Chapter Twenty-One

After the meeting, I enlist Marin to help with my half-formed plan, grabbing Calla and Lily to help enact it. We stop by Oren’s office and I peel off a rough outline of the entire rebel base from his wall and a small map of Imperial City, in case everything goes well. Using the drawing of the mines as a guideline, we begin to walk the upper levels, trying to sort through all of the holes in the ground to roughly where the prison cell should be. I’d never noticed them before, but now that we’re looking, we find them peppered all over the ground, letting in light.

“I think I’ve got it!” Lily leans down, peering into a hole about the size of my waist.

Above her, light pours through from another hole in the ceiling. I look up and see multiple holes cut in the stone all the way to the surface. According to the map I took, the miners had used holes like this as sources of light in the otherwise pitch blackness of the underground. We all rush over to her, avoiding the water droplets feeding down from the surface.

It’s just big enough for me to slip through if I twist my shoulders the right way. Calla and Lily help me tie the ends of the fabric we borrowed from several doorways onto the ends of a stash of rope Marin provided. It isn’t pretty, but it will serve its purpose and keep me from falling.

Marin clears her throat. “You’re sure you want to go through with this?”

I nod. “Yes, I have to do this. I need to remind Rayce why he wanted to trust me in the first place.”

She leans over and hugs me tightly. “Very well. I believe in you. You can do this.”

While we finish that task and tie one end to a thick rock, Marin hurries down to distract the guard on duty.

Calla stares at me, her eyes boring into my face as she cradles the bundle of tied blankets in her arms. “Are you absolutely certain you want to do this?”

No, but I can’t tell her that. Even if I get this information for Rayce and prove to him that I’m loyal to the rebellion, there’s still the fact that trusting the Gardener’s word is a death sentence.

I squeeze Calla’s elbow. “I’m sure. I don’t want to do this, but I need to, for the rebellion and for myself.”

Calla opens her mouth to respond, but Lily butts in. “Then we’ll be supporting you from right up here. We know you can do it.”

I give her a tight-lipped smile and signal Calla to drop the fabric down through the hole. If only I had that much confidence in myself. My heart stammers as I pull off the stunner from my hip and hand it to Lily, forfeiting my safest form of protection from the Gardener. Hopefully I won’t need it. I’m giving him exactly what he wants. The soft fabric gives between my grasp as I grab it and take a deep breath to suck in my stomach then kick off my shoes.

Coolness tickles the bottoms of my feet as I plunge them through the hole, out into the open air. The edges of the hole grip my hips as I scoot inch by inch through it, wiggling my body around like a worm.

For a moment, I cast the world below me in complete darkness as I push my upper half through the small opening, arching my shoulders and wrapping my feet around the fabric in case I lose my grip. Another heartbeat and I’m free from the floor above, suspended maybe two hundred feet from a makeshift aerial fabric strip. For a second, all of the problems piled on my shoulders disappear, just like in the Garden, as the air kisses my skin, promising a freedom I still haven’t been able to find. Light pours in, illuminating my form like a spotlight in the Garden. It casts a large version of my shadow on the wall, exaggerating each twist as I slide down the rope.

Below me comes the slow thunder of a single pair of clapping hands. I risk a glance down and see the Gardener pushing himself up from his alcove. I hurry down, dropping the last five feet to land on the balls of my feet. Before he can get too close, I jump back, slamming my hand into the wall. The Zarenite in it awakens, lighting up the stone with green veins, and a second later, Calla and Lily pull the fabric back up. I won’t need it to escape since I plan to walk through the barred door with the information Rayce so desperately needs.

“Did you come to practice your routine, little Flower?” the Gardener asks.

He moves toward me, and though his gaze remains at my eye level, right now he seems much more like the showman I always cowered away from than the broken shadow he’s become here. Perhaps it’s because he reminded me of what he’s capable of.

“Spare me your games, Jin.” My voice fakes a confidence I don’t feel. “You know why I’m here.”

“Is it to stab me again?” A sickening smile spreads across his face, deepening the shadows over his eyes. “Because we’ll need to wait for the shogun to get here before we do that.” He looks back to the iron bars. “Which reminds me, where is your shogun and why did you decided to drop in from the ceiling? Is someone in trouble?”

My fingers reach for a stunner that isn’t there.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” I say.

A clatter at the bars rings out in the cell, sending both of our gazes toward it.

Marin’s voice echoes through the bars, full of strain. “Hey, I was talking to you! It’s rude not to pay attention when—”

“There’s someone else in the cell!” yells a male voice, but I’m too blinded by the beam of light to see into the darkness. “Alert the shogun, quickly!”

I’d hoped Marin would buy me a little more time, but it’s too late for that now.

“No?” the Gardener says. “I have no idea, hmm?”

My breath comes out in a shaky wave. “I’m here to find out if you have the information you promised Rayce.”

I turn away from the commotion of the entrance, my gaze boring into the Gardener’s pockmarked face. He must have dropped three robe sizes during his imprisonment. Where there was once the shape of a grape, now stands a cucumber, but his shrinking waistline does nothing to repair his soul. His is still rotten to the core.

