The Great Big Book
of World Records
London

Dear Danny

Fantastic! You’ve done it again! You have broken the world record for Single-handed Ant-in-pant Multiple-person (and Animal) Ant Infestation. Coincidentally, Bunny Grylls was the previous record holder. In 2003 she accidentally spread an ant infestation of her pants to thirty-nine archaeologists she was leading through the Mexican jungle to study the lost Aztec city of PLppapoppapeppapootle.

I am delighted to enclose yet another certificate for your collection.

Good on ya, Danny! (That means ‘Well done’ in Australian.)

Best wishes

Eric Bibby

Keeper of the Records

Matthew stood by Danny’s bed and studied the box of animal droppings hanging on the wall next to Danny’s collection of world-record certificates.

‘Didn’t Nat the Brat like her present then?’ he asked.

‘No,’ laughed Danny. ‘She’s weird. Who wouldn’t want a box of poo?’

Danny rummaged under his bed and pulled out a jam-jar containing a slice of slimy Welsh laver bread. A seething mass of Rotty-log Restless Roaming Ants swarmed all over it, nibbling and chewing their seaweed supper.

‘It’s lucky I brought home something else for her,’ he grinned. ‘She might not want poo on her wall, but she’s sure to want ants in her pants!’