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DEAD OR ALIVE, I'VE never been that great at making friends. Dad thinks I seem icy and unapproachable, but I think there's more to it than that. I'm not good at starting random conversations with random people, and I have a hard time pretending to care about the pettiest of their problems. Friendship requires you to care about everything, not just the big things, and that's where I struggle. I would rather save the world.
Sadly, I could count my friends on a single hand. Dad is a friend. I have a friend named Raquel, who I've known since my childhood in the physical world, but I haven't seen her in a long time. Mom is sort of a friend, but we're both so busy, our paths rarely cross. Sometimes I have coffee with a former student named Margaret, but I don't know if I would call her a friend—I'm just concerned about her progress. I guess, when it comes down to it, I have two or three friends. That's pretty pitiful, isn't it?
Needless to say, I'm pretty surprised when I get a text from Taishi. He wants me to meet him for a training session at Archangel Tower. Despite my ill-fated crush on him, I wouldn't call us friends. At best, we're co-workers. At worst, we're acquaintances. He's familiar with my sword style, so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised if he wants to train with me. I accept his invitation, and I try not to get too excited about the prospect of spending time with him.
I head to Archangel Tower right away, even though I would probably look smoother if I dragged my ass and got there late. Archangel trainees, like Taishi and me, are only granted access to the bottom two floors of Archangel Tower. When I finally finish my training, I'll have access to all of it, and I'll probably have an office somewhere on the eighty-third floor. I would be lying if I said I wasn't excited about it. I imagine myself roaming the halls and bumping into Archangel Michael. How amazing would that be?
I get to the training room before the guy who invited me, which probably makes me look lame, but at least I have time to check my equipment. When Taishi arrives, he looks as handsome as ever. He's wearing a dark green t-shirt that hugs his perfect waist and sculpted pecs. I understand why he's one of the more popular Archangel trainees. He's gorgeous.
I actually think Taishi and I would be a good couple, because we're similar in a lot of ways. We're not much for small talk. As soon as we see each other, we get out our swords and start swinging. Every now and then, we start our sword matches with a bow, because I think it might be part of his culture, but most of the time, we get straight down to business. As a fighter, I really respect him. He's as good as me, if not better.
Even though we're not much for talk, I should try to get to know him. If I ever want him to like me, I need to be more than a mindless sparring partner. I need to be fun and engaging.
Dodging one of his attacks, I ask, “So, uh... what are you up to lately?”
“I'm on another mission with Leigh,” Taishi says. “We're helping a young couple that wants a baby. They're starting the adoption process.”
“Oh. That's... nice.” For the life of me, I can't think of a better word than nice. “Do you think you would ever go back to teaching, or are you totally committed to going on missions with Leigh, Leigh and only Leigh?”
I hope my question doesn't sound too snarky. I don't want to be rude, but he does spend an exorbitant amount of time with his girlfriend. I keep hoping he'll get tired of her eventually. In my experience, if you spend too much time with a person, they inevitably get on your nerves.
“Leigh and I have been talking about that,” Taishi says. “She wants to go on a mission with one of her friends. I thought that would give me time to teach.”
Like me, Taishi used to be a spirit guide instructor and an Archangel trainee. It can be tough to juggle both jobs, but it's doable.
“What are you up to lately?” Taishi fires my question back at me.
“Well, I've got this student named Ben,” I reply. “He had a zero out of ten rating, so I didn't expect much from him, but... he's not too bad.”
“I wouldn't want your job,” Taishi says. “I don't know how you do it. It must be hard to work with students who don't care about spirit guide work.”
“It can be.” In the middle of my reply, I squeeze in a lunge. Taishi pivots away, barely avoiding my attack. “My current mission is on hiatus while we wait for our charge to make another FoodGo order.”
Taishi looks confused, so I end up explaining the entire mission to him. I tell him about Isaiah, the pretty delivery girl, and my student's lack of support for that particular mission. I'm glad I talked about it, because Taishi has some good ideas.
“If it was my mission, I wouldn't wait for Isaiah to order from FoodGo again,” Taishi says. “I would try to get him out of the house and arrange a random encounter with Angelica. He might be more comfortable flirting with her in a different environment.”
“That's a really good idea,” I reply. “If you don't mind, I think I might try that tomorrow.”
“Of course I don't mind. I'm happy to help.”
Taishi might sound relaxed, but his sword arm is swinging wildly. Sometimes, I'm amazed at myself for being able to keep up with him.
Our duel ends in a draw, and as we sheath our swords, Taishi asks for help with his telepathy. Apparently, he has a hard time hearing anybody's thoughts without the help of a thoughtshare.
“I don't know what my problem is,” Taishi says. “I can hear Leigh's thoughts, but when it comes to anyone else, my mind is just... blank.”
“It's okay. You can practice on me,” I tell him, then we retire to the nearby rec room and crash on a couch. Archangel Haniel and her boyfriend are singing karaoke in here, and they're occasionally cracking up, but I hope they won't be too much of a distraction.
“Think about something random,” Taishi prompts me. “Think about anything at all, and I'll try to read your mind.”
I immediately start thinking about Ben. He's a pain in the butt, but he's a cute pain the butt. How can I convince him that Isaiah and Angelica would be a good match? Should I even try? Is it worth it?
“You were thinking about... butts?” Taishi looks embarrassed to ask that. His cheeks are red and everything.
“No!” I burst out laughing, even louder than Haniel and her boyfriend. “But I was thinking that my student was a pain in the butt, so... maybe that's what you heard?”
“Yeah, maybe...” Taishi lets out a disappointed sigh. “Think about something else. Give me another chance.”
Haniel and her boyfriend are giving each other kisses now. It's kind of weird to see my instructor making out with someone. That's what I'm thinking.
Taishi guesses, “You're thinking about... sheep?”
I grimace and shake my head. “Nope. Not even close.”
In my head, I recite the same thought that's been in my mind at least a dozen times before.
I like you, Taishi. I've had a crush on you for a really long time. Your girlfriend is the luckiest girl in the world, and I wish I could trade places with her. I shouldn't think this, but I wish she didn't exist. I wish she would just... disappear.
When Taishi's expression shifts from concentration to shock, I brace myself for what he'll say next.
He reluctantly asks, “You... like me?”
I wish I could deny it, but I'm supposed to be helping with his telepathy. It would be cruel to lie. I answer with a simple, stupid-sounding, “Yup.”
“That's very flattering,” Taishi says. “I admire you too, Kaylene. I think you're a strong girl, a great warrior, and I really enjoy sparring with you, but... Leigh and I are very happy together, you know.”
Even though I knew he would say something like that, his response hits like a dagger to the heart. This is beyond embarrassing. With a forced smile on my lips, I reply, “Yeah. I know.”
One day, I could have made Taishi a friend of mine, but I think I just ruined my chance.
Why?
Because I'll be avoiding him for the foreseeable future.