Now that the guards have been alerted to my presence, I’ve only got seconds. The Gardener studies my face, trying to figure out my angle.

“If you mean the secret entrance, little Flower, then yes, I do know.” A triumphant smile spreads like disease across his face, sending goose bumps all down my arms. “But there is a price for my knowledge.”

This part of our meeting was always coming. Behind me, the guard screams out for me to freeze and back away from the prisoner, a reminder that I don’t have even a second to hesitate.

But every ounce of my being cries out in defiance. I made a promise to myself, to the others that I want to help protect, that I would never bow to the man standing before me again. Seven years of groveling, of never looking up for fear it would cost Fern another lashing, of dropping to my knees whenever he looked my way, of averting my gaze.

I swore to Fern.

And here I am, about to break this oath, almost as sacred to me as my memories of my fallen sisters. My stomach rolls and ash fills my mouth. This is a million times more painful than getting stabbed in the shoulder, than holding together my own broken flesh. How can I look at myself in a mirror ever again?

Dropping to my knees on the cold stone, I lean myself down low the way I used to when the Gardener would address me before a show, my forehead pressing to the ground. Everything in me screams to get up. The girl the rebellion molded promised never to bow down to any man because of the one before me. All of my bones feel broken, useless. In this moment, I am as low as the ground I lie on. Before, at least I wasn’t bowing willingly.

I remind myself that my worth isn’t in my submission. I refuse to be defined by this one act. It’s in the gesture, hopefully showing Rayce that the rebellion and his dreams for a brighter future mean more to me than my own revenge.

“Please accept my humble apology for harming you.” I place my hands out in front of me, trying not to think about how many times the Gardener has stepped on them. “It was truly not my intention at the time and it was reckless. Do not punish the rebellion for my insolence.”

Ashes in my mouth, ashes in the air. Every word chokes me. One day, the Gardener will die by my hand. It might not be today or tomorrow, but one day, I will end his life for the crimes he committed against my sisters and me.

“It’s very hard, you see,” the Gardener says. “Your disobedience hurt me deeply.”

My forehead stays pressed to the floor and I take another deep breath to keep from exploding. I need this information, or else everything will have been for naught.

“I’ve done what you asked,” I say, fighting to keep my voice even. I rise slowly from my position on the ground, pulling out the map I stole from Oren’s office and a bit of charcoal. “So please, show me where the secret entrance is.”

I place the parchment on the table near us and hold out the charcoal for him to take. He studies me for a long moment, his silence invading the air, wasting precious time we don’t have. I shake my hand, urging him forward.

“But of course,” the Gardener says. The smoothness of his voice washes over me in a wave of dread. He only ever used that voice when something terrible was about to happen. “As you said, your payment is due.”

He grins, baring his yellow teeth, a predator stalking its prey. The Gardener takes the charcoal, his fingers brushing mine for an instant, and I have to fight the urge not to go wash them in the pool of still water.

This isn’t how the rebellion is meant to end their war. It’s meant to be through a spark of glory, bravery and wits, not in a shady deal sold on the backs of those they swear to protect in a dingy little cell.

“Those soldiers you met guard a tiny gate.” His eyes pick over the map. After a moment, he nods to himself and takes the charcoal to the page, circling part of it. “It’s an entrance the emperor had built in the Dongzhi district near the Blue Temple. All the rebellion needs to do is request with plenty of coin that Duifu Fa leave the gate open and you will have access into Imperial City.”

The answer the rebellion has been looking for held right in between his cruel hands. With this information, Rayce can put his plans into motion, sneaking into the Imperial City while the Varshan army waits at the gates, essentially combining the armies to fight against his uncle and end the war.

But it all seems to fall into place too easily.

“And you’re sure about this gate and its location?” I ask.

“I can’t be positive,” the Gardener says. “I’ve been contained in this cell for…how many days now?”

Busying my hands with gathering up the map he marked on, I ignore his question, my mind already on my next task.

“I’m sure Rayce will verify the information you provided.”

As I turn on my foot and head for the entrance, I notice that the bars hang open. Even though I can’t see any more than a silhouette in the entrance, I already know Rayce waits for me. Gripping the parchment that will be my only defense against disobeying his orders, I move silently toward my fate.

“And the good shogun will find that it’s correct,” the Gardener calls after me.

It’s impossible to tell if he’s lying, but judging by everything else he has told us, it’s doubtful. Crossing the room with my pounding heart in my throat, Rayce finally comes into view, his face completely blank, but his eyes track my every movement. Marin peeks out behind him, giving me a sad, soft smile, but Rayce doesn’t move to let me through the door.

He holds out his hand. “Map.”

I pull out the parchment and hand it over to him. He grants me my freedom, moving out of the way to look at it. The iron gate slams shut behind me, putting distance between one enemy and locking me in with another.

Rayce looks up from the paper, folding it and slipping it in his robe.

“Hallway, now.” His commanding tone reveberates through the stone.

Marin frowns, moving to follow, but I shake my head, motioning for her to stay behind. Rayce moves so fast that I can barely keep up with him. Zarenite flickers to life over our heads, casting his shadow tall and imposing on the stone. The farther we walk, the more anxious I grow. Every inch of my skin feels exposed after what I’ve just done and I can’t take his silence any longer.

