel his temperature rising with each passing second.
Percy was the first to break the stare and flinch at the hint of physical harm. He swallowed the last of his warm beer and headed for the exit. He took in the hateful look Wilson was giving him once his feet hit the sidewalk and he started his foot journey away from the bar.
Kanesha didn't know how to feel, or respond when she looked up from the cash register to find Byron standing before her with a stupid smile plastered to his face. He looked so silly that she had no choice but to crack a smile.
"I haven't seen you in a minute. Where's your flavor of the month? Oops, I mean of the week?" Kanesha asked snidely.
"Ah, don't even start with all that. Look, I'm sorry about what went down. You didn't deserve to be hurt like that. I hope you don't hold it against me," pleaded Byron.
"The old Kanesha would have cracked you upside the head with one of these bottles by now, but the new Kanesha accepts your apology," Kanesha said with sincerity, after hearing God whisper in her ear, 'Judge not less you be judged.' She was trying her best to let go of the past and that included all the hurt she endured by the fathers of her children. "So what really brings you in here tonight? I know you didn't drive all the way across town just to say you're sorry."
"I know Moms told you about my recent stay at the steel motel," joked Byron. "I left a few things at ya crib and I need to get them. You didn't throw anything out, did you?"
"No, it's all packed in a box. I put it in the back of Malisha and Jordan's closet. Are you going to chill here until I get off?"
"Naw, I got to get back on the grind fo' sho. Can you trust me enough to let me get the key and I'll bring it right back to you. I promise to lock up behind myself, and I won't even raid the refrigerator," said Byron jokingly.
Kanesha thought about the request before answering Byron. Shoot, what is he going to do? I don't have much and what I do have ain't worth catching a case over, thought Kanesha. After taking her house key off the key ring, Kanesha put it in Byron's extended, open palm.
"Make sure you don't forget to bring my key back; I mean it."
"Right back; I promise."
An hour later, Miss Yolanda and Kanesha were busy keeping the customer's glasses filled. The bar patrons were having a good time dancing, drinking and socializing. The bar was standing room only, and by the time last call for alcohol was announced, Kanesha's tip jar was overflowing with money.
"Tonight was crazy busy, but I ain't complaining. Look at all this money," said Kanesha. She sat counting her tips after closing down her cash register and helping Miss Yolanda wipe down the bar.
"It looks like you made enough money to go on a nice little shopping spree," Miss Yolanda yawned.
"I'm putting this money up for emergencies and unexpected necessities the kids might have. Maybe I'll treat them to a day at Chuckie Cheese or skating one day soon. They will love that."
"I'm sure they will."
"And they'll be even more days like that to come."
Kanesha smiled as though she was keeping a secret.
"Oh, yeah, and how is that so?" Miss Yolanda put her hands on her hips, waiting for Kanesha to spill the beans.
"Miss Yolanda, I've wanted to share some great news with you. Now seems as good as any," Kanesha smiled and continued. "I applied for a home health aide position. I have an interview this Tuesday. I figure it will be my first step into the medical field. The surgical tech class starts in a couple of weeks, so if I'm offered the position, it will be on a part-time basis."
"Kanesha, I am so proud of you. Come, give me another hug, girl." Miss Yolanda beamed with pride at Kanesha's great news. She was happy to see the positive changes the young girl was making in her life.
Kanesha wanted to be a positive role model for her children and decided to take the steps toward that goal. There was one major aspect of her children's lives that Kanesha felt she had failed them; she had not intro- duced them to the Lord. Unless one of their grandmother's had attended church services, there had been no consistent routine in showing her kids just how great God was.
Miss Yolanda finished up her paperwork and had Wilson follow her into the office to put the night's money into the safe. While her two co-workers were in the back, Kanesha tried to reach Byron on his cell phone because he had not returned with her house key.
"Where ya dude at, Kanesha?" asked Wilson. "He didn't make it back with your key yet?"
"He's probably on his way if he's not out in the parking lot already," Kanesha responded.
"Naw, I was just out there breaking up a fight. After all that commotion died down, the parking lot cleared out," explained Wilson. "The guy who started it is drunk off his feet, so I took his car keys. He's aware enough to tell me where he lives, so I'm going to drive him home."
"Maybe Byron got caught up with something. Did you try his cell phone?" inquired Miss Yolanda, catching the tail end of their conversation.
"Yes, ma'am, but it's going straight to voicemail. I even called the house, but he's not there either."
"Well, don't worry. He's probably somewhere playing cards or something and just forgot to bring it back," Miss Yolanda stated matter-of-factly. "I have your extra key in the safe. "Let me get it for you."
"You're probably right. Let me try him one more time."
Kanesha got a strange feeling as Byron's voicemail picked up again. She feared Byron may have gotten arrested again while out on the grind.
"Miss Yolanda, will you drive me home tonight? Wilson has to drive that drunk patron home so he won't get behind the wheel and kill somebody. I don't feel like riding with them. I'm tired and just want to go home and fall out," explained Kanesha.
"Of course, honey," replied Miss Yolanda.
"Do you want me to follow you up the street before I take dude home?" asked Wilson.
"Thanks, Wilson, but I'm sure everything is okay. Like Miss Yolanda said, Byron is probably somewhere playin' cards or rollin' dice. I'll be fine." Kanesha tried to convince herself there was a simple explanation for Byron's disappearance, but she had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. "Just call me after you drop the guy off. I'll wait up for your call."
After closing down shop, the three exited the bar and headed their ways.
Kanesha asked God to make everything be as it should be as she opened the door of Miss Yolanda's car and got in. The closer Miss Yolanda drove to her duplex, the more her stomach hurt. Byron's car was parked outside of her place, so Kanesha relaxed a little.
"He might have just made a run or something first before coming here to collect his things," reasoned Miss Yolanda. "Don't be too hard on him; at least you're not locked out."
Kanesha thanked Miss Yolanda for the ride as she exited the car. She walked up the rickety stairs and thought she heard weird noises coming from the other side of her front door. It's probably just the television, Kanesha tried to convince herself. Kanesha took in a deep breath and unlocked the door. Nothing on God's green earth could have prepared her for the sight before her.