I stop, my legs freezing completely. “If you have something to say, please, just say it.”

He continues walking for a few paces, but pauses, a bitter chuckle escaping his lips.

“About which part, Rose?” His voice has thorns, cutting my name into shreds. I wrap my arms over my middle to keep from being torn apart. “The bit where you snuck into the Gardener’s cell directly against my wishes or perhaps the part where you enlisted Marin’s help when you did it?”

The spot where my forehead pressed against the stone while bowing down to the man I’d much rather murder still feels tender. My bare knees are still cold from betraying the promise I made to myself, and I did this all for him. So that he could have his precious entrance.

“And because I did, you have the information you wanted. Information that I don’t think we should use. I’m still against your plan, against anything to do with the Gardener, but I did it to prove to you that even though I don’t always agree with you, I am on your side. Gods, Rayce, I wish you would believe in me the way I still believe in you.”

I hate the way my voice cracks, hate even more the tears that threaten to slide down my cheeks. There’s always been a certain kind of magic in the inches that keep us apart, but right now it’s more like a curse.

I look down at the tops of my boots, my voice just a whisper. “But even if you can’t, I will always believe in you. Even when you’re wrong.”

My words break against his broad back as brittle as my own voice. Silence swirls around in the air between us, making the chilly underground air even colder.

His whisper finally breaks that silence. “Are you going to let me finish what I was saying?”

It’s like he didn’t hear a single word I said. My body feels too heavy. I sink back against the tunnel wall, defeated. The roughly cut stone juts into my back, sending chills down my body. At least, I let myself believe it’s because of the stone.

I clench my eyes shut, weariness at his one-tracked mind flooding through me. Maybe I’m mistaken in all of this. Maybe I’ve done too much wrong at this point and he really doesn’t care anymore.

He takes my silence as permission. “You’ve never been good at following orders, for as long as you’ve been here. If something doesn’t suit you, you just disregard it.”

He finally turns around and though his eyes are still tight, he’s lost the hard edge of his mouth. This isn’t the sure and steady shogun speaking, this is the uncertainty of the man I fell in love with. The map I sacrificed so much of myself for hangs loose in his hands. He takes a step forward, evaporating a few of those immovable inches from between us.

He clears his throat, his voice rough and quiet. “But if you had been, we wouldn’t have been able to get this precious information. Whether you decide to believe it or not, if the entrance to Imperial City turns out to be real, it will end the war. I can feel it in my bones.”

A tear slides down my cheek. “Maybe it will, but my fear is that it will end it badly for us.”

“You spoke to me once about Oren, about how I don’t talk about him, and you were right. It’s too painful, knowing that I might let him down.” He reaches into his robe with his free hand and pulls out Oren’s white dragon pipe. “But there isn’t a moment that goes by where I’m not thinking about him, where I don’t hear his voice. He always talked about recognizing opportunities. Selecting the right time to strike. This is the time, Rose. This is it.”

He stops an inch away from me. It’s not much, but it says everything about who we are to each other right now. My gaze travels up, taking in the small beard coating his jaw. Exhaustion weighs on him like a boulder, robbing his gaze of its usual mischief and playfulness.

“Maybe, but I wish you would consider another plan. I can’t shake the feeling this is a trap.”

His large hand slips around one of mine, dwarfing it. The feeling of his callused palm on mine makes my heart pick up, even though the weight of what I just did threatens to send me spiraling to the ground.

“I’m doing everything in my power to lead this rebellion. I don’t have time to make mistakes because those mistakes cost people their lives. I know you don’t like my plan, but it’s the safest and most effective course of action. I couldn’t say it in the room back there because no one knows…” His hand tightens around mine. He lets his mask fall, and the raw pain in his gaze is enough to shatter me. “But this is the best option to keep you safe, too. The farther we stay away from Varsha, the less likely they are to find out about you. If Oren was able to identify you with only a picture, it won’t be too difficult for others to realize who you are, too, and I won’t have Varsha coming to steal you away, or worse.”

My knees grow weaker with every word he speaks and I’m glad for the stone wall pressing against my back. Otherwise, I might fall under the intensity of his gaze.

He pulls his hand away and holds up the map. “What you’ve done tonight makes me want to repair our trust. Thank you.”

“Just think this through, Rayce. Sometimes you have to take a risk to win. You taught me that. Meeting with Varsha is a risk, but it’s one that I’m willing to take.” I look up at him, meet his gaze, throw every ounce of fear and determination I have in my own. “Whatever you decide, I will support you. We’re safest by each other’s side.”

His hand twitches like he’s going to reach for me again, his lips that I’ve come to memorize parting slightly. I lean toward him, not wanting to fight the pull that always brings me closer to his arms.

His voice is a whisper. “Yes, we are.”

The sad half smile on his face nearly splits me in two.

For now all I can do is wait to see if he changes his mind. I’ve helped him as much as I can. Uncertainty blossoms inside my chest. But no matter what he chooses, I will keep my promise. I will remain by his side until the end. I just hope it isn’t a bitter one.